kept a journal of my interactions wherein I listed the time and place, the name of the girl, the things I did well, and the things I could have improved on.
I regularly referenced my journal and shared it with a friend who also read DYD (I was the one who introduced him to it). Every party that my friends told me about I went to, and I talked to as many girls as I could. But despite all of this work, summer went by with no success.
I’m still not getting this guy.
I’m glad he’s keeping a journal. I used to keep one of those but it was more a list of all of my sexual conquests in one way or another. Even if all I did was make out with her, she still went in the book. There were dates, times, names of the females including last names, what happened when I was with them, what the female was like in terms of a general description of how their internal universe seemed to be working, so it was also a psychological study or better yet, a novel.
They were also numbered so it was a running lay count too. As a matter of fact, I tally my lay count to this very day and I’m almost a senior citizen! If you want a reference, it was like My Secret Diary, the book from Victorian days.
My damned brothers kept finding it and that made me really mad. But this was not some list of endless failures. Failures didn’t go in the notebook. I suppose I could have used it to improve my Game but it was more of an egoistic exercise than anything else. I guess I already thought I was doing great, though I probably could have still improved. I’m not one of these “beat yourself up” or “What did I do wrong this time?” types. That always just seemed like self-flagellation, and I’m not Catholic, so that’s out of the question.
Why is he showing his journal to his damned friend?! That seems weird. It’s so private. Would your best friend really be interested in reading your illustrious Failure Journal? I can’t see it. Diaries are meant to be private.
Then came sophomore year. I started expanding my Game knowledge into other schools of thought. I started reading Ross Jeffries, RSD, Mystery Method, Juggler, and many others.
I continued listening to David D’s products, and had built up quite a collection of “Interviews with Dating Gurus” CD’s. I was very serious about it all. I continued keeping my journal. I still didn’t have any friends, and I was starting to doubt whether I would ever meet any girls through school.
I’ve never listened to any of those Game gurus. I figure I’ve got it down anyway, with credentials to back it up. What are they going to teach me, especially at my age? A lot of their advice seems to be “lines” and “routines” to do to get women. I’ve never used canned lines. I have no idea if they work or not. I just make up my own and use those.
I have some of my own routines, but they aren’t corny like the ones these PUA’s use. And they’re time-tested too. I’d feel like a moron using a canned line with a woman. I’m too creative for that. That would be embarrassing. I want to believe I can just make them up myself and I seem to be able to do just that.
If you want to read these PUA gurus and try out their advice and see if it works, go for it. This would be especially if you have no Game whatsoever anyway. If you have no Game, you need to develop it, and that’s what those guru advice books and videos are all about. Try it and see if it works. I’m just saying it’s not for me.
I don’t like to do this stuff like a paint by numbers routine of a damned cookbook with recipes. I don’t like to analyze my behavior that much. You end up having this self floating up above yourself analyzing every move you make and critiquing it. You’re never doing it right and it starts to make you seriously insane after a while. I went through a phase like that and it didn’t change my behavior. In fact, the problem I was trying to cure actually got worse the more I watched and critiqued myself like that.
Why does he still have no friends? I don’t get it. Readers, if you’ve ever made same sex friends in your life, or Hell, even platonic opposite sex friends, how did you go about it. This is something I’ve never thought about except that people were always making friends with me and not the other way around. I think I’m too shy to initiate things that way, especially in this horrific paranoiac climate.
I don’t see how he’s going through life without friends. I do it now but I’m older and used to it, but when I was younger, this would have literally killed me. My friends were my lifeblood. I was actually too attached to them to the point where I was a people pleaser, and it wasn’t healthy. I was afraid to do a lot of things. What if I do this and it fails and all my friends hear about it and all reject me and laugh in my face? That was always the line running through my head.
That’s almost a Social Phobia aspect of myself except I was scared to make friends, talk to people and hang around folks. I was just terrified of not being good enough for my friends and them rejecting me, criticizing me, or ridiculing me. That seemed like the end of the world.
That’s an Avoidant part of me, but Avoidants won’t even make friends or hang out in the first place because the first time you criticize them, they get up and walk out of the room and I don’t do that at all. And I’m a lot more ok with friends and acquaintances criticizing, ridiculing, or even rejecting me.
I basically don’t care anymore and I’ve turned to stone. But if you ridicule me you better watch out. I’ll give you my Ted Bundy staredown and a lot of people have told me it’s utterly terrifying. In fact people cannot be subjected to it long before they just move out of sight of me. It’s like it penetrates their very bones.
I don’t care if you criticize me. I’d prefer you didn’t and if you’re going overboard, I’m going to get mad because it’s not justified but it doesn’t freak me out anymore. I’m too cold for that.
