Alt Left: Gay Identity Politics: Dialogue with a Gay SJW

– Straight? LOL Straight. Sure, straight-boy. No such thing as straight people. We’re all a bit gay. Ask Freud. Bi is cool. All woke guys are kinda bi. Lots of “straight” guys suck dick now. And once you suck that first cock, man, you’ll wonder what you’ve been missing with your face glued to the carpet all those years.

– Ok, ok. Maybe I’m not so straight after all?

– Now you’re thinking, straight-boy.

Straight man goes off to stare at his navel and contemplate whether or not he is truly 10

– Hi, gay boys! I’m still working on my homophobia. I won’t call you fags anymore! Cool or what?

– Not good enough, breeder. If you don’t get your pussy-loving ass to our next pride parade, we’ll put Gay Roofies in your drinks and turn you into a cock-sucking faggot!

– Damn, I’m sorry. I’ll go your sicko parade, but I’ll have earplugs and sunglasses so dark I can barely see out of them.

– Nope, not good enough. Got any gay friends yet?

– Um, no?

– Why not? Afraid they’re going to seduce you?

Well, yeah, I had a number of them, and they all did just that. They’re lucky I didn’t gay-bash their homo asses.

– See! You’re still a homophobe! Worse than that, you’re probably one of us! Is that terrible or what? Being gay is worse than cancer, and now you’re queer for life. Get out of that damned closet, homophobe, and join the circuit party!

Alt Left: Trans Identity Politics: The Tranny’s Monologue

The Tranny’s Monologue

Oh, you silly cisperson. Cis is so passe anyway. Almost everyone is probably gender nonbinary to some extent. So we’re really all genderqueer! Isn’t living in the future fun? Cis? Get with it, man!  Nobody’s not nonbinary. You can be a femboy or even a trap! I heard they have a lot of fun. And you can flush out all that toxic masculinity slowly poisoning you. Dresses and heels are to die for, honey!

We’re all victims, and professional victims are never happy. Masochism is a thing. Plus we get all those sympathy points. And our conscience is free, now that we’re not an oppressor or a victim. Everyone’s either an oppressor or a victim, see? Straight White cis men? You’re quadruple-fucked. You have four times the oppressorness of an average victim. You’ll need multiple lifetimes to work that shit off, like the shudras and dalits in India. Victims are cool people. Nice people. Good guys. They wear White. They probably go to church. They’re on the side of the angels.

Alt Left: Trans Identity Politics: Dialogue with a Tranny

– Hey there, he-she’s, what’s up?

– Well, for starters, you can quit implying we’re confused. We’re not baffled at all. We just can’t figure out which of the two sexes we are. It’s so hard to figure out, you know? Have some sympathy. Mental illness is a bitch. How’d you like to be a crazy tranny like me?

– Ok, well, I keep forgetting. Sometimes I think you’re a dude. Sometimes I think you’re a chick. Other times I want to say the Hell with it and call you an amoeba.

– Stop the misgendering! You’re giving me a breakdown! I’m going to use this knife to cut my arm some more, and after that, I’ll have to check into the mental hospital again!

– Shoot, I’m sorry. Can I just call you “they” and “them?”

– Damn right you can, cis scum!

– Ok, ok, calm down. But as a friend, really. Don’t you think you ought to treat this raging mental illness? The Hell with stigma. Don’t be afraid to seek help! Life’s not easy for any of us. Hell, I’m half nuts myself just like everybody else.

– Fuck your transphobic ass! I’m not crazy, dammit!

– Ok, ok, ok. But why do you have more DSM disorders than anyone I know? Why do you spend half your time in the hospital in a straightjacket.

– I’m fine, dammit. It’s you cis fucks being mean to me. That’s why I’m a basket-case. It’s all your fault.

– Ok, ok. Maybe you’re not nuts at all. Maybe you’re just eccentric. Maybe, maybe, just maybe they’re all crazy, and you’re the only sane one!

– Damn right, cis-boy. It’s a choice. We all choose our gender. One of my friends picked “giraffe” for his gender. Isn’t that cute? I hope he doesn’t break his neck. You know how he loves the taste of tree leaves.

– Whoa, wait. I can dig four genders. Guys, chicks, chicks who think they’re guys, and guys who think they’re chicks. They seem like they have a psychotic delusion but actually they don’t. They were born males but they really are females because they got a tit job and put on some makeup. It’s easy to be a girl. Just grab the nearest dress and a tube of lipstick and you’re on your way, my friend! Watch out for the monthlies, though? Whoa! Guys who think they’re chicks get PMS too.

– Damn right we do. Men get menstrual cramps. See? Both words have “men” in them? Hint hint.

– Ok, man whatever. The world is a strange place. I just saw a ghost whisk by you as a matter of fact. So there are four sexes, I can dig it.

– Nope! What are you, a male TERF?

– Huh? I’m still not doing good enough? I’m sorry, sir. How can I better a better servant to your Devianthood?

– Well, first of all, you can get rid of this idea of sexes in the first place. Sexes don’t exist. They just seem to, but it’s an illusion because we’re all gigantic amoebas on two legs!

– Whoa! I always knew I was pond scum, but I never knew it was this bad.

– It is. There are no boys or men! We’re all sissies. Not quite. You’re penis-havers! Even some women have dicks, so they’re one of the boys too! And there are women who are basically dudes with vaginas, hairy backs, clits as big as porn cocks, and boyish good looks.

– Whew. Well, ok, I’m a penis-haver. Not a bad identity. Hell, I do most of my thinking with my Lower Head anyway. The Top Head’s not good for much more than overthinking and forgetting social rules, so it’s more of a liability. Too many brain cells is a bad thing! Most people hardly have any, so if you have as much grey matter as Einstein, you really stick out.

– I’m sure you get a lot of dates, bookworm. No, really, girls like pencil-necked geeks named Poindexter!

– Ok, cool, so Man World is really Penis Haver’s World. Let the dick-measuring begin! I’m almost seven inches anyway, so I’ll beat 8

– No such thing. Even Miss Lindsay Graham’s not really a broad!

– Damn. Really? He’s more girly than Scarlet O’Hara.

– So what? Everyone’s kinda genderqueer anyway. We’re all somewhere in the middle with the femboys and the traps and the studs and the dykes! So there’s no such thing as womyn, same as no such thing as men. There are dick-havers, and, yep, there are vagina-havers. Vagina-havers can get pregnant, whether they are “men” or “women.” Of course men can get pregnant! Transmen get knocked up all the time! Get with it. You’re an old fogey.

– Wow, this is confusing.

Game/PUA: Go on a Date with Two Women at Once!

These are always fun, sort of chance of a lifetime scores if you can ever pull them off. You don’t even have to have sex with both of them, but there should be some sort of sexual interest or possibility otherwise it’s not much of a date.

I remember once in the mid-80’s, I had what was more or less turning into a date with a fellow teacher at my school. She lived in Hermosa Beach and I went to her place for I have no idea what reason.

We were in the supermarket looking at food to buy for dinner and for some weird reason, she started looking at bananas! I suppose the horniness was already getting started because that had to be a sign. She was going through the bananas and casting some of them aside, saying, “Nah, that one’s too soft, that’s one too soft and wimpish. I want one that is strong, firm, and hard.”

