Alt Left: Banned from Twitter Again

As you know, I was banned from Twitter a while back for saying,

There’s no such thing as transgender people. They’re all just mentally ill.

I don’t quite believe that this is true because I think there are ~

8

It is curable and some people have simply cured themselves. Others have thought their way out of it. Whatever is wrong with them, none of them are men in women’s bodies or vice versa. The closest to that are the “homosexual MtF transsexuals or pure transsexuals who have brains that are “female-shifted” but not female. That is, their brains are halfway between a male brain and a female brain. So their brains are feminized relative to the average male, but they do not have female brain structures.

Anyway, I got banned.

Somehow I sneaked back on and set up another profile. It was rather successful for some odd reason until I got linked up with Robert Stark who was getting into it with TERF (trans-exclusive radical feminists).

I have no idea how it came up, but I ended up posting how I was still dating 18 and 19 year old girls around age 60. It’s very hard to date them and I’ve only been with a few because almost all of them want to charge me, that is, they want me to be their sugar daddy. That costs about $400/month so that is too much for me.

But now and again when the stars align or I succeed in violating the laws of physics, I find one who will date me, not for free, but in a normal dating relationship. Anytime you have an age gap that extreme, you’re always paying for everything since she usually doesn’t have a nickel. She’s often living at her parents’ house, hasn’t even learned to drive a car yet, has very limited work history, and some are still in high school!

Yes, I have dated high schools at age 60! But they were over 18. And sexually they have no idea what they are doing. Quite a few are virgins or practically so. One 18 year old girl not only had never had sex, but she had never even been kissed. I was her first.

As with the underage jailbaits (formerly accessible as a teenage boy and from 18-21), they have no idea what they are doing in bed, but they are very curious and enthusiastic and have a child-like eagerness to learn. Everything’s new to them and they’re having fun. They also often on a mission to achieve their sexual self-actualization in the face of parents or society that are preventing them from having sex.

They are out to create a sexual life for themselves as a way of being an adult and being independent, so there is often a rebellious attitude to it. One 19 year old girl was living at home and her father was enforcing permanent virginity til marriage on her. That wasn’t working out but he was still angry and slut-shaming. At 5 PM on the afternoon of the first date, she shocked me by asking me if she could move in. Of course I said yes.

If you take these young ladies in, you become her (substitute) father – let’s face it – in many cases that is what is behind all of this – a poor relationship with her father. Absent father, father left her, never knew her father, hostile father, hates her father, on and on. She veers towards older men as father figures to give her the love that Daddy never gave her. So you, the older man, are basically Daddy.

You are also her lover of course and in most cases you are her sex therapist too, since as I noted, they have no idea what they are doing in bed.

You are also her therapist, since they are typically pretty screwed up in the head. In fact, most of the ones I have dated were suicidal, either slightly or overtly. However, suicidality is almost the natural state of Womankind, and though they talk a good game, they don’t walk the walk. They make 4-5 more attempts than men, but men commit suicide twice as often. Suicidal attempts in women, which I have witnessed in a couple of girlfriends already, are typically designed to fail and are often cries for help or attention. They often use pills, which don’t work very well.

Men on the other hand – we don’t mess around. If we are going to try to commit suicide, we will finish the job, goddamn it, as cries for help and attention and considered sissified and feminine in men, so we don’t like to do that. On that note, gay teenage boys have an attempted suicide rate that is very high, as high as women’s, but once again, the completed rate is low. So these gay boys are engaging in a feminine style of suicidality, not surprising considering that much male homosexual behavior is feminine.

Anyway, most of these girls know very little about life, so you end up doling out wisdom to her all the time, and she is learning about life every single day. You show her better ways of dealing with things and how to be more mentally healthy as opposed to the opposite – what used to be called mental hygiene.

You also end up teaching her the 300,000+ rules about social speech and behavior. Actually there are a lot more than that, but I can only remember 300,000 of them at the moment. I apologize. I know, I’m a social retard. There are actually 3 million rules, and any competent social actor knows them all by heart. Forget one rule and you’re a social failure. But of course.

Young people don’t know much about this weird and often crazy rules, and they end up mystified and angry a good part of the time. So you’re always teaching her the rules of the world, which, at the tender age of 64, I am still learning. I’m not sure if that is normal, but perhaps it is. Learning is a lifelong process. Anyone who thinks they know it all is a fool best avoided.

I have a genius IQ which is otherwise useless, but it’s good teaching young folks. And I’ve spent my whole life filling up my brain. I easily am smarter and know more than 9

Anyway, all of this comes in handy with a young woman, especially an intelligent one who knows a thing or two herself and is the “eager for knowledge” type. In vocabulary alone, I end up teaching them easily 10-20 new words every single day. And I know so much about so many things that these women can learn a Hell of a lot from me. I’m a walking encyclopedia, or maybe a walking university course. They recognize that and seem to enjoy learning all of these new things.

One told me six months after we had separated, “Ever since I met you, everyone I meet seems like an idiot.” It had been nine months since we had met. Another one was always telling me how wise I was. Most of us get to middle age and hopefully we have accumulated some wisdom along the way. That’s the general idea, you know. Hence a middle aged person will usually be wiser than someone in their 20’s, though some young people are already remarkably wise for whatever reason.

You might end up teaching her to drive.

If she moves in with you, it will be the first time she’s ever been on her own.

You are her mentor in so many ways. I’m a former teacher and it’s such a great joy to see someone learn, and there are few places you can watch this growth process unfold so quickly as when you are mentoring one of these young women.

So anyway, I laid all of this out in some posts, Robert reposted them gleefully, and the next thing I knew I was in a thunderstorm of radical feminists, lesbians, man-haters, social conservatives (they are allies – I call them femiservatives), and various forms of cucks, fags, and girlymen (male feminists).

The abuse was nonstop. I was called these things many times – pedophile (the girls were adults), predator, groomer, creep, rapist, dangerous to women, on and on. After they decided I was a professor at some Fresno State University, they said I was “grooming” my female students, which isn’t possible because you can only groom children. I was also “preying” on my female students. About 20 of them emailed the university demanding that they fire me. Unfortunately for them, I’m not a professor at that university. I’m only an alumnus.

Then they decided that I was a therapist, said that any male therapist who acts like I was had no business being in that profession, and ~20 more of them bombarded the State Board of Counseling Licensing to try to get my license pulled. Fortunately, I’m a peer counselor and we don’t have to be licensed, degreed, credentialed, or anything. We are limited in what we can call ourselves and say that we do, but there’s no license to pull, and no one has any jurisdiction over us. So that didn’t work either.

Then they started bombarding Twitter with complaints. When this wasn’t working, they posted, “Why is this pedophile still posting? Why haven’t we shut him down yet?” I think Twitter has a policy that once someone starts getting mass-reported, they are considered a nuisance customer and terminated for generating too many complaints. A perfect way to justify mass fake reporting of people you don’t like.

I mostly know the rules, but they caught me on a couple of things. Using the word “whore.” That’s a ban on that cucked website. A few other things.

Twitter dinged me three times and gave me a 7-day ban. That made me so mad that I reported a bunch of my enemies who had turned me in, something I never do because I hate this whole cucked process of banning free speech based on woke BS and hurt feelings. It’s completely gay. I don’t see why any man goes along with this pussy nonsense. It’s tattling and tattling is pussy and weak. Women tattle. Women call the cops every time the wind changes direction.

Men aren’t supposed to be calling the cops all the time, tattling on everyone, and trying to get everyone in trouble. That’s what sissies do. It’s like a little boy running to his Mommy every time he gets into it with other boys. It’s totally weak and wussy behavior.

After a couple of days, for no reason, Twitter changed it into a permanent ban. So the soyboys at Twitter permanently banned me for saying I dated 18 and 19 year old girls around age 60. How pussy and gay is that? Well folks, this is our soyciety in the Current Year, I am afraid. We live in a Matriarchy. The women are in charge and run the show. The “men” in power are all soyboys and cucks who are working for the Matriarchy. Real men have nowhere to go and are increasingly threatened. I don’t see this getting better anytime soon. In fact, it seems to be getting worse.

So there ya go. My latest ban. But have no fear. Is it possible I may sneak back on again? Who knows! Stay tuned to this channel to find out!

Alt Left: We All Have Our Crosses We Bear: The Tragic Life of the Transsexual

We All Have Our Crosses We Bear: The Tragic Life of the Transsexual

First off, I don’t hate transsexuals. I feel terribly sorry for them. They’re crazy. I work in mental health. I don’t hate crazy people. Hell, I deal with them all the time. How can I hate my clients? I’m half nuts myself anyway.

I’ve talked to a few transsexuals.

The Transmen

I talked to some transmen. One admitted that she had made a mistake. She wanted to date me but she lived too far away. She had the body of a woman, curvy with nice tits, hairless. I asked about the hairlessness and she told me she shaved a lot. Then I saw her face.

The face of a very attractive human, but alas, only a pretty boy and not a girl by any stretch of the imagination. Most pretty boys don’t really look like women. Everyone just thinks they do. Look at them real close. They look like a very beautiful man, but still a man nonetheless. There’s some implacable barrier between a pretty boy and an attractive woman. You can’t put your finger on it but you know it’s there.

Male model good looks, but still a pretty boy. I thought, “I don’t know about that.”

Another wanted to date me too. She explicitly stated that she would definitely have sex with me, and she lived fairly close. She was willing to drive five hours up here just to get fucked. I wanted to do it until I thought about it.

She still had the body of a woman except for the hair on her chest. I told her she’d have to shave it. She agreed.

The deep voice? No problem.

Clit as big as a micropenis? Probably not a problem. I’ll just tell myself it’s a giant clit and see if that works.

