Part of how I make my money is counseling. Therefore, I would like to take a look at Mr. Trump.
Therapy with Donald Trump
The problem with someone like Donald Trump is that the way I see it, this man is almost a walking psychiatric emergency. I’m not saying he belongs in an emergency room. I’m saying that people like this are so far gone (in a sense) that they badly need treatment pretty much immediately for their own sake and also for that of others. Because people with Trump’s psychological makeup are simply dangerous.
Trump is a malignant narcissist. Malignant narcissists are dangerous by their very nature.
But there is another reason Trump is a psychiatric emergency. Someone like that is so far gone that it makes us sit up straight in our chairs when we see someone like this. It’s as if a physician had a terminal cancer patient walk into the room. Someone like Trump is so far gone off into a very bad psychological space that he needs to be treated immediately just as the cancer patient does. And he needs a lot of treatment. Sort of the psychiatric equivalent of radiation or chemotherapy. This is a personality that simply cries out for intervention because it is so disturbed.
Now, with someone like this, I would not mess around at all. There’s no time to lose with someone like this, and one could conceivably go round and round for a long time without getting anywhere. Just as you throw the cancer patient on chemo almost immediately, Trump needs “immediate psychiatric chemotherapy.”
I would cut right to the basics within maybe five minutes. There are two questions and two questions only that I would ask Mr. Trump as my way of getting down to business. These two questions cut right to the heart of the essence of what is wrong with him at his deepest core.
First question: “Who hurt you?” Somebody hurt Trump. Someone hurt him very,very badly, possibly at a very young age. I am not sure at what age he got hurt. I’m suspecting his mother, but his father was a classic psychopath and that may be part of it too. I’ve heard that the mother was a real piece of work.
As a consequence, Donald Trump stopped maturing possibly at age six. In other words, Trump has been six years old for his entire life. He likes being six because it makes him feel good. Ever met a 6- year-old? A more selfish and self-centered human does not exist. A 6-year old boy is a “little prince.” Everything is all about them.
All of most all of Trump’s pathology is simply a defense structure or character disorder. Personality disorders are nothing but gigantic bundles of defensive structures. They were erected, often in childhood, to protect the person for some sort of pain in life. We all have defenses and we all need to protect ourselves. Although we think of a defensive person as a bad thing, another way of looking at someone like that is that they are “well-defended.”
Your defensive structure is like a castle or fortification that you have constructed to protect yourself from the pain, failures, insecurities, wounds, etc. of life, of the things that make you depressed, anxious, lacking in confidence, or “wounded,” as it were. A person without adequate defenses walks around a good part of the time looking like a soldier in wartime who has just been wounded. His psychological pains and scars are visible for all to see, right there on the surface. It’s not attractive.
A person with a personality disorder has been so badly hurt somehow that they constructed a particularly elaborate fortress, almost a Rube Goldberg device with fake entrances, fake walls, hidden rooms, trap doors, stairways to nowhere, fake turrets, guns that pop out and vanish, fake soldiers as decoys manning the ramparts, almost like one of those Escher paintings where the structures and creatures seem at first to be going somewhere but really are not when you study it in more depth.
I’ve known people with defensive structures that I almost had to sit back and marvel at. If defensive structures could be wonders of the world, theirs would qualify. You almost had to take a step back and catch your breath when you saw them. The fortifications were so convoluted and elaborate that it seemed it would take a long time just to start to figure them out.
Without adequate defenses, you will be going through life getting hurt and knocked down all the time. After a while, you may pile up a lot of wounds and injuries to the point where it seems like there is something wrong with you. That’s because you didn’t protect yourself enough. Bottom line is defenses are there to keep us from feeling bad.
Most defenses are basically nothing but lies, but that’s fine. If we need to tell ourselves lots of lies to get through life without being badly injured along the way, so be it.
