Game/PUA: Even Normal Sex Is a Bit BD/SM, I Have to Admit

Referring to this post, :

Jason writes: Women shouldn’t like this stuff. Nonetheless, they always have a desire for men who aren’t “too nice”. In that case, it’s advised to play “hard to get” a lot. Well, the other option is actually becoming a sadist – lol.

You know how many women, especially young women aged 18-20, have dumped me recently for being too nice to them? A number of them did.

They literally wanted to be treated like crap and not just in bed but outside of it too. I don’t mind rough sex and I can be pretty dominant and dom a woman pretty hard. I’m just really aggressive with them. But it’s all just a big game. When it’s over, I love or like her as much as ever. I love women. I like them far more than men. I like and love the women I am with. I don’t want to hate them and treat them like crap. If I like or love her, why do I want to hate her? It’s perverse and bizarre. If you like or love people, you don’t’ abuse them and treat them like crap.

You know how many women literally want to be with a man who hates them and treats them like crap? A lot! Could be up to 1/3.

Forget that. And like I said, I don’t mind rough sex at all. It’s just I can’t take it all the way into the hardcore BD/SM stuff because that scene is literally the ultimate in sicko stuff. All the men are sick and evil, and all the women are hopeless, pathetic, have low self-esteem, and absolutely hate themselves. There’s no way you can have any kind of love or even “like” in a relationship like that.

Sure, maybe the woman gets hooked into the guy and worships him. But he feels nothing but contempt for her. And most of them take it to 24/7 total power exchange Dom/Sub stuff, which to me is totally sick and weird.

What I have heard is that all women coming out of these relationships after 5+ years seem to have been harmed. The damage to them looks exactly like the damage to a battered women, and a lot of them Stockholm their doms just like battered women Stockholm their abusers. The relationships themselves look exactly like a classic abusive relationship, except the women like it! It’s a consensual abusive relationship.

If you’re into this stuff as a woman, number one, you’re sick, and number two, you’re crazy.

For the men, number one, you’re sick, and number two, you’re evil.

The guys are not that screwed up. They’re just assholes. A lot of men love being assholes. Look how many men are abusive in their relationships and with their kids.

Men are naturally sadistic at least a bit, and women are naturally masochistic at least a bit. Think of the sex act itself. Of course you can do a lot of sex acts in a very slow, tender, sweet, kind, and loving way, but that’s not how it goes a lot of the time.

A lot of the time, he’s being a bit sadistic and she’s being a bit masochistic. He’s pounding away at her in an aggressive or even violent way, and she’s just laying there while some maniac  pounds away at her insides. That’s degrading right there!

In that sense, think a lot of even normal sex is degrading to women. It almost has to be. That’s why so many women like this sort of thing. Not only do most women want to be dominated in bed, but you would be shocked at how many women love gross disgusting, degrading and humiliating sex acts and behavior. I admit I do name-calling. And those are degrading terms that I use with them.

Many women react to degradation, humiliation, and grossness by going absolutely insane horny out of their minds, multi-orgasmic, cum drunk, in another world, forget their own names, won’t remember 90% of it, and are so horny they will do just about anything, you name it.

Of course there are women who dislike this type of sex. I’ve met them.

But there a lot of others who do not! Man, you have no idea. If we are talking about women who like degrading and humiliating name-calling and disgusting behavior and therefore consequently liking being degraded and humiliated to some extent per se, then you would be literally blown away by how many women love to be treated like that.

From 18 year old girls to 52 year women, that’s my experience. I didn’t meet that many JB’s like this when I was young enough to be having sex with them from 16-21, so I don’t know how common this is in 13-17 year old girls, who are absolutely sexual beings in the full sense that any woman is. Anyway, I was way too vanilla back then. But even way back then, a lot of the girls acted like a wild animal in a cage.

But grown women? Hell yeah. From waitresses to heiresses, so many of them love it, though I’ve never been with an heiress yet.

Problem is once you give men permission to act sadistically in bed, a lot of them are going to love it and take that ball and run as far as they can with it. And maybe get carried away. I would advise women to not encourage this behavior in their men too much. You’re playing with a lit firecracker.

With this sort of behavior, as the sadism increases, so does the excitement in the male. It’s almost a blood lust, probably genetic. But who knows how nutty he’ll get? I think a fair amount of these women murdered in bed by their partners or dates are a consequence of letting this sort of sex get out of control. The guy may have not even set out to kill her. He just got wrapped up in the moment, kept getting more excited and consequently sadistic in a feedback loop and lost control of himself.

Have you heard of predators that go into a “killing frenzy?” Bobcats can do it. My neighbor told me once that a friend of his raised ducks. There was a huge commotion one night. He didn’t know what it was but he didn’t check. He got up early. At 6 AM, there was a bobcat sleeping in his duck pen and 19 dead ducks. The bobcat hardly ate any of them. He just went into a “killing frenzy.” Large pet dogs can do it too, especially to chickens and ducks. They don’t even eat them. They just kill them. And tear them apart too.

This exact same mechanism you see in the bobcat can happen to us men if we don’t watch this sadistic part ourselves from boyhood like a hawk if and when you let it out to play. You better keep him on a tight leash.

I sure as Hell do. You don’t even want know what my inner maniac wants to do or at least what I think it wants to do because I think it mostly operates subconsciously. But he’s been locked up in a cage deep inside me for most of my adulthood. And that’s where he’s staying! I have done much harm to innocent people in my life as a result. I will get into a fight if you hit me. I killed a man, or at least I tried to kill him once at age 17.

That makes me sound like a maniac, but you must understand that he and his psycho friends were trying to kill my friend and I. Sometimes in life it comes down to kill or be killed. And you better choose kill. You try to kill, injure the person so badly they can’t get up and chase you, or knock him out cold. And then you flee as fast as you can. If you don’t disable the guy, permanently or temporarily, he’s liable to chase you. And a lot of people can run faster than you do.

I’ve already had 3-4 men try to murder me so far in life, and I’m not even a wild person. But I have a wild side, I love parties and nightclubs and even dangerous scenes. Men are simply dangerous as Hell. Women go on and on about men killing women. Fine.

But 80% of the people men kill are other men. Women get off easy. Most of us men have been in serious fights with other men. Some men were beat up regularly as boys. Many others have been victims of violent crime as adults. I know I was a victim of a serious violent crime once. I was kidnapped (a hitchhiker took control of my car), threatened with death, beaten, had beer thrown at me, and sexually assaulted (Well, he grabbed my penis). He also threw my car into reverse when it was going 55 mph. I somehow got him out of my car but even then he was pounding at the windows trying to get back in. I never even went to the police.

I was a serious mental wreck for about three weeks. I was a student teacher at the time. Then it just went away and I haven’t felt much about it since. God knows how it’s effected me subconsciously though. But we men tend to get over things. Maybe too fast. How? We bury it. Suppress it or better yet repress it. Most men are dormant volcanoes due to all the bad feelings of terror and rage they’ve been stuffing away their whole lives.

