Alt Left: We All Have Our Crosses We Bear: The Tragic Life of the Transsexual

We All Have Our Crosses We Bear: The Tragic Life of the Transsexual

First off, I don’t hate transsexuals. I feel terribly sorry for them. They’re crazy. I work in mental health. I don’t hate crazy people. Hell, I deal with them all the time. How can I hate my clients? I’m half nuts myself anyway.

I’ve talked to a few transsexuals.

The Transmen

I talked to some transmen. One admitted that she had made a mistake. She wanted to date me but she lived too far away. She had the body of a woman, curvy with nice tits, hairless. I asked about the hairlessness and she told me she shaved a lot. Then I saw her face.

The face of a very attractive human, but alas, only a pretty boy and not a girl by any stretch of the imagination. Most pretty boys don’t really look like women. Everyone just thinks they do. Look at them real close. They look like a very beautiful man, but still a man nonetheless. There’s some implacable barrier between a pretty boy and an attractive woman. You can’t put your finger on it but you know it’s there.

Male model good looks, but still a pretty boy. I thought, “I don’t know about that.”

Another wanted to date me too. She explicitly stated that she would definitely have sex with me, and she lived fairly close. She was willing to drive five hours up here just to get fucked. I wanted to do it until I thought about it.

She still had the body of a woman except for the hair on her chest. I told her she’d have to shave it. She agreed.

The deep voice? No problem.

Clit as big as a micropenis? Probably not a problem. I’ll just tell myself it’s a giant clit and see if that works.

Then I thought about her face. I never saw it but I don’t want to. Transmen are still women of course, but their faces look exactly like men’s. She will look like a guy. No way can I have sex with a woman who totally looks like a guy. That’ll be sure to send me into a gay panic. I’m way too homophobic to to that.

Even worse, I told me best female friend, a former model, gorgeous at 32. She referred to my potential sex partner as “he.” To me she was always a “she.” That really hit me. No way can I fuck any human who others refer to as “he.” You’re hitting my homophobic nerve pretty hard there.

Besides, they’re all tight as virgins. They can’t even use dildos anymore. They bleed when they have sex. Their vaginas hardly work anymore, like those of postmenopausal women, and they’re 25 years old. 25 year olds with the vaginas of a 55 year olds.

All of this is mostly just sad more than anything else for me, especially that last paragraph and in particular that last sentence. I don’t hate transmen at all. They’re tragic figures, often willing to admit they were mistaken. You pity someone that much, and  it’s impossible to hate them.

Transwomen

I talked to a few transwomen, and they were the nicest guys I’ve ever met. Real sweethearts. Remarkably soft and kindhearted for men. Pacifists. I didn’t hate them at all. How can you hate someone that nice? On the other hand, if you ask me if they’re crazy, I’d have to say yes.

The Life of the Transwoman and Her Trans Friends, Written in the Second Person

Despite the fact that you’re already crazy and miserable anyway, you get locked into Trans IP and get even more miserable.

But you’re wretched. Everybody’s misgendering you all day. TERF’s are everywhere, stinking up the landscape, posing as woke progressives. The laws are all against you. You’re locked out of the dating sites. There’s always prostitution but who wants to be a whore? You just got fired from another job by your transphobic ass of a boss. He laughed when he did it. Most jobs last months, not years. Your resume is a trainwreck. You have to fake the whole thing. Invent places you never worked at, jobs you never had, and you’re playing games with time frames. Your family disowned you.

You’re a laughingstock. You’re always the butt of some joke. Nobody understands you. Cis people keep trying to be woke, but they keep screwing up. They’re never quite free of transphobia.

You have to keep moving the goalposts to think up some new oppressions when the old ones don’t work anymore because you always have to have new oppressions to keep cutting and going to the hospital, taking three different psych meds, or hangdog-ing in some therapist’s office who probably secretly hates you. You need a reason to be hated, so you can be a victim. So you can blame all your mental problems on bigots. Everyone’s misinformed and a bit mean all the time. Even when they’re nice they’re mean. Like human venus fly traps.

No one wants to date you. You’re lonely every night. The porn doesn’t work anymore. Half your trans friends are flakes, nutjobs, and kooks – and that’s when they weren’t sex offenders or creepy latent rapists. A few of them liked little kids. You shudder at that. Your friends are all narcissists. Everyone you know has NPD. And you keep asking yourself why so many transwomen are psychopaths. You last two “best friends” ripped you off for hundreds of dollars. You confronted them and they laughed.

