Alt Left: The Real Reasons for Many Murders of Transwomen and Gay Bashings of Gay Men

Much has been written about how many transwomen are murdered. Many transwomen are indeed murdered. Whether these are the true transsexuals (homosexuals) or the transtrenders (transvestites, crossdressers, and autogynephiles) is not known. Many transwomen (men who think they are women) work as prostitutes. Many are not able to work in ordinary jobs, they often have very poor mental health that prevents them from working at regular jobs.
Transwomen have the highest rates of mental disorder of any group seen clinically. 90% of transwomen are significantly mentally ill, and they have everything under the book, from mood disorders such as depression and bipolar disorder to anxiety disorders of different kinds to personality disorders. They also have very high rates of paraphilias and sexual disorders and have rates of being convicted for sex crimes (these are the transtrenders). The transwomen working on the street are often homeless and many have drug and alcohol problems. Very high HIV rates have been found for transwomen prostitutes – up to 42%.
Although the murders of transwomen are tragic, it is helpful to note the circumstances under which these are occurring.
A lot of these murders occur when they are prostituting themselves, and their label doesn’t always say what’s in the bottle. In other words, they are out on the streets advertising themselves as female prostitutes. They get picked up by male clients thinking they are picking up a woman.
At some point, they are shocked to find that it is actually a man as many transwomen are pre-ops, that is, they take the hormones but they have not taken the surgery, so they look like women, have women’s breasts, and yet they still have penises. When the client finds out that this is a “woman with a penis” sometimes they fly into a rage and kill the transwoman in a blind rage murder of the type that men are susceptible.
A friend of mine picked up a “woman” in a cab and went home with “her” only find out halfway through the blowjob that it wasn’t a woman at all. He didn’t get violent but he was pretty freaked out and upset.
It’s pretty abusive for TIM’s to tell us other men that they are women, and we men get into dating/sexual stuff with them and suddenly find out they’re a guy. They’re men pretending to be women and worse they are not even telling everyone!
No one wants to hear this, but a lot of gay bashing is actually done to gay men who are openly propositioning straight men (like, say, grabbing their cocks?). I am not supporting bashing of course, and I have been gay-bashed three times myself, once with a baseball bat! So I’m not wild about gay men, but homophobes are 100X worse. Also, how come no one talks about straight men getting gay-bashed? It’s epidemic.
But it is actually true. Many gay bashings occur not just when gay men hit on straight men, which they do constantly, but when they won’t take no for an answer, which is all the time. You women think straight men are bad about not taking no for answer, well, gay men are 50X worse.
And no one talks about this either, but gay men are far worse than straight men as sexual harassers, in fact they wrote the book on sexual harassment. Sexual harassment is the unspoken norm in gay male society.
I do dislike gay men but I support them politically and even work on their campaigns. I dislike them because they have been hitting on me for decades, and they won’t take no for an answer. My reaction is similar to that of women mad at men over sexual harassment.
Yes, gay men sexually harass straight men. You cannot talk about this either because it is “homophobic.” When I lived in LA, I lived in a gay community for a while. Supposedly I was good-looking back and then had some male modeling offers. I had a couple of friends who were straight models who started out pro-gay but became almost violently homophobic over time due to constant harassment by gay men. Male models are not all gay. Actually 2/3 are straight.
Anyway, the place was swarming with gay men, and I would walk down the street, and all of them would be rubbernecking me in their cars driving by. I had one who waited outside my workplace every night right before work. I would go to the window and look out, and there he would be, staring right up at my window. I almost had a panic attack every time. And he would watch me like a hawk as I walked to my car.
When I would go to parties, etc. they would creepily stare at me for long periods of time.
I related this on my site and got called homophobe of course, but some of my female readers commented and said, “Ok, now you know what it feels like to be a woman!” And she was right. I didn’t like those gay men treating me like a piece of meat. Now if women want to, ok, maybe.
The generally feeling would best be described as unnerving, which may be how women feel with constant male sexual attention?
I also disagree that sexual harassment is driven by misogyny. As you can see, men harass other gay men worse than they harass women and gay men harass straight men like crazy.
Men sexually harass women because they are men, and that is what men, do – they sexually harass other humans?
It’s a more science-based theory.

Sewer, "2154"


Supposedly this is the most pure evil and Satanic music being made today. Well they have a lot of competition. It is described as Blackened Metal Terror Goregrind. This album is called “the most haunting Terrorgore album in existence.”
Blackened Metal is absolutely a subgroup of Black Metal, which itself is quite evil and Satanic. In fact, Satanic is the very definition of Black Metal. Goregrind is also a genre of metal. This is hardcore heavy metal grind music set to gory themes. Never heard of Terror Goregrind or Terrorgore before.
This band claims to be part of a subgenre called Sewer Metal, which is supposedly the most evil Black Metal of all.
A number of Black Metal bands have come out and stated that they are racists, particularly White Supremacists. The band that nearly started the trend is a band out of Norway, a member of which blew his brains out with a shotgun. Another band member supposedly came to the crime scene and ate some of his brains. There was also a homicide associated with this band. There have been a number of other deaths associated with the genre, mostly suicides but a few homicides. Quite a few band members are described as deeply, nihilistically depressed. The music is very angry, and anger + suidicality is a very bad thing.
I don’t think too much of true evil or Satanists, but I very much enjoy this music. As an added bonus, these guys can really play. That guitarist is too much.

Why Can't I Find Transgender People Aged above 40 in the Streets? Is Their Life Short Term?

Answered on Quora: 
Transsexuals do indeed have a shortened life expectancy.
Fully 42% of transsexuals attempt suicide. That is by far the highest attempted suicide rate of any group. It is higher than even any mental disorder, including Depression and Bipolar Disorder.
Fully 18% of transsexuals die of suicide even after transition. This is as high or higher than the most fatal mental disorders such as Major Depression.
If transgenderism were a mental disorder (it’s been removed from the latest manual), it would be one of the most troubled, dangerous, and lethal disorders of them all.
There are extreme differences between early onset and late onset transgenderism in males. The late onset variety is usually related to a fetish called autogynephylia, and it is not organic at all. I have known some late onset types, and I did not feel that they were women in men’s bodies at all. Their style of thinking, their interests, and their way of writing were still very male and even masculine. They had a very “male” way of viewing the world.
The early onset type seems to be an extreme form of homosexuality and may well be more organic or at the very least is organic in the sense that it is related to the homosexuality. The early onset types are much more feminine.
In conclusion, in my opinion, transsexuals are simply people who have a lot of problems. These problems often continue though at a lower rate after transition.
There is also a high rate of reverse transition. Fully 13% of transsexuals transition back to their original sex. Fully 70% of transsexual minors are no longer transsexuals if followed to age 18. That is, in 70% of cases of transgender children, the transgenderism vanishes by adulthood. Their transgenderism was a temporary condition or state of mind that they grew out of. The fact that they do this shows that transgenderism in many cases is not an organic condition.
The rate of transgenderism has gone up fully 600 times since the 1960’s. We should not be seeing an increase like that if this were truly an organic condition in most cases.

Do Therapists Ever Think Their Clients are Unfixable?

Question from Quora:
Some people are utterly unfixable or even improvable, but they are quite rare.
There are clients who are just too far gone, and they cannot be helped at all. It is as if the person were a ceramic bowl that was dropped on a hard floor. The bowl is now in 100 pieces, and the person who dropped it is on the ground looking at the pieces and throwing up their hands. “Where do I start?” he asks in exasperation.
All sociopaths and psychopaths are unfixable by their very nature. We can’t cure the sociopathy and psychopathy because they don’t want to get better. They enjoy being antisocial, and they do not wish to change. However, we can get them to change their behavior. For instance, a homicidal sociopath may show up in the office. A good therapist may be able to convince this sociopath that acting on their homicidal fantasies would be one of the stupidest things that they could ever do. This sociopath may then be able to go through life without killing an innocent person. So we can’t fix sociopaths, but we can change their behavior somewhat, tone it down, or reduce the amount of damage they do to society.
All paraphilias are unfixable by their very nature. The paraphilia quite literally will not and cannot go away. It’s etched in stone.
Schizophrenia is largely unfixable. They need a great deal of medication, and even then in most cases, they are repeatedly hospitalized. A few can go on to lead somewhat normal or even successful lives, but these people still need continuous medication and regular psychotherapy. In addition, they need frequent interventions to stay out of the hospital.
Many illnesses such as OCD, Bipolar Disorder and Chronic Major Depression are unfixable by psychotherapy. Most of these people will need medication for the rest of their lives. However, psychotherapy can improve their conditions a lot at least in the first and last cases.
Long-term suicidality is very hard to fix. It tends to become chronic with repeated attempts over the years. The suicidal person is typically defiant and is furious with you for challenging their suicidality. You are expected to sympathize with their condition, which is actually a very bad idea. Most suicidal people are what I would call “defiantly suicidal.”
Personality disorders are generally incurable. Theoretically, they could be fixed, but these people almost never present for therapy, and when they do, it is often at the behest of others, and they do not really wish to be there or get anything done. People with personality disorders, like sociopaths, literally do not want to get better. They like their personality disorder, and they are incredibly resistant to change. There are some case reports of cures of personality disorders, but in general the prognosis is grave.
I have never been able to fix long term low self esteem, and I have tried with a few people. There is something about that condition that hammers itself into the brain as if into concrete. I do not know why, but long-term low self-esteem seems to be one of the hardest psychological problems to fix. Why this is, I have no idea. Perhaps someone else can offer some ideas.
In many cases, long-term mental disorders simply cannot be fixed or cured. However, with psychotherapy and drugs, people can often get much better than they were before. We need to stop thinking in terms of cures and start thinking in terms of amelioration.
I realize that many clinicians insist that most people can be fixed or cured of long-term conditions, but I think they are lying. They are probably trying to drum up business. Many clinicians fear that if word got out that a lot of long-term mentally ill people cannot be fixed or cured, people would stop coming in for therapy. There goes their paycheck. Therapists are a lot more money-oriented than most people believe, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. I know this field very well.
Clinicians have nothing to worry about. Even if a lot of conditions could only be ameliorated and not fixed, I am sure a lot of folks would show up to try to get some improvement. Some mental disorders are so painful that any improvement feels like a miracle cure to the client. A lot of people have given up on being cured anyway, just want to at least get better and are quite happy to do so.

Thank God for That Feeling!