This sexual sadism is dangerous stuff if you are a man. I’d advise extreme caution. You’re playing with fire. If you don’t put a leash on this sort of thing, you can end up with an injured or even dead woman, or a serious legal problem, arrest, possible jail or prison, and a lifetime of guilt.

We, especially we men, need to control our lusts. Sexual lusts, avarice, blood lusts, lusts for drugs and food, all of them. We are wired to be gluttons, but gluttony doesn’t work. It tends to be a short trip to a grave. Life is about, possibly more than anything else, controlling that damned wild animal, that predatory mammal, that raging terrified beast, inside of us.

The Sexual Sadist

In the Delphi Murders case, one of the early suspects who has since been completely cleared was rumored to like to drink and beat women when he had sex with them. Reportedly he beat one woman so badly that she had to go to the hospital. In the Karenna McClerkin disappearance in the same area of Indiana, one of the suspects is a Black firefighter who reportedly likes to beat his women when he has sex with them.

Although this behavior sounds horrific, it’s more common than one thinks. And even more bizarrely, there a quite a few women who actually like to get treated like this. Yep, they actually like guys to beat them up when they have sex with them. I’d like to avoid women like this as much as I can in life, although I once had a girlfriend like this who wanted me to inflict pain on her, like squeezing her nipples very hard. It didn’t do anything for me and I didn’t understand how this was supposed to be exciting. It just seemed sick to me.

Of course all of us men have a sadist buried inside of us from boyhood days. Not a sexual sadist because boys have no sex drive but a sadist, of course. It’s the natural state of the Boy in Nature. Nevertheless part of the process of honing a steel boy from the brittle iron of primitive mammalian boyhood via the fire of the cruel bootcamp that is involved in minting boys from men is to progressively stomp out this primitive mammalian sadist in the boy. It gets drummed into our heads as we move through boyhood more and more that this sort of thing is not acceptable in a man.

Young men still have a lot of sadism in them. This is part of the reason why they’re such assholes, and I say this as a former ill-behaved young man myself. As a man moves beyond 30, even this casual sort of social sadism, often written out as a male bonding practice via ribbing, teasing, etc. becomes increasingly “uncool.” At my age, late middle age, you’re just not supposed to act like this. Ever. With any man. No matter what. It seen as “uncool” and immature behavior.

Besides, it marks you as a huge dick. Feminists think we are monsters and a lot of red-pilled men agree with them. This isn’t really true but in the redpilled areas of the Manosphere range where the more toxic forms of masculinity play, you see quite a bit of it there tool. I find it ugly. I don’t like to fight with guys. I don’t even like to compete with them. I’m a Sigma Male. I don’t even have to compete. I look out and other men and think, “Competition? You call that competition LOL?” and never think of it anymore.

Anyway, the feminists need to know that it’s perfectly acceptable to be a real nice guy even in Man World, the world of masculine heterosexual men. You don’t have to be a dick. Honest.

Back to sexual sadism. Sadly there are probably lots of guys who like to beat and hurt women during sex, and just because some guy is screwed up like that doesn’t make him a murderer. And most guys like that probably never kill. They can definitely hurt women pretty badly though, that’s for sure.

The problem is it’s a bit hard to beat someone up “just a little bit.” Once you start beating people up, it tends to get out of hand pretty quickly.

Also this type, the sexual sadist, tends to get more excited as he hurts people, and hence he might feel his behavior escalating during the act. The disorder called sexual sadism tends to worsen with time, and it’s not unusual for these people, almost always men, to show up in therapist’s offices as their sexual sadism escalates concerned that the last time they did it they felt themselves escalating and had to stop themselves. They show up afraid they may kill someone next.

This disorder, like many mental disorders (at least to a point), tends to be progressive and worsen with time, at least without treatment. I’m not sure why that is but if I’ve learned one thing in life it’s that bad things tend to worsen, not get better, over time. Whether this is due to life sucking in general, Pynchonian entropy, the Spenglerian life process itself, or simply God being a Sadean sonofabitch is not known.

I recall a woman on the Net had some sick fetish where she wanted men to pretend to murder her during sex. So she had this sort of sex with ~10 different guys, and she said in a lot of the cases, the men got more and more excited as it escalated, and a number of the men said they had to stop themselves or they would have killed her.

These men may not have ever been full-blown sexual sadists. It’s simply true that sadistic violence tends to cause excitement in the male as the violence unfolds. As the excitement goes up, so does the violence in tandem. The end result can be seen in the crime pages of big papers every morning. You remember that feeling as a boy when you got more excited as your psychological or physical sadism progressed against your victim.

This type of sexual paraphilia is rather dangerous. Most never kill but it’s like handing someone a stick of dynamite and telling them to play with it.

A lot of people like to play around the edges with this sort of thing in sex, but they’re not seriously wrapped up in it as in the BD/SM lifestyle, which I regard as completely sick in its full-blown manifestation.

As long as it’s just a game that confines itself to the bedroom, it’s seems to be ok.

But in my opinion most serious sexual sadists and even sexual masochists are not very healthy people, and I’ve been studying this from a rather appalled distance for some time now. Women who come out of relationships with sexual sadists often appear damaged, and the damage often looks like a battered woman. The relationships themselves, when viewed from a distance, look precisely like the abusive male-female relationships you hear so much about, albeit in these cases, these precisely same relationships are completely consensual on the part of the woman.

It’s always consensual on the man’s part. He’s the one dishing it out after all. Most people who dish out abuse are quite happy to do so and guilt is not commonly experienced because the man most likely to feel guilt is the least likely to be abusive. As usual, the worst men feel the best and the best men feel the worse, and this applies to women too.

I’m not sure if there’s any safe or healthy way to do this crap. And in case you’re wondering, not that it matters, but this is not exactly my bag. I like to like and love the women I’m with, not hate them. But I’ve studied serial killers forever and this is a major part of their pathology. Also I work in mental health and a lot of the people I work with are dealing with antisocial thoughts – molesting children, committing homicide, etc. I specialize in this stuff.

Game/PUA: Our Ancestors Were Raping, Murdering Sex Slavers and Women’s Ancestors were Masochistic Sex Slaves Who Loved Sadistic, Evil Men

In a lot of cultures, no one particularly cares what postmenopausal women do. They are often allowed to drink and take drugs, while this may have been banned earlier for obvious reasons.

And perhaps the sexual prohibitions come off because once a woman can’t have kids anymore, who the Hell cares what she does sexually, right? Control of female sexuality is all wrapped up in paternity and childbearing. Briefly, you always know who your mother is. Not so with your Dad! Your Mom might be pointing the finger at the wrong guy. Men are loath for obvious reasons to invest time and money taking care of some other guy’s kid, so they really want to make sure the baby is theirs. Hence the strict controls over female sexuality in post-hunter-gatherer societies.