You call yourself a lesbian with a dick, but pretty soon you’re yelling that no dyke wants to date you. There’s nothing a lesbian hates more than a penis. It’s not rocket science. You demonstrate and rage about cotton ceilings. You try to join lesbian marches so you can maybe get a date, but you get found out, and the womyn physically remove you from the march. You fight back but the police come.

All your transwomen friends are collecting DSM diagnoses, and that’s no fun. Collecting baseball cards? Ok? Collecting different ways of being nuts? The Hell never goes away, and it gets a bit worse every New Year’s.

You’re suicidal. The cutting wasn’t enough. You always needed just one more scar. You catch yourself on the web researching suicide methods. Anything to make the pain go away. The psych drugs stop working and then they up the doses, but the side effects wreck your life, so you go off meds. You’ve had 30 different DSM diagnoses. They can’t all be right, but no one can agree what’s wrong with you.

As you head towards middle age, more of your old friends are buying it with their own hand:

There’s Tracy, drug overdose.

Debbie the streetwalker, murdered by one of her Black clients.

Betty finally took one too many pills.

Ginger used a gun. They say it was gross, splattered all over the wall. The Hazmat team came out.

Latisha jumped off a chair and was found swinging in the air with a broken neck. I hope it was over fast.

Jade was hit by a car. There were rumors that she ran out into traffic!

Lisa? Cirrhosis. She was the life of the party, always with a drink in her hand. One day she drank one too many.

Mary? Liver cancer. The hepatitis from the needles finally caught up with her.

Maryanne? She never could pass. Good God, ugliest horse face you ever saw. And that jawline. People were always cupping their mouths to hide their snickers. One day the humiliation was too much. She was found in a bathtub of blood, razor on the edge of the porcelain.

Your trans friends are offing themselves at 20X the rate of your cis friends. Some liberation! 10 detransitioned, but half of them went back on steroids. One, Rhonda, went back and forth three times. One day she quit changing her mind. She was found lying motionless in a wino alleyway. Natural causes, they said. But she was only 38!

You did know some transmen. After testosterone liberation, they started going to jail and they never stopped. They’d been clean as a whistle before. Who knew that testosterone could turn you into a criminal? You saw the transformations. Meek young ladies to raging pussymen. You thought lesbians were bad? Wait til you meet transmen. They’re as raging and combative as dykes, except lesbians have normal hormones. Transmen are raging dykes with testosterone poisoning.

One, Julie, detransitioned. But her voice was deep as man’s. Poor girl will have to shave every morning for life. And the injections made her sterile.

At 25, your transmen friends already have vaginal atrophy, a condition most women don’t get for another few decades. Their pussies are as tight as a virgin’s. Their dildos won’t even fit anymore.

Some dated straight cis men but most guys flipped when they saw the clit as big as a baby carrot. One transman friend swore one went into a gay panic. He was this far from killing her.

You have the face of a guy, so only kinky gay men want to fuck you. It feels weird. You want a real man, like all women. You’re a woman, and the testosterone makes you maniacally horny for days on end. Who would have thought that testosterone would turn you into an insatiable sex maniac?

You rub your clit to masculine straight men nonstop for three days straight, and the next day, here you are, in the Castro again, getting fucked by another sissyboy. To deal with the cognitive dissonance, you start calling yourself a gay man. Everyone says you’re crazy. And like so many gay men, you long to get fucked by masculine straight men, not sissified nellyboys. But of course the real men don’t want you. Only the girlymen do. Ever wonder why gay men are so unhappy? There ya go. One of the main reasons right there.

And now you realize that this is only the beginning. From now on out, it’ll be downhill all the way. You steel yourself for the ride. You’ll need all the fortitude you can get.

The Drive to Annihilation in the Masculine (Homicidal) and Feminine (Suicidal) Characters

The Annihilatory or Destructive Drive at the Core of the Human Character

Both males and females have a drive to destruction as part of their core Characters. This is obviously a downside of any human’s character, but both the Masculine and Feminine  Characters are probably 50% good and 50% bad. Think of the good side as the bright side of the moon you see at night. The bad side of the Character is like the dark side of the moon and hopefully it acts like it. You know full well it’s there even though you never see it.

