Low Conscientiousness

Tamerlane: It makes absolutely no sense until I admit that I was, and still am by the way, a lazy piece of unmotivated, unconscientious shit.

That’s exactly what I am and what I’ve been my whole life since I was ~16. On the other hand, I do have an anxiety disorder that never gets quite treated, so how much of this is just fear anymore. I used to be fearless. Now I’m the opposite.

I don’t go along with the crowd.

I don’t follow rules. I break them, often deliberately and for no reason other than a perverse one. First thing I think of when I see any rule is, “How can I break this rule?”

I don’t “go along, get along.” I hate that crap.

I hate Groupthink. I hate “don’t cause strife or dissension.”

I hate society because it lies to me and demands that I believe a ton of complete bullshit that can’t possibly be true.

Also, I’m a dropout. I quit climbing or sliming up the societal ladder long ago. There are so many rules and I get tired of the 1 million things you can never say and the 300,000 things you can never do. All that stuff gets crammed up inside of me and I feel like a dam burst waiting to happen.

I feel like I’m in a cage, like I’m a prisoner and can’t get out. I have to censor everything I say and do to the point where life doesn’t even feel that much fun anymore. I don’t really like having “all this very important that stuff that needs to be talked about and you’re dying to talk about but you can never bring it up because some hypersensitive weenie might get upset.

It’s all about money and I don’t feel like playing that game. I don’t want any part of this money-oriented bullshit society. Get me out of here.

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2 thoughts on “Low Conscientiousness”

  1. 1) I don’t go along with the crowd.
    2) I don’t follow rules.
    3) I don’t “go along, get along.”
    4) I hate Groupthink.
    5) I hate society.
    6) Also, I’m a dropout.

    It’s all worth it, bro!

    “The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.”

    ― Friedrich Nietzsche

    RL: “On the other hand, I do have an anxiety disorder that never gets quite treated…”

    You’re probably moderately high in neuroticism, perhaps at the 70-80th percentile.

    1. You’re probably moderately high in neuroticism, perhaps at the 70-80th percentile.

      Probably. I didn’t used to be. I’ve gotten a lot worse with age. Also got far more introverted. I was a bit of a wild extrovert as a young man.

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