Incidentally, a man who is with a woman who has a child by another man is ~70 times more likely (!) to kill the kid  than if the kid was his. Typical situation is man hooks up with woman who has a kid by another guy. Then he kills the kid. You’ve got to think there’s some caveman logic working there.

Male mountain lions and possibly grizzly bears will often kill any kittens a female lion or bear had with another male. The female goes along with this – just lets him murder her kids and then hooks up with him for sex and babies. I guess something similar may have happened in caveman days. You wonder why women love serial killers so much?

Furthermore, we evolved in brutal times. Many times in tribal warfare the conquering tribe would kill many if not all of the men and teenage boys of the other tribe. Then they would enslave all the women and children. So the women would all become sex slaves of some maniac who just murdered their husbands and  son(s). Women apparently just went along, though you wonder how they could. Perhaps many women could not tolerate this and escaped or suicided out to avoid the situation. Here we come to our selection.

The women who remained and had kids were ones who could tolerate some maniac coming along, murdering her husband and her son(s), and then turning her into a sex slave for life. If you want to know why so many women are attracted to BD/SM dom/sub sex slavery and being owned by a “master,” this may be why. It’s a mystery to me and I think the whole thing is sick.

But some sort of masochism or even love of degradation seems to be inherent in the female sex drive. There are women who hate this sort of thing, but I can’t tell you how many women I’ve met who expected or demanded this sort of treatment. Of course I take requests, so it was no big deal. Not into hurting them physically though, and you’d be shocked to know how many of them request or demand even this. Spanking is fine (and you’d be shocked at how many women love this) but beyond that, yuck.

So the women who survived were ok with murdering sex slavers and the men who survived (remember, the defeated men got murdered) were not only serial murderers but were willing to murder women’s husbands and kids by other men (sort of like lions and bears) and sexually enslave her and enslave her kids. Not very nice guys. So we men are descended from sadistic, raping, murdering, enslaving, sexual psychopaths and women are descended from masochistic sex slaves who love murderers, rapists, slavers, sex slavers, and sexual psychopaths.

If you know much about that BD/SM scene, it is overflowing with male “doms’ who proudly describe themselves as sadists. Of course they are sexual sadists, but many men are a bit, no? But it’s beyond that. They’re just sadists period because once you get into the “dom owns her as a slave” thing, it’s 24-7, which almost all of this scene is. It’s almost all 24-7 dom/sub, master/slave nonsense.

Well, the number of men who leap at the possibility of being sadistic sexual maniacs with willing women is shocking, and it’s enough to turn you off to the male gender. I’ve been studying these relationships for some time. The males are, well…a lot are more pleasant than you think, but the women…they seem like battered women.

They almost all have terribly low self-esteem. In fact, these sadistic men deliberately seek out women with low self esteem as easy prey. If they’ve been raped or molested before, this makes them easy targets, as apparently this sets them up for further abuse because women tend to sexualize everything.

A dirty little secret. Women sexualize their abuse. Women who got molested often…yep, end up sexualizing the sexual abuse. They turn it into something that turns them on. Further, women who get raped…you guessed it. It’s not PC to say so, but a lot of women got aroused during the rape and orgasm is not uncommon. That doesn’t mean it’s right or she wanted it, but our bodies are reactive organisms.

And after women have been raped, I hate to say it, but many of them sexualize the rape and start wanting very rapey-type sex. And they incorporate the rape into their masturbation repertoire. That’s not PC either but I’ve seen it happen so many times that I know it’s true. It’s weird, but women are weird. And there is nothing weirder than female sexuality. It’s a mystery wrapped in an enigma.

If you study these SM/BD relationships, it looks exactly like an abusive relationship. Precisely. Down to the letter. So BD/SM is simply an abusive relationship. However, it is a consensual one.

So a lot of men are apparently more than willing to get into a relationship where they can abuse the woman like Hell and not only get away with it but have her enjoy it. And a lot of women apparently really enjoy the battered woman role. The former statement may not be controversial but the latter is surely not PC. Nevertheless, it looks like it might be true. Not that woman abusers are good men. And not that battered women who don’t like it don’t deserve our sympathy. But as is common, things are more complex than they seem.

Furthermore, I know people who study these relationships and they say that all women who come out of these relationships are damaged. And the damage looks exactly like…yep. What a battered woman or a woman in an abusive relationship looks like. So this crap isn’t as innocent as everyone thinks.

Choking Women Out Is a Bad Idea

Interesting piece from a BD/SM enthusiast who is also a medical professional. You see guys choking out women all over porn these days. And on PUA sites, a lot of guys like Roosh are really into choking women out when they have sex with them. I must say that this is completely sick. Why would I want to choke out the woman I am screwing?  Maybe if I wanted to fantasize being a serial killer? Anyone who does this obviously is fantasizing about being a murderer or a rapist. I don’t feel like pretending to be Ted Bundy when I am in bed with a woman.
Not only is it sick, but it’s also dangerous. You can kill a person or give them a heart attack at any time. And there are a lot of other injuries that can and do occur also. I have heard that a number of women in porn are getting TIA’s from getting choked out all the time on porn sets. Those are Transient Ischemic Attacks. They are like mini-strokes. The thing is, if you have enough of these as a young person, you may damage your brain and make a real stroke more likely when you get older.
These choking fetish is insane. Don’t choke out your partner! Ever!
Former ambulance medic, former law school professor, expert witness on BD/SM matters, Jay Wiseman has over 35 years of experience in BD/SM and was one of the early pioneers and builders of the BD/SM community in the San Francisco area.
He continues to be heavily involved, both in his local area and nationally, as an S/M author, educator, mentor, workshop leader, video producer, expert witness, and activist. Noted for being both an exceptionally knowledgeable and highly entertaining presenter, he is very much in demand and has given hundreds of presentations on various aspects of health, relationships, and sexuality in more than 70 cities in the United States and Canada. In 2007, Black Rose presented him with the Vaughn Keith National BD/SM Educator Award.