Really the optimistic and pessimistic views of life are both true and equally valid. This is what you figure out if you understand the Tao. Pessimism is a part of optimism and vice versa. Most of the time, it is the best of days and the worst of days, both at the same time. And that’s ok. That’s the Tao. The circle is completed. Once you realize that life is both wondrous and utterly horrible, often both at the same time, you feel greatly liberated and you no longer fear sadness or depression.
The main problem is that we are always trying to run away from our feelings. We have bad feelings and we run around like our the back of our shirt is on fire trying to toss of the flames of hell in our minds. This problem is compounded by therapists who too often try to get clients to stop thinking bad feelings and feel good ones instead. Problem is this does not really work. Say your marriage is breaking up. Even if you were in an abusive marriage, it’s still sad. And many people mourn the death of their marriage.
Usually a therapist will urge the client to not feel that way and instead be happy that the marriage is over. This is useless because the person is going to feel sad and mourn anyway. Clients should be encouraged to experience their bad feelings. Just sit and be alone with them. Meditate on them. If you are alone with your bad feelings for a while, often you get tired of bored with them and you don’t want to feel that way anymore. What really happened is you got the sadness or mourning  out of your system. If you run from it forever, you never get it out of your system. You have to stop running some time. And when you stop, here come your bad feelings, coming right up behind you. No matter how fast you run,  your feelings will always catch up to you.
Just as it is axiomatic that  you cannot run from your fears, similarly I doubt if you can run from your feelings. Feelings need to be allowed to come into consciousness, accepted and processed. After a bit of that, you may get tired of them, and now it is time to move along.
I have clients that are often dealing with a lot of unhappiness. I deal with suicidal people all the time. I have had clients attempt suicide on me right in the middle of a counseling stretch. I have already lost one client to suicide, but he was deeply depressed, had already attempted several times before, and when I first talked to him, he told me had a “suicide machine.” He had rigged up some sort of a device to give himself helium in order to commit suicide. Problem was it did not work very well.
The NHS in the UK really killed this man because they freaked out unnecessarily about his symptoms which sent him into a suicidal tizzy. He went away for a while and a few months later, I heard that three weeks after our last session, he was swinging from the ceiling of his home.
Increasingly I tell my clients who are dealing with sadness, depression and bad feelings  to just go ahead and experience that feeling. I say, “If  you feel sad, say ‘Thank God for that feeling!'” and you can go sit down somewhere and just get into the sadness of life, which is about 50% of it anyway. It is a legitimate part of life and it is ok to experience it without fear. The real problem is that people feel sad and start getting frantic trying to make the feeling go away. Go ahead and experience your feelings. They won’t bite. They’re yours. There’s no point running away from them if they’re yours.

Psychopathology of Serial Murderers

The primary problem with almost all serial killers is simply ASPD, Antisocial Personality Disorder, derived sociopathy or primary psychopathy. It is present in almost 100% of such cases. Most everything else is rather secondary to this primary character disorder, which is the most prominent symptom.
Very rare is the serial killer without this disorder, although there have been a few. I remember a long-distance trucker who turned himself when he walked into a Northern California police station with a woman’s breast in his top shirt pocket. He had camped out in forests while trucking and had picked up women and killed them. He kept the body of one in the truck for three or four days and drove around with it.
Experts said he was quite unusual in that they said he actually felt bad about what he had done. I wonder how bad he really felt though. You could not get me to drive around in a truck with a dead woman in the back for very long. I would go into severe panic pretty fast, would stop the truck, get out and start walking or probably running away. I would not be able to walk around with a woman’s breast in my shirt for long either. I would completely panic almost right away, take the shirt off, throw it on the ground and start running. But then I am a pretty guilty type person with a strong conscience.
Based on that, while I am sure he may have felt some guilt for his killings, the fact that he was able to drive around in a truck with a dead woman in the  back for 3-4 days shows without completely flipping out shows to me that he didn’t feel that much guilt, certainly not on the level that most of us would. And the fact that he could rather calmly walk into a police station with a cut off breast in his pocket without flying into total panic shows to me that he didn’t feel that bad about it. So guilt, even when it is present, is not as strong as in most of us, otherwise they would not have even done such horrible things in the first place.
Sexual sadism is also often present, and I have heard that Sadistic Personality Disorder is very common. Juvenile delinquency, voyeurism, exhibitionism, burglary, prowling, petty thievery, etc. typically precede the serial killings. When the serial killer starts killing, he usually has a fairly long rap sheet of more minor offenses. The murders are best seen as an escalation of a chronic criminal character type.
The ones who kill children are typically though not always preferential or fixated pedophiles. Certainly the ones who kill only children are preferential pedophiles. There is a type of pedophile called a mysoped, which is a sadistic pedophile. They are not very common. I doubt if 5% of pedophiles are like this, but these people are very dangerous. Probably almost all serial child killers are mysopeds and these crimes often have a sexual basis.
95% of rapists are the type that rarely if ever go serial, but the sadistic rapist, composed of no more than 5% of rapists, is very dangerous. Most if not all rapist serial killers are sadistic rapists.
The rage rapist is dangerous, but he generally does not intend to kill his victim although he assault her. If she fights back or gets difficult, he can fly into a rage and beat her so badly that she dies but again he usually does not intend to kill. I doubt if these types go serial much if at all. Serial killers intend to kill; rage rapists do not.
Malignant narcissism, the disorder, believe it or not, of our wonderful President, is also present sometimes. Ted Bundy was a malignant narcissist. Yes, our wonderful President has the same mental illness as Ted Bundy! Comforting thought.
A few have Schizoid Personality Disorder, and some of the more disturbed ones have Borderline Personality Disorder.
Schizotypal, Paranoid and Narcissistic Personality Disorders are rare if ever seen in serial killers. Schizotypals are probably too disorganized and decompensated and just out and out strange to commit such crimes. The serial killer must blend in, and schizotypals do not do that. A few schizotypals have committed mass murders. James Holmes the Aurora Batman Theater Shooter, was a notable case. But note that he was caught immediately.
Paranoid PD is rarely if ever seen. These people tend to be rather retiring and like to hide away from a hostile world. They also do not like to call attention to themselves from a hostile world. They are suspicious and distrustful by nature and this makes it hard for them to blend in well with ordinary society as serial killers often do.
Narcissists are usually too self-centered to kill. While narcissists are often very mean, the disorder is usually well-controlled in that the rage rarely escalates to homicide. There have been a few cases of NPD’s committing mass murder, usually of their families.
The case of Jeffrey MacDonald, the mass murdering physician of Fatal Vision, seems to be such a case. This is a superb true crime case by the way.
Also narcissists think that if they kill, they will get caught, and if they are in prison or jail they will not be able to live this wonderful life they are supposed to be killing. They are “too cool to kill.” Killing would mess up all their wonderful plans to exploit others and hold them up to contempt by millions of people, which the narcissist would have a hard time taking. The narcissist is “too good for prison.” Prison would be such a crushing blow to their self-image that it would very hard to take.
However, malignant narcissists can be very dangerous because this is a combination of psychopathy, sadism, Paranoid PD and Narcissistic PD. When you weaponize NPD with paranoia, sadism and particularly psychopathy, you create a dangerous illness.
Cluster C Personality Disorders like Passive-Aggressive Personality Disorder, Self-Defeating Personality Disorder, Dependent Personality Disorder and Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder are rarely if ever present in these types. These are PD’s where aggression is mostly displayed passively, and serial killers display aggression actively, not passively.
Mood disorders do not seem to be common. Bipolar Disorder is not common, and serial killers are rarely if ever depressed. They displace guilt and loathing outwards instead of pushing it inside of themselves as depressives do. Depressives are passive, and depression acts as sort of a freezing agent in that it tends to immobilize people by its nature. Men in general tend to either experience less depression than women or mask it with other things such as anger and rage, drinking, drugs, gambling, promiscuity or even workaholism. It is simply not acceptable as a man to be depressed, so depressed men simply channel their depression into other things and say they are not depressed, they are just drunks or workaholics, for instance.
Substance and alcohol abuse issues are quite common with serial killers, but the better ones are more sober, as drinkers and dopers tend to be scattered and unreliable and serial killers must be on the ball  24-7.
Only a few are psychotic. 2% of serial killers are psychotic. Psychotic people can barely organize a trip to the bathroom. How are they going to plot out elaborate and professional serial homicides?
They are motivated by many things, but your typical rape-murders of murders of attractive young women almost always have a sexual component. I would call these serial killings lust murders. The Germans coined the term. Even among the lust-murders, there are a number of different types. Some are motivated by purely sexual desires, others get off specifically on killing and the power gained from it, others are hunter types who get pleasure from the hunt and chase as if they were hunting an animal, which they are of course, but when we refer to hunters, we are always talking about hunters of non-human animals.

Intelligence and Income Are Poorly Related, Part 4,860

Terrance: Do you know if the internet has any serious IQ tests? 2 years ago, wondering where I could know mine for sure, you told me that my university has a psychologist who does IQ testing. It turned out it doesn’t, or rather, they don’t want random guys passing the test because it takes 4 hours off their schedule and they’re busy.
But I do agree with those who say, that these tests are a waste of time if nobody, public or private sector, takes them into account. What a worker needs is obedience, not the quickest brains. What a careerist needs is ambition and social skills. What self-employed people need is discipline. If you aren’t any of that, it’s too bad, but I’d rather be one of the three than doing brain virtue signalling the rest of my life with other lonely gifted people.

