Why Not New Englishes?

I sometimes wonder why Ebonics is not considered a separate language altogether. There are some varieties of it spoken around here by some Blacks that are entirely incomprehensible to me. These same Blacks can easily switch and speak Standard English if they wish. I also wonder why the Englishes spoken in West Africa (or at least many varieties of it) are not considered separate languages. These people pretty much grow up speaking English from an early age, so it can’t be just regional accent of an L2 effecting their English. West African English seems to be evolving into its very own type of English. A lot of East Indian English seems to be evolving in the same way. These people also speak English from an early age, so it’s not just L2 accent. East Indian English seems to be taking its own trajectory. I often can’t make heads or tails out of West African English, and East Indian English is also often very difficult to understand. Thickly accented L2 English from other regions is often much easier to understand than these two. Within both West African English and East Indian English there are varieties spoken by more educated speakers that are often quite easy to understand. James Schipper noted in the comments that in Canada, interviews of ordinary citizens from Scotland carried subtitles. This may be because they were speaking Scots. Scots is now, according to Ethnologue, a completely separate language related to English. Keep in mind that there are three languages here: Scottish Gaelic, the Gaelic tongue related to Irish; Scots, the new language related to English yet not a dialect of English; and Scottish English, which is in fact a dialect of English. Spoken Scottish English is probably comprehensible to most of us, but Scots clearly is not. Scots was the language spoken in Trainspotting. There was a reason why that movie had subtitles! Keep in mind that the Caribbean English creoles have long since been split off from English. Jamaicans are clearly NOT speaking English, and interviews with them and movies about Jamaica often need subtitles. The Caribbeans are all speaking English creoles, which are not the same as the English language. They are separate languages altogether. James Schipper notes in the comments that when Quebecois French movies are shown in France, they are shown with subtitles. If this is so, then it may be time to split off Quebecois French into a separate language. Needing subtitles to understand a speaker on video is a pretty sure sign that you are dealing with a separate language and not a dialect.

Tuna With Mustard and Tomatoes

This is another in my series of bachelor recipes for single guys, especially single guys who hate to cook, are broke and don’t have many ingredients lying around. Ingredients: 2 cups rice 2 cups water 2 cups stewed tomatoes 12 oz tuna steak or slab 1/4 cup Teriyaki sauce 2 tbsp extra virgin olive oil 1 1/2 tbsp stoneground mustard 1 tbsp Basque fish sauce 2 chopped olives 1/4 tsp marjoram Pepper, lemon pepper, basil, herbs, etc, to taste Heat 2 cups water to boil, then pour in rice. Reduce heat to low and cover until done. Pour ingredients into large frying pan and stir fry until desired consistency is reached. Add marjoram, pepper, spices, etc at the very end. Put rice on plate and spoon the tuna tomato mixture over the rice. This actually ended up pretty good. You might think that’s a lot of teriyaki sauce but it worked out just fine. Teriyaki goes great with tuna and you can use lots of it and get away with it. If you don’t have Basque fish sauce, use any white wine. One might think that the olive oil was excessive too, but it worked out just fine too. Usually, you only need 1 tbsp olive oil, but sometimes you can go higher. The mustard was about right too – 1 tbsp seemed too little and 2 tbsp seemed too much. Marjoram goes well with any tomato dish. This is a good dish for guys who don’t like to cook, don’t have much money and don’t have much food lying around. You can buy tuna in little packets ready to cook and eat. Rice is really cheap. I got the tomatoes for free from some church surplus food giveaway. They had huge tins of them and they were begging people to take them so I grabbed one. I’m welcome to suggestions from any of the amateur chefs out there to how I might improve this recipe.

Israeli Invasion Update

The IDF claims that it is in control of Beit Layiha and and Beit Hanoun, and it has cut Gaza in half. A column of APC’s and tanks now goes from the eastern border of Gaza to the Mediterranean Sea. The IDF have taken positions on top of many roofs in the area. Right now, it is encircling Gaza City, just what I expected them to do. Pretty damn good for a mere eight hours or so into a ground invasion. Israel is dropping leaflets all over Gaza telling people to turn in the Hamas guys around them and then everything will be cool. So Gazans are going to spy for Israel. Well, obviously, some of them already are, but I don’t think this is going to be a popular thing to do. Hamas claims that they have already seized two wounded Israeli soldiers, but I doubt it. Israel will not confirm that. Hamas is going to make all kinds of blustery comments in the next few days, and most of them can be safely ignored. Israel really fucked up and hit a mosque full of 200 people praying inside, killing 11 civilians. The IDF claims that the mosque was used to store weapons, but it was full of people when they bombed it. Major fuckup. There are 2,777 Palestinian casualties in Gaza so far, for a population of 1.5 million. That is about one out of every 500 people. I now live in a city of 50,000. That would mean 100 casualties in my city. Surely you would know one of the wounded or killed. There would also be 16 killed in my city. Just to give you an idea of what it looks like on the ground. Israel has blown up the oil supply for Gaza, which was the only thing running the generators for the hospital. There are people waiting in line outside the hospital to be treated. However, it looks like Hamas has a tunnel network all over Gaza, and they can probably hide pretty well. 437 Gazans have been killed so far, and at least 109 of those were civilians. The death toll on the Israeli side is 4! This is the sort of thing that Israel and its supporters just don’t get. When there’s 100-1 deaths on their side versus your side, it just looks like a massacre. While Israel engages in a war with 100-1 casualties in its favor, its Jewish casualties continuously scream at the top of their lungs that the other side, which is frankly being massacred, is about to wipe all 5 million Jews in Israel off the face of the Earth. Then when they get done, they are going to kill the other 13 million Jews on the planet. This is why no one listens to Israel and its supporters anymore. It’s like the bully on the playground pummeling the designated and professional victims, all the while claiming that the Supervictims are serial killers ready to wipe the bully and his bully-buddies off the face of the Earth. This is not just the voice of the Israeli bully – this is the voice of all bullies everywhere, in all places and at all times. Think about it. The professional victim picked on by the bully is always someone who seems weak, submissive and is completely harmless (doesn’t quite work in Hamas’ case, but consider the 100-1 odds). The bully always claims he is defending himself! Gangs of bullies are always defending themselves! This is how aggression works, folks. Think about it! Real hard! I am serious, this Israeli-Palestinian War will tell you a lot about human nature. The bully always claims that the Supervictim started it. The Supervictim got out of control, and the bully had to put him in his place. The bully bullies the Supervictim day in and day out and when the Supervictim finally rises up to fight back, that is when the shit really, really, really hits the fan. Slave rebellions will not be tolerated! The price for fighting back against bullies is dear, precious and bloody indeed. You may think I am going on and on here, but please think about what I am writing. This is human nature. Humans are just animals and underneath it all, too many times, is just dominance and submission. The BD/SM folks justify their so-called perversions by saying that they are merely mimicking life and its ugly and inescapable reality. Indeed it is true, is it not? In any male-female relationship, one party wears the pants, right? If the man won’t put them, damned if the woman won’t slip into the jeans herself. Over and out. Just some thoughts for the day.

Debka Downed By Arab Cyberattack

Debka appears to be down right now. This happens often during major offensives when the site gets flooded with hits. However, in this case, Debka has apparently gone down under a concerted cyberattack by Arab hackers. Some Jerusalem Post pages are also not loading. Debka sent out a message to its subscribers saying that both the English and Hebrew sites had been under heavy cyberattack since 7 PM local time. As its 11 hours later now, it looks like this is a serious attack. I don’t dig it when either side does this shit. I want my news, dammit. If Debka ever comes back up, maybe we can write something about this ground invasion. The hackers also took down the Israeli news site Ynetnews.com in addition to discountbank.com and redirecting them to a webpage with an anti-Israel message. They did this by hacking into a domain name registration server.

Juan Cole On Gaza

By the way, Israel has just invaded Gaza several hours ago and are now occupying a small part of Northern Gaza. More on that later in the post. Juan Cole makes a number of interesting points about the Gaza operation and its coverage. Cole notes that American International School in Gaza sustained a direct hit from Israeli artillery. I assume that it was intentional. This school is working to promote good relations between the US and Palestinians. Hmmm. Cole questions, quoting Jonathan Freedman, one again, what the whole invasion was all about. If Israel could not crush Hamas when they controlled Gaza, how do they hope to do so now when they are only going to make a temporary incursion into a few parts of it? Most interesting of all was Cole’s account of watching CNN, or as a friend of mine calls it, ZNN (Zionist News Network). CNN was interviewing Saeb Erekat, the PLO spokesperson. Cole noted that this was the first time he had seen a Palestinian spokesman on TV all week – it was all  Israelis, all the time. They had just started an interview with Erekat when ZNN suddenly switched to Ben Weideman (sure, he’s Jewish) in Jerusalem detailing the “task Israel has before it now.” They never did get back to Erekat. Later, ZNN did an interview with Mustafa Bargouti, who complained that ZNN’s coverage of the war was completely one-sided. He has such a thick accent that it is hard to understand him. Cole pointed out how Israeli commenters always seem to be quite understandable. Cole wonders whether the media can’t find a Palestinian who speaks good enough English so he’s understandable to an American audience. Interesting the subtle and not so subtle ways that pro-Israeli bias works in the US media. What’s funny is that a lot of pro-Israeli Jews like to scream about how the US media is so lopsided in favor of the Palestinians. Yeah right! I do agree with them about the European media though. Just looking at the British media the other day, or at least the Independent and the Guardian, they are not pro-Israel at all. I would say that they are anti-Israel. From the Palestinian side, some really biased and pro-Pallie fire-breathing coverage is available from the PFLP English site. You can get some great coverage of the war there too, albeit from a wildly pro-Pallie perspective. According to the PFLP, the IDF has sustained casualties in the early hours of the offensive. They report that an IDF tank has been hit by a roadside bomb and that the IDF moved into Gaza in three different places. They are also claiming the use of cluster bombs and say that the IDF hit gas storage depots which is causing big fires. Hamas says that they have killed a group of Israeli forces in Eastern Gaza. This was reported on the Arab Al-Arabiya news channel. There is no confirmation of this yet. The Jerusalem Post agrees that there have been An-Nasser Salah al-din Brigades, affiliated with the Popular Resistance Committees, the National Resistance Brigades – the armed wing of the DFLP (Democratic Front for the Liberation of  Palestine), the Al-Mujahedin Brigades, an armed faction of Fatah, the Eagles of Palestine, a previously unknown group, in addition to the Izzadeen al-Qassam Brigades, the armed wing of Hamas, are all participating in the fighting, so it’s not all just “Hamas”. It’s useful to note that the PFLP reports that they too are shooting rockets at Israeli towns, so when you hear about rockets being fired at Israel, it’s not all “Hamas”. According to Debka (about as wildly pro-IDF as the PFLP site is wildly pro-Pallie), the Palestinians plan to evacuate much of Gaza and collect inside Gaza City. No way is the IDF going to occupy Gaza City. Then they will move out of Gaza City at night to carry out attacks on the IDF. That instead of holding out and fighting to the last man in every part of Gaza. That’s probably a pretty smart way to fight the war. The rocket barrages have hit into areas of Israel that to my knowledge have not been hit before. They hit Netivot and Ofaqim in the Negev, and incredibly hit all the way to Beersheba. To the north, they hit Askelon and Lakhish to the east of Kiryat Gat. They hit Ashdod and Gan Yavne to the east of Ashdod. The furthest target of all to be hit was Gedera. In general, these rockets caused little damage or casualties. That is because they are inherently inaccurate. However, recently, rockets have made direct hits on buildings in Ashdod and other towns. In Ashdod, a six-floor building received a direct hit.

Expanding Definitions of Fascism

The Arabs are taking the war outside of Israel. 2 Israelis were wounded by Arabs in a Palestinian parents from Lebanon. Hizb-ut-Tahrir (global jihad) has a presence in Denmark. They recently held a rally where they reportedly announced that all Jews everywhere were legitimate targets and wished death to them all. In the cutting-edge debate on fascism carried out by Left theorists and mainstream political scientists, there is debate about whether or not the Al Qaeda types are fascists or not. David Neiwert of Orcinus says that they are in Robert LindsayPosted on Categories Fascism, Political Science1 Comment on Expanding Definitions of Fascism

The "Theory of Intelligence"

Intelligence like spies, not intelligence like IQ. The fascinating blog Entitled To An Opinion reproduces an excellent document from an Israel intelligence scholar who has written several books on the theory of intelligence. In particular, he delves into the organization of guerrilla groups their cells. I love this stuff! The document makes some interesting points, considering the author is an Israeli. First of all, he points out that Hamas was operating completely outside of the hands of Arafat and the PLO and was in fact trying to crush Arafat’s attempts at negotiation. Hamas’ terrorism was not Arafat’s terrorism! Yes, yes, yes, a thousand times yes! Via Debka and the other idiot Israeli outlets, we always heard about how this guy called “Arafat” was behind all of the sui-bombers self-detonating all over Israel. Even surrounded by Israeli forces in a bombed-out headquarters with all contact with the outside world cut off, Arafat Mastermind was still coordinating every single attack against Israel. How did he do it? Telepathy, of course! Arafat was a master of ESP. After a few years, Israel poisoned him via his Palestinian chef (check out Ghada Karmi , no conspiracy buff, on this), and then he died. The rest of the PLO, including the Abbas faction, was apparently in on the operation, at least after the fact, in that an autopsy was prevented, and his body was quickly entombed for all time. I realize this is a conspiracy theory, but after months of investigation, I am convinced it is true. If only more knew about this. And Arafat did NOT die of AIDS (Zionist rumor-lie). Anyway, back to the point. The article is wrong in some places. It claimed that Sheik Yassin and then Rantissi were giving the orders for every single sui-bomb. I find this dubious. Hamas is split between military and political wings. The military wing seems to be relatively autonomous in terms of selecting targets and whatnot. Yassin and Rantissi were part of the political wing. There is lots of breathing space between the two wings for counterintelligence purposes – political wing members arrested cannot give much info on military wing members since they know little to nothing. I also think it should be pointed out that it should be obvious by now that Hamas is riddled with Israeli informers. There is no other way that Israel had such great intelligence on where to drop those bombs. Israeli intelligence on Hezbollah,on the other hand, is pretty abysmal though not a complete failure. Hezbollah has somehow managed to keep Israeli informers out of its system for a good 10 years now. How do they do it? Who knows? We get back to the “theory of intelligence” which this guy has written several books on. It’s a nasty world out there, and not so easily mastered, even by the best spy agencies or guerrilla formations on Earth. How to keep spies out of the insurgency? You tell me! One more thing becomes clear in this document – the policy of targeted assassinations so decried by the pro-Palestinian side clearly works from a military POV. Further, civilian casualties are probably kept to a minimum. The article deals with at what point does any system start to collapse. They are using guerrilla organizations as a system, but really we can plug any variable in there. It turns out that 2

More on Gaza

In the Finally, A Post On Gaza post, Lafayette Sennacherib points out that Hamas has limited ability to control the rocket shooters. This is not completely correct. Truth is that Hamas are hardliners. They really don’t want to arrest anyone for the “crime” of shooting at Israelis. Ideologically, that’s not a crime to them. That’s just resistance. So the last thing they want to do is arrest people for that. Fatah did a lot better job of this, even arresting the PFLP guys who killed the Israeli minister “Gandhi” (Gandhi – LOL!)* and keeping them in prison for years. Hamas would never do that. This is an important distinction to make. James Schipper says that an independent Gaza ought to be recognized and aided by the US. I do not think that an independent Gaza would quit shooting rockets. Further, they would arm themselves to the teeth and there would be no way to stop this. No way is Israel or the US going to put up with that. How are you going to keep arms shipments out of Gaza? You can’t. No go, no fly. Further, I suspect that the Gazans are so nuts that they would keep on shooting rockets at Israel no matter how much aid we flooded them with or how prosperous they become. James says that we propose to recognize and aid Gaza on the condition that they knock off the rockets, but they would probably say yes, and then as soon as we recognize them and start the aid flowing, they would start shooting the stupid rockets again. At which point, what? We get furious and cut off aid. Gazans get all pissed again, but they’re chronically angry anyway. We’re back to square one, and they’re shooting rockets again. James notes that the Arab birthrate is one reason why Gaza is so crowded. But that is not a good enough reason. Are the West Bank or Arab parts of Israel this crowded? Of course not. Go to the Palestineremembered site and see how Gaza got flooded with refugees from most of southwest Israel. Very enlightening. * By the way, I supported that very controversial PFLP operation. This blog does support the PFLP and the DFLP. I’m convinced that the secular Leftists in the PFLP and DFLP could actually coexist with Jews. The Hamas types – I doubt it.

