When It Comes to Sex, a Lot of Women Just Keep on Rocking

Now all women are masturbating maniacs and many have various toys like wands, vibes, dildos, and rabbits. I just met two 65 year old women who both told me that they masturbate every single day (!). One bangs herself with a dildo because if you’re not on estrogen, your vagina starts to shut tighter than a Pismo clam. I’ve been with postmenopausal women and I swear to God, I couldn’t even get in.

One said she needed this “vibe” thing to open up her vag to have sex and she had forgotten one when she came over, though she helpfully  showed up for the first date with an overnight bag. I met her at the door and asked her what was with the bag.

She said, “Oh, I’m planning to spend the night. Do you mind? Should I have asked permission first?” I said, ‘No, fine.” but it’s pretty damn cool when chicks bring a Goddamned overnight bag over to your house on the first date without even being asked!

Anyway, I think this thing about women’s sex drives going south with menopause is a myth. Of course it happens in some women, and I have seen complete whore to nun conversions in a few of my exes. But others keep on rocking along.

Women may remain responsive far into life.

I had a date with a woman recently (that really needs its own post). She worked at an old folks home. One of her clients is this 99 year old lady who had been there for 10 years. Incredibly enough, this century old broad asked my date for a dildo so she could get herself off. My date obliged and brought her one.

When she came back the next day, the old lady said she was barely able to get the thing in (because she was clammed up so tight) and only got in an inch or two in before she was rocked with a San Andreas style orgasm. It happened within ~10 seconds of sticking that dildo up her.

So 100 year old women still have an extremely responsive sex drive and can rock and roll with the best of them if they are any Viagra-addled gents ready to take them up on it and risk a double heart attack. If any of you ladies out there want to take some cheer here about old age, be my guest.

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