Then I thought about her face. I never saw it but I don’t want to. Transmen are still women of course, but their faces look exactly like men’s. She will look like a guy. No way can I have sex with a woman who totally looks like a guy. That’ll be sure to send me into a gay panic. I’m way too homophobic to to that.

Even worse, I told me best female friend, a former model, gorgeous at 32. She referred to my potential sex partner as “he.” To me she was always a “she.” That really hit me. No way can I fuck any human who others refer to as “he.” You’re hitting my homophobic nerve pretty hard there.

Besides, they’re all tight as virgins. They can’t even use dildos anymore. They bleed when they have sex. Their vaginas hardly work anymore, like those of postmenopausal women, and they’re 25 years old. 25 year olds with the vaginas of a 55 year olds.

All of this is mostly just sad more than anything else for me, especially that last paragraph and in particular that last sentence. I don’t hate transmen at all. They’re tragic figures, often willing to admit they were mistaken. You pity someone that much, and  it’s impossible to hate them.

Transwomen

I talked to a few transwomen, and they were the nicest guys I’ve ever met. Real sweethearts. Remarkably soft and kindhearted for men. Pacifists. I didn’t hate them at all. How can you hate someone that nice? On the other hand, if you ask me if they’re crazy, I’d have to say yes.

The Life of the Transwoman and Her Trans Friends, Written in the Second Person

Despite the fact that you’re already crazy and miserable anyway, you get locked into Trans IP and get even more miserable.

But you’re wretched. Everybody’s misgendering you all day. TERF’s are everywhere, stinking up the landscape, posing as woke progressives. The laws are all against you. You’re locked out of the dating sites. There’s always prostitution but who wants to be a whore? You just got fired from another job by your transphobic ass of a boss. He laughed when he did it. Most jobs last months, not years. Your resume is a trainwreck. You have to fake the whole thing. Invent places you never worked at, jobs you never had, and you’re playing games with time frames. Your family disowned you.

You’re a laughingstock. You’re always the butt of some joke. Nobody understands you. Cis people keep trying to be woke, but they keep screwing up. They’re never quite free of transphobia.

You have to keep moving the goalposts to think up some new oppressions when the old ones don’t work anymore because you always have to have new oppressions to keep cutting and going to the hospital, taking three different psych meds, or hangdog-ing in some therapist’s office who probably secretly hates you. You need a reason to be hated, so you can be a victim. So you can blame all your mental problems on bigots. Everyone’s misinformed and a bit mean all the time. Even when they’re nice they’re mean. Like human venus fly traps.

No one wants to date you. You’re lonely every night. The porn doesn’t work anymore. Half your trans friends are flakes, nutjobs, and kooks – and that’s when they weren’t sex offenders or creepy latent rapists. A few of them liked little kids. You shudder at that. Your friends are all narcissists. Everyone you know has NPD. And you keep asking yourself why so many transwomen are psychopaths. You last two “best friends” ripped you off for hundreds of dollars. You confronted them and they laughed.

You call yourself a lesbian with a dick, but pretty soon you’re yelling that no dyke wants to date you. There’s nothing a lesbian hates more than a penis. It’s not rocket science. You demonstrate and rage about cotton ceilings. You try to join lesbian marches so you can maybe get a date, but you get found out, and the womyn physically remove you from the march. You fight back but the police come.

All your transwomen friends are collecting DSM diagnoses, and that’s no fun. Collecting baseball cards? Ok? Collecting different ways of being nuts? The Hell never goes away, and it gets a bit worse every New Year’s.

You’re suicidal. The cutting wasn’t enough. You always needed just one more scar. You catch yourself on the web researching suicide methods. Anything to make the pain go away. The psych drugs stop working and then they up the doses, but the side effects wreck your life, so you go off meds. You’ve had 30 different DSM diagnoses. They can’t all be right, but no one can agree what’s wrong with you.

As you head towards middle age, more of your old friends are buying it with their own hand:

There’s Tracy, drug overdose.

Debbie the streetwalker, murdered by one of her Black clients.

Betty finally took one too many pills.

Ginger used a gun. They say it was gross, splattered all over the wall. The Hazmat team came out.

Latisha jumped off a chair and was found swinging in the air with a broken neck. I hope it was over fast.

Jade was hit by a car. There were rumors that she ran out into traffic!

Lisa? Cirrhosis. She was the life of the party, always with a drink in her hand. One day she drank one too many.

Mary? Liver cancer. The hepatitis from the needles finally caught up with her.

Maryanne? She never could pass. Good God, ugliest horse face you ever saw. And that jawline. People were always cupping their mouths to hide their snickers. One day the humiliation was too much. She was found in a bathtub of blood, razor on the edge of the porcelain.

Your trans friends are offing themselves at 20X the rate of your cis friends. Some liberation! 10 detransitioned, but half of them went back on steroids. One, Rhonda, went back and forth three times. One day she quit changing her mind. She was found lying motionless in a wino alleyway. Natural causes, they said. But she was only 38!

You did know some transmen. After testosterone liberation, they started going to jail and they never stopped. They’d been clean as a whistle before. Who knew that testosterone could turn you into a criminal? You saw the transformations. Meek young ladies to raging pussymen. You thought lesbians were bad? Wait til you meet transmen. They’re as raging and combative as dykes, except lesbians have normal hormones. Transmen are raging dykes with testosterone poisoning.

One, Julie, detransitioned. But her voice was deep as man’s. Poor girl will have to shave every morning for life. And the injections made her sterile.

At 25, your transmen friends already have vaginal atrophy, a condition most women don’t get for another few decades. Their pussies are as tight as a virgin’s. Their dildos won’t even fit anymore.

Some dated straight cis men but most guys flipped when they saw the clit as big as a baby carrot. One transman friend swore one went into a gay panic. He was this far from killing her.

You have the face of a guy, so only kinky gay men want to fuck you. It feels weird. You want a real man, like all women. You’re a woman, and the testosterone makes you maniacally horny for days on end. Who would have thought that testosterone would turn you into an insatiable sex maniac?

You rub your clit to masculine straight men nonstop for three days straight, and the next day, here you are, in the Castro again, getting fucked by another sissyboy. To deal with the cognitive dissonance, you start calling yourself a gay man. Everyone says you’re crazy. And like so many gay men, you long to get fucked by masculine straight men, not sissified nellyboys. But of course the real men don’t want you. Only the girlymen do. Ever wonder why gay men are so unhappy? There ya go. One of the main reasons right there.

And now you realize that this is only the beginning. From now on out, it’ll be downhill all the way. You steel yourself for the ride. You’ll need all the fortitude you can get.

The Drive to Annihilation in the Masculine (Homicidal) and Feminine (Suicidal) Characters

The Annihilatory or Destructive Drive at the Core of the Human Character

Both males and females have a drive to destruction as part of their core Characters. This is obviously a downside of any human’s character, but both the Masculine and Feminine  Characters are probably 5

At other times you see it in spades, and many people, especially as they get older, turn the mirror around and only show the back side of it to people. All you see is the bad aspects of the Character. The good side is probably still there in most of them, and you may even see it peek out some of the time.

Both males and females have a drive to destruction as part of their core Characters. This is obviously a downside of any human’s character, but both the Masculine and Feminine  Characters are probably 5

Think of the good side as the bright side of the moon you see at night. The bad side of the Character/Gender is like the dark side of the moon and hopefully it acts like it. You know full well it’s there even there even though you never see it.

The Annihilatory or Destructive Component in  the Masculine Character

In the male the drive to destruction is projected outwards, which is what males do with most destructive emotions. Sending negative emotions inside of yourself is considered to be pussy, weak, female, acting like a bitch, etc. “Manning up” usually means nothing more than projecting your crap outwards as opposed to inwards.

The Masculine Character has a destructive aspect, and it is dark indeed. It is frankly homicidal and most men are homicidal either consciously or consciously or at least they were as boys, when they projected their murderousness onto non-human creatures and converted it to fistfights with the males they are around.

However, it is very hard for a boy to be truly homicidal and murder another human being, either another boy or a man. Something stops them. This is odd because they spend a lot of time killing non-human things like bugs, and they physically fight each other regularly. Yet the fights seldom end in serious damage and always stop short of homicide.

So in the boy, the homicidal impulse is there most of the time, but it is transformed into playing with army men and toy guns, berry and dirt clod wars with other teams of boys (this mirrors small-scale tribal warfare), physical fighting which causes little damage, and murder of non-human lower-level creatures.

Yet as a boy grows into a man he is supposed to abandon this overt destruction and sadism of boyhood, as retaining is seen as acting like a boy, not a man. Such a young man will be told to “Grow up!” by other men. The sadistic boyhood monster begins being berated in adolescence, and at some point the blows may become physical. In this way, the core destructive sadism of the boy is transformed into the calm and controlled man.

Nevertheless, I don’t think the homicidality ever goes away. I spent most of my young adulthood in a homicidal frame of mind, directed at my enemies of course, always other men. Yet I scarcely harmed a soul and only acted on it once when I tried to kill a man who was trying, frankly, to kill me! And that was not fun. It was the worst experience of my life.

So even younger men who feel homicidal most of the time, which is practically normal, will almost never act on it, and if they ever do, they are quickly transported to the 9th circle of Hell. The homicidality is meant to be fantasy only. It’s supposed to go away in middle age, but I suspect that it just goes into hiding. I know my Killer Maniac is in me, as I feel him regularly. Yet he’s locked in a maximum security prison in my gut, and like Hell he will ever feel the light of day.

At its worst, the other-destructive aspect of the Masculine Character is truly black and horrible and actually manifests as a desire to destroy on a significant basis either objects, animals, or other humans. It’s an “obliterating” tendency. At its core, this black desire seems to be a desire to destroy the entire world and everything in it. Truly awful, but no man will come close to realizing it.