The Medical Realities of Breath Control Play

For some time now, I have felt that the practices of suffocation and/or strangulation done in an erotic context (generically known as breath control play; more properly known as asphyxiophilia) were in fact far more dangerous than they are generally perceived to be.
As a person with years of medical education and experience, I know of no way whatsoever that either suffocation or strangulation can be done in a way that does not intrinsically put the recipient at risk of cardiac arrest (There are also numerous additional risks; more on them later.)
Furthermore, and my biggest concern, I know of no reliable way to determine when such a cardiac arrest has become imminent.
Often the first detectable sign that an arrest is approaching is the arrest itself. Furthermore, if the recipient does arrest, the probability of resuscitating them, even with optimal CPR, is distinctly small. Thus the recipient is dead and their partner, if any, is in a very perilous legal situation. The authorities could consider such deaths first-degree murders until proven otherwise, with the burden of such proof being on the defendant. There are also the real and major concerns of the surviving partner’s own life-long remorse to having caused such a death, and the trauma to the friends and family members of both parties.
Some breath control fans say that what they do is acceptably safe because they do not take what they do up to the point of unconsciousness. I find this statement worrisome for two reasons:
(1) You can’t really know when a person is about to go unconscious until they actually do so, thus it’s extremely difficult to know where the actual point of unconsciousness is until you actually reach it.
(2) More importantly, unconsciousness is a symptom, not a condition in and of itself. It has numerous underlying causes ranging from simple fainting to cardiac arrest, and which of these will cause the unconsciousness cannot be known in advance.
I have discussed my concerns regarding breath control with well over a dozen S/M-positive physicians, and with numerous other S/M-positive health professionals, and all share my concerns. We have discussed how breath control might be done in a way that is not life-threatening, and come up blank. We have discussed how the risk might be significantly reduced, and come up blank. We have discussed how it might be determined that an arrest is imminent and come up blank.
Indeed, so far not one (repeat, not one) single physician, nurse, paramedic, chiropractor, physiologist, or other person with substantial training in how a human body works has been willing to step forth and teach a form of breath control play that they are willing to assert is acceptably safe — i.e., does not put the recipient at imminent, unpredictable risk of dying. I believe this fact makes a major statement.
Other “edge play” topics such as suspension bondage, electricity play, cutting, piercing, branding, enemas, water sports, and scat play can and have been taught with reasonable safety, but not breath control play. Indeed, it seems that the more somebody knows about how a human body works, the more likely they are to caution people about how dangerous breath control is, and about how little can be done to reduce the degree of risk.
In many ways, oxygen is to the human body and particularly to the heart and brain what oil is to a car’s engine. Indeed, there’s a medical adage that goes “hypoxia (becoming dangerously low on oxygen) not only stops the motor, but also wrecks the engine.” Therefore, asking how one can play safely with breath control is very similar to asking how one can drive a car safely while draining it of oil.
Some people tell the “mechanics” something like, “Well, I’m going to drain my car of oil anyway, and I’m not going to keep track of how low the oil level is getting while I’m driving my car, so tell me how to do this with as much safety as possible.” (They may even add something like “Hey, I always shut the engine off before it catches fire.”) They then get frustrated when the mechanics scratch their heads and say that they don’t know. They may even label such mechanics as “anti-education.”
A bit about my background may help explain my concerns. I was an ambulance crewman for over eight years. I attended medical school for three years, and passed my four-year boards, but then then ran out of money. I am a former member of the American Academy of Family Physicians and a former American Heart Association instructor in Advanced Cardiac Life Support. I have an extensive martial arts background that includes a first-degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do. My martial arts training included several months of judo that involved both my choking and being choked.
I have been an instructor in first aid, CPR, and various advanced emergency care techniques for over sixteen years. My students have included physicians, nurses, paramedics, police officers, fire fighters, wilderness emergency personnel, martial artists, and large numbers of ordinary citizens. I currently offer both basic and advanced first aid and CPR training to the S/M community.
During my ambulance days, I responded to at least one call involving the death of a young teenage boy who died from autoerotic strangulation, and to several other calls where this was suspected but could not be confirmed. Family members often “sanitize” such scenes before calling 911.
Additionally, I personally know two members of my local S/M community who went to prison after their partners died during breath control play. The primary danger of suffocation play is that it is not a condition that gets worse over time (regarding the heart, anyway, it does get worse over time regarding the brain). Rather, what happens is that the more the play is prolonged, the greater the odds that a cardiac arrest will occur. Sometimes even one minute of suffocation can cause this; other times even less.

Quick pathophysiology lesson # 1

When the heart gets low on oxygen, it starts to fire off “extra” pacemaker sites. These usually appear in the ventricles and are thus called premature ventricular contractions — PVC’s for short. If a PVC happens to fire off during the electrical repolarization phase of cardiac contraction (the dreaded “PVC on T” phenomenon, also sometimes called “R on T”) it can kick the heart over into ventricular fibrillation — a form of cardiac arrest. The lower the heart gets on oxygen, the more PVC’s it generates, and the more vulnerable to their effect it becomes, thus hypoxia increases both the probability of a PVC-on-T occurring and of its causing a cardiac arrest.
When this will happen to a particular person in a particular session is simply not predictable. This is exactly where most of the medical people I have discussed this topic with “hit the wall.” Virtually all medical folks know that PVC’s are both life-threatening and hard to detect unless the patient is hooked to a cardiac monitor. When medical folks discuss breath control play, the question quickly becomes: How can you tell when they start throwing PVC’s? The answer is: You basically can’t.

Quick pathophysiology lesson # 2

When breathing is restricted, the body cannot eliminate carbon dioxide as it should, and the amount of carbon dioxide in the blood increases. Carbon dioxide (CO2)* and water (H2O)* exist in equilibrium with what’s called carbonic acid (H2CO3)* in a reaction catalyzed by an enzyme called carbonic anhydrase.
*Sorry, but I can’t do subscripts in this program.
Thus: CO2 + H2O = H2CO3
A molecule of carbonic acid dissociates on its own into a molecule of what’s called bicarbonate (HCO3-) and an (acidic) hydrogen ion. (H+) Thus: H2CO3 = HCO3- and H+ Thus the overall pattern is: H2O + CO2 = H2CO3 = HCO3- + H+
Therefore, if breathing is restricted, CO2 builds up, and the reaction shifts to the right in an attempt to balance things out, ultimately making the blood more acidic and thus decreasing its pH. This is called respiratory acidosis. If the patient hyperventilates, they “blow off CO2” and the reaction shifts to the left, thus increasing the pH. This is called respiratory alkalosis, and has its own dangers.