At other times you see it in spades, and many people, especially as they get older, turn the mirror around and only show the back side of it to people. All you see is the bad aspects of the Character. The good side is probably still there in most of them, and you may even see it peek out some of the time.

Both males and females have a drive to destruction as part of their core Characters. This is obviously a downside of any human’s character, but both the Masculine and Feminine  Characters are probably 50% good and 50% bad.

Think of the good side as the bright side of the moon you see at night. The bad side of the Character/Gender is like the dark side of the moon and hopefully it acts like it. You know full well it’s there even there even though you never see it.

The Annihilatory or Destructive Component in  the Masculine Character

In the male the drive to destruction is projected outwards, which is what males do with most destructive emotions. Sending negative emotions inside of yourself is considered to be pussy, weak, female, acting like a bitch, etc. “Manning up” usually means nothing more than projecting your crap outwards as opposed to inwards.

The Masculine Character has a destructive aspect, and it is dark indeed. It is frankly homicidal and most men are homicidal either consciously or consciously or at least they were as boys, when they projected their murderousness onto non-human creatures and converted it to fistfights with the males they are around.

However, it is very hard for a boy to be truly homicidal and murder another human being, either another boy or a man. Something stops them. This is odd because they spend a lot of time killing non-human things like bugs, and they physically fight each other regularly. Yet the fights seldom end in serious damage and always stop short of homicide.

So in the boy, the homicidal impulse is there most of the time, but it is transformed into playing with army men and toy guns, berry and dirt clod wars with other teams of boys (this mirrors small-scale tribal warfare), physical fighting which causes little damage, and murder of non-human lower-level creatures.

Yet as a boy grows into a man he is supposed to abandon this overt destruction and sadism of boyhood, as retaining is seen as acting like a boy, not a man. Such a young man will be told to “Grow up!” by other men. The sadistic boyhood monster begins being berated in adolescence, and at some point the blows may become physical. In this way, the core destructive sadism of the boy is transformed into the calm and controlled man.

Nevertheless, I don’t think the homicidality ever goes away. I spent most of my young adulthood in a homicidal frame of mind, directed at my enemies of course, always other men. Yet I scarcely harmed a soul and only acted on it once when I tried to kill a man who was trying, frankly, to kill me! And that was not fun. It was the worst experience of my life.

So even younger men who feel homicidal most of the time, which is practically normal, will almost never act on it, and if they ever do, they are quickly transported to the 9th circle of Hell. The homicidality is meant to be fantasy only. It’s supposed to go away in middle age, but I suspect that it just goes into hiding. I know my Killer Maniac is in me, as I feel him regularly. Yet he’s locked in a maximum security prison in my gut, and like Hell he will ever feel the light of day.

At its worst, the other-destructive aspect of the Masculine Character is truly black and horrible and actually manifests as a desire to destroy on a significant basis either objects, animals, or other humans. It’s an “obliterating” tendency. At its core, this black desire seems to be a desire to destroy the entire world and everything in it. Truly awful, but no man will come close to realizing it.

Radical feminists have done a good job of portraying the bad side of men, and the best of them have commented precisely about this homicidal character and in particular about its totalizing obliterative tendency. I’ve seen it described as a desire to obliterate the entire universe. That is when I knew that this particular radfem truly had her finger on the male pulse.

The Annihilatory or Destructive Component in  the Feminine Character

Men project their pain outwards onto others, and women push it inwards into the self. This manifests in all sorts of ways that I assume the reader is more than familiar with.

Freud even suggested that the female, at her core, is essentially a masochist. This may be true that the aspect of her destructive character is masochistic. This follows from the description above describing the male, at his core, is essentially a sadist.

Indeed, many women behave in variations of a masochistic manner in bed, and masochism is deeply tied into female sexuality. It’s usually milder than the truly hardcore masochism seem in female submissives, sex slaves, etc. involved in sick relationships with sadistic male dominants or doms, but the BD/SM dynamic is simply the basic male/female human dynamic taken to its logical extreme. Most folks are not BD/SM’ers, but a mild form of it is virtually normal in the sexuality of both genders.

This destructive nature in the female is pushed inwards, hence women are rarely homicidal, and they are terrible killers anyway due to their physical weakness. Further, women seem to have an almost genetic aversion to engaging in physical violence, probably evolved for good reasons.