This is sorry. I thought it was law that grade schools, high schools and universities have to give you a test if you ask for one. On the other hand, if you already got a score, they might not give you another one.
I would say to go to the Psychology Department and ask to be tested. There are quite a few Psychology professors there, and most are either Psychiatrists or Clinical  Psychologists I would imagine. I would think one of them might give you a test just for fun. Plus they sort of feel obligated.
You were absolutely tested in grade or high school. You had to be. It’s usually state law to give all students this test. You have access to your score from whichever school you took the test from. Ask your mother or father. They were definitely told your score.
An IQ test is a test of raw brain speed. This is why it is annoying that so many people insist that IQ tests do not measure intelligence. For Chrissake, what better measure of intelligence is there other than a test of how fast your brain works? Intelligence means the speed of your brain and not much else.
What is stupid about this is that idiots who say that IQ tests don’t mean anything are actually saying that it doesn’t matter how fast your brain works. Faster brains are no more intelligent than slower brains. Very slow brains may be the smartest of all and very fast brains are among the dumbest out there.
What sort of BS sense does that make? The speed of your brain does not matter in terms of job, career, income and so many other things? Most jobs don’t care how fast your brain works? Are you kidding me? That’s a pretty stupid thing to say!
Low IQ people have brains that do not work very fast when they work at all. Average IQ people have brains that work at the average speed for a human being in that country. High IQ people have brains that work fast. As you go up on the scales, you get brains that work faster and faster. Gifted people have brains that work faster than 98% of the population. Geniuses or genius IQ scorers are as common as dirt as there are 3.3 million geniuses. One out of every 100 Americans has a genius IQ. It’s not as impressive as you think. But these people have brains that actually work faster than 99% of the population.  Then you get to Cerebral Aliens who have brains that work faster than 99.9% of the population.
Problem is that when you to right around this point, IQ stops being adaptive and life outcomes in terms of job title, career and income start to decline. With every increased IQ point, these things decline more and more on a direct linear basis. Hence you have the smartest man on Earth, Christopher Langan, dropping out of university, and working at all sorts of working class jobs his whole life such as truck driver, lumberjack and bar bouncer. And you have the 160+ IQ men profiled earlier on this site who are actually so smart that their intelligence is actually a disability as opposed to a gift.
The reason is that as IQ climbs to 145 and above, people start getting weird and out there. With every IQ point rise,  they get stranger and stranger and often more and more introverted, socially awkward, lonely and celibate.
At some point, their IQ is so high that they are nearly nonfunctional and they can function only at a low level in society when they can function at all.
They are getting to the point where they are actually so damn smart that they are pretty much too smart to even function in society!
Sidis is said to be the smartest man who ever lived. He dropped out of university after dazzling professors and students alike at his school. He become very introverted, stayed inside most of the time, had few or no friends. was very lonely, never made a nickel and turned into an early trainspotter, as he become  utterly obsessed with bus schedules, making a vast collection of them and writing up many reports with graphs and figures about the various bus schedules.
The commenter is correct. And many high IQ and very high IQ people lack ambition, discipline, social skills and obedience or any combination of the above.
This is probably the reason you have so many high IQ people who are living at or near the poverty level. I could give you the names of five people right now who have IQ’s of 140-150.
One is an older woman, but she spent her whole life as a housewife. She did work a bit at the end, but she never made much money. I think the best job she had was paralegal and she was actually fired from that job I believe, the only job she was ever fired from. Office politics was the reason.
Three others are in their 50’s with IQ’s ranging from 140-147.
One never made more than $20,000 in their life. They have a variety of degrees – four the last I checked. Like the person below, they have a Masters Degree. This person works very little due to illness and lives off their savings. Prior to becoming ill, they worked or were in school the whole time. They had some decent jobs for a while there, but they really only worked full-time for 10-15 years. The rest of the time, they were in school.
The other worked at working class jobs their whole life and only obtained a university degree very late in life. They now have a BA and an MA. Sadly, very soon after they got that degree, they developed a very bad injury and were disabled. This person is presently collecting Disability, but they worked or were in school most of their life and they are in their 50’s. They never made any real money though.
The other made money at one time, but he is very mentally ill. He has Bipolar Disorder since age 21 or so, and as a result, he is manic most of the time. The drugs do not control his illness well and he is always symptomatic. His mania has been of the psychotic type very early on and if you did not know better, you would think he had schizophrenia. That is because he has delusions that are very schizophrenic-like. For instance, he gets messages from the TV. The weatherman might say, “It is going to rain tomorrow,” and that is actually a secret message telling him to go the store and buy a pack of cigarettes. Which he must do and promptly does.
He has been hospitalized over and over. I recently took a trip with him and it was a nightmare. It’s a good thing the trip ended when it did because if it went on much longer, I would have had to kill the guy. And like many schizophrenics, he never completely abandons his delusions. He still believes that the Objectivists are out to get him and they chase him on the road sometimes. He still believes that he is in fact Jesus Christ. In 1980, the DSM changed and a lot of people who had been called schizophrenic were thrown over to mood disorder, mostly to Bipolar Disorder and Major Depression.
Another was afflicted with Major Depression at a very early age of around 19 or so. They were pulled out of university, but later they went back and got a BA. They soon got on Disability after long being afflicted with Major Depression. They have had the diagnosis ever since and have never worked a real job except for one minor job as a s teenager. They did come out of the illness once when put on a certain drug. The illness lifted and they were able to get a good job at the Welfare Department of a large city. They soon got in trouble at the job and were fired after four months. This of course spun them back into a serious depression that they have been in ever since. Except for four months out of their life, this person has never made any money at all.
All five of these people are very smart, but most of them have hardly made a nickel in their lives. But note that four of them have some sort of injury or illness preventing them from doing much work, and three actually collect Disability. Surely physical and  mental handicaps can seriously get in the way of achievement for very high IQ people. It certainly stands to reason.

How Societal Ignorance of Mental llness Contributes Greatly to Lack of Insight in Bipolar Disrder

There also often problems with insight in the manic phase of Bipolar Disorder or Manic-Depression, whereas people who are depressed typically realize that they are depressed. I am not sure why mania is associated with lack of insight, but it often is.

Of course there is typically no insight during psychotic mania, but there is often no insight whatsoever during even hypomania. The lack of insight during hypomania is usually because the person is feeling so good that they don’t could possibly be ill, but I assure you that they are. The hypomanic typically says, “I have never felt better in my life!” It is hard to convince someone they are ill when they’re on top of the world and feel like a million bucks.

Another serious problem is society.

I have told you that I don’t like people much because they are stupid and this i+s one more example of that. Ordinary people are preposterously ignorant of mental illness of all kinds. There is no reason to be this way, and people have simply chosen to become ignorant about this issue out of their own free will.

Our society also stigmatizes mental illness, so that makes it so in general you can never discuss the subject in polite company without violating social rules and seeing people try to shut you down. People are ignorant of mental illness because of stigma which means that they are not even supposed to talk, read or think about it. So people have refused to educate themselves in part due to stigma.

Understanding and recognizing the symptoms of common mental illnesses is not particularly difficult, and I feel that anyone with a 100 IQ ought to be able to learn such things.

Tragically, Bipolar Disorder is one of the most misunderstood illnesses of all, and the vast majority of people, when presented with a person who is floridly manic or even hypomanic will typically not understand what is going on at all. Florid manics are often accused of being bad people, criminals, psychopaths, evil or on drugs.

I must admit that if you do not know what you are looking for, it is hard to figure out what is wrong with a floridly manic person. Instead of being high as a kite and happy, floridly manic people are often irritable, angry, aggressive, menacing, threatening, violent, paranoid and miserable. They often start using drugs or drinking with the onset of the episode, which makes diagnosis even trickier.

People seem to be even worse at recognizing hypomania. Hypomanics are often witty, charming, extroverted, ecstatically happy and full of wild plans. They can’t stop talking, they are full of wild confidence and they’re always ready for a party.

I have seen many people observe wildly hypomanic people and come away saying that they are the coolest around because they can be so effusive, engaging and spellbinding. I often try to tell these that the person is actually mentally ill, but they refuse to listen to me and shut me down.

So the problem in mania is not only that the manic usually has no clue that they are ill, but also 90% of the ignorant people in society refuse to believe they are mentally ill.

It’s a perfect storm for epidemic lack of insight, and it really doesn’t have to be that way.

Robert Stark Interviews Robert Lindsay about the Oregon Shooter

There is a new interview with me up. Mostly about the latest mass shooting. Give it a listen and let me know what you think.

Here.

Another Incel Shoots up College, 10 Dead, 7 Wounded
4Chan Subculture and the Post on R9K Predicting the Shooting
Beta Uprising
How America’s Hyper-individualism and Atomization Leads to Mass Shootings
The Oregon School Shooter and Asperger’s
Misanthropy
Depression and Suicide
Homicidal Fantasies
Study: Males and Females Differ in How They Rate the Attractiveness of the Opposite Sex
What Is This Man Doing Wrong? ( Why hasn’t Game Worked?)

Robin Williams Repost

I am sorry if you folks find this in bad taste, but in commemoration of Robin Williams’s suicide, I am going to repost my prior article, The Impossibility of Dealing with Suicidals.
I always loved Robin Williams, and I am heartbroken that he decided to take this step. I am usually opposed to people killing themselves. I generally think it is the wrong thing to do. I say stick it out. I have been through a lot of pain myself, and I never tried to kill myself, though for a whole year there, that was all I thought about.

The Impossibility of Dealing with Suicidals

Depression is not really “insanity” but it is extremely common, even in regular, ordinary people like you and me.
I work as a counselor, and trust me, depression is everywhere. And many ordinary, regular people like you and me are actually secretly suicidal. I deal with suicidals all the time, and in recent years, I know three people, all around age 50-55, who either attempted it or seriously threatened to do it. I am guessing that maybe 50-55 is a tough age, no?
Depressives are hard enough to work with (Personally, I find them impossible and often refuse to work with them or flat out tell them that I cannot help them) but suicidals are absolutely impossible. I can’t work with them at all, and they don’t want me to work with them because I usually get mad at them for being suicidal. I do not know how to deal with people like that, and I much admire anyone who can deal with such folks. They demand that you feel “compassion” for the fact that they are suicidal, but how can you do that without cheering them on? Truly a no-win situation.
True suicidals are utterly determined to take their own lives and they are 100% ok with that idea. They get furious if you try to stop them, and they are enraged if you find them half dead, call an ambulance and save their lives. I have had suicidals scream at me in their hospital beds, cursing me for saving their lives. I hate to say it, but they are impossible to deal with.
Fortunately, a lot of suicidals come out of it and don’t want to do it anymore, so that is a cure I suppose. But while they are in the midst of it, it is truly a nightmare. I am not opposed to hospitalizing them frankly. In a very real sense, a suicidal is truly out of their minds in a way, and at any rate, they are surely a danger to themselves if not to others, and actually some of them are dangerous to others too.
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New Interview with Me Up!

Robert Stark has just posted a new interview with me on his website. Most of this interview was taken up discussing the Eliot Rodger case which I previously wrote about on this blog.
Topics include:

  • Elliot Rodgers Manifesto
  • Mental illness versus situational mental torment
  • Aspergers Syndrome
  • Bullying in adolescence
  • Elliot’s incidences of rage
  • Elliot’s racial identity
  • Narcissism and fluctuations in self esteem
  • The “nice guy” theme
  • Social Isolation
  • PUA Hate & Incels
  • Robert Lindsay’s misogynist and racist phases in the past

I hope this interview isn’t too too controversial, but you know me! Don’t worry, I didn’t call him a hero or anything like that. However, I did read through his entire 137 page manifesto. It was a sad, sad story, especially from age 12 on.
Everybody seems to be getting this case wrong. The only sensible proposal to come out of this is for more gun control, say of automatic weapons maybe? The rest of the proposals make no sense. I will list them below.
We need to focus more on the treatment of the mentally ill! A favorite of the gun nuts, they use this to deflect attention from a society packed to the gills with high-powered weapons. Their line – Guns don’t kill people, crazy people kill people! Some of the truly insane proposals that have followed have been along the lines of that anyone who has ever been prescribed a psychiatric drug, been in therapy or sought help for a mental illness be prevented from owning a gun.

  1. He was sad.
  2. He was bad.
  3. He was way, way too shy.
  4. He wasn’t getting any sex, but that’s not in the DSM yet.
  5. Foremost, he had a completely lousy, malignant personality which at the end of the day is why he went on his spree.