And looking at me while she said it. Well, she was saying that I was a great big puss, but on the other hand, she was also considering having sex with me by even looking at the bananas in the first place. Looking back, this was probably a shit test. It’s important to spot shit tests when they happen and respond to them appropriately. You have to respond different ways according to the test. Sometimes if you get mad, you fail the test. This was probably one of those.

I didn’t fall for it and get mad. I ignored her and refused to rise to the bait, so she dropped it.

We decided not to buy food but to go out for Arabic food with her and this total bitch teacher friend of hers who had come over to the house at some point.

We all three piled into my friend’s van and went to the restaurant. I was making stupid jokes during the whole dinner. I would say, “Can you pass the humus?” instead of, “Can you pass the hummus?” You pronounce the two words quite differently. Humus is dirt. Hummus is an Arabic dip that you put in various things, often felafel burgers.

I was also saying, “Can you please pass me the feel-awful?” instead of, “Can you please pass me the felafel?” Felafel is an substance you use to make veggie burgers out of ground up chickpeas. Feel-awful, of course, does not exist. It’s just a joke on the name of the food.

So basically I was saying the food was crap, and it was making me sick when it wasn’t straight up dirt from the ground. Of course, I didn’t believe it, as the food was great. I was just being silly. I repeated these dumb jokes a few times with an absolutely straight face, and the woman I was with kept laughing and correcting me, “It’s hummus, not humus! Humus is dirt!”

Every time she said it I would act confused and baffled like I didn’t understand what she was talking about. Then I would point my finger in the air, and say, “Ah-hah! Oh, yes! That’s right! It’s hummus, not humus! Thank you for correcting me. I’m sorry! How could I be so stupid!” All with a completely straight face as if I was dead serious.

Then a few minutes later I would ask for humus again with a completely straight face like nothing had happened or I had already forgotten about the previous incident. She would giggle and correct me again, and I would act stunned and apologize for my mistake again as if it were all happening for the first time.

If you’re going to do stupid jokes like this, it’s very important that you do them with a straight face. Also a bit of exaggerated acting helps. Like above where I did the same idiot routine a number of times, each time acting like I was hearing her explanation for the first time, and then making the same dumb apology every time, then of course several minutes later making the same stupid request as if the previous incident never happened.

Obviously this is totally Three Stooges dipshit slapstick type of humor of the lowest quality, but if you are a really get actor, really get into the role, and especially keep a straight face, it can be pretty damn funny.

How to Tell If You’re Making a Woman Horny – She’s Laughing at All Your Stupid Jokes

I’m showing you this incident because I’m pointing out that this woman liked me, and not only that, she was starting to get horny. When a woman starts laughing at every dumb joke you tell, even when you repeat the dumb jokes over and over, bottom line is she wants to fuck. It doesn’t mean she’s going to fuck you, of course.

It just means you’re making her horny. Women get horny all the time all through their lives, and a lot of the time they get horny, they decide not to have sex with the guy. Just because you’re making her horny doesn’t mean she’s going to fuck you! It means she wants to, or her body wants to at least, but her mind may not, and women’s bodies and brains are at war even in the best of times.

No woman who isn’t getting horny, usually to the point of wanting to fuck you, is ever going to act that way towards you. Get them laughing like that, and they are halfway into the bed. It’s up to you to fill out the blanks in the rest of the form.

Then it came time for the bill. They had suggested that we go out  to eat earlier, and I just said, “OK, sure!” Problem was I was broke and I knew it at the time. But I really wanted to eat dinner with these chicks, and if I sprang the empty wallet on them, I figured they’d decide not have to dinner with me. What woman wants to eat with a deadbeat loser, right?

I decided I would tell them my money situation if they asked, but if they didn’t ask, no harm done, right? I figured I would just dumbfoundedly spring the empty wallet on them when we were done, act shocked, apologize profusely, and throw up my hands. I wisely shut up and hoped they didn’t ask me about money when we were done. I have no idea why I was broke, as I was making pretty good money at the time.

Well, it came time for the bill, and the two women got their wallets out and started throwing in bills. They looked at me. I got my wallet out with exaggerated swaggering confidence like it was full of money, and I was going to pay for everyone. Then I opened it and acted shocked, stunned, and embarrassed that there was no money in it. I apologized profusely but I was chuckling a bit as I was doing so. I acted like this was all a hilarious joke.

I said, “Look! I have no money! I’m broke!” The woman I was with asked, “Well, did you know you were broke when we decided to go out to eat?” I said of course I did.

She asked, “Well, why didn’t you tell us?”

I said, “Number one, you never asked me if I had money to go out to eat, and number two, I wanted to eat dinner because I was hungry, and if I told you I was broke, you wouldn’t let me eat with you. So the only smart thing to do was keep quiet.”

That was a completely assholey, dickwad thing to say, but after I said it, I laughed in this subdued, chuckling way. I kept chuckling like that the whole time this scene was going on.

I was sitting there with my empty wallet open laughing right in both of these women’s faces and telling them I didn’t have any money, and they would have to pay my way. I kept shrugging my shoulders with this “innocent little boy who dindu nuffin” look on my face.

When I said, “You never asked me,” I would chuckle right in their faces like an asshole. After a bit the woman I was with started giggling and she couldn’t stop. I was being an asshole, but I was being a funny, arrogant asshole and not being aggressive, and women often like dicks like that. I don’t know how well being an asshole works, but being a funny asshole often works wonders especially if you are not angry or aggressive.

It also seems to work to laugh right in women’s face, once again, not in an angry or aggressive way, more in a dismissive sense, like, “You just a stupid woman. What do you women know anyway. We men laugh right in your faces, you know that? You’ll come to your senses soon enough.” That’s sexist thinking and I don’t necessarily believe it, but women often respond to a certain type of male sexism by getting horny, believe it or not.

When I laugh in their faces, they are often shocked and almost lurch backwards. Then they get this defiant angry look on their faces like you challenged them to a fight. Then for some reason, the expression changes and they seem to like it. This devious little smile comes over her face, and she starts laughing too in this very quiet way.

If you are laughing in her face, you are displaying abundance mentality. Most men are pathetic pussy beggars. They’re pathetic, and women think they are just that. By doing this, you are the opposite of a pussy beggar. You are laughing her face, basically  laughing and saying you don’t care if she sleeps with you or not. Women are often shocked by this mentality because they are so used to pussy beggars and pussywhipped guys who never fight back because they don’t want to cut off the pussy supply.

I’ve had women look at me with wonder as if they were thinking, “Jesus Christ, this guy doesn’t even care if I fuck him or not. He’s laughing right in my face like an asshole, and if I walk out of here right now, he will just say bye and laugh at me some more. That’s amazing.”

A lot of times they seemed to be thinking, “Oh man, you are such an arrogant asshole! I should slap your face!” But then they seemed to think a bit and it’s as if they were saying, “But you know what? I like that.”

Anyway, my teacher friend couldn’t contain her laughter at me for being such an arrogant asshole as to stick them with the bill and then laugh right in their faces and pretty much ask them, “What are you going to do about it?” She was a bit mad at first in a somewhat disgusted and annoyed way, but the more I laughed and clowned it up, the more she started chuckling like she liked this display of humorous assholery.

What I did was completely audacious and most men would be nice guys and honestly say they didn’t have any money before you went out to eat or else act pathetic when they saw that they had no money  in their wallets.