A woman can and will kill you psychologically, spiritually, and verbally and the results are often severe. But she will probably not kill you.

Whereas another man can murder you at just about any time and place. Most men understand this, hence their cautious, excessively friendly, and solicitous attitude towards other men. The message behind this groveling is usually something like, “Please don’t punch me in the face! Place don’t murder me, sir!” Any man who has not developed a healthy terror of other men will surely die young and will often meet a violent end.

The landscape of love is littered with the broken souls of men who have been frankly destroyed by females in this manner in the course of a relationship. One of the most important things to learn as a man is to toughen up enough so much that it is difficult if not impossible for a woman to commit soul-murder against you, since if you have any success with women at all, some will attempt this.

The more women you get involved with, the more attempts at soul murder are launched against you, hence Chads and Alphas are often quite cynical about women, having seen the bad side of the female in spades (in addition to ample heaps of the good side too). The player simply thinks that the punishments are the price you pay for the considerable rewards. Most players have had quite a few women launch elaborate, often long-term and severe attempts at soul murder against them.

If they can’t tough it out and take it, these men simply stop the playboy game, marry up, and go more or less monogamous. Those still in the game have been targeted many times and have plenty of war stories to tell.

The destructive aspect of the female character then is self-destructive. We see this in elevated rates of depression, eating disorders, self-harm including cutting, and the high rate of suicide attempts. Females attempt suicide five times more than men, but are usually unsuccessful and most attempts are theatrical and not intended to succeed. It’s more of a cry for attention to her pain from others.

But I am convinced that the drive to suicidality is at the core of the Feminine Character. I’ve seen far too many women, even those very close to me, become suicidal at some point in their lives. My own mother was for a while.

At one time very recently, every woman I had dated recently, which added up to four or five, were all either actively suicidal or had recently attempted (usually theatrical) suicide. The attempters were older women age ~50, and the fantasists were younger ones, 18 and 19 year old teenage girls and a 27 year old woman.

I assume the suicidality acquires a more serious and lethal character as the woman ages. Notably, all three of the older women had never had children. Having living children is one thing that keeps many or most women from ending their lives. They are literally staying alive for their children. If a female has no children, she literally has no reason to be on this Earth, such is the intensity of the maternal instinct.

Furthermore, in the women above, I noticed that there seemed to be an actual love of suicidality as if they were in a love affair with this feeling. Hence I came to see it as an “essential drive” in women’s lives. Most women never suicide but the drive is probably there off and on throughout life.

Lesser forms of this include the extreme forms of self-sacrifice women engage in for others which is related to this remora-like attachment they form with others. The extreme attachment may not be for a husband or boyfriend alone but may instead be of the  mother in the case of a teenage girl or for her children in the case of an mother.

The female of many mammal will literally sacrifice her life to save others, most particularly her children. You see this same suicidal destructiveness to defend the offspring from threats in many lower mammals. It is especially prominent and can even be lethal in bears.

It’s even present in lower life forms such as birds. A section of trail in the Sierra Nevada had to be closed because the trail went by a Cooper’s Hawk’s nest, and the female kept dive-bombing hikers and aiming the talons at their heads.

Once I was fishing on the Eel River in California near Dos Rios where they Middle Fork enters the stream. If you ever want to o to a truly beautiful part of the US, go there. Across from me on the other side of the river was a large bird that looked like an eagle. It was extremely agitated the whole time I was there, flying haphazardly in small circles and squawking incessantly. I later figured out that this was a nesting female Osprey. Apparently I was too close to her nest, and this was making her agitated.

The self-destructive nature of the Feminine Character can be tied into the intense attachment they form for others. There are many cases on record in warfare of women avenging the deaths of their men in suicidal charges. A notable one occurred among Taiwanese aborigines when 100 women of a tribe suicidally attacked a Japanese contingent that had killed their men. As they charged, they yelled, “You have killed all of our men, now you will have to kill all of us!” All of the women died, but there may have been some Japanese casualties.

As we see above the female will give her life for others, especially her children or even her husband. Most human mothers will sacrifice themselves for their children or at least they say they will. And they have no fear of the death that will result.