Finally, A Post On Gaza

Surely, you have been waiting with bated breath for my golden words on the Gaza Crisis? But of course. Let us begin with a history lesson. What is Gaza anyway, and why is it so crowded with people? Why is Gaza cram-packed with “Pallieniggers” as one Jewish Zionist put it? Is it because Palestinians like to live in Hellish conditions like a bunch of rats? There’s a reason why the place is so overcrowded. Because 8 Robert Fisk says that is what is ironic about rockets landing on Ashdod. By the way, the ethnic cleansing of the areas around Gaza did not end in 1948. They continued through 1949 (indeed, this is when most of the Southern expulsions occurred) and actually, they continued all through the 1950’s. Yep, all through the 1950’s, Palestinians living around Gaza in various ways were being forced out of Israel and into Gaza. Hence we end up with Gaza, which should hold 300,000 people, now holds 1.5 million. Check out The Jews of Iraq by Naeim Giladi, an Iraqi Jew, a great read! This book could not find a single US publisher and hence had to be self-published, amidst endless threats. Gee, who did that? Jews in Israel are KKK-Jews. They are the KKK Whites transmuted into a Jew-shaped form. If you oppose racism, if you think the KKK sucks, you really ought to look into opposing Zionism as it is currently constructed. Anti-Semites think that opposing KKK-Jews by being racists of their own variety is some kind of a moral position. Excuse me? Opposing racism with racism? In what multiverse does that add up? I’m not trying to say that the idiots in Gaza are angels. They are not, and I thought that this rocket campaign was moronic. But Israel, the US and the UK blockaded Gaza from the get-go for no good reason at all, resulting in chronic food and medicine shortages. In no world does making malnourished kids and depriving hospital patients of meds make sense. Yeah it’s a war crime. Just like shooting rockets at civilians for no reason. I don’t see the point. Clearly shipments of food and medicine could be policed to keep the arms out. By the way, it’s thoroughly criminal the way that Egypt is keeping food and medicine out of Gaza, and depriving Gazan civilians of the right to flee the opportunity of getting a bomb on the head. Egypt is in deep with the Israelis on this, and it’s all because they hate Hamas, and the Muslim Brotherhood by extension. Yes, Hamas is just the MB-Palestine. They don’t publicize this, because Pallies don’t like the MB, but it’s true. Just so you understand the motives of the actors. Does Israel have a right to defend themselves? Sure they do. Is this offensive all about Israeli elections, in which a Centrist Olmert-Livni Group is about to lose to the Far Right, represented by Netanyahu? Sure it is. Israeli elections always mandate lots of shooting and bombs. If you don’t carry out enough attacks, you’re a pussy and you lose the election to the Rightwing guy. Sabras are a macho bunch, dontcha know? No quivering Ghetto Jews marching passively to the chambers are they, no sir. Everyone is a product of their environment, Kropotkin observed. That’s one of my favorite rock songs, “I’m a Product of My Environment.” Listen and try to understand. We all are, Israelis, Gazans, all of us. Otherwise, I do not see the point of this crazy offensive. What is Israel’s endgame here? I just don’t get it. And as someone who does not dislike Jews, I see this whole mess as bad for the Jews. It just creates oodles of anti-Semitism and makes people want to kill Jews. Zionists respond by saying that Jews are either passive pussies allowing themselves to be mass murdered or killers slaughtering hundreds of humans a week. If you’re a Jew, you’re either a killer or a corpse. I don’t believe that, and there’s got to be a better way. Zionists call that position “The Suicide Left.” Fine, color me Left and suicidal please, but it’s not true anyway. By the way, it really looks like most of those “Hamas militia members” killed were just cops, not part of the Hamas armed forces at all. There’s the Hamas army, and then there’s the cops, you know, the guys who solve crimes and direct traffic. That’s who got massacred at the graduating ceremony – traffic cops. That’s why they showed their faces at the ceremony – they figured no sane person would drop a bomb on a traffic cop’s head. That’s why the police stations were full that day. Hamas is not stupid. There’s traffic cops and there’s the Hamas Army. Not the same thing. The Hamas Army numbers about 15,000, and the traffic cops are not part of it. They have not been too hard-hit by this, and now they are hitting Beersheba. I don’t have much more to say about this except the Arabs and Muslims are getting more and more pissed, and no way is this shit good for the Jews. As a Judeophile, this concerns me. Check out Johann Hari. Never realized he made so much sense. You are invited to toss your opinions into the ring.

The Reason For Footbinding

I always thought foot-binding was just men being cruel and stupid to the women they lord it over, but it turns out that it was all about sex all along, and the men would have probably bound their feet too except for what foot-binding was all about. Turns that like so many things in life, foot-binding was all about sex. And like so many things in sex, foot-binding was all about the pussy. Well, of course. According to Pioneers of Modern China (p.92):

In a man, big feet indicated a big penis. In a woman, small feet indicated a tight vagina.

Then again, men were keenly aware that a woman with bound feet could barely walk very well, much less run, so she was unlikely to run away from the household. The patriarchy rears its head again. Like so many shitty things, foot-binding was closely tied in with “conservatism.” The more conservative the area of China, the more they subjected their women to this shit; the less conservative, the more they thought it horrid. One more reason for humanists to reject conservatism.


Lee, Khoon Choy. 2005. Pioneers of Modern China: Understanding the Inscrutable Chinese. Singapore: World Scientific Publishing.

Why White Separatism Will Never Fly In Brazil

In the comments to the Statement On Radical Nationalism post, Mark (not a White nationalist) asks if I would support a movement by Whites in Brazil or South Africa to split away from the nation and for their own state. I said, extracted later to a post, that I would not necessarily oppose such a move, and that it could even be considered in the national liberationist stream of nationalism as opposed to the national consolidationist (fascist) stream. Goyta, a brilliant new Leftist commenter from Brazil, has chimed in. Although Brazil is regarded with shivers of terror by US White nationalists (The future is Brazil!) it turns out that down in Brazil itself, the White nationalist project could not be any less interesting. Brazilians, “White”, or whatever they may be, simply cannot be bothered. It turns out that in South Africa too, Orania, a White separatist community, has not been very successful. So far only 1,500 folks have signed up. Goyta’s comments on why White separatism will never fly in Brazil are illuminating and fascinating and more or less what I always thought. I guess there is a lesson in here somewhere for WN’s but I am not sure what it is. Maybe it is that once your country starts looking like Brazil, your WN project is history. It does seem that the most ferocious White nationalists are in mostly White countries and nations. The more non-Whites, the less appeal to WN. Which runs contrary to WN theory, which is that increased exposure to non-Whites will make Whites flock to their project. Turns out it just makes them want to act like wiggers, listen to rap music, smoke blunts, date, screw and marry non-White women. I plead guilty to all of these charges, (except the marriage part, thank God!), even in middle age. This begs an interesting question. Why is it that the more homogeneous folks are, the more racist and “separatist” they are? And the more diverse a community gets, the more racism and desire for separatism declines and the more folks, make friends outside their group, have sex with and marry outside their group? I don’t know the answer, but I suspect we are more human than we think we are. It’s easy to hate “niggers” when there are hardly any around to fight back. Once we encounter those outside our group, often our horror stories about them are found to be exaggerated, and we start to befriend, have sex with, and marry them. As we miscegenate more, racism becomes less and less palatable. I will let Goyta take it from here: Being Brazilian I think the idea of a White supremacist (or worse, secessionist) movement here is so laughable it’s hard to even decide where to begin explaining. Not that there haven’t been people who tried to launch the idea – in a country with 190 million people, there is certainly room for all kinds of weirdos you can think of and then more. But they were not even met with scorn – they were deemed so insignificant that nobody listened. South Africa and the U.S. are countries with historic racial segregation. Brazil is exactly the opposite: a country where interracial miscegenation and social intermingling is the norm, not the exception. It all started because instead of real “colonists” or “pioneers” looking for a new land to call their own, the Portuguese who colonized us were really adventurers. They were overwhelmingly males who left their wives and kids back in Lisbon and came to Brazil intending to stay a few years, make a fortune, then go back to spend it at home in Europe. Many never returned in the end, but whether they did or not, they still had the urges of the flesh while here. So they satisfied their urges first with Amerindian women, later with African slave ones. That mixed offspring bred with other mixed offspring. And again and again, over 500 years, in complex fractal patterns. Add to that a big wave of European, Middle Eastern and Japanese immigration from the late 19th century to the mid-20th, and the result is that Brazilians probably have the most complex gene pool in the world. At first, such immigrants even tried to establish ghettos as in other countries, but they disappeared after a generation with complete assimilation into Brazilian society and the usual pattern of intermixing and intermarriage. Here you can see people with Caucasian features but dark skin, and vice versa, with all shades in between. You can even see mulattoes (or blue-eyed blondes) with Asian eyes. When we travel abroad, we are told to be extremely careful with our passports, because Brazilian passports are highly valued in the black market. Why? Because *any* physical type in the world can pass for a Brazilian. I have very light skin and look deceptively Caucasian myself, but I have a hard wiry beard to evidence my African genes – as if I didn’t know that my grandfather was the “white sheep” in his family… I have a friend here with dark skin and Arab features who could easily be taken for a Malian or Sudanese. Another one is of Italian and Japanese ancestry and is an almost obscenely hairy man with a dense beard coupled with almond eyes. We are the anti-Iceland – huge, tropical, and with the United Nations put in a blender and thrown into our genes. Few Brazilians (other than in the Southern states, but I’ll come back to this later) can say they are 1/4 this or 1/8 that. It’s more likely that we are some weird fraction like 29.87365 I’ve said it above, but it’s important, so I’ll repeat it: Brazil was never racially segregated. We have the same shameful record of poverty, low social indicators, high unemployment and crime among persons who are *visibly* black as in the U.S. and South Africa, mostly because of our no less shameful very late abolition of slavery (1888), but there is no such thing as a “black” or “white” neighbo(u)rhood in our cities. Racism exists, but in the end the divide is much more economical than racial. A poor neighbo(u)rhood is more likely to have a large proportion of blacks, but it will also have a lot of poor whites living next door to blacks (and still intermarrying with them). São Paulo and the Southern states are somewhat different, in that they have received the bulk of European immigration, and that was just a few generations ago, so there *are* people who can claim and trace pure European ethnicity. But even they live, work, socialize and intermarry with people with all sorts of ethnic backgrounds, more often than not with two, three or four of them at once in the same person. Some people in São Paulo – which produces 3 There are also a bunch of separatist advocates in Rio Grande do Sul, Brazil’s southernmost state. It is Brazil’s richest state in proportional terms (per capita) and it has a very characteristic regional culture they are staunchly proud of. It was the last part of Brazil to join the country, and the Portuguese they speak there still has a very strong Spanish influence in pronunciation and vocabulary. It is also one of the “whitest” states due to heavy recent European immigration (Germans and Italians in particular) – Gisele Bündchen is from there. But most “gaúchos” (as they are called) are also heavily mixed with Guarani Amerindians (that scene in The Mission where they raid a Jesuit mission among the natives and destroy it portrays a real event that happened there in the 18th century). Still, not even the “gaúcho” separatists say they want to secede because they are “white” – first because they are not so as a whole, and second because their neighbo(u)r to the north, Santa Catarina state, is even “whiter” and has its own German dialect (based on Thuringian and Pomeranian), still widely spoken several generations after immigration. Yet RGS separatists don’t want to include Santa Catarina. Anyway, separatists are a tiny minority: most people from RGS shun secession and are as proud of being Brazilian as of being “gaúchos”. And thank God, RGS separatists are not violent or extremist (in addition to being very, very few). Apartheid and domination by a white minority were possible in South Africa chiefly because the white newcomers had an overwhelmingly superior technology, especially regarding weapons and agriculture, and segregation ensured that things would remain so. But Brazil is an established country with an unsegregated population of multiracial individuals, now chiefly urban and technological, even if with shocking extremes of wealth distribution. White supremacists don’t have a chance here, let alone white separatists. And we have lots of empty land here. If they want to take it, we’ll be glad to get rid of that scum.

Be Cynical About Nationalism

Commenter Ken Hoop, on Chinese Fascism – An Example, asks me what I think about National Bolshevism. Click the link to try to get a handle on it. Basically fascism with a socialist economic system – it’s quite popular in Russia among the idiots that love both Stalin and Hitler. I’m a Leftist with a capital L. We consider those NB idiots to be fascists. Then again, it boils down to whether or not fascism is about economics. A famous commenter wrote me the other day taking me to task on my definition of fascism for leaving out the economic aspect. According to him, fascism always has an economic aspect. What that economic aspect is is somewhat up in the air. Leftist theoreticians usually say it is some form of capitalism, while rightwingers like to say it is a form of socialism, corporatism, or at any rate, Big Governmentism. If fascism has an economic aspect that is part and parcel to it, then NB cannot be fascism. But from here, it just looks like fascism with a socialist economic system. The way we see it, Mao and Stalin got into some fascist type behavior too. No one is immune to it. I’m really pretty hardline against nationalism, almost like some of these ultra-Left sects here like the Progressive Labor Party who have taken the extreme line that all nationalism is to be condemned. I still believe in enforced borders, state languages and national interests, but that is about it. Nationalism is just bad news. It is *inextricably* tied to fascist ways of thinking. Inextricably! And there does not seem to be any way to pull nationalism from its fascist moorings and tendencies to float in that direction. I’ve noticed over and over that folks who start calling themselves nationalists sound an awful lot like fascists. And most racists get into some form of “nationalism” at some point. Almost all anti-Semites transform into “nationalists” somehow. No wonder Jews tend to be leery about (non-Jewish) nationalism. In fact, most overtly racist parties on Earth today have “nationalist” in their names. Given all of that, why should progressive people not be very cynical, to say the least, about nationalism?

Englishes, Portugueses, and Chineses

In the comments to a previous post, Goyta made several comments. First of all he noted that the differences between Brazilian and European Portuguese are considerable, especially when a Brazilian hears a less educated, working class or rural Portuguese.

He also said that when European Portuguese are interviewed on Brazilian TV, Brazilians wish they had subtitles. Wanting to have subtitles when you see a video of someone speaking is actually a symptom that you are dealing with another language. He said the differences are particularly severe when it comes to IT. He said he cannot understand 9

It does appear that the differences between European Portuguese and Brazilian Portuguese are pretty significant, more significant than the differences between US and British English.

On other hand, I find Hibernian English spoken in Ireland to be nearly incomprehensible, though it is said to be just a dialect of English. It’s clearly been influenced extensively by the Irish language. Scots, the regional English spoken in Scotland and exemplified by the movie Trainspotting , is actually a completely separate language from English. That movie actually needed subtitles. On the other hand, there is a Scottish English dialect that is not Scots that is pretty intelligible.

We can always understand British English no matter who is writing it. Same with understanding spoken Australian and New Zealand (Kiwi) English. British English is often written a bit differently in slang expressions, but we pick them up. The formal writing is totally understandable.

There have been huge fights on Wikipedia between British English and US English speakers with complaints from the Brits of bullying by the Americans. There was an attempt to fork the English Wiki into Br and US versions but it failed. Wikipedia demands that you have an ISO code in order to get a Wikipedia and ISO codes only come from SIL, who publishes Ethnologue. I petitioned for a few new languages a couple of years ago and they all got shot down.

There is an ongoing war between European Portuguese and Brazilian Portuguese on the Portuguese Wikipedia with complaints from the European Portuguese of bullying on the part of the Brazilians. Gotya noted that he, a Brazilian, could not read Portuguese IT materials. This is unfortunate. All written British is intelligible to us. We can read anything written in the UK, though most of our reading material here is from the US. I can read The Economist and The New Standard and The Spectator with no problems at all.

As a Californian, I speak completely normally, of course, and have no accent whatsoever! Haha. We can understand the Midwest accent perfectly, though it can be different. It sounds “flat”. They also insert rhotic consonants before some consonants at the end of a word and the raising of the preceding vowel – “wash” becomes “worsh”.