Main problem here. Eliot Rodger wasn’t crazy! He wasn’t nuts, loony, mentally ill or any of that. What was he? First of all, he was sad. That’s called depression and it’s not insanity. A quarter of the country is probably depressed.
Second, he was bad. Eliot Rodger was simply a bad person. Most of his problems were flowing from his personality disorder, Narcissistic Personality Disorder. But people on Axis 2 (personality disorders) are not crazy. What is wrong with them? They are sick, twisted, and warped. They have lousy personalities. At their core, they have what we might call a bad character. In other words, they are simply bad people. Most, but not all people with Axis 2 stuff are lousy people or annoying idiots, and quite a few of them are out and out bad people. Lousy human beings. Jerks. Tools. You get the picture. Since Rodger was not nuts, there was nothing that the mental health system could do for him.
He had some problems for which he was seeking help, but those problems were not due to mental illness. They were due to excessive shyness, extreme social inhibition and social phobia. None of these things mean you are crazy. They are more or less just what I might call “problems in living.” Some people get themselves worked into such a state of extreme shyness that it is just not healthy. But that doesn’t mean they are nuts. What does it mean? It means they are way, way too shy. That’s all.
Yes he wasn’t getting any sex. I suppose a lot of guys who are not getting any sex show up for therapy. There is not mental illness called No Sex Disorder. If you’re getting laid, that doesn’t automatically mean you are nuts. What does it mean? It means you aren’t getting laid. That’s what it means.
Last of all, he was bad. Most people even with that malign Axis 2 disorder do not do the things that he did. Eliot had grown to hate first females, then men who were successful with women, and lastly just about everyone in the whole world. He didn’t care about their lives anymore and he fantasized all the time about murdering them, torturing them, slowly peeling their skins off, etc. Although he started out as an empathetic youngster, the constant rejection hardened him, turned him misanthropic and led to him to lose empathy for much of humankind.
His heart was full of hate for the world and he wanted to destroy as much of humanity as he could. Does that  mean you are crazy? Not necessarily. Just because you shot up a shopping meal doesn’t automatically mean you are nuts. What does it mean. It means you were very, very angry. You were also probably extremely sad, possibly suicidal. Last, it means you were a very bad person. You hated the whole world, and you had no empathy for anyone in it. In short, a person like that is evil. Probably at one time, they were not evil, but life circumstances had turned them into monsters.
The suggestions don’t make sense.
You already can’t get a gun if you have been hospitalized for mental illness here in California. Further restrictions on the “mentally ill” people’s right to own a gun are silly and probably won’t pass anyway.
The feminists are ranting and raving about misogyny. “Misogyny! Misogyny! Misogyny! Misogyny! Misogyny! Misogyny!” they scream. Their argument is that the US is a horribly misogynistic society. But it isn’t. It is probably one of the least misogynistic societies on Earth. Yes there are misogynists, but these guys exist everywhere. Do the feminists really think that jumping up and down yelling “Misogyny!” is going to make all these ugly misogynistic men think twice about their mindset and quit hating women? I doubt it.
I can see the feminists raiding the incel forums now. “You are misogynists!” They scream.
“Yeah we are. What about it, cunts?” the incels reply.
“Stop being misogynistic! It’s evil!” they scream.
“No it isn’t. What’s evil is women. And by the way, fuck off bitches and go away.”
I don’t think all this screaming about misogyny is going to have much of an effect. It would be nice if it did.
The feminists are also ranting about entitlement! Why, Eliot Rodger felt entitled to have sex with women, they screech. No man is entitled to have sex with any of us ever! they howl.
I can see the incels replying, “Ok so what you bitches are saying is you have the right to deny any of us sex with a year, a decade, multiple decades or even a lifetime. If we never get lucky, too bad. We need to die virgins then. Women have the right to hold out on us forever.”
“Yes that’s right,” the harpies shriek, “You only get sex when we feel like giving it to, which might  just be never, who knows! You are not entitled bla bla.”
I simply cannot see this argument going over with the incels. Are they supposed to be overjoyed that women deny them sex for months, years, or even decades? This is all perfectly cool – it’s no problem? The incels and most men are not going to find that argument to be persuasive. In fact all it will do is make them mad.
“Ok so really we have no right to sex, then. Well, guess what? Fuck you bitches.”
There is a lot of ranting about the Manosphere, the PUA Zone, MRA’s and whatnot for fostering a culture of misogyny. There were plenty of misogynists before there was an Internet. This stuff is as old as Adam and Eve, that stupid bitch. Sure the Manosphere is a hateful, ugly, vicious place where hypermasculine tools tromp all over women and the 80% of male population they deep to be wimpy inferiors. The misogyny on those sites is horrid, as is the scary, violent presence of many very mean men trying to act like the baddest dude in the room by starting fights with all the other guys.
In fact the misogyny and male strutting is so awful that I can barely stand to read those sites. That stuff is so unpleasant and makes me so unpleasant that I usually have to leave.
So all of these ugly sites are now going to introduce a “no misogyny” policy? Forget it, ain’t going to happen. First of all, they would have to ban 80% of their commenters. Second, these sites are all run by misogynistic men who are happy being sexist jerks and do not with to change.
Nothing good is going to come of this terrible act by a sad and evil man. It’s just another sad chapter in our lives, and that’s all you can say about it. That, and you ain’t seen the end of this. I am afraid there will be more Elliot Rodgers. Which is terrible. And sad.

Columbine Shooter Eric Harris' Journal Entries

Scary stuff!
Harris was apparently a full blown psychopath, and Dylan Klebold instead was just severely depressed. Klebold was more the follower type and Harris was the messianic type. Horrible crimes with accomplices typically have paradigms like this. One is the messianic leader and the other is the follower.
It is not often known, but depressives can be quite angry. I have known many depressives, particularly older females, in whom the main symptom was simply smoldering rage. Many depressed men are quite angry. Quite a few mass shooter cases which often end in suicide or “suicide by cop” are done by depressed males. Homicidal fantasies are quite common in depression. Not as common as suicidal fantasies, but still common. Look how many homicides are murder-suicides. These are usually done by depressed males going out in a blaze of glory determined to take someone with them.

More OCD and Psychosis: Differential DX

Let us look at some more cases from the Internet.
Case 1 here and here.

I’m trying to pin down one of my major symptoms that can and has completely impaired my life. My OCD revolves around harm, such as fears that I will harm someone, violent thoughts of harming someone, and even urges to harm someone. I don’t think I want to hurt anyone, but my OCD tells me differently. Sometimes I will get a violent thought when I am standing near someone, and I will not hurt them, but I will quickly walk away to avoid any chance of ever acting on my thought/urge.
Ok, here’s the weirdest part: Later on, after I have walked far away from people in order to avoid hurting them, I believe that I actually did hurt someone after all, and that my memory of avoiding him/her is a false memory, or I just forgot the true memory of actually harming the person in question. I truly have believed many times that I was a murderer, despite tons of evidence to the contrary.
Looking back, I realized I’ve wasted so much time believing I’d done something terrible and waiting to be locked up forever. However, at the time, my beliefs were unshakable and persisted despite all the evidence that my family/friends/counselor threw at me to try to convince me that I had done nothing wrong.
I think my OCD may involve hallucinations as well. Whenever I think I may have harmed someone I hear police/ambulance sirens. Coincidence? Maybe, I’m not sure. When my OCD started to improve at school I was hearing less sirens.
This is the situation I’m in. It started with me walking beside people on my (very hilly) campus that has a lot of ravines. I got the anxious thought “What if I pushed someone into one of the ravines?” So I’d actually go DOWN into ravines to search for bodies. Crazy huh?
Well, it got crazier. One day, the thought or belief (delusional) came into my mind: I DID push someone into the ravine and kill him/her. I compulsively searched, but I couldn’t search very well because I was embarrassed and scared because I was getting weird looks.
So I dropped out of school. And I believe that there is STILL a body in one of those ravines (even though I called my counselor numerous times asking if there were missing students and she always said no) and I checked the news for five weeks – nothing. No evidence, but I still believe I killed somebody.
I had to drive today as an OCD exposure and I had to drive very close to a bicyclist because he was hogging the road. I drove as far away from him as possible, even onto the curb to avoid him. Of course my senses were heightened and I would have felt a bump even if I sideswiped him, which I don’t think I did.
There was no damage to my car or anything, and when I drove back on the opposite side of the road cars were driving normally and I didn’t see emergency vehicles but I still believe deep down that I hit him. It sucks. And I can’t check the news either – in program we are discouraged from checking and other compulsions.

There is a lot of back and forth about this in various threads for some reason. She also has a dx of schizoaffective disorder, which is never explained. Various people feel that this symptom is a combination of OCD and a psychotic symptom, but I am not so sure about that. The part about searching the ravines is also OCD, though it’s rather extreme in that it made her drop out of school.
I honestly feel that this presentation is simply OCD of the Harm OCD type. The person fears that they will attack others, but they never do it. Apparently it’s all just fear.
Going back and checking over and over to make sure she didn’t kill someone or push someone into the ravine is also very OCD-like. A psychotic person simply says that they killed someone by pushing them into the ravine, and that’s that. There’s no going round and round about it, checking the ravines, calling people, reading the papers. That’s called “checking,” and it’s an OCD thing.
Although these symptoms are very disturbing in that they involve violence, a person with this type of OCD is very unlikely to act on the obsession, and probably will never act it. They are less likely to commit a violent act than anyone else. The presentation is rather strange in that most OCD folks don’t have this degree of certainty in the obsession.
The hallucinations of police sirens are odd. Some clinicians are saying that there can be hallucinations in OCD, but they are generally minor. The whole idea of hallucinations in OCD seems very strange to me, and I don’t know what to make of it. OCD experts claim that there are no hallucinations in OCD.
Case 2 and here

The other night I had a thought about gouging my dog’s eyes out; it was terrifying to me. I could never do that, but the thought alone was enough to keep me obsessing about it for hours. Made me very anxious.
Woke up the other day worried I was going to spontaneously run someone over or grab a knife and stab someone, like it would be a compulsion I couldn’t control. My therapist said that’s classic OCD.
Sometimes I hear music playing, like tonight I was hearing a band playing, but it turned out to be just some noise from the a/c cause i left the room and returned.
Sometimes I hear people saying “hey” or think I heard someone else say something when they didn’t, but that’s really not a big deal, I imagine everyone has thought someone said something once in awhile, but the music thing is pretty real.
It sounded like a parade going on outside my house, until I got up and moved around. Not a big deal, just enough to make me stop what I was doing and listen.

This is classic stuff – Harm OCD. In general, they never act on the thought, even if they are thinking of it 24-7. There is controversy on whether or not there have been cases of people acting on antisocial or violent obsessions. Some say there have been some cases, but I have never heard of any. I do therapy with some people who have this type of “harm OCD,” and I never worry that they will act on it.
Note that this person is also worried that they are going to go psychotic, just as Case 1 is obsessed with whether she is psychotic or not. The worry that one will go psychotic is pretty OCD like right there. People with psychotic disorders don’t generally worry about such things.
The part about the hallucinations is stranger. First of all, they are not hallucinations. He just thinks he is hallucinating. He heard the AC, and it sounded like music because he didn’t realize that it was the AC. We live in a noisy environment, and mechanical objects will often make sounds that sound like auditory hallucinations. Other noises in the environment can also fool you. These are called illusions, not hallucinations.
Case 3

I have thoughts that someone is going to poison me or slip me drugs or somehow do something “bad” to me. When I was a kid there was all the talk about people putting razor blades and drugs in Halloween candy; there was a rash of OTC drug packages that were tampered with that killed someone and had these drugs pulled from the shelf, and there was also a case of someone getting poisoned by their friends. This was all in a relatively short span of time.
I seem to have latched on to all of that in an unhealthy way.
I don’t think people are out to get me. I don’t think there’s a conspiracy to hurt me. What I fear is that there are a lot of nutty homicidal people out there, and they may decide to tamper with food or whatever, and that it would be my luck to be one of the unlucky people that would be the victim.
I’m afraid that people are crazy, unpredictable, and there’s just a lot of random Bad Shit out there that people do. I also worry that somehow food will be contaminated with deadly microbes – botulism is a fun one to worry about.
I know this is insane. I know that the likelihood of something like that happening is very small. Still, it can drive me to panic attacks and anxiety as well as some fun compulsions. If there’s only one of something left at the grocery store, I can’t buy it. I have to take the package of food that’s the second one back, not the first.
I inspect packages. I give my dog food that is “suspect” knowing that if she’s okay, I’ll be okay. I know it’s stupid and silly, but the actions reduce my anxiety so I don’t have a panic attack or start freaking out.
In some ways it feels like a fear of flying. It could happen, even if the chances are low. Very low.