I recently dated an 18 year old girl who had formed a severe attachment to her mother, whom she worshiped with reverence. One time she told me of this elaborate, bizarre fantasy of hers, which involved killing herself, except that the suicide would be done somehow to protect her mother. She seemed to be a state of rapture when she described this plan to me. She was in love with this plan. This desire to kill herself to protect her mother seemed to be one of the most important and beloved themes in her life.

Case History: Boy, Age 15, Killing Puppies

In my peer counseling practice, I have so far had two animal killers. One was a 16 year old boy in Germany. He came to me about violent thoughts but he didn’t and couldn’t pay. Nonetheless he was so profoundly disturbed (killing puppies) that I felt that he needed an immediate intervention so I simply worked with him for free. Also I sometimes work with teenagers for free as they can never pay.

This boy had rescued a dog and made a pet out of it. It was a female and soon enough it had puppies. The boy then strangled all of the puppies one by one.

I was very alarmed by this, but I had to tread very carefully. I did not get angry at him for killing the puppies, nor did I act shocked. My attitude was just, “Ok, so you killed some puppies.” I told him that killing puppies was wrong, and he should not have done that. This prompted a weepy apology session where he tried to defend himself by saying it wasn’t his fault. I accepted his apology and didn’t bother him about killing the puppies.

However, I did say that I wanted this puppy-killing to stop, and I didn’t want to hear about him killing any more puppies. I was emphatic about this. He readily agreed.

A lot of clinicians will freak out and get very angry at a client who is killing mammals, but I think that is the wrong approach. The client is just going to get his back up at best, and he may well get up and walk out of the room at worst.

Even if you are shocked and horrified by the mammal-killing, it is important to not show your feelings. You can raise your eyebrows, suck in your breath, say, “Wow”, things like that, but don’t get mad at them. However, you need to throw down a hard limit of no more mammal-killing at least while the client is talking to you.

Not all mammal-killers are bad human beings. A lot of them are but not all of them. Some of them are good people who are simply ill. Also it’s just a lower mammal. Killing a dog or a cat, as much as we love them, is simply not the same as killing a human, sorry.

I finally figured out that he was probably hallucinating voices although he denied that he was, as he called them thoughts and not voices. But you can tell through careful questioning and listening carefully to their answers whether you are dealing with thoughts or hallucinations. Sometimes what people describe as “thoughts” are actually auditory hallucinations. He was getting command hallucinations telling him to kill the puppies, and he was acting on them.

He also had some other problems. His mother was dead. At age 13, his mother had taken him and herself to the railroad tracks in order to get hit by a train and commit dual suicide. At the last minute the boy ran away from the train. The mother stayed on the tracks and was killed. That’s a pretty traumatizing experience!

He had a flat attitude about him where he was always saying, “I don’t care.” It seemed a bit odd how he seemed to not care about so many things.

He kept to himself at school and drew pictures a lot. For some reason his behavior was odd enough that his schoolmates bullied him. They often hit him. He would fight back vigorously, so he was getting into fights all the time. I didn’t think this was pathological, as he was just defending himself.

After he killed the puppies he felt so guilty that he put his hands in boiling water for a long time to punish himself. This had caused some injuries to his hands.

He also didn’t get along with his father at all for whatever reason.

He was extremely confused sexually and most of his early sexual experiences from 13-on had been with other boys. But now he had a girlfriend with whom he was having regular sex, and he said he had discovered that he liked sex with women just fine. I figured he was probably straight or at least not gay. He was one of the most sexually confused people I have ever dealt with.

He also told me that he had killed a pet rabbit when he was five years old. After a bit I figured out that this was in response to a command hallucination also.

I relayed the case to a former therapist, a clinical psychologist, and he told me that mammal killers are often either psychopaths or psychotic. He also suggested that this boy may be on the track to develop Borderline Personality Disorder. He was a Pre-Borderline if you will.

We have to say this because we cannot diagnose personality disorders in people under 18 because personality often changes quite a bit, especially in adolescence. In particular, a lot of adolescents appear psychopathic but then they age out of it as they become adults. A lot of juvenile delinquents are actually just “temporary” criminals.

The BPD did fit with the self-harm (Borderline men, like Borderline women, often self-harm), the constant fighting (Borderline men often pick fights a lot), the identity confusion, and the sexual confusion.

Borderline men are bad. They’re much worse than Borderline women.