Radical feminists have done a good job of portraying the bad side of men, and the best of them have commented precisely about this homicidal character and in particular about its totalizing obliterative tendency. I’ve seen it described as a desire to obliterate the entire universe. That is when I knew that this particular radfem truly had her finger on the male pulse.

The Annihilatory or Destructive Component in  the Feminine Character

Men project their pain outwards onto others, and women push it inwards into the self. This manifests in all sorts of ways that I assume the reader is more than familiar with.

Freud even suggested that the female, at her core, is essentially a masochist. This may be true that the aspect of her destructive character is masochistic. This follows from the description above describing the male, at his core, is essentially a sadist.

Indeed, many women behave in variations of a masochistic manner in bed, and masochism is deeply tied into female sexuality. It’s usually milder than the truly hardcore masochism seem in female submissives, sex slaves, etc. involved in sick relationships with sadistic male dominants or doms, but the BD/SM dynamic is simply the basic male/female human dynamic taken to its logical extreme. Most folks are not BD/SM’ers, but a mild form of it is virtually normal in the sexuality of both genders.

This destructive nature in the female is pushed inwards, hence women are rarely homicidal, and they are terrible killers anyway due to their physical weakness. Further, women seem to have an almost genetic aversion to engaging in physical violence, probably evolved for good reasons.

A woman can and will kill you psychologically, spiritually, and verbally and the results are often severe. But she will probably not kill you.

Whereas another man can murder you at just about any time and place. Most men understand this, hence their cautious, excessively friendly, and solicitous attitude towards other men. The message behind this groveling is usually something like, “Please don’t punch me in the face! Place don’t murder me, sir!” Any man who has not developed a healthy terror of other men will surely die young and will often meet a violent end.

The landscape of love is littered with the broken souls of men who have been frankly destroyed by females in this manner in the course of a relationship. One of the most important things to learn as a man is to toughen up enough so much that it is difficult if not impossible for a woman to commit soul-murder against you, since if you have any success with women at all, some will attempt this.

The more women you get involved with, the more attempts at soul murder are launched against you, hence Chads and Alphas are often quite cynical about women, having seen the bad side of the female in spades (in addition to ample heaps of the good side too). The player simply thinks that the punishments are the price you pay for the considerable rewards. Most players have had quite a few women launch elaborate, often long-term and severe attempts at soul murder against them.

If they can’t tough it out and take it, these men simply stop the playboy game, marry up, and go more or less monogamous. Those still in the game have been targeted many times and have plenty of war stories to tell.

The destructive aspect of the female character then is self-destructive. We see this in elevated rates of depression, eating disorders, self-harm including cutting, and the high rate of suicide attempts. Females attempt suicide five times more than men, but are usually unsuccessful and most attempts are theatrical and not intended to succeed. It’s more of a cry for attention to her pain from others.

But I am convinced that the drive to suicidality is at the core of the Feminine Character. I’ve seen far too many women, even those very close to me, become suicidal at some point in their lives. My own mother was for a while.

At one time very recently, every woman I had dated recently, which added up to four or five, were all either actively suicidal or had recently attempted (usually theatrical) suicide. The attempters were older women age ~50, and the fantasists were younger ones, 18 and 19 year old teenage girls and a 27 year old woman.

I assume the suicidality acquires a more serious and lethal character as the woman ages. Notably, all three of the older women had never had children. Having living children is one thing that keeps many or most women from ending their lives. They are literally staying alive for their children. If a female has no children, she literally has no reason to be on this Earth, such is the intensity of the maternal instinct.

Furthermore, in the women above, I noticed that there seemed to be an actual love of suicidality as if they were in a love affair with this feeling. Hence I came to see it as an “essential drive” in women’s lives. Most women never suicide but the drive is probably there off and on throughout life.

Lesser forms of this include the extreme forms of self-sacrifice women engage in for others which is related to this remora-like attachment they form with others. The extreme attachment may not be for a husband or boyfriend alone but may instead be of the  mother in the case of a teenage girl or for her children in the case of an mother.

The female of many mammal will literally sacrifice her life to save others, most particularly her children. You see this same suicidal destructiveness to defend the offspring from threats in many lower mammals. It is especially prominent and can even be lethal in bears.

It’s even present in lower life forms such as birds. A section of trail in the Sierra Nevada had to be closed because the trail went by a Cooper’s Hawk’s nest, and the female kept dive-bombing hikers and aiming the talons at their heads.

Once I was fishing on the Eel River in California near Dos Rios where they Middle Fork enters the stream. If you ever want to o to a truly beautiful part of the US, go there. Across from me on the other side of the river was a large bird that looked like an eagle. It was extremely agitated the whole time I was there, flying haphazardly in small circles and squawking incessantly. I later figured out that this was a nesting female Osprey. Apparently I was too close to her nest, and this was making her agitated.

The self-destructive nature of the Feminine Character can be tied into the intense attachment they form for others. There are many cases on record in warfare of women avenging the deaths of their men in suicidal charges. A notable one occurred among Taiwanese aborigines when 100 women of a tribe suicidally attacked a Japanese contingent that had killed their men. As they charged, they yelled, “You have killed all of our men, now you will have to kill all of us!” All of the women died, but there may have been some Japanese casualties.

As we see above the female will give her life for others, especially her children or even her husband. Most human mothers will sacrifice themselves for their children or at least they say they will. And they have no fear of the death that will result.

I recently dated an 18 year old girl who had formed a severe attachment to her mother, whom she worshiped with reverence. One time she told me of this elaborate, bizarre fantasy of hers, which involved killing herself, except that the suicide would be done somehow to protect her mother. She seemed to be a state of rapture when she described this plan to me. She was in love with this plan. This desire to kill herself to protect her mother seemed to be one of the most important and beloved themes in her life.

Insight, Defenses, and the Ego-Syntonic/Ego-Dystonic and Crazy/Sick Binaries in Axis 1 and 2 Disorders

For the first time in my life a week ago, I experienced the thing that a lot of depressives experience. They actually want to be depressed. They like to be depressed. The depressed mind tells them that depression is simply normality. They don’t want to get better because they’re already normal. Some deeply depressed people don’t even realize they are depressed.

They’re on the verge of suicide, cutting themselves, with a mood blacker than a redfish in a steaming New Orleans kitchen, snapping at everyone, paranoid that all the happy people are secretly making fun of them, but they’re completely normal. They stand up and scream at psychiatrist after psychiatrist who tells them that they are deeply depressed. They are not, dammit! They’re perfectly normal! And they storm out of the office until the next time with the new doctor.

Finally someone slips them a handful of pills, and they start popping them. The permanent night goes away and the sun comes out for once. As the dawn begins to clear into the sharp light of day, the reality hammer hits them hard, and they realize just how sick they were.

The problem with these disorders is the part of the body that is sick is the brain. A working brain is necessary to figure out if you’re ok or not, and when you’re brain isn’t working, you’re incapable of recognizing that you are ill.

One former employee told me that once, this person asked Musk if he ever worried about losing his mind.

Musk replied: “Does a crazy person ever look in the mirror and know that he’s crazy?”

There you have it. Straight from the mouth of the Devil Himself. And of course Musk is nuts. He’s Bipolar. Almost all of his crazy behavior is happening when he is manic or hypomanic or whatever. I can look right through that article about him and see the mania raging through his life, unacknowledged, and of course consequently unhindered. There is a connection between mania (hypomania) and creativity, and Musk is nothing if not creative. One wonders if he treated his illness if then his creativity might decline in tandem with his (hypo)mania. Many people with Bipolar Disorder report just that.

Mania has the curious characteristic of not only making you nuts, but blinding you to that fact. As we just saw, depression can do that too. And I’ve finally figured out firsthand what I have been observing for years now – that depressed people actually like to be depressed and literally do not want to get better. The depression makes them incapable of wanting to get better.

Of course in psychosis no one thinks they are ill. That’s why they call it psychosis.

Axis 2 disorders also blind the person to the fact that they are ill but they do so in a different way because in personality disorders, the brain is usually fine, it’s more that the person’s true character is ill. People with personality disorders aren’t even crazy or mentally ill in a sense. Instead, they are sick. Sick at their very soul, at the very essence. Soul-sick.

Think of a psychopath. Is he crazy? Give it up. Of course he’s not nuts. Crazy as a fox, sure. But anyone who has spent any time around these people realizes that somehow there is something terribly wrong with them. It’s almost as if they are not quite human. They are more like animals, or better yet, machines. While they are surely disturbed, it’s clear that they aren’t the slightest bit crazy. The psychopath is one of the sanest people you’ll meet. So what is he if he’s not nuts? He’s sick. What is sick? His soul is sick. We are almost outside of crazy/sane here into the other binary of good/evil.

People with personality disorders never think anything is wrong with them because it is the core self, the true you, the real personality, that is sick. No one wants to think they’ve got a crappy personality. Deep down inside, everyone is just fine. Or at least that’s all they know. How can you be anything other than yourself? You can’t. So how can being you be wrong? It can’t. You don’t know how to be anything other than you so your true core self can never be sick, and you couldn’t figure out how to not be yourself anyway even if it was.

Personality disorders, along with paraphilias, are typically ego-syntonic, and the characteristic of ego-syntonic disorders is that people don’t think anything is wrong.

On the other hand, the anxiety disorders do not seem to be ego-syntonic in general. They’re quite ego-dystonic. It’s like you’ve got a monkey on your back. The person with the anxiety disorder says, “Get these thoughts/feelings out of my head/body! Make them go away! I hate them!” These disorders are quite painful but their ego-dystonic nature makes people want to seek help.

The anxiety disorders have always been a stick in the mud for Freudian pleasure principle theory because they make the person so miserable. But that only works if you see them as defenses, and I don’t think anxiety disorders are defenses.