Strange case. The doc said that these were symptoms of “paranoia,” but I don’t agree. I think it’s just OCD. Thing is, your food could be being poisoned at any time. Most of us just assume it is not and go ahead and eat it anyway. That’s all you can do in life really.
Case 4

I have similar thoughts. Whenever I go to the supermarket, I’m always thinking that the food that I’m about to buy has been tampered with. So for example, when I grab a jar of pasta sauce, I start to think that someone injected poison into the the jar.
So I put that jar back and grab the one behind it. But then I become convinced that the person who poisoned the jar would know that someone like me will be expecting the jar in front to be poisoned, so they must have put the poisoned jar in the second row instead. So then I put the second jar back because I get convinced that it may have been poisoned. Then I sit there debating the whole thing in my mind because I don’t know which jar to buy. Ultimately I just say fuck it and take one of them.
I also worry that people will tamper with my food at restaurants and food courts. So lets say I’m eating at a food court by myself and I sit at the table and realize that I forgot to get a straw, when I go back to food place to get a straw, I always make sure that I keep an eye on my food the whole time.

Not sure what to do with this one, but it looks like Case 3. The way he takes jars our and puts them back and stands in front of the shelf debating which jar to take looks awfully OCD like. It’s a Hell of a way to live your life though, I must say.
Case 5

I was at a comprehensive psychiatric clinic/ward recently, and one of the patients there had very bad OCD. He would often ask me for reassurance about things that really didn’t make any sense at all. On the night that his new roommate was moving in, he was terrified that he brought a bomb in his luggage. He asked me if I thought that his roommate brought a bomb, and I obviously told him no.
Later that night (maybe under an hour later), he decides to pull the fire alarm and make a run for it (he wasn’t able to get too far because of the severity of his OCD). I don’t believe that he ever actually thought that there was a bomb with complete certainty. The uncertainty just became so severe that for him to act as if there was actually a bomb became the better option. It was the only way that he could diffuse his anxiety.

As you can see, the illness gets pretty weird, but it’s just OCD. He pulled the fire alarm because he could not be completely sure that this roommate had not brought a bomb into his room in his suitcase.
Case 6

Does anyone else have such poor insight into their OCD that instead of knowing that its irrational, you think its real? For example, I think that I’m a dead person living in a fake world to the point that its considered delusional. I’m also paranoid to the point that I truly believe people are poisoning me because they have something against me.
My doctors are confused as to whether I have OCD with psychosis or just OCD. Multiple doctors have said they can’t tell, but most lean towards OCD. Anyone else experience this?
Also does anyone else hear voices in their head which aren’t their own but instead like a family member or a priest or even someone you don’t know?

Strange case. The responders are all saying that this is psychosis rather than OCD. I am inclined to believe them. He hears voices apparently, and believes that he’s dead and the world is fake. But he says he hears voices in his head. This is crucial? Are they really just inner voices like we all hear (in which case they are not hallucinations) or is he actually hearing them with his ears (in which they are auditory hallucinations). He also thinks people are conspiring to kill him.
Case 7

Ok I have a boyfriend, and he is 30 yrs old, he said he had OCD and phobias, lately after some stress, he came to me crying and asked, “What if no one else but me exists? I feel so lonely like I am alone in the universe and that everything else is fake.”
Then I asked him, “What r u talking about?” And he replied, “I walked out of my office onto the street, and I thought ‘if I see someone I know this thing I am thinking its true.'” He saw one of his colleagues, and now he thinks that this thought of his is true, and he is anxious and crying.
Do you find this normal for a 30 year old? Then he asked, “I thought, What if I am a cat?” He listened to some cats meowing, and he started crying and asked, “What if I am a cat???” Is this normal? He had lots of stress before he starting saying all these things; he was afraid that he had some serious illness but in the end he didn’t, and after that he started this paranoia.

I am afraid that this is just OCD, but it’s pretty serious. He is not psychotic, although the symptoms are strange.
Case 8

Years ago I went through a serious bout of depression. I had fits of rage and crying and purposely avoided friends and places I enjoyed. A doctor put me on Lexapro, an antidepressant. I got better. Years later, I have a new problem. I thought it was the same old depression with a new twist. But it’s not.
My last psychiatrist tried treating me for a problem I had. He diagnosed it as depression and said that I also had OCD. This was because I had a depressed mood and frequently battled thoughts of anxiety.
This doctor tried me on a few different medications. Either they had no effect or they had terrible effects. They made me more depressed, anxious, and at one point suicidal. They were all small doses, but they showed their effects within days. The drugs that had these disastrous effects were Imipramine and Lexapro.
I’m seeing a new doctor now. This one says the root problem is NOT depression or OCD. He says it’s psychosis. His reasons for his diagnosis are this:
The obsessive negative thoughts are a manifestation of the paranoia attribute of psychosis. These thoughts include worrying about getting diseases, worrying about dying tomorrow from something, worrying about aging or getting Alzheimer’s, worrying about thinning on top, worrying about getting diabetes, worrying that I might be schizophrenic, worrying that I got brain damage from the smell of a dry-erase marker, the list goes on and on.
Some of these are too irrational to list. Some days they’re tolerable, other days they make me anxious, even cry, or prevent me from doing my work.
Another symptom that I had described to both doctors was the fact that nearly every task that I start, or even think about starting, causes me stress and anguish as if it were some daunting job having to clean up after a hurricane. This is true for nearly everything I do, including things I enjoy doing. Hanging out with friends, just watching a movie alone, or painting which I love to do will sometimes feel this way and compel me to avoid these things.
The first doctor said that this anxiety over starting things was possibly ADD. He tried me on Ritalin for that with equally disastrous results. Then he tried me on biofeedback treatment. It improved my memory, that I am sure of. The second Doctor said that symptom was also due to psychosis because it shows there are two thoughts fighting each other simultaneously with each of these actions I take. Things do seem much easier for me when decisions are made for me.

Strange case. One thing for sure, this person is not psychotic. I don’t see the OCD. Where is it? The worries about bad things happening could be a variety of things, GAD, OCD or depression. In the context of the Depression that is going on, these could well be what we call depressive ruminations . Feeling like everything is too much is also not ADD, it is instead just a symptom of Depression. The inability to get things done or even start things in the first place is typical of depressives.
Case 9

When I saw my psychiatrist last year, he seemed to think I had OCD because I was having problems with various obsessions including a morbid fear of death or dying young and several compulsions (such as repeating actions and counting in sets of 4 whilst avoiding ‘bad’ numbers etc) to prevent bad things from happening or ward off my obsessive thoughts and images. I would often see images of myself lying dead in bed, and it would freak me out.
However that was a year ago. He wanted me to change to Anafranil at the time, and I freaked out because I have a fear of chemicals I am not familiar with and didn’t return to my next appointment thinking I could deal with it myself. It did lose its intensity after a while but didn’t go away completely. Now I seem to have developed a completely new obsession, if that is even what it is.
I fear that I am suffering from some kind of psychosis because I feel spaced out a lot of the time, as though I’m walking around in a dream state. I am also having problems with chronic daily headaches. I am now spending hours researching psychosis, schizophrenia and headaches on the internet. I am analyzing every single thought I have to check for signs of psychosis, and it is driving me around the bend.
How much research does one person need to do anyway? It’s not like im a Dr. and can diagnose myself? Why cant my brain just drop the subject until I have seen my Dr. about it again?
I have made an appointment to see my psychiatrist again shortly, but I am terrified that he will want me to try the Anafranil again. Not only do I have to contend with my original fear regarding changing medications (which in short is that I will take it, and I will have a bad reaction it and become ill or die) but now I have this awful fear that I will take it, get worse, won’t know what im doing and will hurt my son as a result.
I’m terrified, I couldn’t stand it if I hurt my son, the thought is making me feel sick. I am worried that I may not know what I’m doing and hurt someone or my son at the best of times, especially with feeling spaced out, but I am even more concerned that the Anafranil will make matters worse. It does say on the cautions list not to give it to patients who suffer from psychosis or schizophrenia.
I used to have a fear of hurting myself or my son in my sleep so I’m not sure if this is a variation of that one or not? I do know that my mother suffered with anxiety and depression and during her later years (65 onwards), she became paranoid and delusional. I am terrified that my depression and anxiety will take a similar course.
I also feel like I can’t organize my thoughts as well as I used to be able to. I will try to organize my household chores for the day, my brain will take one look at the washing pile and give up because it doesn’t quite know where to start! I also can’t remember when I took my medication. I’m on painkillers for sciatica and my headaches, and I will often need to debate with myself over when I took my last dose.
I will go to take one and will find myself thinking “Am I sure I haven’t already taken one?” to which I respond “I’m sure I haven’t, but I could have, but I don’t think I have anyway,” to which I respond again, “Am I sure I haven’t taken one? Perhaps I shouldn’t take it in case I have already taken one,” to which I then respond, “I’m sure I haven’t taken one,” and then start trying to retrace my steps over the last 4 hours to check I haven’t in fact already taken one.
I worry I will forget that I have taken one, take another one and overdose by mistake, become ill and then die as a result. I have tried writing down when I take one but then I find myself questioning if I have written it down correctly. I have tried putting out what I need for the day/hour, but then I worry I that I didn’t put them out correctly in first place.
Also I have a nagging feeling that I have forgotten something a lot of the time, and I don’t know what exactly. The last few times I’ve left the house, I’ve had to check I had my keys and purse 4 times before I even shut the door!
I feel like I’m developing early onset Alzheimer’s or something, its seriously doing my head in.
I also tend not to go out very much at the moment because I’m afraid I will forget who I am, where I live, get confused or not know what I’m doing and hurt someone when I’m outside. So I find myself only going out when I absolutely have to in order to avoid the anxiety it creates.

This really looks like OCD. It doesn’t look like anything else. The doubting about whether or not she has taken her meds, the fears of going psychotic, fear of medication, Harm OCD about her son, having to check for her keys over and over, the endless checking to see if she has schizophrenia or not, etc. The spacey feeling is disassociation, which comes from anxiety. Get rid of the anxiety, and the spacey feeling goes away.

OCD Versus Psychosis OCD with Psychotic Features

This is another in a series of articles on psychiatric diagnosis. This one will focus on the interface between OCD and psychosis. Keep in mind that there is a now a dx called “OCD with psychotic features.” Here are five cases of OCD with psychotic features. As you can see, these people believe in some really strange stuff! They are also very, very ill.
Case 1

Z suddenly developed rituals at age 17. While watching television he looked up and saw a man’s face at the glass kitchen door and heard a voice say: “Do the habits and things will go right”. He came to believe in a ‘power’ that could bring him luck if he could retain it within his possession through ritualising.