I told him it was absolutely imperative that he get to a psychiatrist and find out what was going on with his head. His father convinced him to go to a psychiatrist, and he was diagnosed with schizophrenia as I suspected.

He had a rather apathetic and “so what?” attitude about that too.

People can be apathetic for various reasons. I had an OCD man who wrote to me once with a 10 page long history of his illness. He was from India.

He worried about every stupid thing under the sun, but he also kept saying, “I don’t care” through the paper. In this case, obviously he did care and in fact, he cared way too much. So the constant “I don’t care” was probably a defense against his over-caring and the illness that developed out of it. It was a thought compulsion to counteract the excessive caring that was causing the obsessions.

However, in this case, the apathy made sense to me after his diagnosis because schizophrenics often seem apathetic, and one of the symptoms of the illness is flat emotions.

So you see not all mammal-killers are psychopaths. There can be other things going on too.

However, I must say that this boy was one of the most seriously disturbed clients I have ever had.

Alt Left: Female Satisfaction and Women's Rights

A feminist criticized me for saying that women even under conditions of out and out femicide as in Mexico, Honduras, Guatemala, El Salvador, and Colombia are not self-harming (because women don’t do that in those places) and in fact, seem happier than women in the West who have much more rights and are self-harming at a dramatic rate. She suggested that I was saying that women down there were happy to be living under conditions of femicide, but that’s not what I said.
I don’t think the women in those places should be happy due to conditions down there, but perhaps they think this woman-killing is more or less normal.
Women in those places don’t self-harm.
I’m not sure how they feel. The women in those places are pretty beaten down, submissive, etc. and are not used to standing up for themselves.  They’re pretty much resigned to living under patriarchy, and they think it’s just normal. I doubt if any women are happy to be living in a femicidal country. But the main reaction of women in these places seems to be fear more than anything else. I know they are frightened. And they definitely don’t go out at night. I have heard that in Guatemala nowadays, as soon as the sun goes down, all of the women vanish from the streets. Perhaps it is better than when my mother visited a long time ago during the Civil War. She said that back then, when night fell, everyone  left the streets and the streets were empty save for soldiers who literally stood on every corner.
I recall a recent article about a young Mexican woman who was an illegal immigrant but who had lived in the US for some time. She was deported back to Mexico, but only to Tijuana! I’ve been there more than once. They interviewed her and she said that after dark it was not safe for women to go outside due to the all of the violence against women. She said that it was so much safer in the US and that she could go out at night there.
In my mostly Hispanic town, I see Hispanic recent immigrant women (possibly illegal) around my neighborhood walking after dark from dusk to 10 PM. They look so happy to be doing that. It’s as if they are finally free! Compared to the femicidal Hell they come from, they probably feel like they are living in paradise of women’s rights.

Alt Left: Why the Rise in Self-Harm among Young Females in the West?

There is a surge in self-harming among young women in the West. One figure showed that 25% of 14 year old girls were self-harming.
Feminists argue that it is the viciousness of patriarchy in the West, the prevalence of misogynistic pornography, and the endless microaggressions that young females in the West face every day in their viciously woman-hating societies.
Ok, nice theory. But even if one acknowledges that patriarchy exists or existed, isn’t it obvious that the very vilest and most extreme versions of patriarchy (but normal in a historical context) exist in other parts of the world like Arab and Islamic World, India, Black Africa, and Latin America? Women are treated an order of magnitude worse there than in the West, where at the very least huge holes have been smashed in patriarchy, and personally I think what’s left is more like remains than a coherent hole.
In the areas where patriarchy has been dealt a serious blow and is much weaker, girls and women are cutting themselves and self-harming.
In the areas where patriarchy is alive and well, and women are seriously oppressed even to the point of femicide (Mexico, Guatemala, El Salvador, Honduras, and Colombia), no women are self-harming at all. In fact, they often seem quite happy.
Now how is this self-harming caused by male oppression when it is occurring in the places where such oppression is the lowest, and women have the most freedom and power?
I work in mental health and I am not even sure we know why females self-harm.
As far as porn destroying the self-images of young women and causing them to self-harm, I assure you that young women nowadays are literally growing up watching porn, I mean from age 13 on. They loved to watch it as teenagers, and they love to watch it now. I know this because I talk to young women quite a bit, even underage girls, and I still date young women all the way down 18 and 19 year old girls. And I am 60 years old.

