More on Boundary Issues and How Masculine Men Can Enforce Them

Rambo: What is “emotional capacity” anyway? That sounds like calling dope addicts “substance abusers.”

That sounds so gay and sensitive. That’s what a woman says!

I don’t have the emothional capathity to deal with your problemths right now!

Can you imagine a man saying that? What a little bitch!

Rambo: Gotta admit though, there is one boundary issue that I’ve run into that drives me nuts, wimpy or not: people that hit you (usually on the arm or in the chest) with the back of their hand when they’re talking to you.

I guess it’s just become a habit so they don’t realize they’re doing it. It goes something like, “You know what I mean” (pop!). “Hey, ain’t that a trip bro?” (pop!). I’ve gotten to where I’ve started hittin’ the motherfuckers back (not as hard with women). That catches them by surprise!

I don’t think it’s wimpy or gay to not like people, men or women, thumping your chest or arm like that. Maybe your best friend might be able to do it, but for everyone else, I think a lot of real men might object.

Your body is a very significant boundary, and you have to be very careful touching other peoples’ bodies, but there are different rules for different people and for men and women, and they change according to the situation. People are very protective of their bodies! That’s their personal physical integrity right there and you are intruding on it! I don’t touch men’s bodies very much. I don’t touch women’s bodies at all unless I am dating them.

There are a lot of things you can do as a masculine man to enforce your boundary as far as that goes. It’s ok for masculine men to have boundaries but you are supposed to enforce them in subtle verbal and nonverbal ways and not make a big faggy womanish fuss about it. The other person is supposed to catch on and if they don’t catch on, maybe you will have to up the ante or just shake your head, sigh, and walk away.

Like I said, I walk right out on people in the middle of a monologue, go behind a door and shut it! It’s rude as Hell, but they are often doing this “disagree with everything you say” thing that irritable people always do. I deal with the “disagree with everything you say” irritability by just walking right out on them mid-conversation and shutting a door behind me.

In fact, I just did it an hour ago to my roommate here! He’s supposed to catch on that I walked out on him because he was being a disagreeable dick, but the problem is people like that don’t think they’re doing anything wrong and they refuse to change even if you punish them. Basically, they don’t respond to punishment.

If you do this to an irritable person and they come to you soon after and act apologetic that’s a good person! Good people get irritable too, but good people feel bad about their irritability sometimes and apologize, whereas shits never feel bad about their bad behavior, refuse to acknowledge it, and never change. Bad people apparently don’t even realize they are being irritable and assholey or else they are using the Denial defense to make themselves amnesic.

At some point, you might even be correct to get a bit angry with this person thumping you if they don’t stop. Even better, get sarcastic and subtly accuse the person of being a social retard.

If someone thumps you, why don’t you make a frown, roll your eyes, put your arm up and say, “Dude!” with a slight “You’re weird, dude” laugh, or move backwards every time they do that?

I almost never thump someone on the chest or arm. Sometimes you can move your arm or fist slowly towards the guy if you want to thump his chest or arm. See if he is receptive to it. If so, do it very softly. I suppose that’s how I do it, but I don’t think I do it that often.

I think guys do it to me, but when they do it, they do it like that, very slowly and tentatively to check if I am ok with it, then a very light tap on my body. It’s usually when I am talking to other men about sex and it’s a signal from the other guy that says, “Damn, stud! Good job! Hell yeah! Get those women, you pussyhound!”

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