The Oklahoma accent is different and sometimes it can be hard to understand. I heard some people speaking Oklahoman in the doctor’s office the other day for a minute or so I thought they were speaking a foreign language! Of course they were mumbling too. Then I asked them where they were from and they said Oklahoma. At that point, I had caught onto their accent and could understand them perfectly.

I do not know why the Texan accent is said to be hard to understand. We understand it perfectly, but it sounds funny. We make a lot of jokes about it. George Bush has a strong Texan accent. There is also an Arkansas accent (Arkies) that is different but understandable. This is also the source of jokes. In this part of California there are many Whites who still speak Arkie and Okie. They are the descendants of those who came out here from the Dust Bowl in the 1930’s. Steinbeck wrote a book about this called The Grapes of Wrath.

Other than that, there are no accents in the West.

There is some sort of a Kentucky-Tennessee accent, but I am not sure if they differ. This is also a source of jokes. It’s sort of a general Appalachian accent, and it’s the source of jokes about inbred hillbillies and whatnot.

The Southern accent is well-known but usually understandable. My brother went to live in Alabama though and he said that the workers in the factory he worked at were often completely unintelligible. The Blacks were worse than the Whites, and they had separate accents. He has imitated their incomprehensible accent to me and it’s pretty hilarious.

I have heard poor Blacks from Memphis on the Cops show who were completely unintelligible to me. People with more money and status tended to be more comprehensible. I sometimes have a hard time understanding a Mississippi or Alabama accent, but it’s no problem. Our Southern politicians all have thick Southern accents.

Cajun English from Louisiana is often unintelligible to us, but the people with more money and status are quite intelligible.

There is also a Black accent from the coast of South Carolina called Gullah that is hard to understand. The Blacks from around there speak something like it and you can pick it out if you are sharp. It has a pretty, lilting sound to it. It’s different from the standard Southern accent and is sort of charming. Moving up the coast, there is a Virginia accent that is softer, pleasant and charming.

There is the famous New York accent, which to us laid back Californians sounds horribly rude, obnoxious, loud and belligerent. Some forms of it also sound ignorant – these tend to be associated with working class Whites in Brooklyn and the Bronx.

One thing they do is to glide and lengthen rhotic consonants – “New York” becomes New Yawwk” “Brooklyn” becomes “Bwwoklyn”.

A similar accent seems to be spoken in New Jersey, but it may be different. One again, it involves lenition of rhotic consonants, in this case turning them into dipthongs with long vowels. “New Jersey” becomes “New Joiisey”. This is also a source of jokes. There is a Boston accent which is completely understandable. Ted Kennedy speaks that. It involves the lenition of hard consonants into glides and the end of a word – “car” becomes “caw”.

I believe there is a sort of a slow drawl from Vermont and New Hampshire too. Those people, especially the older men, are known for not talking much. Men of few words.

Some Blacks around here still talk with thick Black accents that sound Southern even though they were born in the Central Valley. There is also an “Ebonics” English (for lack of a better word) that is spoken here by sort of ghettoish or semi-ghettoish Blacks. It is frankly, almost completely unintelligible. They seem like they are talking with their mouths full, mumbling and speaking extremely fast, running all of the sounds together.

Everyone who talks like this can also speak Standard English thank God, and they can quickly move in and out of that Ebonics talk when you talk to them. It’s sort of a language for them to talk so that we can’t understand them, I think. To us, it sounds sloppy, low class and ghetto, but it reportedly a full-fledged language. The Blacks in the Caribbean do not speak English! That makes me feel good because I can hardly understand a word they say. Each island has its own form of Creole English which is a completely separate language.

I think that Indian English (Chichi derogatorily) and West African English need to be split into separate languages because they are often incomprehensible to us. This is a case of regional Englishes evolving on their own. Further, West African English often differs a lot in its written form.

Indian English is often so mangled in its written form that it is incomprehensible, but more educated writers are comprehensible. The tendency to drop articles is very annoying and makes written Indian English sound ignorant to us. Don’t mess with our damned useless articles!

Reading about the Chinese languages, there are efforts underway to get speakers to speak proper Putonghua, whatever that means. Speakers from different parts of China still speak Putonghua with an accent that can be heavy at times.

Here in the US, we do not have this problem. Even our politicians still speak in heavy regional accents, and no one cares. We can always understand them. There is no national effort to get everyone to speak proper English that involves wiping out regional accents, though I understand that in the corporate world, they are offering classes to help people get rid of Southern accents, which are stereotyped as sounding backwards, ignorant and racist. I think this is sad. Our regional accents are what makes this country great.

Goyta also notes that Brazilians are starting to speak Spanish and the neighboring Spanish speaking countries are starting to speak Portuguese. When I was dealing with them 5-10 years ago, most Brazilians did not speak much Spanish (They acted like it was extremely low on their list of priorities) and Spanish speakers had zero interest in learning Portuguese (In fact, they regarded the suggestion as offensive and preposterous!)

Goyta notes that with regional integration, more Portuguese are speaking Spanish and more Spanish speakers from nearby countries are learning Portuguese. Spanish is becoming a prerequisite to getting a good job in Brazil. This is good as it’s good to see Latin Americans getting together.

It is also true that in China there has been a big fight over Chinese language classification. The unificationist – fascist types, associated with the Communist government (and actually with the Nationalist government before also – this is really a Chinese elite project) insist that there is only one Chinese language. This goes along with racism of Northern Chinese against Southern Chinese and to some extent vice versa. This racism is most evident in the Cantonese vs Mandarin war in China.

Cantonese speakers say that they speak the real Chinese and that Northern Chinese speak a bastardized tongue derived from the old Manchu language. Cantonese speakers also resent that a Northern Chinese was turned into the national tongue and imposed on them against their will. They also say that Northern Chinese are really from the South and that the real NE Asians are the Mongolians, Koreans, Manchu, Japanese, etc. Genetic studies show that this is not the case.

Northern Chinese say that Southern Chinese are not real Chinese and their blood is “contaminated” with Tai types like the Tai, Zhuang, Vietnamese, etc. There is probably something to this. Although Putonghua is the only official language in China and there is a war going on against the regional Chineses, enforcement has been held off against Cantonese. And Cantonese  areas are still where you will hear the least Putonghua and the most regional Chinese in all spheres of life. Cantonese is also allowed on the radio and TV, whereas regional Chineses had previously banned from the media.

The Putonghua-only campaign has been too successful and regional Chineses are being wiped out. There is now a regionalism movement arising in China to promote and retain regional Chineses.

I think that the Putonghua campaign has been good, but that China should promote bilingualism. The Putonghua campaign has not yet been successful. As of 2001, only 5

China clearly needs a language that they can all speak. For its entire history, many Chinese have not been able to speak to each other, including folks from one village to the next if you go to the southeast and the central coast. Provinces like Fujian, Jiangxi, Jiangsu, Henan and Hunan are notoriously multilingual.

Most of these places have a lot of very high mountains, and transportation was typically very poor. Even today, you can scarcely get around by vehicle and you sometimes have to walk from one place to the next, sometimes for dozens of miles! Bottom line is they were very isolated from each other.

These places also retained a tradition of being hideouts for “hillbilly” types where there was a lot of unemployment and many folks turned to crime. Also criminals fled to the mountains where they could hide. Upshot was that due to all of this, and people seen as backwards, lazy, stupid and thieving, people from the rest of China had no interest in going to these places anyway. When people left these parts of China to go to big cities, they were stereotyped in a way similar to how ghetto Blacks and Browns are in the US. This made them want to stay in their mountains.

Chinese Fascism – An Example

I noted in a previous post that readers seemed confused about what fascism was and where the line is drawn between fascism and nationalism. In particular, readers wondered whether White nationalism was automatically a form of fascism or whether it was something else. This post is intended to clear the waters somewhat. As the definition of fascism and the borders of fascism, nationalism and racism are ill-defined and continually digressed by intellectual con men and ignoramuses, and as I am still learning about these boundaries myself, we will continue with our lessons. Reader Uncle Milton seems to have an inkling of what I am getting at. Shout out to Uncle Milton. In a previous post describing fanatical fascist ultranationalism rampant among upper class and upper middle class high caste Indian Hindus, Unc got the point but disagreed with the inroads this mental poison had made with Indian tech workers, presumably H-1B parasites, in the US. He then directed me to an article by the interesting John Derbyshire about Chinese neo-fascism. If you read the article carefully, you will see what I am describing as ultranationalist, nation-building, national consolidationist, unificationist fascism. In this case, it is Chinese who are afflicted. The article also made clear to me that many young Chinese, like many Indian Hindus, will not make good immigrants to the US. Both groups are heavily poisoned by America-hatred and their respective ultranationalisms. Hence they will make parasitical at best and predatory at worst immigrants to our land. I don’t advocate these groups be banned, but only that they be well-screened. It’s no accident we are seeing all of these Chinese “Americans” spying for the motherland. Chinese nationalism is one bloody beast. Tragically, as the Chinese Communist Party has moved away from Marxism and embraced capitalism, it has decided to promote a sickening brand of fascist ultranationalism in lieu of Marxism and to promote its project. Hence, the young generation of Chinese, in particular the intellectuals, has had their minds thoroughly poisoned by Chinese neo-fascism inculcated into their minds, outrageously, by a Communist Party. I would like to extend a bit of sympathy to those caught up in the throes of ultranationalist fascism. Fascism is a drug and produces an excellent high like many drugs do. The roots of fascist ultranationalism are found right inside of the very ego and soul of mankind. This is the reason for fascism’s extraordinary success and continuing popularity. It appeals to, as early Leftist researchers of fascism in the 1930’s, the “average man.” Fascism appeals to our very basest and most intense emotions and connects to us passionately on a profound emotional level. It plugs right into the raging Id inside all of us and shuts down our more cultivated and rational Superego emotional policemen. It makes a riot in the brain that burns down the police station. The fascist is a one man riot waiting to happen. The appeal of fascism is within all of us, me included, hence all decent and progressive people need to be on guard against it to keep from heading down that muddy road.

Nationalisms, Fascist and Liberationist

In the comments to the Statement on Radical Nationalism post, a commenter named Mark asks if I would oppose a White nationalist movement in say Brazil or South Africa carving away a piece of the territory completely peacefully to have a White state. Mark, along with an earlier WN commenter, Scott, who confused White nationalism per se with integrationist blood and soil national fascism, did not un understand the post. Once again, there is a difference between integrationist, national unificationist, fascist nationalists (who never want to allow anyone to secede) and national liberation secessionist movements. Much as I dislike WN’s, I must admit that a number of them do fall into the progressive national liberation seccessionist movements category. They certainly are not the integrationist, unificationist, nation-building standard variety of blood and soil fascist. The problem in South Africa and Brazil would be find an area that had no people in it and then populate it with Whites and the press for secession. I normally don’t support secessionist movements that are trying to secede for shitty reasons (to grab all the oil in the country, for instance) and I might oppose such a movement, but it certainly is NOT fascist type blood and soil ultranationalism. In fact, I would have to admit that it was a progressive minded movement. I usually only support the secession of actual nations within states, and usually nations with a long history, a common language, culture, etc. Catalans, Basques, Scottish, Welsh, Corsicans, Bretons, Chechens, Ingush, Galicians, Kurds, Baloch, Kashmiris, Tibetans, Acehese, Papuans, Shan, Karen, Assamese, Tripuri, Bodos, Inner Mongolians, Abkhaz, South Ossetians, etc. What are the differences? For starters, national liberation secessionists movements, ideally, are about liberation, autonomy, democracy and maximal freedom. They are about people ruling themselves and being themselves, speaking and cultivating their own languages, promoting their own cultures and religions, governing themselves, and even having their own postage stamps. It’s hard to think of a more liberating project out there for a valid and real national entity. Sadly, these projects are opposed all over the globe by existing states, many of which have no right to their post-colonial borders. Blood and soil, integrationist, national unificationist, consolidating national fascism seeks to rule over existing nations within the state against their will. It tries to crush all minority languages, cultures and religions and meld them into one language, culture and religion, that of the state – typically that of the largest ethno-religious group, I might add. It’s oppressive and dominating by its very nature. It’s Domination writ large. It tries to force people to live in a state that they want no part of. It lays claims to the lands of nations that it has no right to rule over. It is hostile towards most or all of its  neighbors and is very warlike. At its worst, it believes in permanent war and the permanent martialization of all society. At no time does it invision peace, because all states are seen as permanently at war with each other due to their ultranationalsims constantly having competing interests. It is interested in alliances only with other ultranationalist states. It generally lays claims to its neighbors lands and often attacks its neighbors. It’s not uncommon for it to attack all of its neighbors. It is typically backwards and reactionary. It is sexist, men rule over women. It is heirarchical, the strong rule over the weak. It exalts the most reactionary customs and history of the land, since this is part of the glorious blood and soil spectacle. It often refuses to acknowledge any wrongdoing on the part of the nation and blames all problems on foreigners and outsiders. It is often suspicious of or hostile to modernism, especially if modernism is coming from competing nations not of one’s own. It exalts the glorious history of the past and seeks rebuilt the great nation of old on the ashes of the degraded present. The phoenix rising from the ashes is an appropriate metaphor. This sort of nationalism is pessimistic. It sees the present as an era of degradation and humiliation. The great nation has been smashed down, impoverished, colonized or in some way prevented by wicked outsiders from achieving the greatness to which it is entitled. The national-fascist movement will unite the state, crush all the traitors who seek to divide and thereby weaken it, threaten or attack its external enemies, assimilate all minorities within the state and thereby rise from the ashes of the present to become the glorious state that is its destiny, possibly its religious destiny ordered by God. It is fascism, in a word. Ideally, national-liberation secessionist movements are not like this, but there is a lot of overlap. They tend to be positive towards minorities, to not harbor claims on surrounding nations and to seek not domination but merely autonomy or indedpendence. They welcome modernism, women’s rights and democracy. They support other national liberation movements around the globe. In the 20th Century, these movements were often Marxist, despite Marxist internationalism. Ideally, these are really just decolonization movements. These nations are really just being colonized by existing states. They look forward to an era of peace at some time and do not imagine being involved in permanent war. They look forward to national alliances, since when they become independent, they will be weak, small states in need of allies. Although in general they are cultural modernists, there are exceptions. The Basque separatists of the ETA, nominally Marxists, were said to be notorious sexists about women’s rights on at least an individual level, and female cadres often had to put up with a lot of bullshit form male ETA members. The dichotomy here is Liberation versus Domination. There do exist cases of carryover. There are Irish nationalists of both the consolidationist fascist and the national liberationist variety. Since Northern Ireland is seen as a wayward part of the state, it is necessary to reign it in to consolidate the state.  They make alliances with Spanish Franoist consolidationist fascists and oppose the ETA. There are also very many leftwing Irish nationalists who, while wishing to unite with Ireland, see this as an anti-colonization movement of national liberation. They support secessionist movements around the globe. Within Breton nationalists, there exist both rightwing (fascist) and leftwing (Leftist) varieties. Things get awfully complicated pretty fast once you start researching these movements, but the main dichotomy above still holds. Fascist national consolidationists have cynically utilized national liberation secessionist movements to screw over neighbors they feel hostile towards. Fascist nationalist Saddam Hussein used the Ahwaz national liberationists against the hated Iranians. Fascist nationalists in Syria supported the national liberationist secessionist Kurdish PKK against Turkey as punishment for Turkey allying with Israel. US imperialism, one of the most cynical and amoral entities on Earth, generally opposes all seccessionist movements, except only if they are trying to secede from an enemy state, in which time they are cynically supported. The Kurds were alternately either supported with arms to fight states, or states were supplied with arms to fight the very same Kurds, all part of Realpolitick bullshit, back in the 1970’s. This is actually ongoing today as the US supplies Kurds with weapons to fight Iran but at the same time supports Turkey’s armed warfare against these very same Kurds. The US supports Baloch nationalist secessionists attacking Iran but also supports Pakistan’s armed attacks against these very same Balochs seeking to separate from Pakistan. None of it makes any sense, except if one thinks like a sociopath. Imperialism is sociopathy melded into a state ideological form. The morals of the sociopath involve doing whatever is necessary to meet his needs at the moment. That’s inherently amoral. Those are precisely the morals of imperialism. If you support imperialim, you are effectively supporting criminality and sociopathy on a state level. There is no excuse for any moral and/or progressive person to degrade their character in such a way. Getting back to the subject, White nationalism exists in both “progressive”, national liberationist secessionist forms and in fascist, blood and soil, national consolidationist forms. The former, ideally, would seek to move Whites to a part of the stae with few of them and then petition for independence. However, the newly independent White state would probably discriminate against non-Whites, assuming any lived there. They would also have to set up some pretty weird immigration policies.  As much as I hate to admit it, such a project could be seen in part as progressive. The other type are the national consolidationist Whites who preach the blood and soil greatness of the Whites of whatever land, the need to attack all non-Whites in the land, throw them out of the country or legally discriminate against them. In the US, this type calls for deportation of all non-Whites from the US. That’s clearly a fascist movement. As you can see, White nationalism can be either fascist or some strange sort of progressive. This whole subject of the nature of fascism is very complex and many people, including some readers, do not seem to be grasping it well. I urge you to continue to study, as I was confused about it for a long time, and I still do not understand it well! Their confusion is logical because the term fascism is much abused. It’s horribly abused by the Left to where any racist or any conservative is a fascist. This is not necessarily so. It’s really the subject of another post, but a racist is not necessarily a fascist at all. On the other hand, most if not all fascists are indeed racists. One could argue that that is an essential aspect of the fascist project. Further, all authoritarianism is routinely called fascism. This is not true. Fascism is only a variety of authoritarianism. In addition, conservatives are not necessarily fascists, though most if not all fascists are conservatives. On the other hand, we now have far rightwingers inventing some sort of “liberal fascism” (See Ann Coulter’s book of the same title) as a general term of abuse. It turns out that all of us liberals are really just stormtroopers in disguise. In reality, liberalism is quite a ways from fascism. This silly mischaracterization has been abetted by a movment led by the Far Right to reinterpret Nazi National Socialism as a Leftist movement. Although German national socialism was heterodox, such a characterization is rejected by all reasonable political scientists. Fascism is an extremely complex subject and it’s probably misunderstood by most people. David Neiwert, a journalist from Washington, has done some excellent recent work on fascism, and I recommend it highly. His Robert LindsayPosted on Categories Fascism, Political Science2 Comments on Nationalisms, Fascist and Liberationist

