Or, to put it another way: You’re supposed to develop some (even shamed) humility after age 40.
And it’s ok to be a bit ashamed. Shame is at the core of humility. Just don’t take shame too far because you can get toxic and screwed up from that emotion. Too much shame is very bad.
Shi: As per my last post, I have turned into a mini-version of Trash himself. As Polar Bear just noted, I was sounding just like Trash when I mocked the Polish people for eating with their hands.
I haven’t really noticed this. Are you being hard on yourself?
Shi: I am only being my toxic Trash-self at the workplace (as you know I work for freelance companies) but pretty much anywhere else to get my way.
Not sure I want to tell you how to live, but do you think this is ok? It sounds like you are attacking innocent people. Does that seem proper or just? Imagine you were one of the people you are treating like this? Would you enjoy that?
You used to bully some commenters though like Manuel. Granted he was a bit of a geek, but that was just the way he was. He was also annoying, but there was probably no cure for that either. You were younger then. I think you were mid-30’s.
But bullying is not a good look after 40. It’s not acting like a woman. It’s quite masculine or macho. It’s just being an asshole. I’ve been dealing with assholes my whole life, and I’m not wild about people who act that way. It reminds me of the assholes in my life.
Instead, bullying after age 40 is looked down on because
You’re too old for that…Why don’t you settle down?…Why don’t you relax and quit being such a dick? Grow up, man. That’s not cool, man!
Really, when someone does this in middle age, they are are acting like a young man. Or a boy, a teenage boy! Boys are simply evil and teenage boys can be Hell on wheels too.
You were a bully as a boy somewhat like I was as a boy, and I was a bit of one myself, but I knocked it off around 20 when one of my victims threatened to beat me up when I bullied him one time.
When a man does bullies people after age 40, he’s acting like a kid! A punk kid, a teenage punk jerk who needs a punch in the face.
Or an assholey young man. Young men are supposed to be assholes. No one likes it but that’s just the way they are. Basically, young men just they haven’t had enough bad things happen to them yet in life! By the time you hit 40, you’ve had a million really bad things happen to you, a lot of your dreams are shattered on the floor in shards, and overall, most people just don’t feel like such hot shit anymore.
There’s a humbling and even a sadness which comes with middle age for most normal people.
If you’re still an arrogant dick after age 40, something’s terribly wrong.
This person who is still an arrogant ass after age 40 might be a narcissist. This is what happened to Trash.
Most people make compromises after age 40, where no matter where someone ended up in life, they accept it whether they are at the top, middle, or bottom. And they accept the place of others, too. Anyway, they doubt if much will change now. Some made it and some didn’t it, and it’s all ok. There’s a sort of “settling in.”
See, Trash never did that and he never will. That’s why he’s messed up and why he’ll never get better.
He’s still fighting a young man’s war. He never settled down and become a calmer middle aged man and accepted his station in life. He continued to feel like an angry, cheated failure and loser, and his self-esteem was so fragile that he couldn’t take that so he had to do all that frenzied behavior to ward off the feeling. But among other things, that wild attempt to escape his feelings of failure didn’t even work. So he had to keep doing it again with each new day.
Among other things, I suppose it’s exhausting being Trash.
6 thoughts on “If You Are Still An Arrogant Jerk after Age 40, Something Is Terribly Wrong”
Agreed on all points. I think I needed this wake up call – thanks.
Just need to clarify a small detail – I don’t want to end up like Trash. A life full of regrets and retribution is the worst way to go. I recognize it’s not healthy and I am trying to change my narrative, as you put it.
I may have shades of Trash in me right now. But I WILL do everything in my power to prevent me from becoming worse.
In a way, Trash can serve as a BENCHMARK for us on what not to do. I guess even you had your wake-up call yesterday.
I just noticed you changed your website’s tagline from “the most hated man on the Internet” to “Founder of the Alternative Left.” That’s such a remarkable positive shift. I welcome this change. Your life will look upward from this moment as all that fear and self-loathing is gone.
I tried making a $5 donation through PayPal just like before. I am sorry to inform you it didn’t go through. It says that “donations to this recipient aren’t supported in this country.”
As I’m in India, all it means is that the Indian government has banned anyone from India from having financial transactions with you. Probably has something to do with your “Designated Shitting Streets” column 🙂
You probably haven’t followed any updates of India in recent years. Basically it’s sliding into an authoritarian regime under its current Prime Minister. They already ban activists from receiving funds from Western sources. Long story short: the Indian government are the bad guys in this.
I’ll have to give you a RAIN CHECK for now. There are alternative ways to transfer funds and I will make good on the promise. I am thinking Western Union. There’s another new service called Wise (Formerly TransferWise) and you may want to set that one up (it’s really good).
Here’s the image link to the failed payment. But I just want to add – PayPal is now considered outdated. There are faster and more transparent payment mechanisms available. You’ll hear from me on this again.
Get a white sheet of paper. Put the money in the sheet. Start folding the paper. Hold it up to the light. Fold it until you can’t see the money anymore. Put it in an envelope and mail it. I’ve received cash from Asia for a long time, and it never got stolen. I recommend it.
I guess sending a snail mail with stamps is cheaper than PayPal I’d still need some kind of alternate name/address. I will mail you on this. Note that buying US dollars isn’t very easy at my present location. Are you good with Indian rupees? Probably you could get it exchanged at an Indian store.
I still recommend an alternate online option. It’s not hard to set up and the money will transfer directly to your bank account – just do it!
BTW, I just sent you an email from my email ID firstname.lastname@example.org
It’s a small gift a really precious one that I wanted to share with you.
You may not find it that appealing right now but it’s a tried-and-tested piece of treasure. And I am a first-hand witness to how that gift changed my life.