An Introvert’s Lament

We introverts really don’t like extroverts all that much. Well, if you’re extra nice, we might keep you around, and extroverts get a lot better-behaved as they age, especially the men.

Sorry if I offend here but I’m actually an introvert, and extroverts have been treating me terribly most of my life, and I’m really sick of it. I finally figured out why I keep getting called “weird” most of my life. It’s all been extroverts calling me that! Few introverts ever called me that. I thought long and hard about it, and I finally realized that they just think we’re weird right out the starting gate. They can’t comprehend us. We don’t make sense to them.

And a lot of them think we are actually evil! I’ve had extroverts tell me that shy people are evil!

Fine, well you assholes keep believing that.

They don’t think we’re weird because of how we behave; there’s nothing specific to it. They just think being an introvert in and of itself is pathetic and bizarre.

People don’t understand us at all. We are shy because we are trying our damnedest not to be creepy, weird, offensive, socially wrong, or especially rejected and publicly shamed. We shy away from all conflict; it’s just not in our nature to fight, and fighting feels terrible to us. Our worst fear is being made fun of. We’re shy because we are unbelievably nice, and we are trying to be incredibly inoffensive! We are shy because we are trying not to be weird. In fact, I don’t think anyone tries harder not to be weird than introverts. We’re too nice! We’re too sensitive! Lot of credit we get!

See? How many people figured that out? How many extroverts figured that out, no matter how many decades they plagued us with their presence on Earth. I do think a few extroverts figure us out or at least figured me out. They seem to think that what we need most is a pat on the back. I think they’re right.

The strange thing is that no group of people get called creepy, weird, inappropriate, offensive, socially wrong, etc. more than introverts. The very people who are trying harder than anyone else not to be any of those things! I don’t actually think we are creepier, weirder, or more offensive than anyone else. In fact, we are probably a lot less so because we are so damned inhibited.

I think this is “halo effect.” Extroverts do all the same stuff we do and get away with it. We do the exact same things as the extrovert does and get called weird, strange, odd, creepy, inappropriate, offensive…Hell, evil! When they do it, it’s fine. When we do it, it’s pathological.

And I finally realized that some of the women that I got along with best were introverts. I’ve had extroverted girlfriends, sure, because I’m not a complete introvert. I used to throw parties with live bands and kegs of beer and 200 people would show up, along with the cops of course. I used to date three females a week. I used to run three different girlfriends at once, although that never lasts long. But I was a lot more extroverted when I was young than I am now. Perhaps the genetics is kicking in later in life. Early in life, environmental experiences can be strong, but they start to fade as you get older.

However, I still do things like walk right up to complete strangers and start talking to them (which is starting to get me in trouble). My mother, a true pure introvert, is shocked that I can do that. She says she could never do such a thing. I’ve also noticed that she can only handle a certain amount of after-dinner conversation before she has to retired to bed and book. She probably feels drained. Give me a beer or two and I could sit there all night.

We think extroverts are mean. Well, they are! But the weird thing is they think being mean is normal! They act mean to their own damned friends on a daily basis. The next day rolls around, all is forgotten, and they’re best friends again. It’s like all the fighting never happened. We think that’s ridiculous. You act that way towards us, and we might never talk to you again!

We think extroverts can’t control themselves, and that’s because they can’t. They’re like people with no filter; like children. They actually like to fight. They call it “clearing the air” and “getting it out.” When you act like that, the only thing we want you to get out of is our homes and lives, at least for a bit. We don’t think fighting solves anything, and every time we try to fight, the world comes down on us like a hammer, so eventually we quit doing it, as all does is make bad things worse.