Female Prisoner Too Violent to Ever Be Let Out

Here.
She obviously gets some sort of a DSM diagnosis.
So what do we give her? Antisocial Personality Disorder (sociopath)? I am not so sure about that due to all the self-harm, although she is vicious. Since when do sociopaths display all this self harm? Sociopaths hurt others, not themselves, and they only kill themselves when the jig is up. They commit suicide to avoid arrest or in prison to avoid the pain of imprisonment, but only rarely in other cases, though some get alcoholic, depressed and suicidal in middle age as the sociopathy starts to burn itself out. I think she has some psychopathic traits though and would score fairly high on Hare PC-L test.
She mostly looks like a Borderline. Borderlines can be quite violent, even female borderlines. And borderlines are notorious for horrific self-harm, suicide threats and suicide attempts. They are not usually this violent though. This crazy bitch has murdered a fellow inmate and attacked guards several times, carving up one’s cheek.
Is there a syndrome called Borderline-Sociopath or Sociopathic Borderline? If there is, she might be something like that.
Whatever she is, she sure is awful evil for a female. Females are not usually this bad. Females can be evil, but their evil is more annoying and infuriating than dangerous. Male evil is much worse because it is menacing, violent, dangerous and homicidal. I have dealt with some evil females in my life and while I wanted to kill most of them at the time, obviously I never did it or even tried or plotted. On the other hand, none of them were really dangerous to me. They were just trying to be as infuriating as possible to provoke the maximum possible violent and crazed reaction from me. I call it “trying to get murdered.”
I will take female evil over male evil any day though. Evil men are terrifying. Evil men have tried to kill me, and I say that with all seriousness. I have had scenes with evil males where it was literally kill or be killed. “I either try to kill these guys, or do nothing and let them kill me.” Others have not tried to kill me but instead beat me very badly, even with heavy objects.
As long as humans are not physically dangerous, they can sort of be tolerated no matter how wicked they are. But violence and the threat of injury or death via attack is a whole other matter.
 

OCD Versus Psychosis OCD with Psychotic Features

This is another in a series of articles on psychiatric diagnosis. This one will focus on the interface between OCD and psychosis. Keep in mind that there is a now a dx called “OCD with psychotic features.” Here are five cases of OCD with psychotic features. As you can see, these people believe in some really strange stuff! They are also very, very ill.
Case 1

Z suddenly developed rituals at age 17. While watching television he looked up and saw a man’s face at the glass kitchen door and heard a voice say: “Do the habits and things will go right”. He came to believe in a ‘power’ that could bring him luck if he could retain it within his possession through ritualising.

He bought an electric guitar which he felt contained the ‘power’ and would turn the controls ritualistically. He often saw a ‘black dot’ the size of a fist leave his body and enter some object around him. When experiencing the loss of the ‘black dot’ he felt compelled to ritualise to regain the ‘power’ that he believed was contained in it.

At age 19 he began to believe that a workman possessed a second ‘power’ for evil and began a second set of rituals to ward off this evil power while striving to retain the good one. He believed absolutely in the ‘power’ and feared disastrous consequences for himself and his family should he fail to retain the good and repel the evil power.

Before his admission to hospital, obsessions and compulsions affected every area of his life. Before performing any action he felt compelled to imagine the letter ‘L’ and the phrase ‘X away, power back’ for up to 20 minutes. He felt unable to sit on chairs or walk on grass or leaves, and slept with his feet uncovered for fear of the ‘power’ being transferred to some object from which he might be unable to retrieve it.
On leaving home he constantly retraced his steps to place his foot on a crack in the pavement or a leaf that he felt he had trodden on and so lost some of the ‘power’. If he saw the black dot leave his body (about 20 times a day) he had to touch the object it had entered and superimpose the letter ‘L’ and the phrase ‘X away, power back’ in his mind until he saw the black dot return.
From age 18, Z also had recurrent depression, hopelessness and suicidal urges, with deliberate self-harm (overdoses and wrist-slashing) when he was in a depressed mood. He said he harmed himself to appease the power or as a wish to die “when everything was perfect” after a day of ritualizing.