I was being an asshole, but I was being a funny asshole. After all, face it. What I did to those poor women was pretty damn funny, right?

Her friend was some fat bitch teacher, single, probably hadn’t been laid since the last Ice Age. Seemed like a feminist or even a lesbian. My friend told me that her friend really, really hated men and giggled when she said this. I laughed at her friend when the teacher told me that like it was a hilarious joke and commented about what a stupid idiot her manhating bitch friend was. See? I didn’t get mad when told she was a manhating bitch. I just laughed at her and acted like she was an idiot for hating us men.

When she learned I had no money, her bitch friend was totally outraged at my assholery, as it seemed to confirm to her that we men are a bunch of bastards and assholes after all. She sat there stone-faced the whole time, sputtering. “We’re going to make you wash the dishes in this restaurant to pay it off!” Every time I looked at her stone face, I started laughing a little bit.

To get mad would have been a bad idea. After she said that, I laughed right at her and almost fell out of my chair laughing. See? I didn’t act scared when she bitched me out. I just laughed right in her face like she was a harmless, pathetic, and stupid woman, which frankly she was.

Somehow we were in my friend’s van, the three of us. My friend kept saying over and over, “Let’s rent a porn movie!” She was giggling the whole time while she was repeating this. Her friend for some reason was not against this. Of course, I was fine with it.

I was thinking, “Damn, I’m going to get laid tonight!” We went to a video store and I pick out Behind the Green Door Part 3, a really gonzo and dirty movie for that time. I told her I had seen it, and it was great. She acted intrigued that I had seen the movie enough to give a review of it. There were a couple of middle aged Black women looking at porno movies too, and also I recommended it to them. They acted very interested and thanked me very much, probably because I had two chicks with me once.

Any time you have two women with you at once and things are going smoothly, everyone quickly gets real quiet and respectful. The other men give you these looks like, “How the Hell do you do it, anyway?”

Sometimes they quietly try to take you down a peg in a subdued voice. Don’t fall for it. It’s a sort of male shit test. Just act like you didn’t hear him.

When you have the two women with you, don’t act like a showoff or an idiot. Don’t call attention to yourself, ridicule the other men, or act like you are better than they are and they are stupid inferiors. Instead, simply ignore all the other men with the attitude of, “Competition? What competition? I don’t see any competition, do you?” Act nice and friendly. You would be surprised how many men will approach you to talk when you have two women with you.

Another thing to do is to act like this thing, having two women with you, is completely normal, on the level of breathing, walking on the sidewalk, or drinking a glass of water. Act like this is something you do so often that you don’t even think about it anymore. The other men won’t seem to be threatened. If you see any men who look at you in a friendly way, give them a conspiratorial smile and a wink, but don’t act superior. Act like he’s in with the plan somehow.

Any other women around will become extremely interested in the stud who has two chicks with him, so even when you have the two women with you, other women will be staring at  you the whole time.

More than you would think walk right up to you with the two women and start talking to all three of you, often flirting right in the faces of the other women. Women are competitive and they love to fight with other women over men. They also love to steal other women’s men. Women are man-stealers! I assume there is some cavewoman reason why they are like this, but I don’t know what it is.

We rented the movie, got back to the house, settled in on the couches, and put it in the VCR. My friend was giggling like a schoolgirl in this silly, mischievous, playful way the whole time we were doing this. I had no idea why this bitch friend was going along with this plan to watch a porn movie with her friend and a man.

I was wondering what this night was going to be like. I was thinking maybe something might happen sexually with me and my friend, and like a moron, I started worrying that maybe I wouldn’t be able to get it up (Dumb, huh?)

Any time a woman says, “Hey, let’s watch a  porn movie,” I guarantee she wants to fuck. Period. Now she’s not just horny but she actually wants to fuck. You can still blow it of course. You can always blow it at any time in seduction if you are stupid enough, but the deeper the seduction goes and the hornier she gets, the harder it is to screw up, and she will start forgiving or looking the other way at any of your errors.

Why do they do this? Because…guess what? Women like to fuck too! A lot of them really, really like to fuck, almost as much as we do, and many women have sex drives that are so high that you would be shocked. And once they start getting pretty horny, a sense of urgency develops about them where they resolve they are going to have sex one way or another, come Hell or high water.

They will even get mad and impatient if you go too slow or start delaying, which I’ve been doing my whole life. There have been a number of times when women asked, “Are you going to kiss me or what? or “Come on, let’s go!” or “God-damn it. Are you going to fuck me or what?”

Back to the scene in the living room. I was wondering what’s going to happen with the manhating bitch friend. Was she going to get in on the sexual behavior somehow, assuming there was any?

I was thinking somehow I had to try that, that if the teacher and I started getting hot and horny with each other, I was going to look over at the shocked friend and make fun of her for missing out on all the fun and sitting over there all by her lonesome, laugh in her face until she either got mad, in which case I would leave her alone more, or joined us, which could get real weird but also real interesting.

I thought it might be fun to drag this manhating bitch into a threeway with another woman! How the Hell would she act? Was she a dyke? Was my friend bi?

Anyway, the video didn’t work for some reason. The night was over, and I was going home. I went to the door and my friend was still giggling away at the whole absurd evening, and her friend was glaring at me with pure hatred. There wasn’t any sex at all, but it wasn’t a sterile date with no sexual vibes – rather the opposite – It was a lot of fun anyway and way better than sitting at home.

Alt Left: My Identity(s)

A lot of people are confused about my identity(s). They think I’m just some allsexual alloromantic straight White male. Oh, but it’s so much more common than that. With the help of a lot of Twitter blogs, I’ve been figuring out who I really am. It’s been a tough journey with a lot of microaggressions launched against me, a lot of prejudice against me just for my indentities, I’m often simply erased, people accuse me of being part of a fad or a phase, say I’m broken or weird, on and on. Sometimes I wonder how I keep carrying.

One thing that’s for sure about me is I’m a transnigger. I know, I know, I look White, and people have been telling me I’m White my whole life, but I finally figured out that’s a fraud all along. Because really all this time I’ve been nothing but a Goddamned nigger! Not a Black person, mind you. Don’t even try to erase me like that.

Niggers like me are way different from regular Black folks. Plus we get a lot of prejudice. How many times have you heard people say “niggers do this, niggers do that, niggers are like this, niggers are like that, niggers are a pestilence, a plague, an infestation. How would you like to be compared to a Goddamn termite. Come on! I don’t even like the taste of wood. I’ve tried it many times and I’m just not into it.

So here are my identities, and I would really appreciate it if you would not make fun of them or erase me! I especially hate being erased. Ever seen all those people walking around with huge erasers as big as briefcases? Well, those are the erasers. Just for kicks and to be mean, they go around erasing people’s identities. They’re sadists, out and out. They can’t be described any other way. What’s their problem? Don’t they have anything better to do. If I want to identify as a fawn and put spots on my face, that’s my right! Come on, just let people be themselves, ok?