The Place of Mandarin in Sinitic

In the comments, James Schipper suggests that Mandarin is to Sinitic what German and Russian are to Germanic and Slavic. He also offers that most Sinitic speakers also speak Mandarin and makes a comparison with Welsh and English and Frisian and Dutch, where every Welsh speaker speaks English and every Frisian speaker speaks Dutch, and each one would rather write in English or Dutch than in Welsh or Frisian. My comments: English and German have 6 It’s not uncommon for Chinese lects to have 5-3 So yes, your analogy with Russian and German as super-languages on top of their families is correct, but it is important to note the vast differences in the lects. It was said that no one could understand Chairman Mao’s dialect, Xiang Nan (Mandarin dialect). Apparently his secretary could understand him, but few others could. I’m not sure how he got his points across. Further, at this point probably most speakers of the Sinitic languages for sure speak Putonghua, which is the Standard Mandarin. It’s a standard the same way that High German is Standard German and Standard Italian is the standard for that language. However, overseas, many do not speak Putonghua, and in the Cantonese area, I believe many still do not speak Putonghua. English is a Germanic language. Look at the vocabulary – closest language is Frisian with 6 Besides Putonghua, you are correct that the vast majority of Sinitic speakers are native speakers of some kind of Mandarin. I believe that a lot of the older folks do not have very good Mandarin and may be monolinguals of their Sinitic tongue, but I’m not sure. The government has been pushing Putonghua very hard for the past decade or so, almost too hard. It’s been killing the smaller tongues. So it’s not quite the same way with Frisian and Welsh yet. I believe it’s pretty common in the South to find Cantonese speakers who don’t speak Mandarin, and it’s for sure the case overseas. As far as writing, I don’t believe it’s a problem. An ideographic system was perfect for Chinese as it was the one way that all of the speakers of the various Chinese lects could communicate. My father was in China in 1946 and he said that the rickshaw drivers often could not understand each other, but they could all write Chinese, so they would communicate by writing notes. All Chinese can write to each other, no matter what language they speak, assuming they are literate. A decade ago in a college in Henan, a professor said that the students would come to the college from all over the province and for the first month would communicate by writing notes to each other, so they all wrote a common language. In that province, every county has its own language, and there are even separate languages within counties. It took them about a month or so before they could start working out each other’s languages. Some comment that the Chinese languages are like a Cockney accent of English. On a website, a commenter said that that’s not true. He said he can understand Cockney, but they had a speaker of an Anhui Mandarin lect as a professor at the university and no one could understand what he was talking about. So it’s quite common for the various Chinese lects to be pretty much incomprehensible to each other. There are other comments around the Net that say that the Chinese lects are close enough to pick them up if you spend a bit of time there. That’s not really true. The differences between the Chinese lects are often as different as English and German. Now suppose you are an English speaker and you go to Germany. Are you going to “just pick up” German really vast? Forget it. I mean, if you stay there 3 years, maybe. Maybe! Someone else compared the differences between Chinese lects to the gulf between English and Irish. That may be too distant, but it may also be correct. Differences between the lects ecompass tones, grammar and lexicon. All of them boil down to intelligibility. The major Chinese lects regularly score around 50-6 This is especially true in the center and south of the country. In Anhui, Fujian , Henan, Hunan , Jiangsu and Zhejiang there is an incredible diversity of tongues. It is said in Fujian that every 3 miles the culture changes and every 6 miles the language changes. In these parts of China, there are lots of mountains and it is very rural. Many people never left their home village to go over the mountain to talk to the people over there, so a multitude of tongues arose. I understand that in this part of China there are even incomprehensible tongues inside major cities where the downtowners can’t understand the suburbs.

The Difference Between a Language and a Dialect


In my opinion, a dialect should have 9 For instance, Moldavian is widely regarded as a dialect of Romanian and the Moldavian linguistic nationalist movement has bit the dust. That is because there is 95-10 The Valencian linguistic nationalist movement has also bit the dust, as Valencian is 90-9 Splitting gets very difficult in places like Mexico where in some mountains, just about every village has its own lect. In some cases, Lect A has 10 Since each language needs over a 9 For instance, Teotitlán del Valle Zapotec has 10 You may ask why I am using the term lect. The confusion about languages and dialects is so great that a lot of times we just use the word “lect” as in “tongue” to refer to something that may be either a language or a dialect, or one or the other. In this way, you can also lump languages and dialects together in one term, which is handy. The notion of what is a language is what is a dialect goes on and on. A famous maxim puts it that a language is a dialect with an army and a navy. Bosnian, Croatian, and Serbian are examples of dialects that have recently obtained the status of languages. Since they were involved in wars where they were killing each other, the Hell if they wanted to say they spoke each other’s languages. Due to sociopolitical issues, Ethnologue has accepted these new languages, but Montenegrin has been rejected up until now. A newly free Montenegro is now pushing for status as a separate language. Macedonian is said to be nothing more than a dialect of Bulgarian, but since it is now an independent country, it has been granted the status of a language. The differences between Belorussian and Russian and Ukrainian and Russian are said to be not so great. Further, Danish, Swedish and Norwegian speakers are said to be able to understand each other. Breton and Welsh are said to be somewhat intelligible. Czech and Slovak speakers can generally understand each other, but here we have a dialect chain, where the speakers at opposite ends of the chain are unintelligible. For instance, Czech speakers cannot understand Slovak speakers of the far eastern dialects, and Slovak speakers cannot understand Czech speakers of the far western dialects. Dialect clusters and chains are very common across the world and make it a real headache when it comes to splitting up languages and dialects.

What's So Bad About Indian – Hindu Nationalism?

Let me count the ways. A commenter from India, an Indian and a Hindu, asked me to define Indian Hindu nationalism and what exactly I found deplorable about it. First of all, it is clearly possible to be an Indian and not be an Indian Hindu nationalist. The Indian Left has clearly rejected this ideology. I know some Indian Christians, one a convert from Hinduism, who also rejects it. The one I am thinking of is a Tamil who supports the Tamil Tigers in Sri Lanka. I have spoken to many upper middle class to upper class Indians, and almost 10 The symptoms are: Contempt for the West, its medicine, its language and its perceived superiority. In particular, rage towards the US as being the source of much of India’s problems, a notion that is absurd. Strong feelings of rage over perceived inferiority masked by compensatory feelings of superiority, typically for the most backwards and fucked-up aspects of Indian culture and the Hindu religion, in particular caste. In particular, fury that India is referred to as a 3rd world country and anger that Westerners consider themselves civilized and consider India backwards, etc. A notion that India is one of the great countries of the world, but India’s enemies have held it back from its greatness and kept it from being the great country it could be. This goes along with some weird notion that India was the wealthiest country on Earth in 1500, but then it declined to one of the poorest. This project was apparently done by outsiders, mostly Westerners. A lot of anger towards Muslims. In particular, a notion that moderate Muslims simply do not exist. There is also continuing anger over abuses done by Muslims towards Hindus in the region from 500-1000 years ago. There is also the notion that many Muslims in the area are not really Muslims, since their ancestors were Hindus who were “forced to convert.” Extreme denial about the worst aspects of Indian culture and the Hindu religion, in particular caste. Extreme defense of the most outrageous differentials in wealth and poverty. A notion that something called “Bharat India” existed and that much of the land east and west of India is “really India” in some weird way, because they were Indianized or especially Hinduized at some point. These people lay some sort of claims to Pakistan, Bangladesh, Nepal, Burma, Cambodia, Laos, Vietnam, Indonesia, Southern Philippines, Afghanistan, Iran, Azerbaijan and the general region of the Caucasus. Supposedly at some point these countries were all Hindu or Hinduized of some sort. A denial that there was ever any religion than Hinduism in India, along with the notion that other religions such as Zoroastrianism are just branches of Hinduism. There is also a complete rejection of the Aryan invasion theory along with a lot of contempt for the lower castes, in particular, a curious notion the Dalits now run India and the Brahmins have become the new “niggers.” Rage towards Christianity for converting low caste Hindus. I would say that contempt for Christianity is typical amongst this type, over and above feelings towards any other religion. Anger towards the “White man” and a refusal to be lumped in with him in any way. This is apparently all because Whites from England colonized India for some time. At the same time, while they often defend Hindutvas,  they themselves usually get angry if you call them a Hindutva or point out that their Indian-Hindu nationalism does not differ much from the Hindutvas. Extreme rage and irrationality over the Kashmir issue, on which India is effectively an outlaw state, defying a security council resolution. On the contrary, most Pakistanis seem to be fairly calm about Kashmir. I think Indians are filled with so much rage and fury about Kashmir because deep down inside they must know they are wrong. In particular, regarding Kashmir, there is a denial that even one native Kashmiri Indian is protesting against or has taken up arms against India. 10 The Kashmiris are completely happy in India and all of the problems are caused by Kashmir. In particular, they deny that any Kashmiris want independence. They also deny that there is such a thing as a Kashmiri Indian. They claim the war started when “Pakistan invaded Kashmir and the King appealed to India for help.” Also, all of these people feel that what occurred after India’s independence was 10 India has attacked or threatened to attack most or all of its neighbors since independence. Upon independence, India immediately placed claims on its neighbors’ lands. At the moment, India claims parts of both China and Pakistan. If you go on Rediff or other forums where many Indian H-1B workers in the US post or if you talk to people working with Indian H-1B workers in the US, you will find that these attitudes are absolutely rife. Almost all of these folks come from higher castes. I would like to point out that this general picture is creepily reminiscent of ultranationalisms around the world and in the past. In particular, the Indian Hindu nationalism I describe above has many similarities with German, Italian and Japanese ultranationalism of the 1930’s and 1940’s that caused so many problems. The fact that Indian Hindu nationalism, which seems omnipresent in India, is backed up by a state armed with nuclear weapons is something I find very frightening.