Want to talk defenses? Personality disorders, right this way, in Display Number 2 over here. A wild bundle of defenses crafted into the the most Rube Goldbergian fortress you’ve ever seen with trap doors, stairways to nowhere, fake walls, hidden rooms, booby traps, decoys, the whole nine yards. The fortress is so huge and fortified that it’s not even working to protect the person anymore.

This is a person that has constructed a fortress so huge and complex to protect themselves that, while it’s protecting them for sure, it’s also causing more problems than it solving. A case of the cure is worse than the disease. Sort of like a country that spends itself bankrupt on defense and doesn’t have enough left over for food.

In fact, the person themselves tends to disappear in Personality Disorders, and all you see is this wild swirl of defenses. Now and then you can glimpse the real person when they surface a bit for some air before plunging back down to the Axis 2 depths, but it’s usually pretty well hidden.

It’s often quite shocking to glimpse the real person because you’ve been looking at the personality disorder so long that you’ve come to think that the disorder is the actual person. On the other hand, it’s a good question. Is the personality disorder the person themselves? Is there a true self down there somewhere amidst the whirlpool of defenses? I’m not sure.

Of course anxiety disorders are not defenses. They thought psychoses were defenses too. People were “activating psychotic defenses.” Well, for a defense, I must say that a psychosis has to be one of the lousiest ways to protect yourself that I can think of. Of course psychoses are not defenses. Nor are mood disorders. The manic is not engaging in “flight into reality.” How on Earth depression defends against anything on Earth is beyond me.

The Axis 1 Disorders – the mood, anxiety, and psychotic disorders – are simply illnesses like the illnesses you get in the other parts of your body. Only these illnesses affect your brain. When you get physically ill, is that some sort of defense? No doubt in that case cancer must be the biggest defense of them all.

Case History: Boy, Age 15, Killing Puppies

In my peer counseling practice, I have so far had two animal killers. One was a 16 year old boy in Germany. He came to me about violent thoughts but he didn’t and couldn’t pay. Nonetheless he was so profoundly disturbed (killing puppies) that I felt that he needed an immediate intervention so I simply worked with him for free. Also I sometimes work with teenagers for free as they can never pay.

This boy had rescued a dog and made a pet out of it. It was a female and soon enough it had puppies. The boy then strangled all of the puppies one by one.

I was very alarmed by this, but I had to tread very carefully. I did not get angry at him for killing the puppies, nor did I act shocked. My attitude was just, “Ok, so you killed some puppies.” I told him that killing puppies was wrong, and he should not have done that. This prompted a weepy apology session where he tried to defend himself by saying it wasn’t his fault. I accepted his apology and didn’t bother him about killing the puppies.

However, I did say that I wanted this puppy-killing to stop, and I didn’t want to hear about him killing any more puppies. I was emphatic about this. He readily agreed.

A lot of clinicians will freak out and get very angry at a client who is killing mammals, but I think that is the wrong approach. The client is just going to get his back up at best, and he may well get up and walk out of the room at worst.

Even if you are shocked and horrified by the mammal-killing, it is important to not show your feelings. You can raise your eyebrows, suck in your breath, say, “Wow”, things like that, but don’t get mad at them. However, you need to throw down a hard limit of no more mammal-killing at least while the client is talking to you.

Not all mammal-killers are bad human beings. A lot of them are but not all of them. Some of them are good people who are simply ill. Also it’s just a lower mammal. Killing a dog or a cat, as much as we love them, is simply not the same as killing a human, sorry.

I finally figured out that he was probably hallucinating voices although he denied that he was, as he called them thoughts and not voices. But you can tell through careful questioning and listening carefully to their answers whether you are dealing with thoughts or hallucinations. Sometimes what people describe as “thoughts” are actually auditory hallucinations. He was getting command hallucinations telling him to kill the puppies, and he was acting on them.

He also had some other problems. His mother was dead. At age 13, his mother had taken him and herself to the railroad tracks in order to get hit by a train and commit dual suicide. At the last minute the boy ran away from the train. The mother stayed on the tracks and was killed. That’s a pretty traumatizing experience!

He had a flat attitude about him where he was always saying, “I don’t care.” It seemed a bit odd how he seemed to not care about so many things.

He kept to himself at school and drew pictures a lot. For some reason his behavior was odd enough that his schoolmates bullied him. They often hit him. He would fight back vigorously, so he was getting into fights all the time. I didn’t think this was pathological, as he was just defending himself.

After he killed the puppies he felt so guilty that he put his hands in boiling water for a long time to punish himself. This had caused some injuries to his hands.

He also didn’t get along with his father at all for whatever reason.

He was extremely confused sexually and most of his early sexual experiences from 13-on had been with other boys. But now he had a girlfriend with whom he was having regular sex, and he said he had discovered that he liked sex with women just fine. I figured he was probably straight or at least not gay. He was one of the most sexually confused people I have ever dealt with.

He also told me that he had killed a pet rabbit when he was five years old. After a bit I figured out that this was in response to a command hallucination also.

I relayed the case to a former therapist, a clinical psychologist, and he told me that mammal killers are often either psychopaths or psychotic. He also suggested that this boy may be on the track to develop Borderline Personality Disorder. He was a Pre-Borderline if you will.

We have to say this because we cannot diagnose personality disorders in people under 18 because personality often changes quite a bit, especially in adolescence. In particular, a lot of adolescents appear psychopathic but then they age out of it as they become adults. A lot of juvenile delinquents are actually just “temporary” criminals.

The BPD did fit with the self-harm (Borderline men, like Borderline women, often self-harm), the constant fighting (Borderline men often pick fights a lot), the identity confusion, and the sexual confusion.

Borderline men are bad. They’re much worse than Borderline women.

I told him it was absolutely imperative that he get to a psychiatrist and find out what was going on with his head. His father convinced him to go to a psychiatrist, and he was diagnosed with schizophrenia as I suspected.

He had a rather apathetic and “so what?” attitude about that too.

People can be apathetic for various reasons. I had an OCD man who wrote to me once with a 10 page long history of his illness. He was from India.

He worried about every stupid thing under the sun, but he also kept saying, “I don’t care” through the paper. In this case, obviously he did care and in fact, he cared way too much. So the constant “I don’t care” was probably a defense against his over-caring and the illness that developed out of it. It was a thought compulsion to counteract the excessive caring that was causing the obsessions.

However, in this case, the apathy made sense to me after his diagnosis because schizophrenics often seem apathetic, and one of the symptoms of the illness is flat emotions.

So you see not all mammal-killers are psychopaths. There can be other things going on too.

However, I must say that this boy was one of the most seriously disturbed clients I have ever had.

Alt Left: Female Satisfaction and Women's Rights

A feminist criticized me for saying that women even under conditions of out and out femicide as in Mexico, Honduras, Guatemala, El Salvador, and Colombia are not self-harming (because women don’t do that in those places) and in fact, seem happier than women in the West who have much more rights and are self-harming at a dramatic rate. She suggested that I was saying that women down there were happy to be living under conditions of femicide, but that’s not what I said. I don’t think the women in those places should be happy due to conditions down there, but perhaps they think this woman-killing is more or less normal. Women in those places don’t self-harm. I’m not sure how they feel. The women in those places are pretty beaten down, submissive, etc. and are not used to standing up for themselves.  They’re pretty much resigned to living under patriarchy, and they think it’s just normal. I doubt if any women are happy to be living in a femicidal country. But the main reaction of women in these places seems to be fear more than anything else. I know they are frightened. And they definitely don’t go out at night. I have heard that in Guatemala nowadays, as soon as the sun goes down, all of the women vanish from the streets. Perhaps it is better than when my mother visited a long time ago during the Civil War. She said that back then, when night fell, everyone  left the streets and the streets were empty save for soldiers who literally stood on every corner. I recall a recent article about a young Mexican woman who was an illegal immigrant but who had lived in the US for some time. She was deported back to Mexico, but only to Tijuana! I’ve been there more than once. They interviewed her and she said that after dark it was not safe for women to go outside due to the all of the violence against women. She said that it was so much safer in the US and that she could go out at night there. In my mostly Hispanic town, I see Hispanic recent immigrant women (possibly illegal) around my neighborhood walking after dark from dusk to 10 PM. They look so happy to be doing that. It’s as if they are finally free! Compared to the femicidal Hell they come from, they probably feel like they are living in paradise of women’s rights.

Alt Left: Why the Rise in Self-Harm among Young Females in the West?

There is a surge in self-harming among young women in the West. One figure showed that 2 Feminists argue that it is the viciousness of patriarchy in the West, the prevalence of misogynistic pornography, and the endless microaggressions that young females in the West face every day in their viciously woman-hating societies. Ok, nice theory. But even if one acknowledges that patriarchy exists or existed, isn’t it obvious that the very vilest and most extreme versions of patriarchy (but normal in a historical context) exist in other parts of the world like Arab and Islamic World, India, Black Africa, and Latin America? Women are treated an order of magnitude worse there than in the West, where at the very least huge holes have been smashed in patriarchy, and personally I think what’s left is more like remains than a coherent hole. In the areas where patriarchy has been dealt a serious blow and is much weaker, girls and women are cutting themselves and self-harming. In the areas where patriarchy is alive and well, and women are seriously oppressed even to the point of femicide (Mexico, Guatemala, El Salvador, Honduras, and Colombia), no women are self-harming at all. In fact, they often seem quite happy. Now how is this self-harming caused by male oppression when it is occurring in the places where such oppression is the lowest, and women have the most freedom and power? I work in mental health and I am not even sure we know why females self-harm. As far as porn destroying the self-images of young women and causing them to self-harm, I assure you that young women nowadays are literally growing up watching porn, I mean from age 13 on. They loved to watch it as teenagers, and they love to watch it now. I know this because I talk to young women quite a bit, even underage girls, and I still date young women all the way down 18 and 19 year old girls. And I am 60 years old.