Have you ever been erased? I might be sitting here in a chair typing something on the Net, and some bigot comes along with an eraser as big as a briefcase and starts rubbing at me! And after a while I’m not even there anymore! Do you know hard it is to reconstitute yourself after some mean person wiped you right out of existence just to mean? It takes a while. Usually a couple of hours:

Bob, 62 years old transnigger, nontransabled, pansexual achromatic, transethnic rights enthusiast, soft grunge music, pastel goth appearance, genderqueer digital rights activist, checked privilege, robotic arm transspecies cyborg rights believer, multiple personality sympathizer, asexual psychic medium otherkin male feminist lifestyle, quasi-queer back-to-school looks, raw foods demivegan, justice for queer animal rights supporter, spiritual, skinny runt acceptance.

Now, I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t make fun of me! If any of the rest of you have had any experiences with discrimination, bigotry, or maltreatment based on your perfectly valid identities, speak now or forever hold your tongue!

Alt Left: Are Thought Crimes Illegal? Don’t Worry, SJW’s Are Working on It!

All right, so I have un-PC thoughts sometimes. So I laugh at a racist joke sometimes. I don’t feel very good, but sometimes you just gotta laugh, you know? I mean some of that shit is funny! It’s evil, sure, but it’s so funny I’m on the floor laughing my ass off.

Anyway, do we have thought crimes? Well, no. Not yet! But don’t worry. The SJW’s are working on it! Expect sometime in the forseeable future. Long-term project of theirs.

The Excellent, Responsible, Public Safety and Good Citizen Argument For Making Thought Crimes Illegal

I saw a copy of the secret SJW document about thought crimes. Actually my Alt Left agents broke into SJW headquarters, punched a couple of SJW’s in the face (Damn that felt good!) and then robbed them on some documents, including this doozy.

Here is a brief excerpt:

It’s for your own good, you know? Hey, if you just have innocent thoughts, what are you worried about? I mean only criminals, I mean thought criminals, oh same thing, have anything to worry about, right? You’re not a criminal, I mean thought criminal, are you?

Of course not, what do you think I am?

Look we have to protect the public. This is the age of terrorism. See that guy over there? You have no idea, but he may be planning a mass terror attack! That could kill over 100 people! And maybe you!

Oh noes! Who is that masked man? How do we stop that dastardly fellow? Help I’m gonna die! Help I don’t want to die help help!

We can’t unless we look into his thoughts.

Ahh.

Now see why we have to monitor people’s thoughts? It’s either your brain’s privacy or dead human beings, women and little children, babies! We have to kill little babies, be baby killers, in order to protect your right to free thoughts? I don’t think so pal.

You’re right. I’m no baby killer. I mean I’m no saint, but I’ve always drawn the line at killing  babies. I mean adults, you gotta kill em every now and then, you know? Cuz some of them are just scums, ya know? Human refuse, a few of them. I mean line em up and shoot em! It’s him or you sometimes, right? You gotta defend yourself. You have a right to self-defense. Someone’s gonna die, and I say it’s going to be him! Killing in self defense is no crime.

Sure. Hey we all gotta survive man!

But I’ve always drawn the line at killing babies.  That was always just a bridge too far for me. Maybe I’m just a big pussy, but I just never could stomach that stuff. I guess I’m a weak man…a pussy…a coward…a baby…I’m so pathetic…

So you’ll sign the thought crime petition right?

Oh sure, hell yeah. I ain’t no baby killer pal, oh Hell no, there I draw the line, man. No kids. No kid stuff. No babies. I ain’t goin there, man. A man’s got to have limits!

Of course! That means you’re a good person! If you’re a good person, you’ll never have to worry about being arrested for a thoughtcrime.

Sure, oh, of course. Hey, I ain’t no thought criminal, guy. I could never hurt an innocent person, even with my thoughts. I just don’t have it in me. I’m a good person dammit! I really am I swear!

Me too!

Bye!

You have a good day now, ok?

I’m President of the United States!

I was president of the US last night for a short time. It was pretty fun, except sometimes I showed up to meetings wearing only pajamas. They told me that pajamas were not acceptable for meetings with my Cabinet and I was surprised for some reason.

Other times I dressed well, but they told me it still wasn’t good enough. I told them I didn’t have enough money for good clothes, and they were sympathetic. They said to wait for my first check – it was $14,000/month. That pretty much covers rent in New York City nowadays, so I figured it would be enough.

I met some former presidents too. I tried to shake George Bush’s hand, but he almost refused to shake it because I wasn’t dressed properly. Later I had a long talk with him, and afterwards he said I was all right.

You know what, Lindsay? You’re all right.

Exact words.

He later met with reporters and told them that he had spoken with Lindsay, and he thought Lindsay was all right. The public was relieved for some reason. I guess they were worried about me.

There was a bit of a problem being president because I changed into my pajamas and watched porn every night at 9 PM sharp. I got caught a few times. They told me that my job lasted past 9 PM, but I didn’t believe them and kept changing to pj’s and watching porn anyway. A man’s got to have a life, you know!

I was some sort of a substitute president for the real president. I was sort of this undercover or hidden president for some unknown reason. I had heard that the press was researching my name to figure out if Robert Lindsay was even my name. I wasn’t too worried for some reason.

All in all, it was an interesting dream! This was pretty cool! Never been president in my dreams before. Maybe my unconscious self-esteem is going up. Usually most people hate me in my dreams, and they hate me a lot worse than they do in real life. Apparently I have some deep fear that most people really hate me deep down inside even though they don’t show it.

Because after all, that is what your dreams are about – your deepest fears. That’s also why they are fucked up a lot of the time and about unsolved or unsolvable problems.

In dreams, your brain is trying to solve your problems. Most of them have no solution of course because as humans we are pretty much fucked in a lot of ways. Face it, man, we’re doomed. Pour yourself another drink and try to forget about it. Your subconscious recognizes this but doesn’t like it because it’s idiotically utopian like a woman, hence all the dreams with unsolvable problems.

Coming next: I Fucked Four Different Women Last Night! Not a dream or anything like that. /s

Repost: Caucasian Nationalism – A New Movement

Ha ha, this old post is so worth a repost. It was published 5 1/2 years ago! As you can see, it is totally not serious at all. The whole post is a big joke, written with my tongue firmly in my cheek. Have fun, boyos.

I just created this movement because no one else did. I did it because it is so dumb I do not expect anyone to join. It’s called Caucasian Nationalism.

I figure if you are going to be a racist, you may as well hate the fewest number of people possible.

I don’t have a breakdown on the population of humanity by race, but being a Caucasian Nationalist will possibly allow you to love as many as 1/3 of all humans as brothers. You won’t like the other 2/3, but most of them have big lips or squinty eyes anyway, so why would you want to like them in the first place?

Compare this to Nordicists who hate anyone not a Viking, Arab nationalists who hate the 9

I advocate for the cause of all Caucasians everywhere, including Jews, Indians, Berbers, Arabs, Iranians, Egyptians, Afghans, Bangladeshis, Pakistanis, Tajiks, and Uzbeks. You need to be over 5

If you have less than 5

For the Asians, we will just fuck their women and take over their laundromats, and if the men object, we won’t care about these inscrutable yellow girly-men because they are skinny, wimpy, nearsighted, and weak, and we will kick their asses. If they try to defend themselves with martial arts, we will just respond with firearms.

For the Aborigines, Papuans, Melanesians, Polynesians and Micronesians, there is not much to do. They all live on islands, and Caucasians mostly don’t dig islands. Abos are pretty much history anyway, so no worries. Polynesians will be offered jobs playing steel guitar and dancing in our tiki restaurants.