Quick pathophysiology lesson # 3

Again, if breathing is restricted, not only does carbon dioxide have a hard time getting out, but oxygen also has a hard time getting in. A molecule of glucose (C6H12O6) breaks down within the cell by a process called glycolysis into two molecules of pyruvate, thus creating a small amount of ATP for the body to use as energy. Under normal circumstances, pyruvate quickly combines with oxygen to produce a much larger amount of ATP. However, if there’s not enough oxygen to properly metabolize the pyruvate, it is converted into lactic acid and produces one form of what’s called a metabolic acidosis.
As you can see, either a build-up in the blood of carbon dioxide or a decrease in the blood of oxygen will cause the pH of the blood to fall. If both occur at the same time, as they do in cases of suffocation, the pH of the blood will plummet to life-threatening levels within a very few minutes. The pH of normal human blood is in the 7.35-7.45 range (slightly alkaline). A pH falling to 6.9 (or raising to 7.8) is “incompatible with life.”
Past experience, either with others or with that same person, is not particularly useful. Carefully watching their level of consciousness, skin color, and pulse rate is of only limited value. Even hooking the bottom up to both a pulse oximeter and a cardiac monitor (assuming you had either piece of equipment, and they’re not cheap) would be of only limited additional value.
While an experienced clinician can sometimes detect PVC’s by feeling the patient’s pulse, in reality the only reliable way to detect them is to hook the patient up to a cardiac monitor. The problem is that each PVC is potentially lethal, particularly if the heart is low on oxygen. Even if you “ease up” on the bottom immediately, there’s no telling when the PVC’s will stop. They could stop almost at once, or they could continue for hours.
In addition to the primary danger of cardiac arrest, there is good evidence to document that there is a very real risk of cumulative brain damage if the practice is repeated often enough. In particular, laboratory studies of repeated brief interruption of blood flow to the brains of animals and studies of people with what’s called sleep apnea in which they stop breathing for up to two minutes while sleeping document that cumulative brain damage does occur in such cases.
There are many documented additional dangers. These include, but are not limited to: rupture of the windpipe, fracture of the larynx, damage to the blood vessels in the neck, dislodging a fatty plaque in a neck artery which then travels to the brain and causes a stroke, damage to the cervical spine, seizures, airway obstruction by the tongue, and aspiration of vomitus. Additionally, there are documented cases in which the recipient appeared to fully recover but was found dead several hours later.
The American Psychiatric Association estimates a death rate from this practice of one person per year per million of population — thus about 250 deaths last year in the U.S. Law enforcement estimates go as much as four times higher. Most such deaths occur during solo play, however there are many documented cases of deaths that occurred during play with a partner. It should be noted that the presence of a partner does nothing to limit the primary danger and does little or nothing to limit most of the secondary dangers.
Some people teach that choking can be safely done if pressure on the windpipe is avoided. Their belief is that pressing on the arteries leading to the brain while avoiding pressure on the windpipe can safely cause unconsciousness. The reality, unfortunately, is that pressing on the carotid arteries, exactly as they recommend, presses on baroreceptors known as the carotid sinus bodies. These bodies then cause vasodilation in the brain, thus there is not enough blood to perfuse the brain and the recipient loses consciousness.
However, that’s not the whole story. Unfortunately, a message is also sent to the main pacemaker of the heart, via the vagus nerve, to decrease the rate and force of the heartbeat. Most of the time, under strong vagal influence, the rate and force of the heartbeat decreases by one third. However, every now and then, the rate and force decreases to zero and the bottom “flatlines” into asystole — another, and more difficult to treat, form of cardiac arrest. There is no way to tell whether or not this will happen in any particular instance or how quickly. There are many documented cases of as little as five seconds of choking causing a vagal-outflow-induced cardiac arrest.
For the reason cited above, many police departments have now either entirely banned the use of chokeholds or have reclassified them as a form of deadly force. Indeed, a local CHP officer recently had a $250,000 judgment brought against him after a nonviolent suspect died while being choked by him. Finally, as a CPR instructor myself, I want to caution that knowing CPR does little to make the risk of death from breath control play significantly smaller. While CPR can and should be done, understand that the probability of success is likely to be less than 10%.
I’m not going to state that breath control is something that nobody should ever do under any circumstances. I have no problem with informed, freely consenting people taking any degree of risk they wish. I am going to state that there is a great deal of ignorance regarding what actually happens to a body when it’s suffocated or strangled, and that the actual degree of risk associated with these practices is far greater than most people believe.
I have noticed that when people are educated regarding the severity and unpredictability of the risks, fewer and fewer choose to play in this area, and those who do continue tend to play less often. I also notice that, because of its severe and unpredictable risks, more and more S/M party-givers are banning any form of breath control play at their events.
If you’d like to look into this matter further, here are some references to get you started:
Emergency Care in the Streets by Nancy Caroline, M.D. (I’d recommend starting here.)
Medical Physiology by A.C. Guyton, MD
The Pathologic Basis of Disease by Robbins, MD
Textbook of Advanced Cardiac Life Support by American Heart Association
The Physiology Coloring Book by Kapit, Macey, and Meisami
Forensic Pathology by DeMaio and Demaio
Autoerotic Fatalities by Hazelwood
Melloni’s Illustrated Medical Dictionary by Dox, Melloni, and Eisner
People with questions or comments can contact me at www.jaywiseman.com or write to me at P.O. Box 1261, Berkeley, CA 94701.
Regards,
Jay Wiseman

White Slavery

This site is extremely NSFW!
White Domestic Slave for Blacks

I am a white male in Northern California, and I believe that Blacks are superior. I am available to become the property of a Black Family, a Black Woman, or a Black Community in order to fulfill my duties as a slave. I am obedient. I am open to being trained by each Black Person so that I can fulfill my duties are clearly as possible for them. I understand each Black Person has different demands and needs and that therefore each Black Family or Person will need to train me so that I can adequately honor them as my masters. While I believe in the superiority of the Black Race; I do NOT think of myself as worthless. I think I have value to the Black Race as a slave in many ways.

Are you kidding? Good God, that is so weird! He isn’t the only one. I have seen a number of guys like this on Tumblr.
Here are some of his captions:

Every Black Household in America should have at least five chairs in their homes with us whites tied, blindfolded and gagged and waiting to serve. Us whites are here in America to serve, honor and obey Black People.
Us whites must always offer our bodies to Black Men and Black Women. And all us whites can ever say is oh god oh god oh god because Black Men and Black Women are our gods, and we whites are their property.
This White makes me so proud to be White!!!!! This White is a credit to our White race in the way she serves her superiors!!!!! Yea for being White and knowing our place.
When a Black Woman or a Black Man or a Black Child tells you to dance and you are white like me, you dance. Us whites must always do as we are told by the Black Race.
We are White. We are here to honor, respect, and serve all Black People. Even if you are straight, like me, us Whites must do as we are told no matter how humiliated it makes us feel. The first time I sucked a Black cock, I was surprised that I did not feel humiliated. I felt proud to be serving the Black Community in new ways.
This is one of those moments when it is truly wonderful to be white and to be owned. All of us whites aspire to this moment when we are owned and possessed by Black Men and Black Women.