A Reworking of Chinese Language Classification

Updated December 3, 2014. This post runs to 112 pages so far. On March 6, 2011, Sinologist Victor Mair took on the question of Mutual Intelligibility of Sinitic Languages. The Chinese languages have undergone a lot of reclassification lately (Mair 1991), from one Chinese language a couple of decades ago up to 14 Chinese languages today according to the latest Ethnologue. However, Jerry Norman, one of the world’s top experts on Chinese, says that based on mutual intelligibility, there are 350-400 separate languages within Chinese (Mair 1991). According to Gong Xun, a Sichuan Mandarin speaker in Deyang, China, by my criteria of distinguishing between language and dialect, there would be 300-400 separate languages in Fujian alone. So far, 2,500 dialects of the Chinese language have been identified, and a number of them are separate languages. I have been doing research on this issue recently. Based on the criteria of mutual intelligibility, I have expanded the 14 Chinese languages into 365 separate languages. There are different ways of doing mutual intelligibility. I decided to put it at 9 In the cases below where I had intelligibility data available, a number of Chinese languages had no more than 6 Intelligibility is hard to determine. I am not interested in typological studies of lects involving either lexicon, phonology or tones, unless this can be quantified in terms of intelligibility in a scientific way (see Cheng 1991). For the most part, what I am interested in is, “Can they understand each other?” Reasonable, fair-minded and professional comments, additions, criticisms, elaborations, presentations of evidence, etc. are highly encouraged, as long as politics and emotions are left out of it. The purpose of the classification below is more to stimulate academic interest and sprout new thinking and theory. It is not intended to be an end-all or be-all statement on the subject, in fact, it is quite the opposite. Interested scholars, observers or speakers of Chinese languages are encouraged to contribute any knowledge that they may have to add to or criticize this data below. So far as I know, this is the first real attempt to split Chinese beyond the 14 languages elucidated by Ethnologue. There are lapses in the data below. I mean to present this data in outline form to make it more readable. There are also problems with the data below. In many cases, “separate language” just means that the lect is not intelligible with Putonghua. Unfortunately, I currently lack intelligibility data within the major language groups such as Gan, Xiang, Wu and the branches of Mandarin. There is probably quite a bit of lumping still to be done below. Where lects are mutually intelligible below, I have tried to lump them into one language with various dialects. It is reasonable to ask what background and expertise I have to write such a post. I have a Masters Degree in Linguistics and have been employed as a salaried linguist for a US Indian tribe. I also sit on a peer review board for a linguistics journal and will soon publish my first work in book form via a book chapter in a book on Turkic languages that will come out soon. I assume it will be controversial. Keep in mind that this work is extremely tentative and should not be taken as the last word on the subject by a long shot. There are claims that this study claims to be “accurate and precise.” In truth, it claims nothing of the sort. Initial studies, which is what this is, are de facto never “accurate and precise,” and you can take an extreme argument from scientific philosophy that no science is really “accurate and precise” but is simply “correct for now” or “correct until proven otherwise.” Gan is a separate language, already identified as such. Nanchang and Anyi are apparently Jiangyu, spoken in Hubei, is very strange and Wanzai must surely be a separate language, as must Yichun, Ji’an, Wanan, Fuzhou, Yingtan, Leiyang, Huaining and Dongkou. Nanchang and Anyi are within the Changjing Group of Gan, which has 15 different lects. Yingtan and Leping are members of the Yingyi Group has 12 lects. Jiangyu and Huarong are members of the Datong Group of Gan, which has 13 lects. Yichun is a member of the Yiliu Group of Gan, which has 11 lects. Wanzai is a member of the Yiping Group of Gan, of which it is the only member. Leiyang is a member of the Leizi Group of Gan, which has 5 lects. Wanan is a member of the Jilian Group of Gan, of which it is the only member. Ji’an is a member of the Jicha Group of Gan, which has 15 lects. Huaining is a member of the Huaiyue Group of Gan, which has 9 lects. Fuzhou is a member of the Fuguang Group of Gan, which has 15 lects. Dongkou is a member of the Dongsui Group of Gan, which has 5 lects. Gan has 102 separate lects in it. There are 30 million speakers of the Gan languages. Within the Min group, Northern Min (Min Bei) and Central Min (Sanminghua) have already been identified as separate languages. There are 50 million speakers of all of the Min languages (Olson 1998). Northern Min has only 0-2 Central Min has three lects, Shaxian, Sanming and Yongan, but we don’t know if there are languages among them. Central Min has 3.5 million speakers. Northern Min is said to be a single language, although it has 9 separate lects. Most dialects are said to be mutually intelligible, but Jianyang and Jian’ou have only about 7 The standard dialect of Min Dong or Eastern Min is Fuzhou. Eastern Min has only 0-2 Chengguan, Yangzhong and Zhongxian are separate languages, all spoken in Youxi County (Zheng 2008). Beyond that, Eastern Min is reported to have several other mutually unintelligible languages. One of them is Fuqing, located near Fuzhou but not intelligible with it, according to Wikipedia, but others say the two are mutually intelligible, although speakers are divided on the question. It appears that possibly Fuzhou speakers can understand Fuqing speakers better than the other way around. Fuzhou and Fuqing are about 6 Ningde, Fuding and Nanping are probably other languages in this family (evidence). Of these three, Ningde is definitely a separate language. According to George Ngù, a passionate proponent of Fuzhou, “Fuzhou is not intelligible even within its many varieties.” It’s not clear if that applies to all of Eastern Min, but it appears that it does. Therefore, Changle, Gutian, Lianjiang, Luoyuan, Minhou, Minqing, Pingnan, Pingtan, Yongtai, Fuan, Fuding, Shouning, Xiapu, Zherong and Zhouning are all separate languages. There are two other lects lumped in with Eastern Min. Manjiang is spoken in the central part of Taishun County, and Manhua spoken in the eastern part of Cangnan County. Both of these names mean “barbarian speech.” Both are probably mixtures of Southern Wu (Wenzhou etc.), Eastern Min, Northern Min, and maybe even pre-Sinitic languages. Manhua and Manjiang are not intelligible with Fuzhou. However, Manjiang has affinity with Shouning in phonology, vocabulary and grammar. Whether or not it is intelligible with Shouning is not known. Min Nan speakers who have looked at Manjiang data say that it doesn’t even look like a Sinitic language. Manhua is best dealt with as a form of Wu. I discuss it further below under Wu. Fuding, Fuan, Shouning, Xiapu, Zherong and Zhouning are in the Funing Group of Eastern Min, which has 6 lects. Fuzhou, Fuqing, Chengguan, Yangzhong, Zhongxian, Ningde, Changle, Gutian, Lianjiang, Luoyuan, Minhou, Minqing, Pingnan, Pingtan, Yongtai and Nanping are in the Houguan Group of Eastern Min, which has 16 lects. Eastern Min contains 23 separate lects. Within Min Nan, Xiamen and Teochew are separate languages (evidence). There is even a proposal to split Xiamen, Qiongwen and Teochew into three separate languages before SIL. Amoy, Jinmen is apparently a separate language, as it has poor intelligibility with Taiwanese. A much better name for Xiamen according to the Chinese literature is Quanzhang (Campbell January 2009). Quanzhang is a combination of Quanzhou and Zhangzhou, two of the most important dialects in the language. Xiamen has only can no longer understand Taiwanese or Xiamen well, though they have partial understanding of them. They have only 30-4 The Yilan dialect on Taiwan is so different that it alone has posed serious problems for the task of standardizing Taiwanese Min Nan, yet it is intelligible with the rest of Taiwanese (Campbell January 2009). Lugang is also very different but is also intelligible with Taiwanese (Campbell 2009). There are some communication problems for Tainan speakers hearing Taipei, but it appears that they are still intelligible with each other (Campbell January 2009). JieyangRaoping, Chaoyang, Shantou (Swatow) and Hailok’hong (Haklau) are lects in the Teochew Group (evidence) of Teochew. Teochew (Chaozhou) is the prestige version of Teochew. Chaoyang speakers can understand Jieyang, Raoping (evidence) and Shantou, but intelligibility is difficult with Haifeng and Lufeng. Shantou, Raoping, and Jieyang are then dialects of Chaoyang. Zhangzhou and Quanzhou have marginal intelligibility with Teochew varieties. They are both spoken in Taipei, Taiwan. After all, Taiwanese itself is just a mixture between Zhangzhou and Quanzhou. The situation in Taipei was interesting. The dialects of the city were a mix of Zhangzhou and Quanzhou. The dialect of the center of the city was mixed between the two, with a slight Quanzhou lean to it. In Sulim (Shilin), people spoke with a dialect that heavily favored Zhangzhou. Other districts spoke a Tang’oann-type dialect, which is just Quanzhou mixed with a bit of Zhangzhou. All these conditions are more common with the older generation because the new generation either does not speak Teochew at all or they favor the mixed Zhangzhou-leaning “Southern” style favored in the media, or they just do not speak the language at all. Hailok’hong (Haklau) is spoken down the coast between the Teochew zone and the Hong Kong area. It has marginal intelligibility with other Teochew lects. Nevertheless, Taiwanese speakers can no longer understand the pure Quanzhou spoken in the Chinese city of that name. On the other hand, Chaoyang itself is unintelligible to some other Teochew lects. Shantou speakers cannot understand some of the other Teochew lects, and speakers of other lects often find Shantou hard to understand. intelligible with Zhangzhou and Quanzhou, but these claims appear to be incorrect (see above). That might make some sense, as Teochew are a group of Min speakers who broke off from Zhangzhou Min about 600-1,100 years ago. They moved down to northeast Guangdong, after hundreds of years, a heavy dose of Cantonese went in, producing modern Teochew. chinese language map Teochew has only over 9 The Teochew spoken in Indochina – in particular, in Vietnam and Cambodia (many highly variant lects. Whether or not they are mutually intelligible with each other is not known. The variety spoken in Medan, Indonesia is particularly interesting. It has heavy Malay and Cantonese influence and cannot be understood by other Teochew speakers. Teochew has 10 million speakers. Zhangping, though close to Xiamen, is a separate language . Datian, in Fujian, is also a separate language. A version of Hokkien called Malay Hokkien is spoken in Malaysia and in Indonesia in Sumatra and Kalimantan. In Indonesia, it is spoken in the city of Medan, the state of Riau, the city of Bagansiapiapi on Sumatra and in a few places on Kalimantan, such as Kuching and especially in Brunei. Malay Hokkien is heavily laced with Teochew. Northern Malay Hokkien is spoken from Taiping along the coast formerly all the way to Phuket but now only to Pedang in Malaysia and in Indonesia in the city of Medan, the state of Riau, the city of Bagansiapiapi on Sumatra and in a few places on Kalimantan, such as Kuching and especially in Brunei. Speakers of Northern Malay Hokkien have a hard time understanding the Southern Malay Hokkien (see Singapore Hokkien below) spoken in Kelang, Malacca and Singapore. Northern Malay Hokkien is creolized, with Malay and Thai embedded deeply in the language. Southern Malay Hokkien is less creolized, if at all. Singapore Hokkien lies between Northern Malay Hokkien and Taiwanese on the continuum. A very pure variety of Hokkien is spoken in the Indonesian city of Bagansiapiapi. It has avoided the Mandarinization of Hokkien that is occurring elsewhere. They speak like the Hokkien speakers of Tang’oann (Tong’an), China. Kelantan Hokkien is spoken in the Malay state of Kelantan. It is wildly creolized with Malay and is probably not intelligible with any other form of Hokkien. The version of Hokkien spoken in the Philippines is often called Binamhue, Banlamhue or Minanhua (Philippines Hokkien) by speakers, derives from a dialect on the outskirts of Quanzhou, and it may have drifted into a separate language. At present, it is sometimes not intelligible with Quanzhou or Xiamen. That is, some Philippines Hokkien speakers claim that they can only understand about 7 The version of Min Nan, Singapore Hokkien (Southern Malay Hokkien), spoken in Singapore, Kelang and Malacca is similar to that spoken in Taiwan, but many Singapore Hokkien speakers have a hard time understanding Taiwanese Hokkien, while others can understand it just fine. Older Singapore Hokkien speakers can understand Taiwanese Hokkien better than younger ones. This is due to bilingual learning more than anything else because younger Singapore Hokkien speakers are no longer good at understanding other Min Nan dialects due to lack of exposure to them. The reason that Taiwanese speakers can seem to speak communicate well with Singapore Hokkien speakers is because they are using a simpler vocabulary. A Singapore Hokkien speaker, if immersed in Taiwan, could pick up Taiwanese fairly quickly, within say 3 months. An umbrella term covering Malay Hokkien, Singapore Hokkien and Philippines Hokkien may be Nusantaran Hokkien. Another language in the same group is best called Wan’an, comprising a number of dialects and possibly languages in Wan’an County of Fujian (Branner 2008). Zhaoan, Pinghe and Yunxiao, also of Fujian, are separate languages. Wan’an and Longyan are not mutually intelligible (Branner 2008). Longyan seems to have about 50 lects. Teochew, Shantou, Lufeng, Haifeng, Chaoyang, Jieyang, SE Asian Teochew and Malaysian Teochew are members of the Chaoshan Group of Min Nan, which has 12 lects. Datian is in its own group in Min Nan. Min Nan consists of 68 separate lects. Clearly, the dialectal relationships of Min Nan are confusing, as many of the lects are very closely related, if not fully intelligible. Intelligibility testing may be needed to sort out some of these issues. There are 30 million speakers of Southern Min. Zhenan Min, spoken in Zhejiang Province around Pingnang and Cangnan and in the Zhoushan Islands, is a separate language. Zhenan Min contains 4 lects, Pingyang, Cangnan, Dongtou and Yuhuan, which may or may not be languages. Zhenan Min has 574,000 speakers. Zhenan Min is influenced by Eastern and Northern Min. Qiongwen (Hainanese) is a separate language with 8 million speakers. It has the lowest intelligibility with the rest of Southern Min as any other Min Nan lect. Qiongwen itself has 14 separate lects, all spoken on Hainan. Whether or not any of them are separate languages is not known. Longyan (Branner 2008) is a separate language, apart from Southern Min. It is spoken in Longyan City’s Xinluo District and Zhangping City and has 740,000 speakers. It has heavy Hakka influence due to the large number of Hakka speakers in the surrounding areas. Another split in Min is Leizhou. Leizhou Min is a separate language and is now recognized by some as a separate branch of Min altogether, along the lines of Southern and Northern Min. Leizhou consists of 7 different lects. Haikang appears to be a dialect of Leizhou. However, at least some of the other 6 Leizhou lects are very different in phonology and lexicon. Intelligibility data is not known, but they may be mutually intelligible. Leizhou Min, with 4 million speakers, has low intelligibility with Min Nan lects and has only 5 Shaojiang Min, or Min Gan, is said to be a completely separate high-level division of the Min language like Leizhou Min. It has four lects – Shaowu, Guangze, Jiangle and Shunchang – that are said to be mutually intelligible. There are subdialects within these larger lects. The substratum of Shaojiang is not Min, Gan or Hakka – instead, Puxian Min has already been identified as a separate language. Puxian has 3 separate lects. There are minor differences between these lects. However, there is a form of Puxian Min spoken in Singapore, Hinghwa, and presently it lacks full intelligibility with Puxian Min proper. Puxian speakers are a minority in Singapore, and their language has mixed a lot with Singapore Hokkien, Malay, English and other languages spoken in Singapore, resulting in a separate language. A Min language called Longdu, located in Guangdong, is not only a separate language (evidence here and here) but seems to be in another Min category from Southern Min. It is spoken in the southwest corner of Zhongshan City in Shaxi and Dayong. In Guangdong Province, there are other divergent lects of Min Nan. Two of these, Nanlang (also spoken in Zhongshan) and Sanxiang, are also separate languages. Nanlang is spoken 10 miles southeast of Zhongshan in Cuiheng. It is also spoken in Sources give Longdu and Nanlang 100,000 speakers and Sanxiang 30,000 speakers. 1 All of these seem to be in the same group, Zhongshan Min, and all are spoken in the Pearl River Delta near Hong Kong. Zhongshan Min has 150,000 speakers. This group is possibly a Northern or Eastern Min group stranded way down in Guangdong. They are sometimes referred to in old literature as “Northeastern Min”. That’s not really a category. It often means Northern Min, but sometimes it means Eastern Min. These languages have all borrowed extensively from the type of Cantonese spoken in the Pearl River Delta. Looking at the whole picture, it appears that various immigrants speaking Puxian Min, Northern Min and Southern Min all settled around Zhongshan. These various Min elements, along with a hefty dose of Cantonese, have gone into the creation of Zhongshan Min. Sanxiang, Nanlang and Longdu are apparently Hakka Proper (Meixia), Tingzhou is a separate language (evidence). Wuhua Hakka is intelligible with Meixian. Fangcheng and Dabu are close to Meixian, but intelligibility data is lacking. Fangcheng has five different lects within it, but intelligibility data is not known. Hong Kong Hakka is not intelligible with the Hakka spoken on Taiwan, nor with Dabu. Dongguan, spoken near Hong Kong, can understand Meixian, but Meixian cannot understand Dongguan. Taipu or Taipo is spoken in the village of the same name in Hong Kong and is not intelligible with Meixian, nor is Wakia, also spoken in Hong Kong. A variety of Hakka spoken in a part of Hong Kong called Shataukok is called variously Satdiugok, Sathewkok, Shataukok, Satdiukok or Satdiugok. It is said to be different from other Hakka, and evidence indicates that Shataukok may indeed be a separate language. Shataukok has dialects within it and they are different, but they are generally mutually intelligible. All three of these are dialects of a more or less intelligible language called Hong Kong Hakka. Located near Hong Kong, Shenzhen/Bao’an is a separate language. Haifeng and Lufeng, located near each other in Guangdong, appear to be dialects of a separate language called Hailufeng. Longchuan in northeastern Guangdong is a separate language (evidence), with poor intelligibility with other Hakka lects. Longchuan has Boluo and Heyuan are separate languages, not mutually intelligible. Longchuan, Boluo and Heyuan are quite distant from other Hakka. Heyuan is spoken in central Guangdong. Huizhou is mutually intelligible with Longchuan and also with Meixia and Dabu. Sanxiang, spoken in Zhongshan prefecture, is different from all other Hakka, but intelligibility data is lacking. It is possible that in northern Guangdong, there may be many different Hakka languages, since dialects tend to differ from village to village, and in many cases, communication is difficult. The Hakka spoken in Kunming, Sarawak, in Malaysia, known as Ho Po Hak, is a separate language. It is very different from the Hakka spoken in Sabah, Malaysia, and it is similar to Hopo, spoken in Hopo, near Meizhou. Hopo is not intelligible with Dabu, Hailu or Meixian. Hopo appears to be a dialect of Jiaoling. Hopo has deep influence from Teochew Min, because it is located right next to the Teochew area. The Gannan Group (or Ninglong Group) from Southern Jiangxi, Mingxi from Western Fujian, and the Yuemin Group from Southern Fujian and Southeastern Guangdong are separate languages. In the Gannan Group are multiple lects. One of them is Xingguo, spoken in Xingguo County in Ganzhuo Prefecture (evidence). The Gannan Group is extremely diverse compared to the Hakka of Guangdong and Fujian. Gannan lects differ even from village to village. With Gannan Hakka, we may be dealing with a situation of many different languages, as with Wu, Hui, Tuhua and Xiang. In fact, it quite possible that with Jiangxi Hakka, we may be dealing with every Hakka lect being a separate language, but that remains to be proven. In Fujian Province, there is the wildly diverse Tingzhou Hakka Group mentioned above. Even within this group, there are separate languages, including Yongding, Liancheng, Changting, Xinquan, Qingliu, Mingxi, Ninghua and Shanghang (evidence). Gucheng is probably also a member of Tingzhou. Sources say that each Hakka village in Fujian speaks its own lect, and that the lects are far enough apart to make communication from village to village very difficult. Therefore, we conclude that in addition to the above, we will add Wuping, Longyan, Zhaoan, Yunxiao, Miaoli (Four Counties), Dongshi (Dapu) and Xinzhu (Hailu) lects are Bangka Island Indonesian Hakka, spoken on Bangka Island in Indonesia, has diverged so radically with its tones that it is now a separate language. That is, speakers of other Indonesian Hakka lects say that they cannot understand Bangka Island speakers. It’s actually said to be a Hakka creole more than anything else. In Indonesia, two other Hakka languages are spoken, Kun Dian Indonesian Hakka, spoken in Borneo, and Belitung (Ngion Voi) Indonesian Hakka. Kun Dian Hakka is the largest Hakka group in Indonesia. Most live at Pontianak and Singkawang, where they speak two different mutually intelligible lects, but they have spread all over Indonesia. Kun Dian Hakka is a dialect of Meixian. Belitung Hakka is spoken mostly on Sumatra and Borneo, and is characterized by a soft way of speaking. Belitung Hakka and Bangka Hakka say they cannot understand Kun Dian Hakka, but Kun Dian speakers say they can understand the other two for the most part. East Timor Hakka is a dialect of Meixian. Jiexi is spoken in southeast Guangdong. Dayu is spoken in southern Guangxi. Liannan is spoken northwest Guangdong. Dongguan Qingxi is spoken in south-central Guangdong. Wengyuan is spoken in northern Guangdong. Ningdu is spoken in Jiangxi. Mengshan Xihe is spoken in eastern Guangxi. Hong Kong Hakka is spoken in Hong Kong. Zhaoan Xiuzhuan is spoken in southern Fujian. Shanghang Pengxin, Basel Mission and Shanghang Guanzhuang Shangzhuo are spoken in West Fujian (Branner 2000). Dayu, spoken in Jiangxi, is a separate language, not intelligible at least to Central, or Meixian, Hakka speakers. Meixian, Wuhua and Bao’an are members of the Yuetai Group of Hakka, which has 23 lects. Within Yuetai, Wuhua and Dabu are members of the Xinghua subgroup, which has 5 lects. Xinghua has 3.4 million speakers. Bao’an and Lufeng are in the Xinhui subgroup of Yuetai, which has 9 lects. Xinhui has 2.4 million speakers. Gaoxiong, Xinzhu, Dongshi and Miaoli are members of the Jiaying Group of Hakka, which has 7 lects. Tingzhou, Yongding, Liancheng, Changting, Xinquan, Shanghang, Basel Mission, Shanghang Pengxin, Wuping, Ninghua, Qingliu and Mingxi are all part of the diverse Tingzhou Group of Hakka. All told, Tingzhou has 12 lects, all of which are separate languages. Longchuan, Boluo and Heyuan are members of the Yuezhong Group of Hakka, which has 5 lects. Huizhou is in its own subgroup of Hakka. Xingguo and Ningdu are in the Ninglong Group of Hakka, which has 13 lects. This group is said to be very diverse, with lects differing from village to village. Liannan and Wengyuan are members of the Yuebei Group of Hakka, which has 11 lects and must surely be a separate language. Dayu is a member of the Yugui Group of Hakka, which has 43 lects. Ho Po Hak, Bangka Island, Nanjing Qujiang, Jiexi, Dayu, Hong Kong, Mengshan Xihe, Zhaoan Xiuzhuan, Nanjing Qujiang, Fuan, Fuding and Haifeng are unclassified. There are Putonghua, the main branch, Jinan (New Jinan), Beijing and Tianjin (evidence and here) are not intelligible with Putonghua; however, Tianjin may be intelligible with Beijing, on the other hand, Tianjin is looking more and more like a separate language. For one thing, Tianjin’s tones are quite different from Putonghua’s, and its tone sandhi is much more complicated and it is more closely related to lects 150-500 miles away, since originally Tianjin speakers came from Anhui (Lee 2002). Some reports say that Tianjin is intelligible with Putonghua, so intelligibility testing may be needed. Jinan is not intelligible with Putonghua, but may be learned over a period of weeks to possibly months, as it is close enough. Jinan is only not inherently intelligible with Putonghua. Complaints about unintelligible taxi drivers in Beijing are legendary. At the very least, competing views of the intelligibility of Beijinghua and Putonghua deserve investigation. On the other hand, Beijinghua may be intelligible with Hebei and Nanjing City. I think that Hebei is clearly a dialect of Beijing. The lect of Beijing’s hutongs and taxi drivers is legendary for being hard to understand. It would be interesting to see whether Tianjin and Hebei speakers can understand it. Tianjin may be a separate language, since it is not intelligible with Beijinghua. What probably happened was that Beijinghua and Putonghua have taken separate trajectories. This has also occurred in Italian, where, though Standard Italian was based on Tuscan, Standard Italian and Tuscan have taken separate trajectories since. It is said that if you see old Tuscan men on TV in Italy, a speaker of Standard Italian from southern Italy would need subtitles to understand them, but one from northern Italy would not. Others say that Putonghua was based on the language of the Beijing suburbs, not the city itself. For whatever reason, Beijinghua often seems to have less than 9 I would describe the real, pure, Putonghua as “CCTV speech”, the lect you hear on Chinese state television. Evidence that Beijinghua lacks full intelligibility with Putonghua is here, here, here, here, here, here, here and here. The question of whether or not Beijinghua is a separate language from Putonghua is sure to be highly controversial. Perhaps intelligibility testing could settle the question. Beijing is in a group all of its own called the Beijing Group. It contains 43 separate lects, and may contain more than one language. We should also note here that even Putonghua, the language that was meant to tie the nation together, seems to be evolving into regional languages. Guangdong Putonghua is not fully intelligible to speakers of the Putonghuas of Northern China and hence is probably a separate language. There are also varieties of Putonghua that are spoken in Singapore and Taiwan. Taiwanese Mandarin is about 80-8 Shanghai Putonghua is often not intelligible with Putonghua from other regions. It has heavy interference from Shanghaihua, which seriously effects the Putonghua accent. Even after four years of exposure to it, Standard Putonghua speakers often have problems with it. In addition, Jianghuai Mandarin Putonghua and Zhengcao Mandarin Putonghua Putonghua are not intelligible with Putonghua from other areas (Campbell April 2009). These varieties of Mandarin cause a particular interference with Putonghua Mandarin that results in a severe dialectal disturbance in their Putonghua. These Putonghuas are spoken in the regions native to the Jianghuai and Zhengcao dialects of Mandarin. Jianghuai is spoken in Anhui, Jiangsu, Hubei and to a much lesser extent Zhejiang Provinces. Zhengcao is spoken in Anhui, Henan, Shandong, Jiangsu, with one dialect is spoken in Hebei. Although it is different, Singapore Putonghua is still intelligible with Putonghua. Malay Mandarin is said to be quite different but nevertheless intelligible. Nevertheless Malay Mandarin speakers say they have to make speech adjustments with Chinese speakers otherwise their speech is poorly intelligible. This implies that Malay Mandarin is indeed a separate language. Yunnan Putonghua is intelligible with Putonghua from other regions (Campbell January 2009). Cangzhou, spoken in southeastern Hebei, is a separate language. It is only partly intelligible with Putonghua. Renqiu, Huanghua, Hejian, Cangxian, Qingxian, Xianxian, Dongguang, Haixing, Yanshan, Suning, Nanpi, Wuqiao and Mengcun, all spoken in Cangzhou prefecture, are all dialects of Cangzhou. Cangzhou shares some similarities with Tianjin, but it is only partly intelligible with it. Jinan is a member of the Liaotai Group of the larger Jilu Group, which has 37 lects. The Baotang Group of Jilu has 52 lects. Tianjin forms its own subgroup within Baotang. Cangzhou, Renqiu, Huanghua, Hejian, Cangxian, Qingxian, Xianxian, Dongguang, Haixing, Yanshan, Suning, Nanpi, Wuqiao, and Mengcun are members of the Huangle subgroup of Baotang, which has 25 lects. Jilu itself consists of 170 lects. Taiwanese Mandarin, while different from Putonghua, is intelligible with it. Singapore Mandarin has fewer differences then Taiwanese. Both are dialects of Putonghua. Luoyang, Kiafeng, Changyuan and Zhengzhou, all in Henan Province, are not intelligible with Putonghua. However, all four are mutually intelligible with each other, so they are dialects of a single language, Henan Mandarin. Xinyang, also spoken in Henan, is a separate language and cannot be understood by Luoyang speakers. Nanyang has high but not complete intelligibility with Luoyang. After a few weeks of close contact, Luoyang speakers can understand Nanyang, but initially, comprehension is poor due to different tones. Nanyang has 15 million speakers. Luoyang and Gushi are unintelligible with Putonghua. In addition, Gushi is different from Nanyang and may not be intelligible with it. Intelligibility between Xinyang, Gushi and Nanyang is not known. In general, intelligibility between many lects in Henan is not good, but after a week or two of close contact, they can start to understand each other. In Shaanxi, Xining, spoken in Xinghai, seems to be very different from other Shaanxi lects, and is probably a separate language altogether (evidence here and here) . In Gansu Province, Tongwei is not intelligible with Putonghua, and Gansu Mandarin seems to be very different from other forms of Mandarin. Gansu Mandarin appears to be a separate language. However, within Gansu, there are divergent lects, such as Sale, which are unintelligible with other Gansu lects. Bozhou (evidence), Yingshang (evidence), and Fuyang (evidence), spoken in Anhui, are at least unintelligible with Putonghua. Fuyang