Melanesians and Micronesians barely exist to us, and are too messed up to attack us, so we will let them catch rays on their beaches and leave us alone. No one even knows what a Papuan is.

For American Indians, if they are 5

If they ever get uppity and ornery, we will just mass-ship alcohol into their regions and get them all drunk like we did to the Chinese in the Opium War.

US Blacks will need to supply proof of at least 5

Mestizos will need to submit applications to see whether or not they are over 5

We beat ’em many times in the past, and it was usually a 15-0 wipe-out on our side. They barely got to third base. They will never get off the couch to rise again, and most are too overweight to do so anyway.

We don’t regard Amerindians, even with White admixture, as a serious threat to us. That they are considered a threat to entire nations is one of today’s best jokes. If they ever really rise up like Sendero, we will have to deal. Watchful waiting.

At first I thought that this was a brand-new movement, but unfortunately, one of the most horrible people on Earth, Alex Linder of Vanguard News Network, supports it too (although he wishes to excise all Jews and kill them). I’m a horrible person too, but I suspect that Linder has crossed the boundary of horribleness.

When I read that he was a pan-Caucasianist (except for the Jews), I had to respect him, or at least .000

There is a very serious problem with Caucasian Nationalism. First of all, many of these folks will refuse to admit to being Caucasian. Others insist they are White, but no one else will believe them.

Tell a Malian they are White, and they will hug you and agree, but no one else will think they are. Jews truly despise the idea of being White, but they hate shvartzes even more, and Jews are certainly not Chinese.

Tell a Moroccan he is White, and he will embrace you, pack a bowl of hash for you in the waterpipe, invite you to marry his cousin, and start shouting about how the Berbers were the original humans. Tell a Pashtun he is White, and he will run up to you, kiss you on the cheek, invite you in for tea in the men’s room, and regale you with tales of being the original Aryans.

The real problem here is not one of identity; it’s more that so many of our Caucasian tribes hate each other so much they will never get together to join the movement, much less have each other over for tea. At the moment, many of them are busy massacring each other. This time-honored tradition is expected to continue into the foreseeable future.

Alt Left: Women Are Not Stupid At All – They Just Seem That Way to Us Men and Vice Versa

SHI:

Girl: “Where you’re from?”

Me: “You know, girl, Detroit?’”

Girl: “No need to swag. You’re not Black, you must be Pakistani or something.”

That’s one smart chick. Women are actually way smarter than we give them credit for. They’re also funny as Hell, especially young women. College girls can be hilarious. Junior high girls are experts at pranks and role-playing games.

Women are just as smart as we are at the moment. They used to be four points behind us, but even then, I met so many smart women it was ridiculous. I’ve known several women with IQ’s of 140+, including one with  156 IQ and another with a 160 IQ.

The 156 IQ woman was literally the fastest thinking human being I have ever met. Also she picked up on new concepts very fast. I would mention something she had never heard of, and she would ask me what that was. I would explain it to her, and it only took her a few minutes to digest the whole concept and get it.

I had 140 IQ girlfriend who was lightning fast too. She would get my jokes instantly, almost as soon as they left my mouth and would almost immediately make some comment on them, often to tell me how absurd the joke was. She was just BAM BAM BAM BAM! Jackhammer smart.

We think women have these little tiny pea brains because of the way they think. To us, female thinking and communication styles seem utterly insipid. Think of women sitting around gabbing about clothes, makeup, hot guys, or gossip and you’ll know what I mean. They seem like birdbrains – literally human songbirds idiotically chirping away and flitting around like birds at a feeder.

Young women seem especially ridiculous to us. But really, as I noted, that is simply because their thinking styles seem idiotic to us men. And that “ridiculous” nature of the female thinking style – exemplified in the giggly, idiotic high school girl – is particularly prominent among teenage girls and young women. They’re silly as Hell. They’re also a blast if you are young enough to enjoy them.

And let’s be fair now – I once told a female best friend that we women think women are idiots, and she laughed and said

That’s ok. We women all think men are idiots too.

I’ve been told that women think we are pinheads because of the way we think. Think of a bunch of men together partying.

The beer starts flowing and pretty soon they are acting like fools, joking or talking in a frivolous or juvenile way about sports and arguing about politics for no good reason other than because we men love a fight.  Pretty soon the room full of grown men degenerates into a room full of 13 year old boys. The fart jokes and falling on the floor laughing and clowning soon begins.

To women this looks exactly like what it is – men devolving into 13 year old boys, and retarded 13 year old boys at that. But we men are not stupid. We just seem that way to women because of the way we think that it is so different from the way that they think.

On Niggermania, Chimpout, and Other Racist Humor Sites

Apparently laughing at racist jokes makes you a racist. I don’t know about that. I mean some awful humor is really funny, right?

The guys at Niggermania and Chimpout are basically awful people. And everyone on there is damned racist. To any Black people on this site – trust me, they are not your friends!

However, I did used to go there for a while because they were so damned hilarious. I mean I might feel guilty for laughing, but that stuff was damned funny. Sure, a lot of it was cruel, but it wasn’t murderous or genocidal. They were mostly just ridiculing Blacks and definitely looking down on them. They regarded them as hilarious objects of derision.

However, the overall mood there was not particularly hateful in most of the humor forums. It seemed like they were laughing too hard at Blacks to get into really vicious and malicious hatred of them. Have you ever noticed that when people are rolling on the floor laughing, even if they are ridiculing someone, it seems hard for them to hate that person? Laughter seems to dissipate brutal hatred and vice versa.

Unless you are a gleaming-eyed sadist, it seems that you are either laughing or hating, but you can’t really do both to a full extent. The more you laugh, the more the truly vicious hatred seems to take a back seat. It’s like if you let that brutal hatred in, you wouldn’t be able to laugh so hard.

Also when you are laughing at someone, you aren’t taking them seriously. It order to destructively hate someone, it seems that you have to stop laughing about them and start to take them very seriously. Real  hatred is not a laughing matter. It’s serious stuff. Do you follow?

There was a feature called Nigger World Tour on one of those sites. I forget which. It’s not what you think. It’s a tour, travelogue, or guide to the Black countries of the world. And face it, a lot of them are pretty screwed up. That was one of the funniest things I’ve ever read.

Those sites are not White Supremacist. WN’s keep trying to join but the sites keep shooting them down by saying that they only dislike Blacks; they don’t dislike other races. There are quite a few non-White anti-Black racists on there. There are some Asians and Hispanics on there, and there is a rather shocking number of Indians on there. I get the feeling that Indians really don’t like Black people.

It feels bad to pity Black people, but it’s sad how many other races don’t like them. On the other hand, maybe that’s a warning sign that too many Black people don’t act real great. I mean where there’s smoke, there’s fire.

If only a couple of other groups hated Blacks, we could chalk it up to other things or unreason. But when the dislike extends to all sorts of different groups that don’t have much connection to each other, it’s hard to make the case that all of the animus is utterly irrational, which is the anti-racist line of course.

Racism in general is immoral for sure, but a lot of it is not entirely irrational. Do you blame Israeli Jews for hating Arabs? I am pro-Palestinian and I utterly despise Israel and don’t think much of the Jews who live there, but one must look at this fairly.