And check out this very NSFW poster of a pathetic White man, his wife, and her Black lover. That is so ridiculous! This is how these guys “serve the Black community?” Good God, dude. If you want to serve the Black community, give $20 to the NAACP. Don’t do this!
I can see why Black guys could get off on this as a control thing, but for the White man, this is ridiculous!
Also the whole cuckolding scene is about wimpy White males being denied the right to have sex with their wives (to the extent that she locks up his penis in a little cage LOL) while the wife has sex with one or more Black men, often in front of the pathetic husband in order to humiliate him, which he gets off on. While the Blacks have sex with the woman, they make humiliating, insulting and degrading comments to her man, which is apparently enjoys. The man is usually heterosexual, but the Blacks having sex with the woman often force the man to perform fellatio on the Black guys LOL. He gets off on this too because it is totally humiliating.
A large part of the scene is talking about how inferior Whites are, especially for sex, and how superior Black men are, especially for sex. The woman often state that they have gone “Black men only” and a lot of times they write phrases like that on her body. Many of these women say, {“I will never have sex with a pathetic White man again. I am surrendering myself to the superior Black race. In addition, the woman often tries to get pregnant by one or more of these Black guys. The idea that she is carrying a Black man’s baby in her belly is apparently particularly humiliating to these ridiculous White men.
There are many websites set up for people with this ridiculous fetish. One of the more notable ones was called Dark Cavern. I spent some time on the free areas a while back. I absolutely do not get off on the idea of being cuckolded, but I do get off seeing White men sexed by Black guys. That part of it was pretty hot. Also the idea that some of these White women were going “Black only” was sort of hot (because it is so perverted), but it made me mad when they said, “I will never touch a White man ever again.”
I could never do anything like this as I am not submissive at all, and I would certainly never serve Black folks in any way, shape or form. That’s absolutely ridiculous.
You would be amazed at how perverted regular people are. There are so many bizarre and weird perversions and fetishes out there that you would not even believe it.
Most of these fetishes just make me laugh because they are so absurd, pathetic, ridiculous or idiotic. I also have a hard time understanding how people can be this perverted. I am pretty perverted myself, but come on now, let’s set some limits on this sort of thing people!

The Quotidian Nature of Sadism and Masochism

Jason Y writes:

I think many people get off on sadism. I do. I was in a holding cell for a few days (because of a DUI) and got off on being controlled, and yelled at. I also enjoy watching sadistic porn. I might bitch about my experiences in South Korea, but a dark side of me liked it, and I also enjoy my sadistic philosophy professor.

In other words, it looks like Jason has a bit of a masochist in him. This sort of thing is very common among men, even among high-ranking men such as highly paid corporate executives.
Also a lot of men who get off on being dominant and call themselves “Doms,” though not seriously into the S/M scene, apparently are capable of being “switches.” That is, though they like being dominant most of the time, they can also switch over and enjoy being masochistic.
I knew a fellow who was not an S/M type but nevertheless saw himself as a dominant fellow. He told me that he sometimes liked his wife to take this totally dominant role and play Dominatrix with him sometimes. He had all sorts of sex with all sorts of people, and he was into the group sex scene too. He was mostly heterosexual in a 90-10, 80-20 sort of way, but he also had a small bisexual side. He was always telling me how good-looking I was in this really horny voice, and it used to rather annoy and discomfort me. He lived pretty far away, so I didn’t see much of him, plus I am not sure if I am into that group stuff. It seems weird. Not that I never tried it.
I am the opposite of Jason. I can be pretty damn dominant, especially in bed. I often need to control myself and I generally warn female sex partners to tell me if I am getting out of hand or doing anything that is upsetting them along these lines.
For instance, I will grab a chick and spank her naked ass. Then spank her again harder. Then I look up and ask, “Is that ok?”
My female partners have to agree to any sex acts I want to do. I clear everything with them first, and if they don’t want to do something, I just quit bugging them about it.
A lot of women really get off on being dominated in bed. A lot.
A lot of them like pain too. I have a lot of women tell me that they like emotional pain in sex. Physical pain, not so much, but some of of them are into that too. The female is basically a masochist sexually I am afraid. Freud actually made a comment along these lines.
I am also afraid that men are not only naturally dominant but also naturally somewhat sadistic in bed if not otherwise. Male sexual sadism of one variety or another is as common as grains of sand on a beach. Also many men are emotionally sadistic outside of bed in relationships with women. This is where the “abusive man” thing comes in. I have heard women tell me about a lot of these guys, and a lot of them just sound like sadists.
Females can be sadistic too I am afraid, usually just emotionally. Of all the human beings I have known for a long time (even women in their 60’s), I do not think I have met one who did not display some emotional sadism. At least a little bit of sadism seems to be a natural tendency for all humans, I am afraid.
I have had females tell me that they like to deliberately start fights with their men (a sadistic act) in order to “test” the man also to get him all riled up so they can have a fight. When the fight is over, they would have really hot, wild sex.
A friend once told me that he slapped his girlfriend in the face, and she immediately get really horny, got down on her knees and performed oral sex on him right there on the spot.
Of course the real hardcore S/M and B/D scenes, despite their popularity, seem to be pretty extreme, and most folks would think that that goes too far. But outside of truly kinky end of the spectrum, this stuff is as common as so common it is virtually normal.
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Anal Prolapse

Photo and video of anal prolapse here.
This is pretty terrible. What has happened here is that this person has had their asshole turned inside out. Not a pretty picture! Anal prolapse is most common in the elderly, mostly in women. It seems to be related to childbirth.
However, it can also be caused by anal sex, but this is not too common. People who work in hospitals, including nurses, say they have seen an increase in anal prolapse cases among gay men in the last decade or so. Nevertheless, it seems that most gay men do not get anal prolapses.
There are partial anal prolapses and there are full anal prolapses. With a partial prolapse, the asshole comes out of the anus, but you can always push it back in. It might come out if you sneeze, etc.
With a full anal prolapse, it won’t go back in. Your asshole has basically fallen right the Hell out of your anus and it’s not going back in. Surgery is needed to put it back in.
I joined this really sick porn site once for the Hell of it, just because it was totally sick. It was called Rosebutt Board or something like that. The site was all about what they call rosebutts, prolapses and other distended asshole stuff. I really have no interest in this sort of thing to be honest, and I certainly don’t want to do this to my body. I just saw the site and I was like, “Wow! This is the sickest site on the Net! I have to join LOL!” I am not sure exactly what a rosebutt is. It might be some sort of a slight or partial prolapse.
It was almost all men on the board, and only a few of them were gay! Quite a few were these sort of masochistic straight men. But after a while, I figured out that some of the “straight” guys were also pretty bisexual.
Some of these guys were dying to get a prolapsed anus! You saw all these posts like, “How do I get a prolapse! I want one so bad!” Then there would be all these responses saying more or less, “Hey, you really don’t want one you know. It’s actually not a good idea and it can cause medical issues.” And the poster would be like, “I don’t care! Prolapses are so cool and beautiful! I just have to have one!”
What it boiled down to was that a prolapse was not so easy to acquire. Some of these masochistic guys had understanding girlfriends who were shoving dildos, often fairly large ones, into the guy’s asses on a regular basis. The general advice seemed to be that if you stuck a big dildo in your ass for several hours a day for 3-4 years, well, you just might get yourself a brand new prolapse for Christmas!
There were also a lot of links to really sick websites of these crazy female anal freak porn stars who stick large objects up their asses on a regular basis. Some of them have even acquired prolapsed anuses in the process of doing this and now they are using this as a selling point (I am not kidding!) on their websites.
There were also links to videos of female porn stars getting fucked in the ass to the point where their anus prolapses a bit. The girl usually freaks out and shoves it back in her ass. Ava Devine has a funny video of doing exactly this. There was a crazy Russian porn star named Mila Shlegol a while back who was always sticking stuff up her ass, and I think she eventually got a prolapse too.
However, in straight porn, even among females who do anal sex, prolapsed anuses are not common.
Even among gay men, they tend to more a result of such things a fisting (having another guy stick his whole fist up your ass) and sticking very large objects up your ass and less associated with normative anal sex. Fisting and sticking large dildos or other objects up your ass is not recommended but it is quite common among gay men, sadly enough.