He bought an electric guitar which he felt contained the ‘power’ and would turn the controls ritualistically. He often saw a ‘black dot’ the size of a fist leave his body and enter some object around him. When experiencing the loss of the ‘black dot’ he felt compelled to ritualise to regain the ‘power’ that he believed was contained in it.

At age 19 he began to believe that a workman possessed a second ‘power’ for evil and began a second set of rituals to ward off this evil power while striving to retain the good one. He believed absolutely in the ‘power’ and feared disastrous consequences for himself and his family should he fail to retain the good and repel the evil power.

Before his admission to hospital, obsessions and compulsions affected every area of his life. Before performing any action he felt compelled to imagine the letter ‘L’ and the phrase ‘X away, power back’ for up to 20 minutes. He felt unable to sit on chairs or walk on grass or leaves, and slept with his feet uncovered for fear of the ‘power’ being transferred to some object from which he might be unable to retrieve it.
On leaving home he constantly retraced his steps to place his foot on a crack in the pavement or a leaf that he felt he had trodden on and so lost some of the ‘power’. If he saw the black dot leave his body (about 20 times a day) he had to touch the object it had entered and superimpose the letter ‘L’ and the phrase ‘X away, power back’ in his mind until he saw the black dot return.
From age 18, Z also had recurrent depression, hopelessness and suicidal urges, with deliberate self-harm (overdoses and wrist-slashing) when he was in a depressed mood. He said he harmed himself to appease the power or as a wish to die “when everything was perfect” after a day of ritualizing.

Case 2

Y developed beliefs about a ‘power’ at age 13. He felt that everyone had a certain ‘quality’ or ‘goodness’ which was stored in the brain as a ‘power’. He believed that other people drained the power from him and replaced it with their own rubbish (feces and urine). The exchange of power was triggered by an image in his mind of a face or object. When it happened he felt distressed, ‘dirty’ and ‘horrible’.
He could only regain the power by doing complex rituals. He imagined the person’s face and that he had detached their head from their body and sucked the power from the major vessels of their neck or from their eyes. He then transferred the power back into himself by banging his palm on a particular spot on his forehead, and breathing out repeatedly. This made him feel relieved and ‘good’, but as the events recurred up to several times a minute the relief was short-lived.
He felt ‘compelled’ at times to get revenge on people who stole his power by drawing with his finger on a wall a deformed and ugly representation. If he touched anything he left a ‘power’ trace behind and so had to touch it repeatedly to get the ‘power’ back. Y’s belief in the experience was absolute. He knew it might seem strange to others but believed that if they experienced it, they would understand.
From age 17 he also had recurrent depression, hopelessness and suicidal urges requiring hospital admission.

Case 3

At the age of 8, X had transient counting rituals associated with fear of harm coming to others. When she was 15, after a relative died, she feared that harm would befall her family and friends unless she completed specific tasks. She thought a supernatural ‘power’ inserted unpleasant thoughts into her mind, e.g. “if you read that book a relative will die”.
She believed unshakably that the power was supernatural, but could not explain it. To appease the ‘power’ and the thoughts, she developed complex counting rituals pervading her daily activities. She also did ritualistic hand-washing and checking. She avoided specific numbers, colours and clothes and counted from 0 to 8 on her fingers and toes throughout the day.
She repeated rhymes, avoided multiple numbers she associated with death or harm, and brushed her hair hundreds of times a day. She felt unable to resist the rituals, as her belief in negative consequences was absolute. Before she was admitted to hospital, rituals took all of her time until she fell asleep.
X had two episodes of moderate depression at age 25 and 34, both associated with worsening of her OCD. She had never harmed herself.

Case 4

At the age of 7, W developed fear of harm coming to relatives. He engaged in hand-washing and touching rituals to prevent this. Gradually he began to believe that ‘spirits’ or an outside force ‘reminded’ him to carry out his rituals lest harm should result. He associated the numbers 13 and 66 with harm and, if he saw them, believed they were placed by an external force to remind him to carry out his rituals.
He defended his belief absolutely but said he could not be 100% sure “because one can never be sure about anything”. He was unable to resist his rituals, as his belief in the negative consequences of not doing so was absolute. His rituals centered around numbers, complex counting, and avoidance of specific numbers. At age 31 he developed fear of contamination associated with many rituals of avoidance and hand-washing.
Prior to admission he was homeless and had thrown away all his ‘contaminated’ possessions, carrying all he owned in two carrier bags.

Case 5

For 20 years V had had a fear of being transported into another world. At age 17 he worried that reflections in mirrors represented another world, and had complex checking rituals involving mirrors. This gradually spread to all reflective surfaces. He believed that turning on electrical switches, using the television remote control or hearing car engines turned on could cause him to be ‘transported’ and constantly checked to make sure this had not happened.
He believed that if he ate while in another world, he would be forced to stay there, and so either avoided eating, or ate with complex rituals, or induced vomiting. Other rituals involved switching electrical switches on and off and wearing particular clothes. The ‘other’ world was tangibly the same as the real one, but ‘felt’ different – he felt that friends and family, although appearing the same, were ‘different’ and might have been replaced by ‘doubles’. The symptoms gradually worsened, occupying all of his time prior to admission to hospital.
When he was 27 he suffered severe depression requiring in-patient care, and again at age 30. He had no history of self-harm.

Rumors of My Death Are Greatly Exaggerated

Savvas Tzionis, one of my favorite commenters, writes in, expressing some concern:

Robert,I thought YOU were dead…. post wise, you were (relatively) quiet! LOL

Boo! I’m here!
Scared you, huh?
Sorry folks, it’s Thanksgiving, I’ve been depressed for some reason, and I’ve been extremely tired.
This is a very bad time of year for me. I tend to get depressed from around Thanksgiving to around Christmas and maybe through January too. This coincides with the two months in which the days are the shortest of the whole year. Not only that, but even when the sun bothers to come out, it might as well not even be there. It gives off little heat and the light it gives off is pitiful. You look up at the sun and think, “Damn, is that all you can do? You’re sorry!” Sometimes the sun is so shitty and dim, I figure the moon might as well come out in the day instead and it’d be a wash.
I think I may have Seasonal Affective Disorder – SAD. This time of year is so damned dreary for me! I used to have it a lot worse, but I’m on Lexapro fulltime now, and ever since then, I don’t have it as long. I used to have it all winter until the start of true spring!
I remember once I was in therapy for OCD and Depression. It was March or so and we were making no progress with the depression. I was apologetic, but when you’re down, you’re down, and there doesn’t seem to be much you can do about it! I had a girlfriend at the time and she was getting pissed too, because she wasn’t really subject to depression.
Finally, Spring came, and I brightened up just like that! Nothing had changed; my life still more or less sucked just as bad as before. Next therapy session, I announced that my depression had lifted. The therapist was joyful and wanted to take credit. I shot him down real quick. It was nothing he had done, it was only that the seasons had changed! He looked a little downcast, but he was still happy that I was better.
Often, it’s Spring, Summer or Fall, and I’m happy as a clam. Every now and then I look around and notice that my life frankly sucks to high heaven, but I’m happy as a pig in shit anyway. Then I look outside, it’s 90 degrees outside, and it’s like no matter what’s going on, how could you possibly be depressed in this?
I’m told that most humans in non-tropical climates get happier and more active in hotter weather and longer days and gloomier and less active in the depths of the dark and cold days, but it’s only clinical depression in a minority. I’ve also heard of folks in Minnesota or places like that who had bad Winter Depression moving to tropical places like the Philippines and suddenly they were happy year-round. By the way, there are high suicide, depression and alcoholism rates in Siberia, Russia, Scandinavia, Canada and Alaska. Obviously, it’s related to latitude and little else.
I wonder if any of my readers have the same experiences?

The 50 Craziest Rock Stars Ever

Here.
This article is pretty damn funny.
A lot of rockers are or were seriously nuts!
I’m having a hard time figuring out dx’s for a lot of these people. It seems to be something towards the more extroverted end. I suspect a lot of them are acting this way on purpose, sort of like a lot of artists act “deliberately insane.”
I only see a few who were obviously psychotic: Syd Barrett, Peter Green, Roky Erikson, Brian Wilson, Jim Gordon and Skip Spence for starters. I’m familiar with all these cases. They all had schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder. It’s commonly said that they are all drug burnouts, but I doubt it.
For one thing, LSD does not appear to cause permanent psychosis. I’ve known too many completely normal folks who have taken it 100-300 times. It’s not even proven to damage your brain. The worst that can be said about it is that very heavy users sometimes do go psychotic and have to be hospitalized. Typically, they get better, but they often go back to heavy LSD use and become mentally ill again. No one has any idea how LSD even makes you temporarily insane.
All of these people simply developed schizophrenia. LSD can trigger schizophrenia, but no one knows how that works either. LSD-induced schizophrenia looks just like the rest of schizophrenia and it responds to the same drugs too. Since acid doesn’t damage your brain, I can’t see how it could cause schizophrenia. There are good reasons not to do acid, but fear of being permanently mentally ill is not one of them.
For the rest of them, dx’s are difficult. Some seem to have issues with narcissism and borderline personality disorder. Some were just seriously whacked out on booze and dope, often cocaine and/or heroin.
Ike Turner used cocaine for some 45 years until it killed him at age 76.
Sly Stone spent years on cocaine, even living on the streets smoking a crack pipe. No one quite knows what is up with Sly these days. He shows up at occasional performance, acts very strange, walks off stage in mid-show, gets on his motorcycle and rides away.
Rick James spent a good 15 years on a crack pipe.
Whitney Houston is ruined and is heavy into cocaine.
David Bowie went nuts on coke in the 1970’s, became full-blown psychotic and embraced Nazism.
Ol’ Dirty Bastard is on crack.
John Frusciante almost killed himself on heroin and coke.
Ozzy Osborne, Jerry Lee Lewis and Liza Minnelli were alcoholics.
Keith Moon was a drunk and a pillhead who liked to blow up toilets with dynamite for fun.
Elvis was a hardcore pillhead who apparently went insane from all the tablets.
Arthur Lee of Love spent 20 years abusing drugs heavily, became homeless, set buildings on fire and shot up his neighbor’s house.
Carlos Santana used acid heavily, then 20 years ago met up with an angel named Metatron who looks like Santa Claus who has been guiding his life ever since. He communicates with Miles Davis, a dead person, on a regular basis.
Miles Davis (while he was alive and not talking to Santana) spent years shooting heroin, beating his wife and just acting weird.
Little Richard spent years binging on cocaine, having sex orgies and sucking cocks in men’s restrooms.
James Taylor was a depressive and a heroin addict.
Some were suicidal.
Wendy O Williams sawed instruments in half with a chainsaw, then retired and blew her brains out.
Ian Curtis recorded some of the most depressing music ever made, then hung himself on the night of his US tour.
Adam Ant is a depressive.
Mariah Carey assaulted staff and reporters and slit her wrists.
Some like Courtney Love and Britney Spears simply cannot seem to function as adults.
Sinéad O’Connor is just a kook.
Lou Reed’s main problem is that he’s a terminal asshole.
R. Keely is just a weirdo with a taste for underage girls.
Sid Vicious assaulted fans, carved up his chest onstage, murdered his girlfriend, then OD’d on heroin as a grand finale.
Jaz Coleman, George Clinton, Captain Beefheart and Julian Cope are unclassifiable.
No one knows what’s up with Sun Ra.
GG Allin was just nuts, dx’d as narcissistic, Borderline PD and masochistic.
Michael Jackson was one of the weirdest of all. No one seems to know what was wrong with him. He seems to have been a homosexual pedophile. I’m familiar with most of his weird antics, but I never knew that he said he had fathered 2 “Aryan” babes named Prince 1 and Prince 2. Weird!
Just because you aren’t psychotic (and most of these folks are not) doesn’t mean you’re not nuts. You can be plenty nuts without being psychotic, plenty.