If you are a Jew and you live there, Arabs are people who are trying to murder you. I have a hard time not disliking people who want to murder me, sorry. I don’t care how much I deserve it. If you want to murder me and would definitely do it if you could get access to me and carry it out, I’m sorry. I’m going to hate y’all.

On those Black humor sites, I would laugh my ass off and then feel guilty. I do have a confession to make though, and I really hate to say it. It felt damn good to laugh at Black people. Now I don’t want to laugh at my Black friends because I like them, they act good, and I don’t like to belittle and ridicule my friends. Why did it feel good to laugh at anti-Black humor?

It’s like with women in the post recently. I’m a liberal. I’ve been a liberal my whole life. I’ve never felt a lot of overt hatred or dislike for Black people, even when I should have when I taught in the ghetto.

I used to joke that at the end of the school day, I was ready to join the KKK, but that wasn’t really true. Also most of the Black teachers and administrators were fine people. Even some of the Black kids were perfectly ok, especially in high school. The lower grades acted a lot worse.

But the hatred was mixed in with pity. I really got the feeling that some of the younger ones could not control themselves. There was one intelligent 10 year old boy who I kept having to discipline. I started to feel sorry for him after a bit because it seemed like he could not control his boisterousness and jack in the box activity. It seemed like there was something wrong with him, at least at that developmental state.

So why did laughing at those sites feel so damned good. As a liberal I am not allowed to feel much hatred, rage, or even anger at Black people. I simply don’t experience that, even when reading about vicious Black crimes. It’s like I’ve been immunized not to think that way.

But I am absorbing all of that tidal wave of bad Black behavior anyway. And apparently it’s been pissing me off, even though I don’t experience it much cognitively. I either suppress or even repress my rage. At any rate, I push it down inside of me, bury it. In psychology, some think that you don’t really bury anything. Instead you’re just putting a lid on a boiling pot.

Obviously any of your interred stuff tends to come out in dreams. But it can come out in other ways. Suppression and repression are like putting a lid on a pan of boiling water. You think you are going to stop the boiling action by capping it, but really all you do is delay it, and sooner or later, the suppressed boiling action bubbles over the lid of the pan.

After pushing all that anger down, I get exposed to this anti-Black humor, and all that bottled-up rage that I stored up as a liberal unable to express anger towards these people came pouring out. It felt very good, like a pack of rocks had been lifted from my shoulders. It was also a harmless outlet for this bottled-up anger because I won’t allow myself to express it in any other way.

I realize sites like this are wrong, but racist humor is like bullying and a lot of other unpleasant and probably permanent aspects of being human. It’s not going away. So what to do, then?

I thought hey, why don’t Blacks make sites like this making fun of us Whites in a similar way? As long as it wasn’t too vicious, I would  probably laugh at it. Paul Mooney’s humor is very anti-White, but I roll on the floor every time I hear him. He spears us Whites hard and deep, and damn if we don’t deserve it.

I haven’t been to those sites in a while, as I feel too guilty to go there.

Have You Ever Accessed CP Knowingly or Unknowingly? Take the CP Test Today!

SHI: OK, so just to clarify things one last time. You know I really must dot the i’s and cross the t’s, otherwise I can’t ease my mind. A very simple question really. Simply answer whether I am guilty or not guilty of CP in the following situations. OK?

A) I I stumble upon the nude pics of a 12-year old girl on an Internet browser/mobile app. But, it does not display her vagina. I do not immediately close the browser.

GUILTY — NOT GUILTY

B) Same thing as above but I save the pic on my computer/phone. Not due to pornographic intent but only because I feel it’s “cute”.

GUILTY — NOT GUILTY

C) I stumble upon the nude pics of a 12-year old girl but it displays her vagina. I immediately shut down the browser and erase all my cookies.

GUILTY — NOT GUILTY

D) Same as above. But, I look at the pics with keen interest and even save it on my PC/mobile.

GUILTY — NOT GUILTY

E) I accidentally see the pic of a 12-year old boy flashing his penis. Maybe I save the pic on my computer because it’s funny. Reminds me of my own 12-year old self.

GUILTY — NOT GUILTY

F) I accidentally see the nude pic of a 7-year old girl along with her vagina. But, I have no negative intention. I’d treat her like it’s my daughter. It is just a child after all. I save the pic on my computer.

GUILTY — NOT GUILTY

Correct answers only, please. To clarify, I’m not a pedophile. These are hypothetical questions. I strongly believe that children below 16 years should not be disturbed or accosted by adults. They should be left alone to enjoy their childhoods.

The question is at what point does one draw the line?

If you’re turned on by teenage girls, you’re not a pedophile anyway.  There’s only one word for men who are turned on by teenage girls: normal! If you are a man and teenage girls don’t turn you on, there’s two possibilities: You’re either gay or you’re dead.

All these living men who claim that teenage girls don’t turn them on and that all men turned on by teenage girls are pedophiles are simply faggots! They’re gay.  They’re homosexuals. They put men’s cocks in their mouths and suck on them until the cocks spurt cum down their fag throats. They take men’s hard cocks up their anuses until they ejaculate.

I mean you can argue if a man who does that is a man, but I don’t think any man who sucks on penises and lets penises penetrate his anus is not much of a man. Not any man I would want to know anyway! Real men don’t suck cocks! Real men don’t take cock up the ass! I mean is that point even open for debate?

Even if little girls turn you on, you’re not abnormal. 9

In  other words, 2

So if you are a man, I don’t really care if little girls turn you on. I am a lot more interested if little girls turn you on and mature females do not: that means you are a pedophile.  There’s no shame in being a biological pedophile, but I think it is cause for concern in a sense because I think you are at risk of committing a sex crime.

Keep in mind that I have done actual counseling with pedophilic men who had no attraction to mature adults and were only attracted to minors. I  liked both of them a lot, and I thought they were great people. Neither had offended. One man was so wracked with guilt that he was going  to cut his penis off in order not put kids at risk – that’s how deeply wrong he felt messing with kids was. He kept saying over and over, “I cannot hurt a kid…”

People have the wrong idea about pedophiles. However, I do think that all actual pedophiles should be in some sort of therapy designed to keep them from offending. Either that or put them all on an island where everyone is over 18. Why is that such a bad idea? I really like that idea.

I will go over  your hypothetical  scenarios:

A) I I stumble upon the nude pics of a 12-year old girl on an Internet browser/mobile app. But, it does not display her vagina. I do not immediately close the browser.

GUILTY — NOT GUILTY

Not guilty. There’s no CP.

B) Same thing as above but I save the pic on my computer/phone. Not due to pornographic intent but only because I feel it’s “cute”.

GUILTY — NOT GUILTY

Same thing. There’s no CP.

C) I stumble upon the nude pics of a 12-year old girl but it displays her vagina. I immediately shut down the browser and erase all my cookies.

GUILTY — NOT GUILTY’

You stumbled upon it so you’re not guilty.

D) Same as above. But, I look at the pics with keen interest and even save it on my PC/mobile.

GUILTY — NOT GUILTY

Unfortunately, let’s put it this way: you now have CP on your drive. I seriously request that you get that crap off your drive right now.

E) I accidentally see the pic of a 12-year old boy flashing his penis. Maybe I save the pic on my computer because it’s funny. Reminds me of my own 12-year old self.