Schiz OCD Versus Psychosis: Differences and Interactions

Hassan Herrera: By saying “Anxiety processes can at times escalate all the way to psychosis.” You mean, for example a OCD’er getting through the fear of going psychotic can start experiencing psychotic symptoms coming out of the anxiety process? I catch sight of a post of you setting apart core process and where the symptoms come from. I hope i got myself across.

Never seen a case of Schiz OCD going all the way to psychosis, although I know a woman with schizophrenia and Schiz OCD in which the two sort of go together but not completely. She still has delusions that she does not doubt. She also hides symptoms a lot, which is very hard to figure out, though I can sometimes do it. I don’t think the Schiz OCD went into the Schizophrenia, but the Schizophrenia dx obviously played into the Schiz OCD. It’s an extremely complex case. Never seen a case of Schiz OCD going all the way to psychosis, although I know a woman with schizophrenia and Schiz OCD in which the two sort of went together but not completely. She still has delusions that she does not doubt. She also hides symptoms a lot, which is very hard to figure out, though I can sometimes do it. I don’t think the Schiz OCD went into the Schizophrenia, but the Schizophrenia dx obviously played into the Schiz OCD. It’s an extremely complex case. There is a Psychotic OCD but I have never seen a single case of it, and I have seen more OCD’ers than 9 The OCD symptoms in this case were extremely bizarre, and phenomenologically, they looked a lot like the sort of thing you see in Psychotic OCD. His symptoms appeared so psychotic that when I mentioned them to a retired clinician, she insisted that this person was psychotic and would not accept that they were not. Unfortunately I am not allowed to share the very interesting symptoms on here. Psychotic OCD has a sort of a “look” to it along with typical delusions that are present in a lot of cases – it is a syndrome, in other words. A classic case of Psychotic OCD would be a case where the obsessions have escalated into delusions. The people are typically not dangerous, as fear is a freezing agent, and OCD’ers tend to be shy or very shy, passive, introverted, and remarkably nonviolent. A classic case is a man sitting in a chair all day shaking like a leaf and going on about his obsessions, which have now reached delusional intensity. The old view was that Psychotic OCD’ers never got too far gone psychosis-wise, and it was quite easy to pull them out of the psychosis. A typical case might last three weeks. However, we now have recent cases of Psychotic OCD going on for years that did not respond to treatment. Some responded to ERP oddly enough. Some of these people are so ill that they have become the homeless mentally ill like a lot of schizophrenics, carting their belongings around in a suitcase. The main thing to note is that Psychotic OCD is rarely seen. However, when OCD is very bad, they can appear psychotic. Hence, OCD’ers are often misdiagnosed with psychosis of one form or another and put on antipsychotic drugs, which generally do not help them. I get clients all the time coming to me with a diagnosis of some form of psychosis. Once I figure out they are not psychotic and are usually instead Schiz OCD’ers with what I call fake delusions and fake hallucinations, I tell them to fire their psychiatrist and go doctor shopping until you find an MD who understands that you have OCD and not psychosis. A lot of psychiatrists continue to misdiagnose OCD’ers with psychosis. The phenomenology of OCD is not understood well by many clinicians, and the fact that OCD when severe looks like psychosis but is not results in  a lot of misdiagnosis. I think a Schiz OCD’er would be the last person to go psychotic, as the condition is predicated on continuous worry and doubt that they are going psychotic. If you have spent any time around psychotic people, that’s clearly not what’s going on. In psychosis the person never worries whether they are psychotic, nor are they are aware they are psychotic. If you are worried about or are aware of being psychotic, then you cannot possibly be psychotic. That’s a rule out for psychosis right there. This is exactly what is going on in Schiz OCD, hence Schiz OCD is never psychotic by definition.

Borderlands: Obsession, Delusion and Their Differential Diagnosis

The Borderland between Obsession and Delusion

Anxiety processes can at times escalate all the way to psychosis. I have had some OCD clients who I had a very hard time figuring out if they were psychotic or not. With one, I told a retired therapist of their symptoms, and the therapist immediately said, “Well, they’re psychotic. That’s a delusion.” The things that they believed or almost believed did look like psychotic delusions. However, they did not entirely believe them. OCD with Overvalued Ideas was probably a better diagnosis. There are a few cases of Psychotic OCD. I have never seen one though, although this case was getting close. When OCD gets very bad, they appear psychotic. However, they generally are not, and in 9

The Problem of Psychotic People Hiding Symptoms

You get a different look, feel, or vibe (gestalt) with an actively psychotic individual, but they can be hard to figure out too because sometimes they lie about their delusions. I have caught them hiding symptoms from me. Some people with psychoses learn to hide symptoms because they figure out that every time they say “The FBI is after me,” someone grabs them and hauls them off to the hospital. So they continue to believe the FBI is after them, but they learn to shut up about it. You look at what the person is doing in reaction to the thoughts. They thought the neighbors were hacking into their computer so they disconnected their computer from the Internet? Delusion. A person who just had the fear or obsession that the neighbors were hacking in would not disconnect the computer, and their description of the fear would be full of all of these strange doubts and uncertainties.

The Difficulty of Differentiating between Thoughts and Voices

Psychotic people sometimes refer to thoughts as voices. I had one client who referred to thoughts telling him to do bad things, in this case, to kill animals. He had recently killed five puppies in response to these thoughts ordering him to kill these animals. I suspected these were more than thoughts, so I had him describe them, and he said, “It’s a thought, you know. You hear it like someone standing next to you and talking.” Ok if you hear it outside your body like that, it’s not a thought, it’s a voice. Some people with schizophrenia hear their thoughts spoken out loud in the environment, and they fear or believe that others can hear their thoughts being broadcast out there. However, if you corner them on it, some will try to deny it by saying that they just have very loud thoughts in their heads, and the thoughts are so loud that they worry or fear that maybe others can hear them. That’s not quite precisely a delusion, and it’s not a hallucination like the thought broadcasting. It’s off into the obsession/delusion borderland.

Schiz OCD – OCD with the Fear of Psychosis Theme

There is a type of OCD where the person fears that they are going psychotic. OCD’ers have made up a term called Schiz OCD for this illness, which is really OCD with the Fear of Psychosis as the theme. Some clinicians have complained to me about these “hokey names” for the different OCD types and accused me of making them up. I didn’t make up any of them. The sufferers make up these names for the different themes that they have. I feel that the sufferers have a right to own their symptoms and illnesses and call them whatever they want to call them. That’s their right as sufferers. Who are we to tell them that their name for their symptoms is the wrong name? Do we have a better name? Of course not. “We” are just arrogant clinicians who think we know these illnesses better than the sufferers themselves know them. I realize Schiz OCD is a confusing name, but it’s the name they picked, and we don’t have a better one, so let’s go with it. They develop all sorts of “psychotic” symptoms, including fake delusions, fake hallucinations, and even perceptual disturbances. Once again the Schiz OCD symptoms have a completely different quality – look, feel, vibe or gestalt – than you get with someone who has actual delusions and real hallucinations. In addition, all of the Schiz OCD symptoms have a very similar quality across many different people – once again, it’s like they are all reading off the same script.

The Problem of Misdiagnosis in Schiz OCD

I have now seen more people like this than I can count, and I’m an expert on this illness. But I still get people with this type of OCD coming to me all the time with diagnoses of various types of psychoses, schizophrenia, psychotic depression, etc. They received these diagnoses from qualified clinicians such as psychiatrists and clinical psychologists. They were misdiagnosed in 9

Female Prisoner Too Violent to Ever Be Let Out

Here. She obviously gets some sort of a DSM diagnosis. So what do we give her? Antisocial Personality Disorder (sociopath)? I am not so sure about that due to all the self-harm, although she is vicious. Since when do sociopaths display all this self harm? Sociopaths hurt others, not themselves, and they only kill themselves when the jig is up. They commit suicide to avoid arrest or in prison to avoid the pain of imprisonment, but only rarely in other cases, though some get alcoholic, depressed and suicidal in middle age as the sociopathy starts to burn itself out. I think she has some psychopathic traits though and would score fairly high on Hare PC-L test. She mostly looks like a Borderline. Borderlines can be quite violent, even female borderlines. And borderlines are notorious for horrific self-harm, suicide threats and suicide attempts. They are not usually this violent though. This crazy bitch has murdered a fellow inmate and attacked guards several times, carving up one’s cheek. Is there a syndrome called Borderline-Sociopath or Sociopathic Borderline? If there is, she might be something like that. Whatever she is, she sure is awful evil for a female. Females are not usually this bad. Females can be evil, but their evil is more annoying and infuriating than dangerous. Male evil is much worse because it is menacing, violent, dangerous and homicidal. I have dealt with some evil females in my life and while I wanted to kill most of them at the time, obviously I never did it or even tried or plotted. On the other hand, none of them were really dangerous to me. They were just trying to be as infuriating as possible to provoke the maximum possible violent and crazed reaction from me. I call it “trying to get murdered.” I will take female evil over male evil any day though. Evil men are terrifying. Evil men have tried to kill me, and I say that with all seriousness. I have had scenes with evil males where it was literally kill or be killed. “I either try to kill these guys, or do nothing and let them kill me.” Others have not tried to kill me but instead beat me very badly, even with heavy objects. As long as humans are not physically dangerous, they can sort of be tolerated no matter how wicked they are. But violence and the threat of injury or death via attack is a whole other matter.  