You Can’t Get Sad, and You Can’t Get Mad

A Black commenter notes that either Blacks are more emotional than Whites, or Whites are taught to keep their feelings under control:

Either we are more emotional and excitable as a people or other cultures teach the need to keep said emotions under control. One of these has to be true I think.

I will tell you, it’s been drummed into my head in the most major way, not just in childhood but certainly in adulthood, that one must keep one’s emotions in check.
In fact, it is so bad, that I am now something like a rock. Which is not really good at all, but at least people won’t call me crazy for having feelings. For a long time in adulthood, it seemed that whenever I felt or displayed strong feelings, people would start calling me crazy. I really hate being called crazy! So now I’m afraid that if I show feelings, I’m going to get called crazy. I’d rather be a rock than be called crazy.
The two things in adult White male society are:

  1. You can’t get mad.
  2. You can’t get sad.

The last one is especially tough. A girlfriend died some years ago, and I was sad for quite some time, about a year actually, but it was all OK, but that was a normal and appropriate and real response. It actually felt good because I finally had a feeling, and it was beautiful in a way to have such a wonderful sad feeling. Because when someone dies, you ought to feel sad. Well, within I think a few days or maybe a week, White people were already angrily ordering me to snap out of it. A couple of them ended friendships with me because I would not snap out of it soon enough.
After she died, I cried maybe 15 times over a year or so. I went into this place called The Feeling World where I felt like I was on acid all the time for like 6-8 weeks. It was horrible, but it was wonderful too because it was real.

Fatal Attraction

Idiots meet at Date to Die Club, go on first and last date. Two less idiots in the world. Oh well.
Here.
I suppose I ought to be sympathetic to the suicidal, since we’ve had experience with a suicide attempt in our family, but in this case I’m not. If you’re so nuts and suicidal that you are hanging out in suicide chatrooms and going on suicide dates, screw you.
I spent some time in a chatroom once with a 30 year old woman who suffered from chronic depression and chronic suicidality. She was quite nonchalant about the fact that she really did not want to be alive, and she looked forward to death. I found her very hard to deal with and ended up having no sympathy for her. In fact, her whole attitude really pissed me off.
OTOH, people should not be encouraged to kill themselves, especially if they aren’t suicidal. About 28 years ago, I was going through some heavy stuff emotionally, mostly a lot of anxiety. I suppose there was some depression going on. Frankly, it was just hardcore OCD. One friend of mine at one point said, “Why don’t you just kill yourself!” That was the wrong thing to say, you know. And I wasn’t suicidal anyway.
Three years later, I spent an entire year feeling suicidal. It was really still OCD, and it had gotten way worse over 3 years. I didn’t really know what was going on in my head at all. I just thought I was going through some tumultuous stuff. I had no idea there was a name for it.
I kept thinking of taking a gun to my head and blowing my brains out. It seemed like a really good idea! OTOH, I was too terrified to do it, never made plans, and never told anyone about it. I certainly wasn’t nonchalant about it. I was just in tremendous emotional pain and was fantasizing about an out. Yet I was quite aware that I was fucked in the head.
On the other hand, I was very active, working full-time, taking classes, having lots of friends, partying all the time, somehow dating countless women, going to an endless whirlwind of parties, shows and nightclubs all the time. I was also taking quite a few drugs – mostly pot and coke – and I was drinking fairly heavily. The booze and dope weren’t making me worse. They were just keeping me going. That was actually the fun part!
So the depressed can be quite active, as you can see. They don’t necessarily sit and home and stew. They can be working full-time, socializing like crazy, dating like musical chairs, hanging out like social butterflies, going to never-ending rounds of parties, shows and nightclubs, and the whole time, they feel like blowing their brains out.
Isn’t that strange? People are funny.
I’m normally a happy person, and going through that Hell was so horrible that there is no way I am going to experience that again. In the 25 years since then, I haven’t suffered much depression, so maybe it was a good experience after all.

Lots of New Sick and Evil Videos Up on the Old Site

We have pretty much removed the sicko flicks from here because WordPress doesn’t want them, but we are continuing to post them over at the old site.

Traffic really plunged there. At the peak, it was up to 68,000 hits/day. Now it’s down to 3,500/day over there and 4,000/day here, for a combined total of 7,500/day for both sites. Traffic collapsed when the South Korean government banned my website! Everyone in South Korea has to go through some government server to get on the Net, so the government is able to ban sites pretty easily.

Anyway, for your twisted freaks on here:

Eating a Cooked Fish While Alive: The sickos in China think it’s cool to keep a fish alive until you cook it, then cook it in some weird way so it’s still alive, then consume the poor thing while it’s still alive! To be eaten alive! Good God, what a horrible punishment.

You know, the tribes of the SE US, from around Louisiana and the coast of Texas such as the extinct Karankawa, used to do this, . They would capture enemy warriors, tie them to a pole, then surround them with braves who would charge up to the poor sod with knives and slice off bits of his flesh, then eat them in front of him, just to freak him out even more. I assume at some point, they’ve eaten so much of the poor guy that he expires, but it’s sure a Helluva way to go. Gimme a heart attack any day. Hell, gimme cancer. Just not that.

Nick Berg Beheading Video: The original Iraqi Al Qaeda beheading video, released in 2003, with the poor, innocent but foolish Nick Berg meeting his end. The first time I watched this, I was shaking for hours afterward, and I was seriously freaked for a week or two. I watched it again and it was a little better, but not much. I’ve never watched it again – twice was enough! But it’s a classic as far as this shit goes. Includes a thorough writeup on the whole sad story behind the crime.

Man Electrocuted on Train in India: At a crowded train station in India, some idiot somehow finds himself on top of a train. He tries to get down several times, and people reach up to try to help him. Then he walks away and starts strolling down the roof of the train. Like a dumbass, at one point, he reaches up and touches a live electric wire. He is instantly electrocuted and killed. His body quickly catches fire, and he’s gone in a ball of flames in an instant. Electricity is a powerful motherfucker all right. I didn’t feel much sympathy while watching this because the guy’s such an idiot.

12 Year Old Pakistani Boy Beheads a Man: This has got to be about as evil is it gets. The Taliban bastards in North Waziristan capture a US spy, probably an ISI agent in the area, tie him up, and give the knife to a young kid so he can kill him. There are some other kids watching and holding the poor guy down, and maybe some girls watching too. It’s hard to tell. He takes forever to saw the guy’s head off, and reminds you of a butcher carving up an animal carcass. This is child abuse in its worst form. Don’t do this to kids.

Woman Electrocuted in China: Another idiot video. A middle aged woman, apparently mentally disturbed, climbs a utility pole in the middle of some seriously crowded Chinese city and won’t come down. The sheer mass of humanity below is breathtaking in itself. Rescuers are trying to get to her, but she’s just up there crying and won’t come down on the ladders.

There are power lines near her, and a few times, like a dumbass, she reaches up and grabs them, and of course gets electrocuted each time. But for some reason, possibly poor grounding, she gets off pretty easy. I’m told that she survived the ordeal with minimal injuries.

Worst Ankle Twist Ever: A soccer game is being performed, possibly somewhere in the Mediterranean or in the Southern Cone of South America – the players look like Med Whites of some sort. Anyway, soon some poor guy sustains a horrible injury to his ankle. People rush out, put him on a stretcher, and as he is being carried off, you see, incredibly, that his ankle appears to be twisted a full 90 degrees! I don’t know how that’s possible, or if there’s any way to fix it.

Arab Woman Stabs Guard at Israeli Checkpoint: A 21 year old Palestinian woman is getting ready to be searched before going through the Kalandia Checkpoint in Jerusalem. I do not understand the layout of this checkpoint, why it’s necessary, or where it goes to or from. Anyhow, the guards turn away from her, she reaches into her belt, pulls out a huge knife, rushes one of the male Israeli guards, and stabs him! Damn! He goes down, and other guards quickly pile on her and disarm her. The guard sustained minor injuries in the attack and survived.

Convicted Killer Tries to Grab Cop’s Gun in Court: A Black guy is on trial for the murder of his White wife and their son. Her family is in court. At some point, he rushes the bailiff and tries to grab his gun. Other cops, attorneys, all sorts of people, pile on the guy and handcuff him. Then they lead him out of court while the family of the dead woman he killed scream at him.

John Graziano Head Wound: Hulk Hogan’s son, age 17, borrows his Dad’s car and goes for a ride with his friend, Graziano. Possibly he’s drunk. At some point, he totals the car and nearly kills Graziano. Hogan’s son survives. The video shows this poor guy, Graziano, in the hospital afterwards. He seems to have lost a good part of the front of his forehead, that is, his brain! Somehow he’s still alive, but he’s a total vegetable. A lot of people were mad at the Hogans about this incident, and it’s apparently the source of a major lawsuit now. Really disturbing.

Photo of James Vance, Failed Shotgun Suicide: One of the really bad things about trying to kill yourself is that you might fail and actually survive afterward, but be so fucked up you wish you were dead. This is what happened to James Vance, a teenage boy from the US who was depressed and using drugs when he went to a playground and shot himself in the head. That night, he had been using drugs and listening to Judas Priest.

The case resulted in a lawsuit against the band for supposedly making this idiot try to kill himself, but the suit failed. There is a photo of Vance, plus a video interview with him. Even after much reconstructive surgery, he has one of the most fucked up faces on Earth. A few years after, he could not take it anymore, got some pills, and killed himself for good. I don’t blame him; I would have done the same if I looked like that.

Idiot Jumps Off Roof and Breaks His Leg: Stupid American teenagers are engaging in some weird sport called roof jumping, where you jump off a roof onto the lawn below. Something goes wrong, the kid lands wrong, and he breaks his leg. You can actually hear the bone snap on the video. Stupidity can be painful!

Nighttime Mobs Attack Cars in Oakland: This is the latest fad in some US Black ghettos. Crowds of young people gather on major street late at night, around 10 or 11 PM, on a weekend nite. Then they start attacking random cars as they drive by. Sometimes they try to pull the doors open to rob or assault drivers. Drivers fight back, hit them, try to run them over, etc. A good time is had by all, or many, or at least the attackers.