GUILTY — NOT GUILTY

I don’t know if that’s illegal or not. If it was put up there as CP, then it might be illegal. If it’s put up there for some other reason, probably not. But I don’t know much about CP with males because I’m not into males. I only like females. Hell with males ha ha.

F) I accidentally see the nude pic of a 7-year old girl along with her vagina. But, I have no negative intention. I’d treat her like it’s my daughter. It is just a child after all. I save the pic on my computer.

GUILTY — NOT GUILTY

Yeah, you now have CP on your drive. I don’t care if you saved it because it reminds you of your daughter. Get it off your drive right now.

Alt Left: The Crimes of Jeffrey Epstein Will Shudder You to Your Very Bones

Jeffrey Epstein was finally arrested again recently after he got off pretty much scot free from his previous charges, serving only 13 months in a minimum security prison where he was allowed to leave on work release for 12 hours a day. They refiled new charges on him for sex trafficking, as the previous charges were simply for buying a prostitute or pandering prostitution. The girl was only 14 but who cares about that?

She was a little whore like most all of the rest of them. Epstein paid her good cash to jerk him off, and she was so traumatized that just like all the others, she kept coming back scores of times to jerk him off for $300 over and over again. In fact the traumatization was so horrific that she found herself recruiting other teenies to be teen whores just like her for the handjobs and a hand full of hundreds at the end.

I’m sure it must have been so horrible. They were free to leave at any time, but it was so horrific that they just had to come back countless times to be teen whores over and over again.

Oh, poor girls! I’m sure their lives are ruined. All those horrible handjobs for a very handsome and very rich man, and they only got a measly $300 each time! It’s so hard to be a girl! If you feel horny and you want to have sex, you have to get paid hundreds of dollars for it, while us boys get to pay all our own money for sex instead. It’s so much more fun to pay for sex instead of raking in the cash to get laid like a little teenie whore!

This is really all about metoo. When those teen whores besieged his door for the $300 handjobs, Epstein should have been proper and turned the little teen sluts away. Instead he grotesquely harassed, abused, raped, and molested these poor eager willing girls, and to make things even worse and increase the shame and horror, he paid them hundreds of dollars to get laid or perform a harmless meager sex act they were already doing with all the boys their age anyway.

This is sick. When will men ever stop abusing girls and women by paying them to get laid! It’s got to stop. The abuse, the harassment, the endless consensual rapes, the hundreds of dollars all these sluts rake in to get laid and get their rocks off, it’s just so awful.

It makes me ashamed to be a man. To think we treat women this way! How horrible! How awful! No wonder women hate us!

All their money is for them, and all our money is for them, and to make matters worse, they get paid big money for the torturous horror of getting laid! Horrifying! While we men escape the whole horrorshow by giving women all of our money just for existing.

Just think of women were giving us men hundreds of dollars to get laid by hot women. We men would all be screaming metoo!

Metoo! Metoo! Metoo!

Come on, men. Scream it with me. Cry while you do! Cry for our sisters!

These poor women, they can get laid anytime they want, and they even get paid good money for getting fucked. Tragic! The lot of women is a sad one. Nothing but sadness and pain. It’s pain and sorrow all the way, and then they die!

I’m sad! I’m crying! I’m crying for all you girls and women out there! I know! I know! I feel your pain, ladies, I feel your pain. Come let me hold your female heads in my lap while I comfort you for your sorrowful lot in life! And I promise I won’t pay you $300 to let me do it. I’m not that kind of a guy! I’m a good man!

Even Ducks Don't Like Indians

You Indians better work on your personalities! You’re even starting to piss of the birds for Chrissake, and birds are pretty stupid. Where do you think birdbrain came from? And ducks are some of the dumbest birds of them all. My high school biology teacher once told us that ducks were very stupid. On her farm where she grew up, there was this path they walked down every day, and the path turned sharply into a low spot where a pond of water had collected in the trail. The pond was easily avoided if you knew it was coming. The ducks would walk along the path and then turn the corner and land right in the water, upsetting and surprising them. They never learned anything from one day to the next, like a lot of humans I know. Every day they made the same damned mistake and fell into the pond squawking again. They simply could not recall that there was a bend in the trail and a hidden pond after it that they had fallen into the day before. I guess these London swans* are not too stupid though! They seem have figured out like so many of us in the West that Indians are lousy people! *If you are interested, there are three types of birds: ducks, swans and geese. They are all related as members of the larger Duck Family. Swans and geese are separate genera, something I was not aware of (I just learned that today!). Swans and geese are larger than ducks. They must be closely related though because swans and geese can interbreed to form hybrids (I just learned that today too!). Isn’t life cool? Here I am at 60 years old and I am still learning new things, even new basic facts about our world, almost every day! I don’t know about the rest of you, but I think that’s really neat. H who is not busy growing is busy dying.

I’m confused. Sure, humans have racist impulses; Ballets like Swan Lake are said to be ‘racist,’ but…UK Swans Hate Ethnic Minorities (right click to open in new window): (Birds have more acute eyesight than human I check).

“Angry ‘Racist’ Swans are Terrorizing Students at Warwick University

The bullying birds have been spotted standing guard at a campus footbridge to stop humans from crossing. Students say they are being continually confronted on their way to lectures. And the birds – who are currently in their breeding season – are said to be particularly aggressive towards Indian students. One victim, a 24-year-old student who asked not to be named, said: “I am from India, and they attack me especially – they focus straight on me. We have been warned that the swans will be a bit feisty at this time of year, but they go for me all year round. I think they don’t like too many Indians in England – maybe the swans here are a little bit racist.” ………………. When the yanks pick an African ballerina to play Odette, the swan queen, they picked one with fairer skin and without peppercorn hair.

https://media.vanityfair.com/photos/55819a8c320a56cf4241308a/master/w_768,c_limit/tchaikovskys-new-queen-misty-copeland-01.jpg

Designated Shitting Streets, Coming to America Soon!

abhay-patel-bobby-jindal-and-nikki-haley-618x317
Bobby Jindal, Nikki Haley and Abhay Patel (who the Hell is that?), street shitters all!
All of you fans of Indian Designated Shitting Streets pining for the same here in the US won’t be crying in your coffee long. A few supporters of Designated Shitting Streets have already made their way into US politics. Of course they are all Republicans. What do you expect? Indians want all of their poor to drop dead tomorrow, and Republicans want all of our poor to drop dead yesterday. A difference? Semantic quibbling! Well, I am here to bear news of good hope for all of you who have been waiting anxiously all this time for the arrival of Designated Shitting Streets on our benighted shores. With the arrival of casteist reactionary Indian feudalists like Haley and Jindal into the American Dark Enlightenment/neoreactionary scene, Designated Shitting Streets will not be far behind! Now you will no longer have to spend thousands on an overpriced plane ticket to some shithole to witness the ineffable glory, timeless beauty, and ancient rhythm of Designated Shitting Streets (now all marked as National Landmarks by the Indian government). You will not even have to leave your own country to partake of the age-old rhapsodic beauty of squatting humans on a hot pavement in the blazing sun. They’re coming to America! Yes. Your dreams have come true, and your prayers have been heard. Sooner than you think, there will be a Designated Shitting Street within a few hours drive of your own home! As the world’s greatest tourist artifacts, arcana, rituals and celebrations make the way to our very homes, the greatest glories of the ancient world, such as India’s world-renowned Designated Shitting Streets themselves, will so on be no more than a few hours’ Sunday drive away from your very own eyes and noses.