OCD Versus Psychosis OCD with Psychotic Features

This is another in a series of articles on psychiatric diagnosis. This one will focus on the interface between OCD and psychosis. Keep in mind that there is a now a dx called “OCD with psychotic features.” Here are five cases of OCD with psychotic features. As you can see, these people believe in some really strange stuff! They are also very, very ill. Case 1

Z suddenly developed rituals at age 17. While watching television he looked up and saw a man’s face at the glass kitchen door and heard a voice say: “Do the habits and things will go right”. He came to believe in a ‘power’ that could bring him luck if he could retain it within his possession through ritualising.

He bought an electric guitar which he felt contained the ‘power’ and would turn the controls ritualistically. He often saw a ‘black dot’ the size of a fist leave his body and enter some object around him. When experiencing the loss of the ‘black dot’ he felt compelled to ritualise to regain the ‘power’ that he believed was contained in it.

At age 19 he began to believe that a workman possessed a second ‘power’ for evil and began a second set of rituals to ward off this evil power while striving to retain the good one. He believed absolutely in the ‘power’ and feared disastrous consequences for himself and his family should he fail to retain the good and repel the evil power.

Before his admission to hospital, obsessions and compulsions affected every area of his life. Before performing any action he felt compelled to imagine the letter ‘L’ and the phrase ‘X away, power back’ for up to 20 minutes. He felt unable to sit on chairs or walk on grass or leaves, and slept with his feet uncovered for fear of the ‘power’ being transferred to some object from which he might be unable to retrieve it. On leaving home he constantly retraced his steps to place his foot on a crack in the pavement or a leaf that he felt he had trodden on and so lost some of the ‘power’. If he saw the black dot leave his body (about 20 times a day) he had to touch the object it had entered and superimpose the letter ‘L’ and the phrase ‘X away, power back’ in his mind until he saw the black dot return. From age 18, Z also had recurrent depression, hopelessness and suicidal urges, with deliberate self-harm (overdoses and wrist-slashing) when he was in a depressed mood. He said he harmed himself to appease the power or as a wish to die “when everything was perfect” after a day of ritualizing.

Case 2

Y developed beliefs about a ‘power’ at age 13. He felt that everyone had a certain ‘quality’ or ‘goodness’ which was stored in the brain as a ‘power’. He believed that other people drained the power from him and replaced it with their own rubbish (feces and urine). The exchange of power was triggered by an image in his mind of a face or object. When it happened he felt distressed, ‘dirty’ and ‘horrible’. He could only regain the power by doing complex rituals. He imagined the person’s face and that he had detached their head from their body and sucked the power from the major vessels of their neck or from their eyes. He then transferred the power back into himself by banging his palm on a particular spot on his forehead, and breathing out repeatedly. This made him feel relieved and ‘good’, but as the events recurred up to several times a minute the relief was short-lived. He felt ‘compelled’ at times to get revenge on people who stole his power by drawing with his finger on a wall a deformed and ugly representation. If he touched anything he left a ‘power’ trace behind and so had to touch it repeatedly to get the ‘power’ back. Y’s belief in the experience was absolute. He knew it might seem strange to others but believed that if they experienced it, they would understand. From age 17 he also had recurrent depression, hopelessness and suicidal urges requiring hospital admission.

Case 3

At the age of 8, X had transient counting rituals associated with fear of harm coming to others. When she was 15, after a relative died, she feared that harm would befall her family and friends unless she completed specific tasks. She thought a supernatural ‘power’ inserted unpleasant thoughts into her mind, e.g. “if you read that book a relative will die”. She believed unshakably that the power was supernatural, but could not explain it. To appease the ‘power’ and the thoughts, she developed complex counting rituals pervading her daily activities. She also did ritualistic hand-washing and checking. She avoided specific numbers, colours and clothes and counted from 0 to 8 on her fingers and toes throughout the day. She repeated rhymes, avoided multiple numbers she associated with death or harm, and brushed her hair hundreds of times a day. She felt unable to resist the rituals, as her belief in negative consequences was absolute. Before she was admitted to hospital, rituals took all of her time until she fell asleep. X had two episodes of moderate depression at age 25 and 34, both associated with worsening of her OCD. She had never harmed herself.

Case 4

At the age of 7, W developed fear of harm coming to relatives. He engaged in hand-washing and touching rituals to prevent this. Gradually he began to believe that ‘spirits’ or an outside force ‘reminded’ him to carry out his rituals lest harm should result. He associated the numbers 13 and 66 with harm and, if he saw them, believed they were placed by an external force to remind him to carry out his rituals. He defended his belief absolutely but said he could not be 10 Prior to admission he was homeless and had thrown away all his ‘contaminated’ possessions, carrying all he owned in two carrier bags.

Case 5

For 20 years V had had a fear of being transported into another world. At age 17 he worried that reflections in mirrors represented another world, and had complex checking rituals involving mirrors. This gradually spread to all reflective surfaces. He believed that turning on electrical switches, using the television remote control or hearing car engines turned on could cause him to be ‘transported’ and constantly checked to make sure this had not happened. He believed that if he ate while in another world, he would be forced to stay there, and so either avoided eating, or ate with complex rituals, or induced vomiting. Other rituals involved switching electrical switches on and off and wearing particular clothes. The ‘other’ world was tangibly the same as the real one, but ‘felt’ different – he felt that friends and family, although appearing the same, were ‘different’ and might have been replaced by ‘doubles’. The symptoms gradually worsened, occupying all of his time prior to admission to hospital. When he was 27 he suffered severe depression requiring in-patient care, and again at age 30. He had no history of self-harm.

Just Kill Yourself and Get it Over With

Seriously, you sick bitch. Borderline personality disorder, apparently. She’s a cutter. I knew some cutters once. They actually formed a club called Oakhurst Cutters. Bunch of stupid, sick, fucked up young White women. She told us that at a table with a bunch of other people and started laughing. I stood up, pointed at her, told her she was a sick bitch, and walked away. In modern society, that’s considered impolite. I think it’s impolite to use your own living body as a med school cadaver, sorry. Why don’t we just line these people up and shoot them and get it over with? I’m not serious, but that’s what I often think about these BPD types. Just line em up and shoot em!  

This Is Not Schizophrenia

Repost from the old site.

This is not schizophrenia. Let’s look at some symptoms here that a fellow is reporting in a weight-lifting forum. Many of the commenters are replying that the guy has “the beginnings of schizophrenia”, “mild schizophrenia” “schizophrenia”, etc, etc ad nauseum. Let’s take a look at his symptoms:

At night, no matter what I do. Not every night it always happens during the week when I have to work the next day, I cannot fall asleep. Music, TV, RX pills, Tylenol PM, melatonin. Even taken together, mixed and matched, I cant fall asleep sometimes. And my body is tired, but my brain wont shut up. And I’m not even thinking about anything important. Sometimes, just fucking music is playing.And it will keep my up, not sleeping 2-3-4 nights in a row. By the 3rd day, I feel delirious, and I didn’t want to train the other day, cause I was afraid I’d hurt myself from how slow, and tired my body felt. I’m trying not to smoke as much pot lately, cause I’m cutting, losing weight.

It’s effecting my home life, my job, my training, my relationships. Someone asked me if it was because I was depressed. I really don’t have much to be depressed about. I have a good job, I make good money, I get laid, my own place. If I’m depressed, I don’t know why.

It’s almost like I’m “tripping” is how much sense it doesn’t make -like when you’re on acid and your mind is racing and none of it applies to anything, or means anything. Random craziness.

I hear voices (not like telling me to kill or anything) but just random babbling and the voices change like they’re inhaling helium. It doesn’t make any sense. Other times, random songs play through my head and I cant shut them off. I can only control them by putting other songs in, but that causes me to strain my brain and think hard when I’m trying to relax my mind.

My head sometimes gets heavy too, like it weighs like 50 lbs, and my equilibrium gets off balance sometimes. Like a concussion.

OK, the guy is unable to control the thoughts in his head. Thoughts, crazy thoughts, random nonsense, just races through his head with little or no control over it at all. Songs, uncontrolled and unbidden, pop up in his head unbidden and play by themselves in his head.

He can’t shut any of this bullshit off, and the only way to stop the music is to substitute one stupid song for another. I am assuming the “voices” he is hearing are voices in his head, not outside of his head. Fortunately, you can hear all the voices in your head as possible without being mentally ill, though it really isn’t ideal.

It’s crucial to realize that psychotics who hear voices actually hear them with their ears, not in their minds. We all “hear voices” in our heads. Our “inner voice” is a voice inside of our heads. The idiot media and popular does not do us any good by refusing to differentiate these symptoms. Psychotic voices heard with one’s ears are transformed into “voices in his head”.

Obviously, if it’s sane to one one “inner voice”, it’s not psychotic to have more than one, or an unlimited number, though it’s not exactly ideal. You could even have animal sounds in your head.

Hang on.

OK, I just made some animal sounds in my head. There was a cow and a monkey and now there’s a lion. Does that make me schizophrenic? Come on.

If you follow the discussion, you will note that many of his friends on there tell him that he is developing schizophrenia. I do not believe he is doing any such thing, and this is not a symptom of incipient schizophrenia anyway.

I’ve been around folks in the prodrome of schizophrenia, and while their functioning was still ok enough, they were hallucinating (hearing voices) a significant part of the time. No amount of argument could convince them that the voices were not actually real, nor would they believe me when I said I didn’t hear them. This is a pretty typical picture of incipient schizophrenia.

Keep in mind that the vast majority of schizophrenics hear voices. In fact, if you don’t hear voices, I wonder if you really have schizophrenia.

What’s also interesting is that, terrifying and weird as these symptoms are, a number of the commenters admit that they have experienced them – they say they have had strange, out of control, unbidden random thoughts and music in their heads before. So, while it’s not optimal, this stuff seems to be pretty common.