is poor intelligibility with Standard Putonghua due to its phonology. Therefore, it is a separate language. Xian, Huxian and Zhouzhi are members of the Guanzhong Group of Zhongyuan, which has 45 lects. Yanan, Hanzhong and Xining are members of the Qinlong Group of Zhongyuan, which has 67 lects. Luoyang is a member of the Luoxu Group of Zhongyuan, which has 28 lects. Kiafeng, Nanyang, Zengzhou, Changyuan, and Bozhou are members of the Zhengcao Group of Zhongyuan. The Zhengcao Group has 93 lects. Xinyang and Gushi are in the Xinbeng subgroup of Zhongyuan, which has 20 lects. Tongwei and Sale are part of the Longzhong Group of Zhongyuan, which has 25 lects. Yingshang is a member of the Cailu Group of Zhongyuan, which has 30 lects. The Mandarin spoken in Qinghai is very different from that spoken in Gansu, but it’s not known if it is a separate language. They are both usually two types of Zhongyuan Mandarin. Zhongyuan has a shocking 388 lects. Zhongyuan Mandarin is not fully intelligible with Putonghua. Zhongyuan Mandarin has 130 million speakers (Olson 1998). Yichang (evidence), Longchang (evidence), Chengdu, Chongqing (evidence), Guilin and Nanping (spoken near Mt. Wuyi evidence), Longcheng (evidence), Luocheng (evidence), Luzhou (evidence here and here), Lingui (evidence), Jiuzhaigou (evidence) Xindu, Wenshan (not intelligible with general Southwest Mandarin speech. Wenshan at least is not intelligible with other Southwestern varieties (Johnson 2010). Chengdu is part of a Sichuan Mandarin koine that is spoken in many of the larger cities in Yunnan. It includes Kunming, Bazhong, Dazhou, Neijiang, Zigong, Yibin, Luzhou, Chengdu, Mianyang, Deyang and Guiyang and is broadly intelligible (Xun 2009). Ziyang is intelligible with the koine but has a heavy accent (Xun 2009). Leshan is unintelligible with the koine, but it can be learned in a few weeks of exposure (Xun 2009). Dali is also not intelligible with Putonghua, but that is because Tibetan Mandarin has heavy Tibetan admixture. Chongqing speakers cannot understand Chengdu or Luzhou speakers. The many small lects around Mt. Emei are not intelligible with Chengdu, appear to be be very different, and may one or more separate languages. Wuhan is not intelligible to speakers of Southwest Mandarin from other provinces, for instance, it is only separate language . Lanping, may be a separate language. Kunming not intelligible with Tuoyuan., so Tuoyuan may be a separate language also. The language spoken in Kunming is part of the Sichuan Mandarin koine that includes Kunming, Bazhong, Dazhou, Neijiang, Zigong, Yibin, Luzhou, Chengdu, Mianyang, Deyang and Guiyang. Yingshan is a separate language based on a Menghai (evidence) may well be a completely separate language. The mutual intelligibility of Menghai, Guiyang and Kunming is not known. Guiyang is at least not intelligible with Putonghua. Guiyang is evolving into the Sichuan Mandarin koine, which is broadly intelligible with Kunming, Bazhong, Dazhou, Neijiang, Zigong, Yibin, Luzhou, Chengdu, Mianyang and Deyang. Shaoshan, apparently Mao Zedong’s lect, spoken in Hunan Province, is a separate language. It was said although Mao had a secretary who could understand him well, not many others could. Another language spoken in Hunan, in Zhangjiajie County, is called Zhangjiajie Maoxi. The Maoxi are a tribal group there that speak a strange variety of Mandarin. Tuoyuan in Hunan is not fully intelligible with other Southwest Mandarin lects, or at least not with Kunming. Junhua, or military language, is a language spoken by an ethnic group on Hainan in the city of Zonghe. It is said to be “Old Mandarin” and is probably not intelligible with other lects. It is a form of Southwest Mandarin known as the Junhua Group, which contains 4 lects . Guilin, Luocheng, Yangshuo, Liuzhou and Lingui are members of the Guiliu Group of Southwest Mandarin, which has 57 lects. Guiliu Southwest Mandarin is at least not comprehensible with Putonghua or Chengyu Southwest Mandarin. Leshan and Longchang are members of the Guanchi Group of Southwest Mandarin, which has 85 lects. Within Guanchi, Longchang is a member of the Renfu Group , which has 13 lects. Yichang, Chengdu, Chongqing and Yingshan are members of the Chengyu Group of Southwest Mandarin, which has 113 lects. Chengyu Southwest Mandarin is not comprehensible with Putonghua or Guiliu Southwest Mandarin. Menghai, Kunming, Wenshan and Guiyang are members of the Kungui Group of Southwest Mandarin. The Kungui Group itself has an incredible 95 lects. Lanping is in the Dianxi Group of Southwest Mandarin, which has 36 lects. Within Dianxi, it is a member of the Baolu subgroup, which has 21 lects. Taoyuan is in the Changhe Group of Southwest Mandarin, which has 14 lects. Wuhan is a member of Wutian Group of Southwest Mandarin, which has 9 lects. Dali is a member of the Dianxi Group of Mandarin, which has 36 members. Within Dianxi, Dali is a member of the Yaoli Group, which has 15 members. Nanping, Chuanlan, Shaoshan, Jiuzhaigou, Zhangjiajie Maoxi and Dahua are unclassified. Southwest Mandarin itself has a stunning 519 lects and is not fully intelligible with Putonghua. There are 240 million speakers of Southwest Mandarin (Olson 1998). Jianghuai Mandarin is a separate language. Yangzhou is considered to be a separate language by a evidence and here) is also a separate language – now mostly spoken in the suburbs, as city speech is not a separate language anymore. The city language is said to be intelligible with the general northeastern China lect spoken in Beijing and Hebei. So I will call Nanjing Suburbs a separate language. Lianyungang is a separate language, as is Yancheng and Huaian (Nantong, a very strange variety of Mandarin on the border of Wu and Mandarin that shares many features with Wu languages, is a separate language, as is its sister language, Tongdong. Jinsha is a dialect of Nantong. Rugao, next to Nantong, is also a separate language. Also within Jianghuai, Hefei is considered to be a separate language not intelligible with Putonghua. Anqing, in Anhui Province, is also not intelligible with Putonghua. In 1933, there were three different languages spoken in Tongcheng, Anhui – East Tongcheng, West Tongcheng and Tongcheng Wenli. Tongcheng Wenli was the classical-based language spoken by the educated elite of the city. Whether these three languages still exist is not known, but surely some of the speakers in 1933 are still alive. Chuzhou, spoken in Anhui, is not intelligible with Putonghua, although it is said to be close to Nanjing. Dangtu, also spoken in Anhui, is not intelligible with Putonghua. Dongtai is a separate language (evidence). The lects spoken in Dafeng, Taizhou, Xingua and Haian are said to be similar to Dongtai, so for the time being, we will list them as dialects of Dongtai. Jiujiang, spoken in Jiangxi Province, is a separate language, as is Xingzi, located close by. Intelligibility between Rudong, Anqing, Chuzhou, Dafeng, Taizhou, Xingua, Haian and Dangtu is not known. Yangzhou, Lianyungang, Yancheng, Huaian, Nanjing, Hefei, Anqing, the Tongchengs, Chuzhou, and Dangtu are in the Hongchao Group of Jianghuai, which has 82 lects. Dongtai, Dafeng, Taizhou, Haian, Xinghua, Jinsha, Nantong, Tongdong, Rudong, and Rugao are in the Tairu Group of Jianghuai. Tairu has 11 different lects. Jiujiang and probably Xingzi are members of the Huangxiao Group of Jianghuai, which has 20 lects. Jianghuai is composed of an incredible 120 lects and is not fully intelligible with Putonghua. Some suggest that Northeastern (Dongbei) Mandarin is a separate language. Within Northeast, Shenyang is a separate language Shenyang is a member of the Jishen Group of Northeastern Mandarin, which has 44 dialects. Within Jishen, Shenyang is a member of the Tongxi Group, which has 24 dialects. Harbin is a member of the Hafu Group of Northeastern Mandarin, which has 64 lects. Within Hafu, it is a member of the Zhaofu Group, which has 18 lects. Lanyin Mandarin in the far northwest is also a separate language (Campbell 2004). Though Lanyin is said to be intelligible with Putonghua, that does not appear to be the case. Minqin (evidence) and Lanzhou (evidence) in Gansu are not fully intelligible with Putonghua, nor is Yinchuan (evidence) in Ningxia. Intelligibility within Lanyin is not known, but Jiuquan at least appears to be a completely separate language inside Lanyin. Jiuquan is a member of the Hexi Group of Lanyin, which has 18 lects. Yinchuan is a member of the Yinwu Group of Lanyin, which has 12 lects. Lanzhou is a member of the Jincheng Group of Lanyin, which has 4 lects. Lanyin is composed of 57 separate lects. Lanyin Mandarin has 9 million speakers (Olson 1998). The Jiaoliao Mandarin spoken in Shandong contains lects such as Qingdao (evidence here and here) and Wehai (evidence) which are not fully intelligible with Putonghua. Dalian is quite different from Putonghua. Intelligibility between Qingdao, Wehai and Dalian is not known. Wehai and Dalian are members of the Denglian Group of Jiaoliao, which has 23 lects. Qingdao is a member of the Qingzhou Group of Jiaoliao, which has 16 lects. Jiaoliao is composed of 45 lects. Jiaoliao is not fully intelligible with Putonghua. Intelligibility inside of Jiaoliao is not known, but there may be multiple languages inside of it, because some Shandong Peninsula lects sound very strange even to speakers used to hearing Shandong Mandarin. Karamay is an unclassified Mandarin language spoken in Xinjaing. The Mandarin spoken around Tiantai in Zhejiang is not intelligible with Putonghua and may be a separate language. It is also unclassified. Mandarin has 873 million speakers. There are an incredible 1,526 lects of Mandarin. Although it is related to Mandarin, Jin is a completely separate language. Besides the Main Jin branch Baotou are apparently separate languages (evidence). As is possibly Taiyuan (evidence). Within Hohhot Jin, there are two separate languages. One is Hohhot Xincheng Jin, a combination of Hebei Jin, Northeastern Mandarin and the Manchu language. The other is Jiucheng Hohhot Jin, spoken by the Muslim Hui minority in the city. It is related to other forms of Jin in Shanxi Province. Yuci is a separate language from Taiyuan on a Fenyang, the language used in Chinese director Jia Zhanke’s movie Xiao Shan Going Home is not intelligible with Putonghua. Jingbian, in Shanxi, is a separate language. Yulin is also a separate language. Hohhot is a member of the Zhanghu Group of Jin, which has 29 lects. Baotou and Yulin are members of the Dabao Group of Jin, which has 29 lects. Taiyuan and Yuci are members of the Bingzhou Group of Jin, which has 16 lects. Fenyang is a member of the Luliang Group of Jin, which has 17 lects. Jingbian is a member of the Wutai Group of Jin, which has 30 lects. Jin is composed of 171 lects, and some of them are separate languages. Jin has 48 million speakers (Olson 1998). Besides Xiang Proper, assuming there even is such a thing, Shuangfeng and Changsha are separate languages, having only in the city itself. We do not know how many there are, but we know that they exist. For the moment, we shall just add one lect to Changsha, and divide it into Changsha A and Changsha B, but there may be more. Furthermore, there are changes every 10 miles or so. Intelligibility data is lacking. Mao Zedong spoke Xiangtan, a notoriously difficult Xiang language in Hunan, about which it is said, “No one can understand it.” Xiangtan itself is internally diverse, with differences between the dialect of the city and rural areas, but intelligibility data is lacking. Hengyang is apparently a Liuyang is a separate language, actually a macrolanguage, spoken in Liuyang county-level city in Changsha prefecture in Hunan. Liuyang is split into 5 divisions – Liuyang North, Liuyang South, Liuyang West, Liuyang East and Liuyang City. Liuyang South and Liuyang East are separate languages, mutually unintelligible with the others. Liuyang City has recently arisen as a sort of a Liuyang “Putonghua” that is understandable to speakers of all Liuyang lects. So within Liuyang, we have three dialects – Liuyang City, Liuyang North and Liuyang West. Outside of Liuyang Proper, there are also two separate languages – Liuyang South and Liuyang East. None of the three Liuyang languages is intelligible with Changsha. Even within this classification, each of the 5 Liuyang lects has multiple dialects. Each village is said to have its own lect in Liuyang. Hengshan (evidence) is a separate language with vast dialectal divergence divided by Mount Hengshan. There are two Xiang Hengshan lects on either side of the mountain – Yiyang Changyi and Yiyang Luoshao. Baojing at least is not intelligible with Putonghua, yet it is said to be intelligible with Chengdu Southwest Mandarin. Lingshuijiang, also spoken in Hunan by Ningxiang is said to be good sources, there is a tremendous amount of lect diversity in Western Hunan, and most of it probably involves Xiang lects, while most or all of these lects are not mutually intelligible. But until we get more data, we cannot carve any languages out of this mess yet. Shuangfeng and Lingshuijiang are a members of the Luoshao Group of Xiang, which has 21 lects. The Changshas, Hengyang, Xiangtan, Hengshan, Ningxiang and the Liuyangs are members of the Changyi Group of Xiang, which has 32 lects. Baojing, Jishou and Huayuan are members of the Jixu Group of Xiang, which has 8 lects. Xiang is composed of 74 lects. Many, or possibly all of them are separate languages. The various languages of Xiang have 50 million speakers. Wu is a major group of diverse Chinese languages that is often divided into Northern Wu and Southern Wu. Northern Wu and Southern Wu are definitely mutually unintelligible languages. Southern Wu has 4-5 unintelligible dialects across a 12 mile area. In Zhejiang, the mountains go all the way down to the sea, so there are few flat areas where language can spread out and become comprehensible. Suzhou, Shanghaiese, Wuxi (evidence), Huzhou (evidence), Changzhou (evidence), Xiaoshan (evidence), Songjiang (evidence), Jiaxing, Hangzhou (evidence), Kunshan (evidence), Ningbo and Yixing (evidence) are separate languages. Tongxiang also appears to be a separate language, as does Yuyao (evidence) and Zhoushan. Qidong, spoken in the city of Qidong, is a separate language. Lvsi, Qisi or Tongdong, spoken in the nearby town of Qisi, is a separate language from Qidong. Qidong is said to be very close to Chongming, so for the time being, we will list Chongming as a dialect of Qidong. Haimen also appears to be a dialect of Qidong. However, there are Zhangjiagang, Changsha and Kunshan may be intelligible with Suzhou, but data is lacking. Suzhou is only good intelligibility with Shanghaiese, but not vice versa. Reports vary on the intelligibility of Shanghaiese and Suzhou. Some say they understand each well, but that is probably not the case at first due to serious differences in tones. Intelligibility testing is needed. Pudong, the older form of the Shanghai language, is still spoken in the Pudong District of the city, but it is dying out. There is a question of whether or not it is mutually intelligible with Shanghaiese, but Shanghaiese speakers seem to feel it is not mutually intelligible (Gilliland 2006). Several lects are spoken in the suburbs of Shanghai. Reports vary, but Shanghai residents generally report that these lects are not mutually intelligible with Shanghaiese (Gilliland 2006). They are Baoshan, Fengxian, Nanhui, Jiading, Jinshan, Pudong (or Chuansha) and Qingpu. Hangzhou is reportedly much different from the lects of Shanghaiese, Ningbo, etc. to the northeast, and is not intelligible with Shanghaiese, nor with Suzhou. Hangzhou has 1.2 million speakers. Changzhou and Wuxi are not intelligible with Shanghaiese or Suzhou. Changzhou and Wuxi have high, but not full, intelligibility. Changzhou and Wuxi are part of a dialect chain in which eastern Changzhou speakers can communicate with western Wuxi speakers, but as one moves further west into Wuxi or east into Changzhou, intelligibility drops off. Like Czech and Slovak, it is best then to split Wuxi and Changzhou into separate languages. Changzhou itself has considerable dialectal divergence, though apparently all dialects are intelligible. Changzhou has 3 million speakers. Yixing, near Changzhou, is not intelligible with Shanghaiese. Jiangyin is spoken in Jiangyin city. It is related to Changzhou and has high intelligibility with Changzhou and Wuxi. All of the above are in the Taihu Group. Taizhou, centered around the city of Tuzhou in Eastern Zhejiang, is composed of 11 separate lects, all of which are separate languages, Huangyan (evidence), Jiaojiang, Linhai, Sanmen, Tiantai (evidence), Wenling (evidence), Ninghai (evidence), Xianju, Leqing (evidence), Yubei and Yuhuan (evidence). (Evidence for all). A single subgroup of Wuzhou, Yiwu – contains 18 separate languages, all mutually unintelligible. We will call them Yiwu A, Yiwu B, Yiwu C, Yiwu D, Yiwu E, Yiwu F, Yiwu G, Yiwu H, Yiwu I, Yiwu J, Yiwu K, Yiwu L, Yiwu M, Yiwu N, Yiwu O, Yiwu P, Yiwu Q and Yiwu R for the time being. Pucheng is a Wenzhou (evidence) is a separate language. Ouhai, Yongjia and Ruian appear to be dialects of Wenzhou, but all of them are probably separate languages, since if you go 5 miles in any direction in Wenzhou, there’s a new dialect, and it’s hard to understand people. Wenzhou is Wencheng (evidence) appears to be a separate language. Wenxi is a separate language within Oujiang, not intelligible with Wenzhou. It is spoken in one town in Qingtian County. Jinxiang also has its own Wu lect, with Mandarin influences. This is a Taihu (Northern Wu) outlier. In addition, in Taishun County, there is also an aberrant Wu lect spoken in the town of Luoyang, influenced by both Manjiang and Oujiang Wu. There is another Wu lect similar to Manjiang Eastern Min spoken in the town of Hedi in Qingyuan County in Lishui. Manhua is quite different. There is a controversy over whether or not Manhua is Macro-Min or Macro-Wu. It is probably Macro-Wu based on phonology and it also shares some similar Min-like traits with other Wu lects such as those in the Chuqu group. Within Manhua, there is a northern group spoken in the town of Yishan and a southern group spoken in the towns of Qianku and Jinxiang. Qianku is the standard for Manhua. The northern/southern divide may impede intelligibility, but we have no information yet. Wuhu is a separate language, unintelligible with Shanghaihua. Nanjing Wu is a separate language Jiaxing, Shanghaiese, Suzhou, Wuxi, Songjiang, Tongxiang, Qidong, Lvsi, Yunhe and Kunshan are all in the Hujia Group of Taihu. The Hujia Group contains 32 lects. Changzhou, Yixing, Jiangyin and Haimen are in the Piling Group of Taihu. Piling has 12 lects. Piling has 8 million speakers. Wenzhou, Ouhai, Yongjia, Ruian and Wencheng are in the Oujiang Group of Taihu, which also contains 12 lects. Hangzhou has its own group, the Hangzhou Group of Taihu. Shaoxing, Fuyang, Xiaoshan, Linan, Yuyao and Zhuji are in the Linshao Group of Taihu which also contains 12 lects. Fenghua and Zhoushan are in the Yongjiang Group of Taihu. The Yongjiang Group contains 11 lects and has 4 million speakers. Changxing is in the Taioxi Group of Taihu, which has 5 lects. The Taihu Group is composed of 75 separate lects, many or all of which are separate languages. Taihu has 47 million speakers. Lishui, Qingyuan, Jingning, Jinyun and Taishun are in the Chuzhou group of Chuqu, which contains 9 lects. Chuzhou has 1.5 million speakers. Chuqu itself contains 35 separate lects. Pucheng, Shangrao County, Shangrao City, Jiangshan, Songyang, Guangfeng, Longquan, Kaihua, Changshan, Suichang, Longyou, Yushan and Quzhou are members of the Longqu Group of Chuqu, which has 14 lects and 5 million speakers (Olson 1998). The Yiwu languages, Dongyang, Jinhua, Jinhua Xiaohuang, Lanxi, Tangxi, Wuyi, Pan’an, Pujiang and Yongkang are all members of the Wuzhou Group, which contains 27 separate languages. Wuzhou has 4 million speakers. Nanjing Wu is unclassified. The various Wu languages have 85 million speakers. Within Hui, there are at least six separate languages (Hirata 1998). Actually, there are many more. Xidi, spoken in a village at the foot of Huangshan Mountain, is a separate language. Xidi is unintelligible even to villages a few miles away. Tunxi, Wuyuan and Xiuning are separate languages. The first two are spoken in Anhui, but Xiuning is spoken in Jiangxi Province. Within the Jingzhan Group of Hui, JingdeNingguo, Qimen, Chilingkou, (spoken in Chiling, Qimen County), Meixi Xiang, and Shitai are separate languages. Within Qimen County itself, Jixi, Dexing and Dongzhi are separate languages, the first spoken in Jiangxi and the second spoken in Anhui. In the Yanzhou Group of Hui, Jiande and which has 6 lects. Meixi, the Qimens, Chilingkou, Shitai, Ningguo and Jingde are members of the Jingzhan Group of Hui. Jingzhan has 12 lects, all of which are separate languages. Jixi, Hongmen and the Shexians are members of the Jishe Group of Hui. The Jishe Group has 6 lects . Dexing and Dongzhi are members of the Qide Group of Hui. The Qide Group has 5 lects. Xidi is unclassified. The various Hui languages have 3.2 million speakers . There are 34 different Hui lects, at least 24 of which are separate languages. There is a possibility that all Hui lects are separate languages, but that remains to be proven. Cantonese is a major language spoken in the south of China. They are said to be a mix between the Yue people and the Han. They have great pride in their speech which appears to be closer to ancient Chinese than Mandarin is. When Sun Yat-Sen was President of Republican China, a vote was held on which language to base Standard Chinese on. Cantonese only lost by one vote in favor of Mandarin. Some Cantonese activists denounce Mandarin as a pidgin language spoken Manchu and Mongol invaders glommed onto the Chinese of the people they conquered. Attempts to determine intelligibility through the use of complex lexical, tonal, grammatical and phonological formulae produce results that are excessively high in terms of percentage of intelligibility. A better method is presented in Szeto 2000, in which sentences in other lects are played to speakers of Lect A, and speakers of Lect A are asked to give the basic meaning of the sentences played to them. A sentence is recorded as correct if the basic meaning was ascertained. By this better method, Standard Cantonese has only 31. In contrast, the more complex method not relying on actual informants gives false positives. By this method, Cantonese has 54. Cantonese is traditionally said to have nine tones, but phonemically, there are only six tones, since the last three are just three of the first six with a voiceless stop consonant on the end. These are often called entering tones in traditional Chinese scholarship. Entering tones have disappeared from most Mandarin lects, probably about 800 years ago due to the influence of invading Mongols speaking Turkic languages, but are still present in Cantonese, Hakka and Min. The original entering tones of Middle Chinese have merged into one or the other or Mandarin’s four tones. Traditional Chinese tones or contour tones end in a vowel or a nasal. However, in Cantonese, the entering tone has retained its original short and sharp character from Middle Chinese, so in a sense, it has a different sound quality. Besides Standard Cantonese (the Guangzhou lect in the Yuehai Group), there is Siyi, or Sze Yup, a separate language. Siyi has 8 dialects, however, there are reports that there are intelligibility problems within the Siyi lects. In particular, Enping speakers cannot understand some other dialects. Therefore, Enping is a separate language. Kaiping, or Chikan, is not fully intelligible with Enping until they get used to each others’ sounds. Kaiping is so different from Taishan that it is hard to imagine how they can communicate well, though there is partial intelligibility. In Xinhui, there is a dialect called Hetang that is very divergent and has many strange features not found in other dialects. Doubtless it is less than fully intelligible with other Siyi lects. Actually, there seems to be many more than 8 dialects of Siyi. In Taishan County alone, there are 20 townships there may be a different lect in each one. For certain, there are at least three distinct dialects of Taishan, Taishan A, Taishan B and Taishan C. Even the lects in Taishan County can be quite different. However, all lects in Taishan County appear to be mutually intelligible. Xinhui is somewhat different from Taishan, but appears to be intelligible. Heshan is said to be intelligible with Xinhui and Taishan. Nevertheless, there are calls from Taishan speakers to split their lect off from the rest of Siyi. If Taishanese is unintelligible with the rest of Siyi, this would make sense, but that does not appear to be the case. 150 years ago, there was less, but still significant, difference between Siyi and Sanyi (Standard Cantonese), but Siyi was disparaged as a “hill dialect” of poor farmers, while Sanyi was elevated as the prestige lect of the cultured and cosmopolitan. This is why Sanyi became the Standard Cantonese lect. The Siyi incorporated this negative view into their self-image even to the point where they held overseas meetings meeting in Sanyi speech. There are 3.6 million speakers of Siyi. Vietnamese Cantonese is quite different from Standard Cantonese, but it is nevertheless intelligible with it. Malay Cantonese is also quite different from Standard Cantonese. Intelligibility data between Malay Cantonese and Standard Cantonese is not known. Both are dialects of Cantonese. Hong Kong is a dialect of Guangzhou. Foshan and Nanhai are Shunde and Zhongshan are intelligible with Standard Cantonese, but others disagree. This requires further study, as they are obviously close. However, both are said to at the same time be quite different from Standard Cantonese. Even within Yuehai, Panyu is said to be a separate language (Chan 1981). Namlong, a poorly understood lect from the Pearl River area, is also a separate language, or at least it was one in 1949. Whether it still exists is not certain, but speakers must still be alive. Yuehai itself has 31 separate lects. Danija, the Cantonese lect of the Tanka fisherpeople who live on boats off the coast of Guangdong, Guangxi and Hainan, may well be a Gashiau, is spoken by a group of fisherpeople related to the Danija. This language is related to Danija but apparently not intelligible with it. Maihua, a Cantonese lect spoken on Hainan, may well be a Nanning is a dialect of Cantonese, easily understandable by a Standard Cantonese speaker. However, Lizhou is a separate language, with difficult intelligibility with Standard Cantonese. Dongguan and Zhanjiang (evidence), are separate languages. Shiqi, spoken in Guangxi, is a separate language. Speakers of Standard Cantonese Huazhou is a very divergent Cantonese lect that is very hard even for other Cantonese speakers to understand. It is surely a separate language (evidence here and here). Maoming is an extremely diverse Cantonese lect that must also be a separate language. Beihai and Hepu are reported to be very different, but intelligibility data is not known, nor is it known to what extent these two lects differ from other Cantonese. But the Quinlian Group of which they are members must surely be a separate language. One division holds that the Standard Cantonese (Guangzhou), Siyi, Zhongshan, Gaoyang and Guangfu groups are mutually unintelligible groups. The Goulou Group of Cantonese appears to be a Taishanese (includes Taishan A, Taishan B and Taishan C), along with Heshan, Jiangmen, Siqian, Doumen, Xinhui, Enping and Kaiping. Nanning is in the Yongxun Group of Cantonese, which has 12 lects. Zhanjiang and Maoming are members of the Gaoyang Group of Cantonese, which has 10 lects. Gaoyang has 5.4 million speakers. Dongguan, Shunde, Foshan, Zhongshan, Nanhai, Panyu and Hong Kong are members of the Guangfu Group of Cantonese, which has 31 lects. Guangfu has 13 million speakers. Shiqi is a member of the Zhongshan Group of Cantonese , which contains at least 3 lects. Huazhou is a member of the Wuhua Group of Cantonese, which has 2 lects. Beihai and Hepu are members of the Quinlian Group of Cantonese, which has 6 lects. Namlong is unclassified. There are 100 lects of Cantonese, and Cantonese has 64 million speakers. Pinghua, now recognized as a major split off from Cantonese, is composed of Guinan and Guibei, which are separate languages. The Guibei lects are 22 lects, and Guibei has 8 lects . There is one Pinghua lect that is unclassified. Pinghua has 31 separate lects. Ping has 26 separate lects. In addition to Tuhua Proper, the best known of the Tuhua lects is Shaozhou, referred to here as Shaozhou Proper. Shaozhou is said to be very different from other Chinese lects. Shaozhou itself consists of many different lects which are often strikingly different from the others. Some say that Shaozhou is a branch of Min Nan, while others say it is related to Hakka. In Lechang prefecture, there are five separate languages, Lechang Tuhua 1, Lechang Tuhua 2, Lechang Tuhua 3, Lechang Tuhua 4 and Lechang Tuhua 5, which are not fully intelligible with each other. Additionally, many Tuhua lects are starting to splinter recently as influences from Hakka, Cantonese and Southwest Mandarin begin to affect the younger speakers such that the language of the youngest speakers is quite a bit different from the language of the older speakers. One of the Shaozhou Tuhua lects, Xianghua, said to be an unclassified Chinese lect, is actually a branch of Tuhua that contains 6 lects of its own. Xianghua is a Jiahe Tuhua is a completely separate language, Jiangyong Tuhua is divided into two mutually unintelligible languagesNorth Jiangyong Tuhua and South Jiangyong Tuhua (Leming 2004). It is spoken in the basis for the famous nishu, “women’s script”, a secret language of women, originating from the Shangjiangxu (Xiao River) region of northeastern Jiangyong County in Hunan Province, of which much has been written lately. Also in Hunan, in Guiyang County, another Tuhua language is spoken – Guiyang Tuhua. This is apparently a separate language, and the northern and southern variants are so Danzou is a separate language. Danzou is spoken in the northwest of Hainan, and Hainanese speakers cannot understand it. It is either related to the language spoken by the Lingao or is the same language. Yet the Danzou people speak 9 different lects, including lects described as Hakka, others described as Cantonese and others described as Mandarin. Maojiahua is a form of Chinese spoken by 20,000 Hmong in southwest of Hunan, in the northeast of Guangxi and in some areas of Hubei. It is a separate language already recognized by Ethnologue, but is incorrectly lumped in with the Hmong languages by them. Linghua is an unclassified Chinese lect spoken in Yongzhou in Hunan. Linghua is a separate language. It is apparently the same as the Yongzhou Tuhua dialect. However, the Yongzhou Tuhua language has Kim Mun, incorrectly classed as an unclassified Chinese lect, is actually one of the Mien languages. It is not a Sinitic language. Wutun, or Wutunhua, is a Chinese-Mongolian-Tibetan mixed language spoken by 2,000 Tu in Qinghai Province. Whether it is a form of Chinese is controversial. Until it is proven to be Sinitic, we will not list it here.