Also I look kind of scary now. One of my exes says I’m a really scary guy and she calls me a psychopath. Recently she said was dating some other guy, and I asked what she was like. She told me she wanted me back.
He’s a boring old man. You’re a lot of things but one thing you’re not is boring. You’re scary but scary’s hot. It’s sexy as Hell.
Just file that under the “Act Like a Psychopath and Get Laid” folder I guess.
The weird thing is that if you look scary enough, most people are too frightened of you to give you any shit. On the other hand, you might scare a lot of people off too, so there’s a downside. Scary can get pretty lonely I think.
I’m probably still a people pleaser, but now I don’t give a damn if you take off. I figure if you left you weren’t any good anyway.
After 10 days, I was back in Baltimore for the summer. I met up with my high school friends, and we went to parties around town. Most of the parties we went to were high school parties – and I thought I had a better chance now that I was a prestigious college student. And I was right – I did get a lot of attention and respect.
But it was just like before – I didn’t know how to translate that into actual affection and intimacy.
I went through a phase where I went to a lot of parties. Except those parties were often sexually charged affairs. I’m not sure what to say about this. I definitely got sexually charged vibes off of some women at those parties. I remember when I was 16 and I went to this party in downtown Huntington Beach. It was a pot party and I was still a neophyte at marijuana, so these pot highs were like space trips into outer space. They were thrilling but they were also completely terrifying.
But then back then, I didn’t mind being absolutely terrified when I was high as long as I was going to another planet. It was kind of fun. Anyway, at some point, the whole place just started spinning, and everything got really, really weird and also there was this feeling of sheer, utter, existential terror of the worst sort, the kind that makes you face your demons and deepest fears in the worst ways.
It was late at night and I was sitting on the floor in the hallway at this chaotic party with high schoolers laughing and yelling and talking in total aural chaos, spaced out of my Goddamned mind, absolutely terrified but also exhilarated. I find some terrifying things to be exciting and exhilarating for some reason, maybe why people like to go on roller coaster rides. It was also sort of fun because I was totally on this other planet and nothing was real at all.
Also everything was sort of funny in a very weird way. Voices seemed too far away or even echoed. A lot of the voices sounded like aliens and many seemed weirdly disembodied.
Anyway, I was sitting in this hallway spaced out of my head, and I started hearing voices! Yep, real voices like crazy people hear! Except the only thing was that I was absolutely convinced that the voices were coming from this girl standing in the hallway, and in fact, they were. At some point in this space journey in the hallway, I started hearing this whispering voice, “In the backyard. In the backyard.” I think it went on for a while before I even noticed it. After a while I recognized it as some disembodied voice.
Eventually I connected it to this tall high school standing in the hallway. She wasn’t a knockout but she was good enough. I never saw her saying these words to me, so I was never able to prove it was coming to her, but I’m certain it was. I would just hear them whispered in this almost hallucinatory way: “In the backyard. In the backyard.” The voice had this delightful, teasing tone to it.
I would look over and she would have that twinkle in her eye that almost always means a female likes you, like as in, she wants to have sex with you, like right about now. It also often means that they are taking charge of the sexual situation in a sneaky way, which they actually like to do sometimes! Females don’t mind being in charge and deviously seducing shy or bashful males, especially if their names are Chad!
Anyway, apparently this girl wanted me to go into the backyard with her and…what? Mess around? Make out? Have some sort of weird sex on the grass, the outdoor furniture, or in the bushes? I don’t know. I have no idea but I was a total tool and I didn’t take her up on the offer. Perhaps I was too shy, I don’t know. Thing is though if something like that happens to you and the girl is attractive, you need to jump on that right away and make walk the walk and not just talk the talk.
But then I was only 16 and not extremely sexually experienced myself. I should have gone for it. We could have had some type of sex in that backyard, I’m pretty sure.
When you’re in high school, you have sex in weird places, always at night. Or at least I did. A lot. You have a lot of sex in cars. You have sex on rooftops of apartment buildings on outdoor furniture with 14 year old girls. You have sex on lawns. You have sex in the bushes with girls in their backyards at their parents’ houses.
And yeah, sometimes you have sex at girls’ houses if the parents are really laissez-faire, but even in those cases, you have to climb out the window and leave through the backyard. You do a lot of climbing over girls’ backyard fences and meeting 15 year old girls in their backyards, girls who sneaked out of their bedroom windows to sneak outside to do sexual stuff with you in the bushes.
Think about it. High schoolers don’t have anyplace to have sex! They all live at their parents’ houses, and most parents don’t let their high school kids have sex in the house. So high schoolers improvise and more often than not, end up having a lot of sex in public. Always in the middle of the night. I guess it’s illegal, but no one ever seems to go to jail for it.