Mostly young Oakland Blacks here, but strangely, there are some young White girls there hanging out with the Blacks and attacking cars themselves.

If these fuckers did that to my car, I might try to hit them with my vehicle! I’ve already done so in a similar situation, and the dude went flying after I nailed him with my accelerating car! Don’t ever try this with me, punks!

Man Assaulted in New York Deli: A older White guy is ordering a meal in a New York deli with some young Black guy standing next him. Suddenly, at one point, the Black turns around and cold cocks the White guy, knocking him to the floor! Then he runs out of the building. No further info on where or why this happened, details on the crime, fate of the victim or results of the investigation.

Also lots of older stuff in foreign languages, but most of you won’t be interested in that.

Have fun, sickos!

Just How Many Poets Are NOT Queer, Anyway?

I’m going back through a lot of poetry these days for some reason, mostly native English language stuff. I find it annoying that so many of these guys were queer! It seems like just about all of my favorite poets were a bunch of queers, or often bisexuals. I mean, I still love these guys and all, but it’s sort of deflating to my image of these dudes.

It’s rather distressing because I like poetry. I went back reading the poets of centuries past and this same fagginess seems to creep up yet, even though back in those days this was a definite no-no. Novelists seem to be less queer, but there’s a fair amount of fagginess there too. Being a novelist is definitely a straighter occupation.

I don’t even want to go into playrights. When I was living in Los Angeles in the early 1980’s, I got into the theater scene a bit, and it was gay as Hell. The guys of course, but quite a few of the women too. You can actually do all right in these scenes if you’re a good-looking, masculine straight guy. The women are a bunch of frustrated fag hag types, often sort of bi, but you know how women are, they say they hate macho guys, but they just can’t resist the bad boy in the scruffed up leather jacket even though they sort of hate him, macho pig that he is.

Anyway, in these scenes, and in Hollywood and places like that in general, you can clean up in you have good game, good looks, or some combination. There are all sorts of single women there who are pretty frustrated. Most of the guys are either married or queer, and there aren’t many single guys to go around. You’re hot property, if you don’t mind being surrounded by hungry queers and bi guys (these latter are everywhere in those gay neighborhoods) lusting after you all the time. Actually, that is pretty annoying right there!

Anyway, brings me back to my original question. What is it about literary writing that turns guys queer, or seems fit mostly for queers? One could argue that writing poems is a pretty faggy thing to do, and that makes sense. It’s not exactly tackle football. But that begs the question of why so many of these literary women, especially the poets, are a bunch of lesbians! I mean, if poetry is feminizing, why aren’t female poets these swaying, coquettish Southern belle types afraid to get their hands dirty?

Either that or just being a poet attracts weirdos and misfits in general, sexual and otherwise. That’s about the only sense I could make of it.

Another thing I noticed is that most all of these guys are depressed. Many were manic-depressive, and alcoholism seems to be epidemic among poets in the last century anyway. Pretty similar with novelists. Lots of depressives, lots of boozers. Many were suicides in one way or another. It’s starting to make me depressed just reading about all these guys.

Why? Is writing depressing? Is depression good for the creative spirit? How could it be, as it’s so enfeebling?

One reason I got into journalism is that journalists are fairly sane types. They had a reputation, at least at city papers, for being squares. Some were sort of eccentrics, but they worked hard, often all night. They drank, but they also worked. They were sort of these hard-bitten types. They were either family men or straight bachelors, but city room journalism isn’t a very faggy job. It’s kind of macho, actually. Check out any old Hollywood movie where they show the newsroom guys.

I still don’t see why you practically have to be queer to be a poet. Poetry is kind of cool. Anyway, it’s a good way to get chicks, cuz a lot of women are romantic, and a lot of them love writers and even poets. At least that’s been my experience anyway. C’mon guys! Crank out those poems! Chicks dig em!

A Race Realist Argument For the Existence of a Black Race

Most Blacks nowadays are what we call people with dual consciousness, to borrow a particularly unpleasant anti-racist phrase. That is, they are profoundly ethnocentric (Blacks are much more ethnocentric than Whites) while at the same time drinking the PC anti-racist Krazy-Aid of race denial when it suits their interests.

Whenever Black folks do good things or when White folks do back things to Blacks, a Black race does in fact exist. Whenever Blacks folks screw up or don’t cut it, automagically, the Black race ceases to exist. Wa-la, like a rabbit out of a hat. Can’t be us, cuz we don’t exist in the first place.

After all, if race really does not exist, as the race-denying crazies insist, then consequently racism must not exist either, right? Racism means hatred of others based on their race. But the race-deniers say there is no such thing as race. Hence, it is not really possible to hate people based on something that does not even exist at all.

This post will set out to show how Blacks are in fact different from other races in a variety of ways. In many cases, I think that these differences are biological. That does not mean that Blacks are doomed to their genes for better or for worse, but it does mean, that absent a Super-Culture such as Islam, Communism or some other “gene-warping” culture, Blacks will have a tendency to behave in this way on average.

This post will also address some racial myths.

First of all, a Black personality.

One myth is that due to widespread racism, Blacks hate themselves, and they all want to be White. Black men like White women because their own women are too ugly. There really is no evidence for this. Frankly, it’s amazing, considering the shit we Whites constantly say about Blacks, that Blacks don’t hate themselves. I think if I were Black I would. I cannot imagine being Black and having to deal with all the evil crap other races say about me. Being a neurotic, I think it might go to my head.

Nevertheless, the evidence is clear. Blacks have no problems with self-esteem.

Blacks do not think they are ugly. Black men think Black women look just fine, in fact, they seem to prefer them to other women. Black women think Black men look just fine. They definitely prefer them to other men. Quite a few White women also think Black guys are good-looking. I’ve talked to quite a few such White women. If Black men are good looking (by the objective views of many White women) Black women must be good looking too.

There’s nothing about Black features that looks good on a man but bad on a woman (or if there is, please make a case in the comments). Racists seek to objectively prove that Blacks are ugly. But anyone knows that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. An argument that it can be scientifically proven that Blacks are ugly must be rejected. Standards are beauty are not really in the realm of science anyway.

Following on this line, White nationalists as usual lie feverishly, and don’t make any sense. First they throw lots of data at you showing that every race really prefers to associate with and mate with their own. Fair enough. However, they use this to justify their own racism, as one might figure.

But if this is really true, then why the obsessive worry about miscegenation and the coming Extinction of the Great White Race? I mean, if people only want to breed with their own, why worry about race-mixing, right? The answer is because humans do not only wish to breed with their own; many outbreed.

In an effort to make even less sense, White nationalists then insist that every other race secretly hates themselves and wants to be White. If they can’t be White, they want to mate, breed or fuck White. Wait a minute, I thought everyone preferred their own? At the same time, further muddying their argumentative mess, they argue that all humans are profoundly ethnocentric such that they hate everyone who is not one of the Tribe. But if this were so, what’s with all the non-White self-hatred and desire to screw White wimmins?

One classic argument made by many Whites, not just White nationalists, is that all over the world, everyone prefers that luscious lighter skin to that yucky suntanned look. Of course, the lightest of all are those wonderful Aryan folks from Northern Europe.

But in Africa, Black men show no preference at all in terms of skin color, and Blacks do vary considerably in skin tone on the Dark Continent. Furthermore, in aboriginal Tasmania, darker skin was preferred, and up to a certain point, this was true on the dope smoke-shrouded Southern California beaches and ski slopes were I misspent much of my golden youth.

Further, this is usually the case only with women and not with men. That is, men want a lighter woman (no one really knows why) but women don’t give a damn how dark a guy is. Hell, they even like ’em dark and handsome. And this was the case in China before the Chinese had ever heard of White people, so it’s not a case of Chinese thinking Whites are superior.

Furthermore, in most human groups, females have lighter skin than the males. This means that evolutionarily, most groups of males have been preferentially selecting lighter females. There is no lightening effect seen in any male group anywhere. Reasons for male preference for a lighter female are not known.

As we might expect, Blacks think they are better looking than Whites. This statement is confusing. It does not mean that Blacks think they are better looking than White people. The surveys were done of high school students. 11-16 year old Blacks rated their attractiveness higher than Whites did.

Nor do Blacks suffer from low self-esteem or low confidence in terms of their academic skills. Their poorer average performance is due to the fact that they are not as good at this stuff, not because they are insecure about their abilities. I have not seen studies, but I would assume that the highest scorers would be the most neurotic and insecure about their abilities. Blacks think they are better at reading, science and history, even though they had poorer scores. Taken together, these findings suggest an overconfidence that we will discuss below.

Blacks also have better self-esteem, worry less and are less neurotic. This has long been known and is part and parcel of the “Black personality.” I have an old Abnormal Psychology textbook from 1957, that, while dated, is very interesting.

That Blacks have few of the classic neuroses was taken as a given. Obsessive-compulsive neurosis (now OCD), perhaps the ultimate neurosis in the sense that it is driven heavily by conscience, fear, timidity, guilt, doubting and near-miniscule levels of aggression, is quite rare among Blacks. However, since I work with OCD patients, I have since met 2 Blacks with OCD. Both were, as one might expect, highly intelligent. One was from South Africa.

The book stated that the typical mental illness among Blacks was sort of a wild acting out manic-type episode. I believe that studies have found that depression is lower among Blacks, and the Black suicide rate has always been much lower than the White rate, though in the past 20 years there has been a disturbing rise in suicide in young Black American males.

Anyone who spends a lot of time around Blacks will realize that if there is any problem at all, it is excessive self-esteem and overconfidence, which in my opinion, leads to a lot of problems for Black people. You will also find that Blacks don’t worry all that much. Blacks seem to think that White neurotics are completely idiotic and somewhat baffling fools.

Blacks are less neotenous than Whites, and Whites are less neotenous than Asians. Asians are the slowest developing race of all, and Blacks are the fastest developers. Blacks are also the loudest babies, and Asians babies are known for their serenity. Blacks are more active at an earlier age than other groups. In addition, they mature more quickly.

I see no reason why there should be a cultural component to this, and it’s clear to me that these differences are genetic. Asians even seem to retain a neotenous (child-like) appearance far into life, definitely into early adulthood. These differences hold across all cultures, everywhere on Earth.

Yet another possible attribute of a Black personality is reduced ability to delay gratification. A classic 1961 study found that Black children are much more likely than White children to ask for a small candy bar today than wait a week for a bigger one. This study has been repeated many times with similar results. The reduced tendency to delay gratification is probably genetic, but it’s probably not irremediable, that is, a culture could probably make Blacks delay gratification more, though it would be an uphill climb.

This is what we might expect from a more extroverted group, and Blacks are the most extroverted of the three major races, Asians being the least. Asians are probably the most likely to delay gratification. I’ve known many White extroverts, and one thing they were lousy at was delaying gratification. Delaying gratification is glorified in America, but it’s definitely a drag, speaking from one who has spent most of his life doing just that.

Unfortunately, reduced ability to delay gratification probably has something to do with the much elevated Black crime rate.

References

Mischel, W. 1961. Preference for Delayed Reinforcement and Social Responsibility. Journal of Abnormal and Social Psychology 62:1:1-7.