Ben Hamed, Mahe´. 2005. Problems in Comparative Chinese Dialectology. The Classification of Miin and Hakka. Berlin: Walter de Gruyter. Branner, David. 2008. Personal communication. Campbell, Hilary. 2004. Chinese Grammar – Synchronic and Diachronic Perspectives. Oxford, UK: Oxford University Press. Campbell, James Michael. Putonghua and Taiwanese Min Nan speaker. Taipei, Taiwan. January 2009. Personal communication. Campbell, James Michael. Putonghua and Taiwanese Min Nan speaker. Taipei, Taiwan. April 2009. Personal communication. 曹志耘 (Cao, Zhiyun). 2002. 南部吴语语音研究 (Southern Wu Phonology Research). Beijing: Commercial Press (In Chinese). Chan, Marjorie K.M., Lee, Douglas W. 1981. Chinatown Chinese: A Linguistic and Historical Re-evaluation. Amerasia Journal, Volume 8, Number 1. Cheng, Chin-Chuan. 1997. Measuring Relationship Among Dialects: DOC and Related Resources. Computational Linguistics & Chinese Language Processing 2.1:41-72. Cheng, Chin-Chuan. 1998. Language Attitudes and Ideologies In Shanghai, China. MA Thesis. Columbus, OH: Ohio State University. Hirata, Shoji. 1998. Aspect: A General System and its Manifestation in Mandarin Chinese. Taipei: Student Book Company. Johnson, Eric. 2010. SIL Electronic Survey Reports 2010-027. A Sociolinguistic Introduction to the Central Taic languages of Wenshan Prefecture, China. Dallas, Texas: SIL. Lee, Kent A. 2002. Chinese Tone Sandhi and Prosody. MA Thesis. Urbana, IL: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. Lien, Chinfa. August 17-19, 1998. Denasalization, Vocalic Nasalization and Related Issues in Southern Min: A Dialectal and Comparative Perspective. International Symposium on Linguistic Change and the Chinese Dialects Dedicated to the Memory of the Late Professor Li Fang-kuei in Seattle Washington. Liming, Zhao. The Women’s Script of Jiangyong: An Invention of Chinese, Chapter 4. In Tao, Jie, Zheng, Bijun, Mow, Shirley L., editors. 2004. Holding Up Half the Sky: Chinese Women Past, Present, and Future. New York: Feminist Press at the City University of New York. Mair, Victor H. 1991. What Is a Chinese ‘Dialect/Topolect’? Sino-Platonic Papers:29 McKeown, Adam. 2001. Chinese Migrant Networks and Cultural Change: Peru, Chicago, Hawaii, 1900-1936. Chicago, IL: University of Chicago Press. Ngù, George. Eastern Min speaker. 2009. Personal communication. Olson, James Stuart. 1998. An Ethnohistorical Dictionary of China. Westport, CN: Greenwood Publishing Group. Rickard, Kristine. 2006. A Linguistic-phonetic Description of Lanqi Citation Tones. Proceedings of the 11th Australian International Conference on Speech Science & Technology, pp. 349-353. Edited by Paul Warren & Catherine I. Watson. University of Auckland, New Zealand. December 6-8, 2006. Auckland, NZ: Australian Speech Science & Technology Association Inc. Szeto, Cecilia .2000. Testing intelligibility among Sinitic dialects. Proceedings of ALS2K, the 2000 Conference of the Australian Linguistic Society. Thurgood, Graham. 2006. Sociolinguistics and Contact-induced Language Change: Hainan Cham, Anong, and Phan Rang Cham.‭ Tenth International Conference on Austronesian Linguistics, 17-20 January 2006, Palawan, Philippines. Linguistic Society of the Philippines and SIL International. Xun, Gong. Sichuan Mandarin and Putonghua speaker. Deyang, Sichuan, China. Personal communication. September 2009. Zheng, Rongbin. 2008. The Zhongxian Min Dialect: A Preliminary Study of Language Contact and Stratum-Formation, pp. 517-526. Edited by Chan, Marjorie K.M. and Kang, Hana. Proceedings of the 20th North American Conference on Chinese Linguistics (NACCL-20). Volume 1. Columbus, Ohio: The Ohio State University.