Case 2

Y developed beliefs about a ‘power’ at age 13. He felt that everyone had a certain ‘quality’ or ‘goodness’ which was stored in the brain as a ‘power’. He believed that other people drained the power from him and replaced it with their own rubbish (feces and urine). The exchange of power was triggered by an image in his mind of a face or object. When it happened he felt distressed, ‘dirty’ and ‘horrible’.
He could only regain the power by doing complex rituals. He imagined the person’s face and that he had detached their head from their body and sucked the power from the major vessels of their neck or from their eyes. He then transferred the power back into himself by banging his palm on a particular spot on his forehead, and breathing out repeatedly. This made him feel relieved and ‘good’, but as the events recurred up to several times a minute the relief was short-lived.
He felt ‘compelled’ at times to get revenge on people who stole his power by drawing with his finger on a wall a deformed and ugly representation. If he touched anything he left a ‘power’ trace behind and so had to touch it repeatedly to get the ‘power’ back. Y’s belief in the experience was absolute. He knew it might seem strange to others but believed that if they experienced it, they would understand.
From age 17 he also had recurrent depression, hopelessness and suicidal urges requiring hospital admission.

Case 3

At the age of 8, X had transient counting rituals associated with fear of harm coming to others. When she was 15, after a relative died, she feared that harm would befall her family and friends unless she completed specific tasks. She thought a supernatural ‘power’ inserted unpleasant thoughts into her mind, e.g. “if you read that book a relative will die”.
She believed unshakably that the power was supernatural, but could not explain it. To appease the ‘power’ and the thoughts, she developed complex counting rituals pervading her daily activities. She also did ritualistic hand-washing and checking. She avoided specific numbers, colours and clothes and counted from 0 to 8 on her fingers and toes throughout the day.
She repeated rhymes, avoided multiple numbers she associated with death or harm, and brushed her hair hundreds of times a day. She felt unable to resist the rituals, as her belief in negative consequences was absolute. Before she was admitted to hospital, rituals took all of her time until she fell asleep.
X had two episodes of moderate depression at age 25 and 34, both associated with worsening of her OCD. She had never harmed herself.

Case 4

At the age of 7, W developed fear of harm coming to relatives. He engaged in hand-washing and touching rituals to prevent this. Gradually he began to believe that ‘spirits’ or an outside force ‘reminded’ him to carry out his rituals lest harm should result. He associated the numbers 13 and 66 with harm and, if he saw them, believed they were placed by an external force to remind him to carry out his rituals.
He defended his belief absolutely but said he could not be 100% sure “because one can never be sure about anything”. He was unable to resist his rituals, as his belief in the negative consequences of not doing so was absolute. His rituals centered around numbers, complex counting, and avoidance of specific numbers. At age 31 he developed fear of contamination associated with many rituals of avoidance and hand-washing.
Prior to admission he was homeless and had thrown away all his ‘contaminated’ possessions, carrying all he owned in two carrier bags.

Case 5

For 20 years V had had a fear of being transported into another world. At age 17 he worried that reflections in mirrors represented another world, and had complex checking rituals involving mirrors. This gradually spread to all reflective surfaces. He believed that turning on electrical switches, using the television remote control or hearing car engines turned on could cause him to be ‘transported’ and constantly checked to make sure this had not happened.
He believed that if he ate while in another world, he would be forced to stay there, and so either avoided eating, or ate with complex rituals, or induced vomiting. Other rituals involved switching electrical switches on and off and wearing particular clothes. The ‘other’ world was tangibly the same as the real one, but ‘felt’ different – he felt that friends and family, although appearing the same, were ‘different’ and might have been replaced by ‘doubles’. The symptoms gradually worsened, occupying all of his time prior to admission to hospital.
When he was 27 he suffered severe depression requiring in-patient care, and again at age 30. He had no history of self-harm.

Just Kill Yourself and Get it Over With

Seriously, you sick bitch.
Borderline personality disorder, apparently. She’s a cutter.
I knew some cutters once. They actually formed a club called Oakhurst Cutters. Bunch of stupid, sick, fucked up young White women. She told us that at a table with a bunch of other people and started laughing. I stood up, pointed at her, told her she was a sick bitch, and walked away. In modern society, that’s considered impolite. I think it’s impolite to use your own living body as a med school cadaver, sorry.
Why don’t we just line these people up and shoot them and get it over with? I’m not serious, but that’s what I often think about these BPD types. Just line em up and shoot em!