What’s the diagnosis for out of control, random, unbidden thoughts and songs in your head? I say nothing. There’s no DSM dx that has a criteria like that as a sole criteria.

Just like “having a weird look in your eyes” does not give you a mental illness dx either. There are all sorts of folks walking around with all kinds of weird and crazy looks in their eyes. While it’s disconcerting, it’s not necessarily indicative of mental illness. There is no DSM dx for “has a weird or crazy look in their eyes.”

You need to be nuttier than just that. What gives people weird looks in their eyes if they aren’t nuts? Who knows? God knows what goes in people’s minds. But as long as your speech and behavior remains normal, you’re not mentally ill.

Why am I writing about this crap? I’m on a crusade to get people to quit being such morons about mental health. Even if we aren’t ill ourselves, it doesn’t help to give out false dx’s and go around accusing non mentally-ill folks of “being crazy”. It’s insulting, stupid and cruel.

Personally, I never refer to other humans with words like “weird”, “crazy”, “nuts”, etc.

Instead, I’m going to give you some specific description of their behavior, possibly with a potential dx. I can usually figure out what might be wrong with someone after spending a bit of time around them. I can almost always tell if they are psychotic or not, and usually if they are obviously dangerous or not.

Life’s tough for everyone and probably few of us make it out unscathed.

POCD Versus Pedophilia – Differential Diagnosis

Repost from the old site.

This is one of a number of posts I have written on mental illness. It deals with it from a diagnostic point of view that is probably most interesting to sufferers or clinicians, but may be interesting to some laypeople. I’ve been studying abnormal psychology for 30 years now, and experiencing it for 25 or so.

POCD is a subtype of OCD that is usually thought of as pure-O, or pure obsessional. Pure-O’s do not have the usual behavioral rituals that the hand-washers, etc. have; instead, they have cognitive rituals. It is necessary that there be more documentation on this subtype of OCD because unfortunately, quite a few people are suffering from it, and clinicians barely understand it.

Due to this lack of understanding, clinicians think sufferers are psychotic or suffer from pedophilia. Many clinicians have a poor understanding of OCD as it is, and this series is intended to enlighten them about different forms that the illness can take.

I’ve written some stuff on POCD on this blog, and therefore, I get sufferers coming to me with the condition. As I don’t have much issues with POCD these days, I’m capable of doing therapy with them online.

After talking to quite a few of them, it’s clear that it’s like any other type of OCD, since OCD sufferers, especially pure obsessionals, have a certain “sameness” about them such that you can nearly diagnose them on pure Gestalt alone.

I can tell pretty quickly after talking to someone whether they are suffering from OCD.

One thing to get clear on is that POCD will apparently never be acted on. I’m not aware of anyone acting on any of these obsessions.

There is another type of OCD called Harm OCD, and I have talked to a few of those folks too. Two of them were convinced that they were serial killers. I quickly figured out that they had OCD and were completely harmless. People with harm OCD never do anything violent, and people with POCD never molest kids.

Once you know this, you can talk to them about all their scary thoughts with worries.

I might have a hard time doing therapy with an actual pedophile or a psychopath who really wanted to kill people. As a general rule though, these types do not feel there is anything wrong with them as they enjoy being this way, and they never seek help.

The usual POCD sufferer is a young man around college age or so, but many sufferers are young women too. A few are older, but this is much less common. Sexual obsessions in general seem to hit young people the hardest of all for some reason. Most people with harm obsessions are also young people, mostly males, though once again, some are females.

OCD is a fear-based illness. It will latch onto anything in society that is frightening.

Nowadays, with Child Molester Mass Hysteria on the rampage and everyone worried about “pedos” and “predators,” it’s only logical that people with OCD would find this the perfect fear. What could be more terrifying than the fact that one may be a pedophile? Not much. Hence, POCD.

We have also seen a marked increase in fears of AIDS among OCD sufferers. AIDS is salient in our society, it’s terrifying since if you get it, you’re about dead, so OCD will latch onto it.

The best way we can do differential diagnosis here between POCD and pure pedophilia is to link to some websites.

First of all, a fellow I have been talking to has posted his history online here. He’s given me permission to link to it. It’s five pages, but if you read it, you should start to get a feel after a while about what this illness is all about.

Note the chronic doubting, the omnipresence of fear, the uncertainty about feelings and whether they are real or not, the questioning of everything from one’s thoughts, feelings and history all the way to the actions and thoughts of others.

What’s going on here is a hyperanalysis of the individual’s history, thoughts and behaviors along with continuous checking of “scientific sources,” followed by more rounds of unproductive doubting and worries. As you can see, nothing ever gets resolved here. The worries and doubts just go round and round. Once one gets settled, a new one comes up. This is truly a case of one’s mind actually chasing its tail.

In this case, he is trying to prove whether or not he is a pedophile. He finds evidence, questions the evidence, checks, cross-checks and tests the evidence, then starts all over again.

There is atmosphere of wondering, uncertainty and doubting to the point where the person can start doubting his own perceptions. Thoughts and feelings can seem like they are actually occurring, and the person becomes uncertain about what is really happening and what is just in their mind.

I talked to one woman who had lesbian fears during conversations with other women. I asked, “You get lesbian thoughts and this bothers you?” She said, “No, I worry that I’m going to say lesbian stuff to her. Then after the conversation is over, I wonder if I made lesbian comments to her.” As we see, the person doubts their actual perceptions and wonders if things occurred that are did not even occur.

This doubting of one’s own perceptions is actually quite common in this disorder and is almost pathognomic.

Unfortunately, it looks very strange, and clinicians often misdiagnose it as psychosis.

In this post, he says he can hear what people are thinking. That’s a schizophrenic symptom, but when I questioned him about it, he said he just watched people very closely and thought he could figure out what they might be thinking, but he didn’t really hear it with his ears. He admitted it wasn’t really possible for him to know exactly what was in someone’s thoughts.

When I heard that, I knew he did not have schizophrenia or a psychosis. Once again, though, we see internal thoughts and external perceptions being confused, common in OCD.

I wasn’t impressed with the others in this thread, one of whom was accusing him of being a pedophile. An administrator, a clinical psychologist, finally gets it on page 4 and says he has sexual obsessions.

In this post, he says he is losing his attraction to women, and the attraction to kids seems to be increasing.

There is another sexual obsession called HOCD (homosexual OCD) that works much the same way. The person goes into horrible worries, thinking in a similar manner as this guy, that they may be gay or bisexual. In severe cases, they think that they are losing their attraction to the opposite sex and getting a new attraction to same sex. HOCD is very common; much more common than POCD.

As it’s not possible to turn gay, bi or pedo against one’s will, this is the common denominator in all sexual obsessions and is pathognomic.

Gay, bisexual and pedophilic persons do not feel as if alien forces are turning them into something they do not wish to be. They are what they are. The attraction, wanted or not, feels normal, natural, right, correct, real. They may worry about the way society will treat them, but it isn’t a question of being transformed into something you are not.

He is also masturbating to pedophilic fantasies, but I’m not worried about that. He’s doing this as some sort of checking behavior to “see if he’s really a pedophile” or to “get it out of his system.”

People with HOCD often do the same thing. They search out gay porn on the Internet and masturbate to it to “test their reaction.” Then they go find some straight porn and masturbate to that to “test their reaction” to that. Then they endlessly compare reactions to try to figure out if they are gay or not. Typically, the testing never reveals any significant answers, so it just goes on and on.

This is called checking and it’s also pathognomic of OCD.

The truth is that in males, sexuality is fixed by age 15. That means straight, gay, bi or whatever, you can’t change after that. What turns you on, turns you on. Behavior can change afterward, but not attraction. In females, it’s different, but no female turns gay or bi against her will.

In one post , he tries to argue with the OCD by saying “I’m not a pedophile” (thought compulsion). His mind argues back, of course, by saying the opposite and telling him he is one.

This is also pathognomic of OCD.

OCD acts like a gremlin in your mind. It contradicts you and tells you stuff you don’t even believe in and makes you confused.

The truth is, that’s not really an internal dialogue, it’s just OCD talking back and being contradictory. The result can be endless wars in the mind whereby one uses thought compulsions to try to contradict obsessions. For some strange reason, these don’t seem to work very well, and the OCD often just fights back even harder with more intense contradictory statements.

Although masturbating to pedo fantasies may seem disturbing, I’m not worried about it in this case. Humans, especially young males, are polymorphously perverse, and can get turned on by just about anything.

A pedophile in general has a true preference for kids and does not have much interest in adults. They have been this way since early adolescence. It doesn’t probably doesn’t come on after age 15 or so, and neither do most other paraphilias. The root of all paraphilias, like the root of all sexual orientation, seems to be in the birthing storms of the teenage years.

My take is that OCD is lying to this guy. As you can see, he also has HOCD. He’s suddenly developed gay fantasies. How? By looking at some gay porn on the Net. In his case, both pedo and gay fantasies were fantasy-supercharged due to their forbidden and taboo nature, not due to any real attraction.

OCD is lying to him, telling him he’s gay and pedo and he’s losing his attraction to women. HOCD sufferers also feel that they are losing their attraction to the opposite sex and gaining a new one to the same sex, but this is just an illusion. How this strange illness does this I’m not sure, but I think it has to do with the way anxiety and fear work on the brain.

HOCD sufferers are also typically young people and most are males, but there are quite a few young females too. They usually are shy introverts, like most OCD sufferers, and often have little sexual experience. The extroverted obsessional exists, but is quite rare. People seem to grow out of this gay OCD thing with age, or at least move onto other obsessions.

Since homosexuality is salient in our society and a is popular meme in our culture and yet is not quite accepted, it’s a logical fear for OCD to latch onto. For many young people, homosexuality is just wrong enough and taboo enough that the fact that the thought that one might be gay or bi is quite terrifying.