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Santa Claus Goes Postal

I was wondering when he’d snap. Long hours, horrible weather, uncooperative ungulates, bratty little midgets running underfoot causing nothing but problems, overflowing mailbox, plus, I hear he’s developed high cholesterol, high blood pressure and diabetes from long-term obesity. On top of all of that, his damn wife left him. He knows if you’ve been bad or good, so be good for goodness’ sake. Well, the bitch had been bad, so just for that, Santa was gonna give her a Christmas to end all Christmases. Santa showed up at the door of the party with a huge present. A little girl opened the door. About 100 billion little girls had sat on his lap already, he’d had plenty enough of them, and here was one more, dammit. He pulled out a .45 and shot her dead, then opened fire on the rest of the party. Santa Claus is coming to town, motherfuckers! Surprise party! Ha! That’s one Christmas gift they’ll never forget. Then he opened the Christmas box, pulled out some flammable lighter thing and torched the place in order to cure his North Pole frostbite once and for all. The place got too hot for Santa, so he waddled out of the burning home and headed for his brother’s place.

Bruce Jeffrey Pardo, Santa Claus Killer
Bruce Jeffrey Pardo, Santa Claus Killer
First we have Suicide Performance Art, with emo fools killing themselves in front of cheering audiences on the Internet. It was a matter of time before Homicide Performance Art would appear on the scene. The Santa Claus Killer, Bruce Pardo, 45, of Covina, California, will go down in history as one of the first Homicide Performance Artists. At his first and final performance on Christmas Day 2008, Pardo shot eight people dead, then killed himself to end the show. The audience didn’t even know what hit them. The early Surrealists had few limits, but I suspect this may even have been a bit too much for Man Ray. Once there, the reality of his deed burned on Santa’s conscience. All of those years of all of those millions of kids showering him with love, and him raining presents on their sweet little noggins in return, all of the Christmas carol tributes, all the ho ho ho’s and Merrry merrry, all gone, gone for good. Blown away with a .45 and a head full of the rage of abandonment by Mrs. Santa, the only woman who ever truly loved and understood him. No one would ever be able to dress in a Santa suit again. That could only be the cruelest of jokes. And worst of all, eight dead people, who had been told all their lives that Santa was the biggest of lies, only to find out that Santa was as real as real gets. The enormity of it all. Weighing in, an albatross, a dead seabird as heavy as the Rock of Gibraltar. There was only one thing left to do. Shoot. He put the gun to his mouth and pressed the trigger and the Santa myth was blown away forever in a moment of blood, guts and horror. Merry Christmas everyone.

Statement on Radical Nationalism

This is the first post on my new site!

We don’t like any kind of radical nationalists, ultranationalists or Far Rightist nationalists here at Robert Lindsay. We don’t like real German Nazis, Jewish Nazis (Zionists), Indian Nazis (Hindutvas – Indian nationalists), Islamo Nazis (global jihadists), Arab Nazis (Arab nationalists), Serb Nazis (Milosevic Chetniks), Turk Nazis (Kemalists), Croat Nazis (Ustashe Tudjmanists), Italian Nazis (Mussolinist fascists), Spanish Nazis (Francoists), Indonesian Nazis (Suhartoists), Russian Nazis, Sri Lankan Nazis (Sinhalists), Ukrainian Nazis (Banderists), North Italian Nazis (Pandanianists), Romanian Nazis (Iron Cross), Estonian Nazis (Estonian Nationalists) or Chinese Nazis (Chinese nationalists). Unfortunately, there are also seem to be folks who act like Albanian Nazis (Kosovars), Kurdish Nazis (In the new Kurdish Zone in Iraq, everyone who is not a Kurdish Sunni Muslim has been attacked, overtly discriminated against, jailed or even killed.), etc., but I don’t want to go overboard with this analogy, and I’ve already piled up a Mount Everest of enemies here as it is. The sad cases of the Kosovars and the South Kurdistanis show that emancipatory or progressive nationalism can quickly morph into the Nazi-fascist oppressive nation-building type just as soon as the national revolutionaries grab themselves something looking like a state. I usually don’t support killing people, but if you’re going to kill anyone, you might as well kill people like this. I can’t put into words the amount of hatred I feel for radical nationalism. It’s completely opposed to everything the Left stands for. Progressive nationalism should be distinguished from nation-building, national consolidation, integrationist, fascist national chauvinism. Progressive nationalism, ideally, is about liberation and emancipation. This is why we support separatist movements all over the world. Progressive nationalism supports the emancipation of all cultures, peoples and languages, and their further support and development, if they so wish. This could go so far as cultural and linguistic autonomy to varying degrees. The main point is nations controlling and to one degree or another ruling their own affairs and preserving their cultures and tongues. Rightwing nationalism refuses to allow for the emancipation and liberation of nations within the state. All nations, tongues and cultures within the state are smashed together into one nation, the nation of the nation-state, assuming they are not destroyed altogether. I can’t think of anything more anti-progressive than forcing people to be part of your state who want no part of it. In what way can this possibly be construed as a progressive value? It’s almost the same as kidnapping on a personal level. You’re forcing someone to stay in a house or room at gunpoint when they want to leave. White nationalists in the comments have suggested that I am referring to them in this post.  I am not! You guys are going to have to think real hard now. Ethnic nationalists are not the same as ultranationalists and national chauvinists who are actually running huge states with vast armies, preaching Greater Whatever, threatening and attacking their neighbors, repressing and killing minorities within the borders of their state, etc. Now Nazis are another matter, but they don’t have a state either, so at the moment, they are pretty harmless too. All of the characters I have listed above have been killing people for a long time. US Nazis haven’t. But yeah, I do support killing real Nazis – the kind that model themselves on the German variety – anywhere on Earth they infest. Why? Because they deserve it, because I bet it’s fun, and just because. Please try to understand the difference between a White nationalist and a Nazi! Not necessarily the same thing, guys. Some White nationalists are Nazis, and others are not. Put on the thinking cap.