Crazy Women Ahoy, Pull Up the Anchor and Leave

Repost from the old site.
Ah, crazy women! I suppose if I were really nuts, I would not mind a crazy woman. After all, I would probably deserve her, right? Sad thing is, I am hopelessly prejudiced against crazy women. I don’t like em. I discriminate.
I also require that all females be no more than 10% overweight, and in my age bracket, that rules out most of the females. So I don’t really date that much these days, but hey, at least I have pride, dammit.
Women find out I am fat-prejudiced, and they go nuts, I mean ballistic. Beggars can’t be choosers and all that. Hey, look, I have to have sex with this creature, so I have to be able to tolerate your unclothed appearance enough to be able to do that, and at 50, it ain’t a walk in the park anymore, baby.
I have enough problems of my own to deal with without crazy women on top of everything else.
I remember this one crazy woman, I broke up with her, and she goes and punches a hole in the wall! Whoa, baby, hold onto your horses! I broke up with you? Hell, you should be happy!
She used to swallow handfuls of acid tabs (like five hits at once) when we went out on dates. She drank like a fish. She would smoke any kind of weed you gave her and probably take any kind of drug too. All her friends were fags, and she specialized in the sickest fags of them all, the ones in Hollywood who loved masochism.
She regaled me with their tales of how these guys require welts raised two or three inches before they were satisfied. Her idea of a good time was going to an LA fag bar. That was what she did most of the time, as she was almost a full-time fag hag. She also had straight boyfriends, apparently, as she did like men and sex. Going to an LA gay bar is not my idea of a good time.
One night she was drinking like a maniac, and she grabbed four or five tricyclic antidepressants and tossed them down. I protested, and she cried out that this was all of the misery that she was in. So she was deeply psychiatrically ill, as you can see. Diagnosis: borderline schizophrenia, which nowadays goes to Borderline Personality Disorder for the most part.
She had a weird way of talking, and when we would go out, it seemed that she would act so crazy and weird in public that I would be embarrassed to even be seen with her. She spoke in weird metaphors, and it really started annoying me. I’m kind of like neurotic, staring off into space like a weirdo nuts, but I’m not stark raving acting out bats like that. Forget it.
I told her, “Hey, look, you are just too nuts for me,” and she freaks. I wonder if she is still alive.
She was also quite a masochist as far as sex went, but I could not really get into that too much. Anyway, most females are like that to some degree or another, let’s face it. It goes hand in hand with being female.
She was always telling me about stories where she was meeting guys who would pull knives on her, rape her, threaten to kill her, torture her, etc. One time it was a whole group of guys and she gangbanged them all. Whopeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Except they were all pulling knives on her and trying to torture her and threatening to kill her at the time.
She was quite proud of her gangbanging experience, but my best friends heard about it and were totally freaked out and appalled, saying she was a disgusting slut pig whore. That was true, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing in a female. In fact, one could knock on my door right now and even at age 50, I might not even mind too much.
She also liked women a little bit, but only a little. She really loved young boys, as she called them, and delighted in having sex with teenage boys, especially around 13 years old. Her Mom was schizophrenic and had tried to stab her to death in her sleep when she was a little girl, and I guess it was all downhill from then on.
She had all these weird seemingly different personalities that she would fade in and out of all the time. Now, I’m into channeling myself, but this sort of thing really ought to be controlled in order to work best, otherwise you just seem like a street person or a potential maniac.
Later she accused my best friend of hitting a baby in the EEG lab where he worked. According to everyone else, it never even happened, but she insisted and insisted. I think maybe they fired her, but I forget.
I saw her once later, she came over to my house in the daytime, and you know how that goes. I was 27 years old, graduated USC with post-BA degree, teaching school full-time, smoking lots of dope, going nuts.
The culmination of the sex act on my end left her all pissed off, but I thought it was funny that when I kissed her goodbye at the car, I swear some of the middle aged neighbor ladies were laughing and smiling and giving me the thumbs up?
One housewife even sneaked outside and gave me a great big beaming smile. Who says women don’t like guys who score?
Women ain’t all bad.

Suicide Club Strangler

Weird story of the day. (Link NSFW).
There are suicide clubs all over Japan. Idiots who want to kill themselves but don’t have the guts form clubs to meet up with other suicidals. They talk about their favorite subject for a while, then meet up and get up the nerve to kill themselves. Finally, they do it, often as a group effort.
Of course clubs like this could only attract a serial killer! Haha! Serial killer infiltrates suicide clubs, meets up with suicidals, pretends he wants to kill himself too, then uses the opportunity to strangle the suicidals to death, doing the job for them so to speak.
There is a lot of talk about the perpetrator, who was just hanged in Japan. It’s said that he could not get off unless he was strangling someone. They are all talking about how weird this is. It’s an extreme case, but it’s not that weird.
The killer is a sexual sadist, as most serial killers are. The condition begins in adolescence. The sexual sadism of all serial killers dates back to the teen years and the beginning of sexuality.
Sexual sadism is quite common, especially in the gay male community, where maybe 15-20% of gay males engage in this behavior. I’m not an expert on the condition. I imagine in most cases, it’s not a requirement to get off. They just like it that way. They typically meet up with masochists who enjoy sexual pain as a way of getting off.
Sexual pain is not a requirement for masochists either. They just like it that way. This thing is quite common among females, and I keep running into female masochists of various types for some reason, though I’m not wild about fulfilling their fantasies. A lot of them don’t want pain so much as playing an extremely submissive role.
Most sexual sadists of both sexes (yes there are dominatrix type women out there) go through their lives without harming a soul.
In severe cases, that’s another matter. A typical severe case is a gay man who is engaging in S/M sex with gay masochists. He urinates on them, beats them, abuses them, etc. Then he starts escalating, and he’s burning them with cigarettes. As he’s doing this, he gets an extreme rush and urge to go even further and maybe even kill them, but he catches himself. He shows up in therapy feeling like he’s out of control, like a gambling addict. He loves to inflict pain, but he worries he’s going to go out of control and seriously hurt or even kill someone.
It’s quite common for male serial killers to have strange sex with girlfriends. Often they like to pretend to strangle the girlfriend during sex. In extreme cases, this is the only way they can get off. All these guys have been this way since the teen years, and it’s not something you can catch against your will like the flu. They love it this way. It is when the consensual sex starts escalating like this that he’s typically either already killing or beginning to kill.
A serial killer cannot be treated, as he doesn’t think he has a problem. Consequently, of course they feel no guilt. Nor can the sexual sadism be treated. He loves it like this. It’s not an obsession. He doesn’t try to stop thinking this way, and it doesn’t bother him.
These guys commonly are fantasizing all the time, all day and all night. When they are out in public, they are always dreaming. Every nice woman they see, they dream about raping and killing her. How will they do it? How will they get away with it? On and on. Dream, dream, dream, all day, everywhere they go. They simply don’t care.