I’ve never been a fan of “face reality” crowd. My position is that for an awful lot of people, the worst thing they could possibly do is face reality. Reality for them is simply awful. Why face that? Why not construct a completely fake reality that’s not so awful and just go live in your fictional reality all the time? What difference does it make whether you live in “actually existing” reality or in some “fake, made-up or fictional” reality? Believe in whatever reality you need to to get through the day.
Anyway, there is some deep primal wound at the very heart of Trump’s psyche as there is with all such persons. And figuring out who it was who hurt him so terribly is an important road that we need to get started down right away to work with him.
Second question: Who do you love? This is very important. Does Trump love anyone? Has he ever? Obviously he loves himself. But how about anyone else? We need to get at this to see if there is anyone at all that he cares about more than himself. Trump’s main problem is that he loves himself far too much and others not enough or at all.
I’ve thought about this a lot, and it’s as if people only have so much love to go around. Perhaps if you love yourself far too much, you have “used up all your love supply” and there’s nothing left over to give to anyone else. That’s just a theory and it’s based on the theory that love does not grow on trees and that everyone has a limited amount of love inside themselves to give out. The theme of the narcissist is, “I’m great and you suck (you’re an inferior).”
Why shouldn’t people who have tremendous love for themselves also be able to love others? If someone merely loves himself but also loves others, we say he has high self-esteem. I suppose the theme of someone with high self-esteem could be, “I’m great, but you’re great too!” or something along those lines.
Often these people tone down their self-love a lot because most people don’t want to deal with a bragging, arrogant ass. And they are often able to put themselves down, make fun of themselves, or even insult themselves. They can admit they were wrong. They can feels sorry and say so. Somehow being able to admit to doing wrong, apologizing, and being self-critical are important to mental health.
I’m not sure exactly why that is. Perhaps commenters can help out there. When one does this, one is able to acknowledge and more importantly accept the whole self, warts and all. This is very hard to do. Perhaps accepting the whole self leads to a sense of calmness. It definitely leads to a sense of humility, which is attractive to other people. Perhaps it leads to greater love for others when one finally realizes that they are not so special after all and they are just another blade of grass in the football field of humanity.
The more we accept and embrace about ourselves, the fewer crazy defensive fortresses of defense we have to build up to shield us from the parts of ourselves that we do not accept. And when one accepts their own flaws, he can now accept those of others. Life is no longer a zero-sum game. It’s more of a shared sacrifice.
Somehow in the narcissist, something has gone terribly wrong. Their own self-esteem has been massively blown out of proportion, and in the process, they can’t have much love or care left over for anyone else. If the psychopath is the only person on Earth, the narcissist is the greatest person on Earth, and nobody else matters much. Or perhaps they are all contemptible inferiors.
Why the massive expansion of one’s own self-esteem occurs in tandem with such an arrogant devaluation of others is something that I still do not understand. Why is it necessary to devalue everyone else? Can’t you love yourself and love everyone else too? One problem I can see is that the narcissist is superior. Well, if you’re superior, obviously most other people are inferior, right?
Footraces have winners, losers, and everything in between. This person sees life as a footrace. Everyone can’t win. All men can’t be the top 20% Alphas. Everyone can’t be an above average driver. Everyone can’t be a millionaire, or otherwise a million bucks and $2.75 will get you a Slurpee at a 7-11 and not much else. Some are rich because others are poor. Some have won because others have lost.
Narcissists are also very mean. Narcissism is a lot more than simply massive self-love. The nice narcissist does not exist. If someone has a huge ego but is also nice, then we have to rule out narcissism. Inflated self-esteem is mostly a problem due to the nastiness, ugliness, meanness, and hatred that go along with it.
The main problem with narcissism is that they are not very nice people, to put it mildly. They are huge assholes. Narcissistic abuse is a thing. Now why this is I am also not very sure. Why must the narcissist be such a massive asshole? Bottom line is I understand most of the things that narcissists do but not why they do them. This part is a mystery to me.