If at some point, homosexuality and bisexuality become more accepted, OCD sufferers may stop worrying about being gay and start worrying about something else.

The nature of the OCD fears is not important. Depending on the era and society, OCD will latch onto whatever fears seem most terrifying for the time and place. The illness is mobile, and once one fear is conquered, a new one can be acquired.

HOCD is a particularly horrible type of OCD. I’ve been to boards on the Net full of sufferers, and many are seriously miserable, deeply depressed and contemplating suicide. For some reason, obsessionals, while often complaining of being suicidal, rarely seem to commit suicide. I think the fact that they are so fearful and inhibited keeps them from taking this final step.

For a glimpse of how real pedophiles think, and to tell the difference between POCD and pedophilia, check out this Wikisposure page that gives bios of numerous actual pedophiles that they are tracking. After you read through a number of the bios, you will get a common feel for what these guys are all about.

This, like all paraphilias, is not an anxiety disorder. The dominant emotion is not fear and doubt as in OCD. These guys aren’t going round and round about whether or not they are pedophiles. That they are is clear as air to them.

Pedophilia, like all paraphilias, is an illness of desire, of appetite. It’s like an addiction. They love it. This is what gets them off. They don’t want to change, they don’t want to get better, and the truth is they probably can’t anyway.

I assume that true pedophilia, once fixed in adolescence and cemented in adulthood, is incurable. What gets you off, gets you off. It’s not going to change. They can’t help it, but at the same time, society needs to be protected.

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Thought Broadcasting and Thought Disorder: Pathognomic Schizophrenic Symptoms

Here.

This is a most unusual schizophrenic symptom that most folks do not know about. It’s probably quite rare to nonexistent in other disorders; in fact, I think it is pathognomic of schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder. I doubt if you would see this symptom in a bipolar or unipolar depressed person.

As you can see if you read that post, this is a very terrifying symptom! It’s probably much misunderstood. For instance, right now, if I worked myself into an anxious enough frame of mind, I could imagine that my thoughts were being broadcast out to others. But that’s not what’s going on with these folks. Imagine of you could walking into a coffee shop full of people and suddenly all of your thoughts are being broadcast out loud to everyone in the room.

This is what you are going to experience. You will experience you own thoughts shot out into the environment, and they will sound as clear and as real as the voices of folks around you and other sounds in the environment.

In such a situation, schizophrenics often have a hard time believing that other people can’t hear their thoughts being shot out into the environment seemingly out of loudspeakers. As you can imagine, that’s quite a disturbing symptom! If I experienced a symptom like that, I’m not sure how I could go into public and try to function. It would be awfully hard.

They also often feel that they can hear other people’s thoughts.

Here is one guy’s experience:

This is a difficult concept for me in both experience and articulation to others…here is what can happen to me…I will be thinking some thoughts about something I am doing at the moment or something(s) I will do in the future…these thoughts are completely separate from my ‘voice’ hallucinations (??) ….and later in the day/week/month REAL PEOPLE (usually strangers) will come up to me & repeat these thought fragments or statements to me WORD FOR WORD!…

They aren’t generalized thoughts that most folks have in a day, but are specifically related to my own situation or something occurring in my personal realm…this has happened both in my own town and in several other locations (and other states!)…I’ve even had strangers say them from open windows of other cars at traffic lights, and even leave pieces of paper on the floor (ground) in my path with the EXACT thought or fragment on it!!…

What all this really is, I don’t know, but it seems to me to be a form of thought broadcasting (against my will)…very strange…

Whoa! I had to think about this one a bit! At first I thought the guy was psychic. Then I figured out what was going on. Those people are not really coming up to him and repeating his thoughts of earlier in the week word for word. This is a hallucination. Someone is walking up to him, and he hallucinates them saying his thoughts of earlier in the week.

Same thing with the folks at the traffic lights. They aren’t talking to him. He’s just hallucinating them talking to him.

The pieces of paper. He is just finding pieces of paper on the street and looking at them. Then he hallucinates the words of his thoughts on the paper.

Some schizophrenics experience their thoughts being broadcast out to others, sometimes insults, and then they hear the other people broadcasting angry response thoughts back to them. What a strange experience!

This case is very weird, and it was explained as so real that for a while I wondered if the guy was mentally ill. I thought he might have been psychic. He says he’s not mentally ill, just psychic, and he has not been diagnosed. All of those reactions are typical.

My own experiences began a long time ago when I noticed a conversation traveling circuits around a crowded room while remaining completely intact. It would jump from one group of people to another repeating itself, without any of those groups interacting on another dynamic. I watched this pattern loop through the room several times before I attempted to engage and alter it, rather than talking to its hosts directly.

This brought on a response I couldn’t have expected, in that suddenly a nonphysical intelligence began affecting the world around me, due to its sudden apparent sense of having been intruded upon.

Whoa! That’s really weird. Imagine being at a party. You hear a particular bit of a conversation.

“So anyway, Steve told me he really likes my hair. He was texting me but he said I didn’t answer. He doesn’t understand that it was 4:30 AM and I was out in the rain!”

Then the exact same bit of conversation, word for word, starts actually moving around the room, with different people repeating those same words above before it moves on to the next group of people. Then the conversation circles the room a few times. That would be a weird experience! I thought about this a bit and concluded that this could not possibly be actually happening. I mean, you could do it as a practical joke, but that’s not what’s happening. He is simply hallucinating this conversation going around the room.

Over years of having similar experiences of series’s of impossible coincidences, messages directed specifically to him, and the sense that this Entity was sending him missions of various sorts, he concluded that he was in touch with some psychic or mystical entity that he calls the “hivemind,” or universal consciousness. Granted, such a thing may exist, and for a while I thought the guy was psychic, but I doubt if he’s in touch with it, and I think he’s just mentally ill.

Over the years, I’ve been fascinated by the existence of this entity, and puzzled that so few (though they do exist) others are able to operate on a level where this entity has relevance. I have studied numerous metaphysical beliefs and philosophies attempting to find a corollary between it and something that was written down in history. I’m proud to say that I have found quite a few answers, but unfortunately most of them are not solid.

The entity appears to be some kind of “hivemind” entity that is in fact not conscious like we individuals are, and it seemingly does not interact with time in the same way we do. Nor does it recognize any concept of “self” due to its distributed nature. Despite all of that, it’s quite intelligent and has a decent sense of humor…For me, those moments all string together as “the entity” tries to talk to me. The message might take days to become complete and make sense, and the individuals, radio signals, television commercials, conversations on the street, cat acting funny, all of it…string together into one long coherent message…assuming I bother to listen. Furthermore, if I refuse to listen and try to block it out that’s when stuff starts going bad again.

The situation below is seriously bizarre, but I wonder what really happened.

I knew this pretty girl once who was dating a guy that represented authority to me. The guy was a lot like my father, and at the time he was being nasty to someone else so he could get what he wanted.

The girl is the focus here because of her role in that relationship. I met the guy through her in the first place, on the day I met her as well.

She was crashing his birthday party and needed a ride. Well, the message came through as the girl needing a ride again at a later time for a different scenario, but again I was the only driver available. The way she approached me about it was the message itself.

She kidnapped me and stole my car while I was sleeping in the back seat. The reason this is important about the authoritarian boyfriend is because she effectively took on his role in her own situation in order to put me in her role.

She had stolen my keys while I was asleep a few days before, and made a copy for herself. When I woke up halfway across the state from where I had parked, she explained that I could come along for the ride or wait for her to pick me up on the way back, but either way she was taking the car. I ended up driving. I would have taken her anyway had she asked, but she never asked.

This situation is so strange and is reported as if it really occurred, but I seriously doubt if it did, even though his description sounds so real.

The girl did not kidnap him and steal his car while he was sleeping in the back seat. Forget it. Simply did not happen.

Nor did she steal his car keys when he was asleep a few nights earlier and make a copy for herself. I don’t believe it. Forget it.

Nor did he wake up in the car halfway across the state from where he had parked it, with the girl driving and the girl telling him that she had stolen his car and he could either get out or go along for the drive. I simply do not believe that this occurred.

So what happened? I have no idea! But his story is so bizarre is simply strains credulity.

If you keep reading that guy’s posts (he’s not medicated), it seems like they are quite logical and make sense in a nice way, even though he is describing very strange things. But the more you read, the style of the writing itself starts seeming a little odd.

This is very typical of schizophrenic writing. At first it seems like normal speech or writing, but the more you think about it, the more there seems to be something wrong with it, though you can’t quite put your finger on it, and if someone asked you to explain why it’s strange, you could not really explain it very well in words.

This is usually called loosening of associations or formal thought disorder. Put another way, it is something like, “Talking without making sense,” but that doesn’t explain it very well.

Suppose I describe to you a series of wild and improbable adventures that I had that culminated with me going out into the woods, where bats flew out my butt and I was proclaimed King of Germany, Lord of the Jews, Prince of the Robert Lindsays and Warlord of the Race Realists at a huge feast which featured endless rounds of huge Subway sandwiches and mugs of near beer.

OK, that story is pretty weird, and no doubt it’s fiction, but it makes sense: it is intelligible and understandable. It has an intelligible story line with events described in a certain way so that everything fits together. The scenario is ridiculous, but it’s not incoherent.

Schizophrenic speech and writing is different. It is not intelligible in a very strange way. It is often almost intelligible, but not quite. For some reason, you can’t quite figure out exactly what it is the person is trying to say, and you can’t even figure out why or how it doesn’t make sense. That is thought disorder.

I believe that thought disorder is actually pathognomic of schizophrenia in a sense: that is, if you don’t have thought disorder, I don’t believe you have schizophrenia. Where there is schizophrenia, there must be thought disorder in most or possibly all cases.

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