Sexmaniacman On Borderline and Schizotypal PD

Repost from the old site. The following posts will figure a fellow named Sexmaniacman, who is a friend of mine. He either wrote these posts himself and sent them to me via emails or else I am transcribing them based on conversations he had with me.

A commenter notes on the Personality Disorders

Schizotypal was always the odd-man-out personality disorder — both literally and figuratively.

Sexmaniacman thinks he had a gf once who was both a Borderline and a Schizotypal:

Hi Bob, this chick was so nuts, man, oh man oh man. She had a dx of “Borderline Schizophrenia” and was a serious acidhead.

She proudly said, “I’ve always been crazy.” Her Mom was schizophrenic and had tried to stab her in the back and kill her when she was 4 years old. Her life was desolate, and she would move back and forth between all these different personalities that you could not keep track of.

She lived in Hollywood, was a fag hag and was always getting picked up by guys and abused. She let groups of guys gangbang her and all sorts of crazy shit. She was always telling stories about guys or groups of guys picking her up, tying her up, torturing her, having sex with her, and threatening to murder her.

The stories seemed almost too weird to be true, but she was an extreme submissive who obviously was giving off “hurt me” vibes that a lot of sicko dudes might have picked up on and acted on.

She was also a bit bi and had sex with women sometimes. But she liked young girls, like 14 years old! Whoa! She also liked young boys, like 13 years old, and she loved to entertain me with stories about breaking in 8th graders. She was an old pro at this. I thought it was just plain weird.

We were going to go a lesbian bar in Hollywood and try to pick up a girl to take home with us (that was real easy to do in LA, which is full of all kinds of gays, bis and swingers), but she was so weird, I figured we would never be able to pick up any decent women.

Her idea of a good time was going to a gay bar and hanging out there all nite. I said pass.

She literally ate acid by the handful, five or eight hits at a time.

I took her to a Cure concert and for some weird reason, all these Goth chicks were grabbing me and trying to molest me the whole time at the concert, even when I was with her. While we were walking around, while we were sitting at the concert, the women just wouldn’t leave me alone. The whole thing seems like a hallucination now. It was 1983. She was flying on a handful of acid.

I took her to see Pink Flamingos, we watched Divine eat dog shit off sidewalk, and she thought that was hilarious. We went to see The Story of O, which I thought was weird, but she insisted was the story of her life.

She kept wanting me to inflict pain on her in all these different ways (A LOT of women are into pain! Is that weird or what?) but I wasn’t really into being a sadist too much. I did inflict some pain on her, but I didn’t really enjoy it. She sure did! Damn right! But it was the weirdest joy, a joy in a bottomless sadness. I couldn’t relate.

We went at forever, and she was a real screamer. One night she turned me in the middle and said, “You know what, Sexman?”

“What?”

“You’re a good fuck.” She repeated that a few times.

I’d just been turned into a complete sex object by a woman, and I didn’t even care.

I’d leave her place at the end of the weekend. Her Hollywood apartment complex was full of all these Guatemalan and Mexican illegal aliens. It was 1984 and the invasion was well under way. I guess the guys had been listening to her sexual opera performance all weekend because as I walked out, the Hispanic guys would all stand up and start clapping for me and raising their beers.

Cheers to the Master Fucker! She would drink, take acid, smoke pot, do speed, and then grab a bottle of antidepressants and start taking pills and downing them with a glass of booze.

“Whoa!” I said. “What do you think you’re doing!”

“You don’t know the pain I’m in Sexguy,” she whimpered and started crying. “You have no idea what it’s like. I need this, Sexdude.”

I shrugged and hoped she didn’t die on my watch. Who wants to deal with a dead chick and cops?

She was schizotypal in that she used language in really weird ways, and even though she insisted she had all these friends, she seemed really isolated. Plus she was just flat-out fucking weird in a way that Borderlines simply are not. Like she was on another planet, an alien. Invariably, she accused me of being a fag too for some reason like all of her faggot friends, and that pissed me off.

I will say she had more insight into my personality at the time than most other women have ever had.

She used to regale me with stories about her gay friends. Her gay friends were all these seriously weird masochist dudes into the leather scene.

Her eyes got really wide.

“My friend Jim, he’s not satisfied until the welts are this big.”

That’s one of her sicko masochist gay friends. Every time she talked about them, I told her to shut up as she was grossing me out.

She stretched her fingers to make about a one inch measurement. In her eyes, she was trying to shock me and I know it turns her on. She wanted one-inch welts too. Obviously. Like Hell you’re getting ’em from me, you sick bitch, I thought.

She called me one time but I wasn’t home. A woman I knew was over at my place in my absence and answered the phone. “Tell Sexman it’s just me,” she sighed wearily into the phone. “It’s just me. Just V.” Her self-esteem was 80,000 leagues under the sea under an anchor. The woman hung up the phone.

Later the woman said: “That’s the woman you’re dating, Sexguy?”

“Yeah,” I sigh.

“Wow, she seems like she thinks she’s the biggest zero on the face of the Earth. How sad.” The woman shook her head, and an incredible sadness came over her face too, a hundred years’ worth.

“I know.”

I broke up with her.

“Can…you…at least…give me a reason, Sexcat?” V. whimpered into the phone.

“You’re just too nuts for me. I mean, I’m nuts, but I’m neurotic. You’re way more crazy than I am, and I just can’t deal with you. It’s like dealing with someone from another planet. I can’t handle you. Good luck in the rest of your life.”

She called me a few days later, crying.

“After you broke up with me, Sexbro, I put my fist through a wall, I was so mad. Now I have a hole in my wall.”

“Over me? You did this over me? Why? Don’t bother, V. Don’t smash walls over me. I’m not worth it. Smash walls over someone else…Look, I can’t handle this, this is way too nuts.”

I got a new girlfriend, K., pretty soon, and V. had given me VD like most sluts do, something called Trichomonas with no symptoms in the male. I immediately gave it to the new girl, and it causes four days of misery in the female. The new woman was pissed.

I said the only thing you can say when you give your girlfriend VD.

“Hey, don’t ever say I never gave you anything.”

I thought that was pretty funny.

She sure didn’t. Icy eyes shone at my across the room.

“That’s not funny, Sexman.”

“Yeah it is.”

“No it isn’t.”

I saw V. again two years later. She came down to visit me, an hour’s drive. I saw her on my porch like a lost poppy, the most forlorn thing you ever saw. We went inside and had some wild sex for a couple of hours. She got pissed at the way it ended and left in a huff.

I never saw her again.

I assume she’s dead, probably long ago. The way she was, she couldn’t have lasted long.