I had cops come up to me when I was in a car having sex with a 15 year old girl. He shone his flashlight at us, shrugged his shoulders and drove away. Oh, and I forgot to mention. You have a lot of sex in drive in movie theaters. A lot. I took a lot of 16 year old girls to those places. I had a lot of sex at drive-ins. A lot of the other cars have fogged up windows, and the assumption is that a lot of people are screwing in their cars. There don’t seem to be any cops or employees wandering around the lot stopping anyone from having sex in their cars.
Thing is, I didn’t do anything to attract that girl in the hallway. I was just sitting there spaced out my mind like a spaceman. But I was already supposedly getting handsome at that point, as 16 is around the time girls started saying I was goodlooking. I guess I just attracted her with sheer looks.
I don’t know what to tell this guy, but you have to put some sort of a sexual vibe out there.
I would say translating it to affection and intimacy means you have to throw some sort of sexual vibe out there and get things started that way. Otherwise you might just get friendzoned, though teenage girls do this a lot less than women, and a lot of teenage girls will wait around for a long time for a high school boy to make the first move because most high schoolers are probably shy about sexual things.
If you don’t inject a sexual vibe into the situation, how the Hell do you ever expect to take it to that level. Of course, injecting sexual vibes into situations for the first time with any female is basically illegal now, as it’s all gone over to sexual harassment, sexual assault, and rape. In fact, nowadays, women would say that the very phrase “injecting a sexual vibe into the situation” is creepy and it is de facto sexual harassment with no exceptions. So you see this Hell these feminist harridans have put us men in.
How do you do that? I would say you start looking at women. After a while, you will probably find one girl or woman who keeps looking at you back. She might not be the hottest in the room, but she’s the one who won’t stop looking at you. I blew it so many times in these situations by shying out like an idiot and not making a move. If a female won’t stop giving you the eye at a party, you damn well better go talk to her at the very least. That’s why she’s looking at you. She’s saying, “Come talk to me.”
Of course, I’m sure modern women would say it’s creepy and sexual harassment to even go over and talk to a woman who won’t quit staring at you. But you need to just do it anyway and say the Hell with those psychotic cunts from Hell.
If you don’t find some female who keeps looking at you at the party, I’d say you’re screwed. You can cold approach other females, but I’m not sure how well that’s going to work. They’re not looking at you. Why would they be open to an approach?
I’d also say to throw out a sexual vibe by acting sexy. Supposedly I’ve got this down and even in recent years, women have said I’m sexy, and I don’t think they are referring to just looks. A 29 year old woman asked my friend at the store, “Hey, where’s your sexy friend?” We dated once but it was pretty bad. Sexy means how you walk, talk, move, sit, stand, lean, pose, hold the phone or coffee sop, and especially where you put your mind.
You have to literally put your mind into a “sexy place” and try to sexualize everything you do so you come across as a sexy, seductive male. I think I’ve been doing so much my whole life that it’s gone on automatic by now and I don’t have the faintest notion that I’m even acting that way.
I may well act seductive towards a lot of women if they look halfway decent simply unconsciously without even being aware of it. I think in part that’s what’s causing all these problems nowadays because at my age, it’s illegal to act like that. Of course, women nowadays say any man with a sexy, seductive manner is automatically creepy and sexually harassing simply via the vibes he’s giving off. In other words, he literally has harassing thoughts. I’d say you probably ought to just do it anyway and say the Hell with these demonic battleaxes.
People have said I did well because of Looks but Looks with zero Game is just about worthless. I’ve heard of very goodlooking men with crap Game and zero social skills who couldn’t get laid to save their lives. Looks is not a Get Out of Jail Free card! It’s just another tool in your tool chest. You have to use in conjunction with other tools, particularly Game, otherwise it’s about worthless.
If you are in a social place and you throw out the sexy, seductive vibe and nothing happens, well, at least you threw it out there and everyone in the room knows where you’re coming from.
Another thing you can do if you still have feelings in your body is to conjure up a warm, sexy, loving feeling in your body. Then try to project it outwards at, say, a woman sitting next to you or in front of you. It only seems to work if they’re in direct proximity to you. After a while, a lot of them pick up on it although it could take an hour or so. If she starts smiling, staring blankly at you, or sending a warm, sexy vibe back in your direction, you damn right better do something about it. I’ve blown it in a number of these cases too by just shying out and being too scared to make a move.
I’m sure modern women think conjuring up warm, sexy vibes and throwing them at female strangers is sexual harassment, but screw them! They can burn, every single one of them. You wanna get laid or you want a bunch of Satanic shrews to keep you a permanent virgin?