How the Designated Shitting Streets Meme Came about

2050! India Superpower! Poo is in the loo! Designated shitting streets are now designated shitting planets! Designated…Designated…Designated…Designated…Designated…Designated…Designated…Designated. You realize that has turned into one of the funniest internet memes of them all? Designated shitting streets? You know how that started? It was on 4chan and people were making fun of Indians for shitting in the streets and everywhere else for that matter. They had all these memes up there, and some Indian nationalist came on there ranting and raving, “2030 India Superpower! We’re going to kill every single one of you!” You know like they do. And then he said that Indians don’t shit in any old street anyway. “We have designated shitting streets,” he said. Well, it took off from there.* That and the Goddamned idiot wagon wheel flag are too much, man. That one Indian nationalist idiot singlehandedly created one of the most hilarious anti-Indian memes ever made. Congratulations! Jai Hind! *I think I was one of the first bloggers to find that conversation and I had a jpg of that whole conversation at one point. After that idiot tried to defend himself with the “designated shitting streets” excuse,  everyone just dogpiled all over him and beat up him up for a long time after that. He just sputtered along muttering that he was going to kill all of them like they always do.

Corpse Landmarks on Mount Everest

I don’t care about all the fools who died climbing Mt. Everest or K2. Actually K2 has killed quite a few more people than Everest. The people who got killed climbing Everest are still sitting there on that mountain, frozen human hot dogs on an icebox mountain. I’m not sure what it means that they are still there. Maybe there is no way to go get the body. Those bodies are actually marked on maps and are used as landmarks by people climbing the mountain! Can you believe it? You are looking at a map climbing Everest and your friend points in the distance at this darker colored object on the mountain. That’s Climber #74 over there. We call him Human Frozen Burrito for short. It’s on the map. Find Human Burrito on the map, and you can figure out where we are on this infernal mountain.

High-Quality US Poll: What's the First Word That Comes to Your Mind When You Think of Donald Trump?

From Quinnipac University poll May 10, 2017. The poll asked people what word first comes to their mind when they thought of Donald Trump. The most frequent first word was idiot. Incompetent and liar were 2nd and 3rd. Unqualified was 5th, and further down were ignorant, egotistical and assshole at 9th, 10th and 11th. I am shocked that so many Americans answered asshole on a national poll. This is too funny. 9. What is the first word that comes to mind when you think of Donald Trump? (Numbers are not percentages. Figures show the number of times each response was given. This table reports only words that were mentioned at least five times.) idiot 39 incompetent 31 liar 30 leader 25 unqualified 25 president 22 strong 21 businessman 18 ignorant 16 egotistical 15 asshole 13 stupid 13 arrogant 12 trying 12 bully 11 business 11 narcissist 11 successful 11 disgusting 10 great 10 clown 9 dishonest 9 racist 9 American 8 bigot 8 good 8 money 8 smart 8 buffoon 7 con-man 7 crazy 7 different 7 disaster 7 rich 7 despicable 6 dictator 6 aggressive 5 blowhard 5 decisive 5 embarrassment 5 evil 5 greedy 5 inexperienced 5 mental 5 negotiator 5 patriotism 5

Is There Any Way to Sustain Emotional Self-Expression?

ZE: Is there any way to sustain emotional self-expression?

I think most people do it anyway because most folks seem to be pretty emotional. They go around expressing their emotions all the time anyway, unless you are getting at something different from quotidian emotionalizing here. For me, to sustain it, I would have to keep writing because writing expresses my emotions best. Humor is a good way to express emotions. As long as you are communicating with humans, you can make humorous comments that express emotion very well. It also helps to be a systematizing thinker. The more you can systematize, the more wisdom you obtain, and the best emotional expression is in the form of wisdom. And art. And then humor.

Asthma Attack

Felt tightness in my chest. I was wondering if my blood pressure was going up (I have hypertension) or I was getting heart problems. Then I figured it out. I had the window open and there is so much damn smoke from all the fighting going on outside that the smoke was coming in my window and giving me an asthma attack! Dang! Hope the battle is over soon.

War Outside My Apartment

Apparently there are two enemy armies along with some associated militia fighting right outside my window. I hear a lot of small arms fire, some artillery rounds and what sounds like some RPG’s. No bombing yet though. I fear might be some IED’s later on. A VBIED sounds like a nightmare. I’m afraid there might be one around midnight. God knows what these idiots are fighting over. Probably religion like they always do. I sure hope they don’t kill me. Happy Fourth of July everyone! Don’t get blown up anything!

Confused Old Man Named POTUS Wanders away from His Limousine

Secret Service had to show him the way back to his car. Too bad they didn’t direct Lord Marmalade straight to the nearest busy highway. He did the same thing at a recent European conference. He got confused and someone had to show him where the exit to the stage is. The car was right in his ugly orange face and he walked right by it. As if there might be some other limo parked right outside Airforce One. “I’m sorry, Mr. Trump, this limo is for Elon Musk. Yours is over there.” Jesus Christ! Grandpa has dementia! Man, that’s really scary thinking this sundowning old man has the nuclear codes! Gramps is getting to the point where he needs a full-time caregiver. He never was very smart to start with, but now he has the attention span of a goldfish and the IQ of a french fry. That’s crazy. People around the Net are saying that that was the first symptom that their grandmother or grandfather showed of dementia – wandering off exactly like this. Is there some way we could help this guy wander right off the face of the Earth? Too bad the Earth isn’t flat like most of his supporters believe, huh? Trump for Prison 2017!  

Jews Don't Control the US Media or Anything Like That!

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God I love that Jew icon so much! Le Happy Merchant is the coolest Jewish icon ever. Everything I see him, I can’t stop laffin. I would almost like to make him my personal icon if I could. That’s how cool he is! Happy Merchant I love you!
No way! Jews don’t run the media! They have nothing to do with it at all! And if you say they do, you’re a Nazi! I guess scientific fact is Nazism then? The Jews need to rewrite their propaganda. When the truth is Nazism and Nazism is the truth, it’s not a good day for the days. Sorry, it just isn’t. Jews! Get back to your machinations! Your old lies are failing badly. Come up with some new ones quick! Your God Bernays is rolling in his grave!* *Edward Bernays, the man who invented Public Relations (making up stories and lies for paying clients) and propaganda (a synonym for modern Western “journalism”), was Jewish. Isn’t that incredible? The man who literally created lying for money and the concept of political propaganda was Jewish! No way! Jewish are honest! They never lie! Like, ever. Say it ain’t so, Jew!

Coalburners and Oildrillers

Coalburners and oildrillers. Haha. Those names crack me up. I don’t think they are all that mean really. They pretty much describe what’s going on. She’s burning coal in her furnace lol. He’s using his white drilling rig to drill for black gold in the tar sands lol. Oil drills even look like they are fucking the black earth lol. I love those damn machines. One of the few machines that that actually looks like it’s fucking. Mudshark is a bit mean. Coalburners isn’t really mean. It’s more funny than anything else. Did you know what White women who love Black cock call themselves snowbunnies? They also call getting fucked by Black guys “getting Blacked.” There are quite a few White women into screwing Black guys. Some won’t even touch a White man. It’s Black men or nothing. WTH.

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