The Problem of the Middle Aged and Older Never-Married Man
I usually relate something like this to new women because especially being a never-married man at my age is rather suspicious and makes me seem like a low value man or an Omega. I’m so lame that even by age 64 I haven’t found a single woman who would marry me! I must be an incel or even a lifelong virgin!
First of all, many women think such men are just gay and probably quite a few of them are, especially closet cases who want a beard wife although this was more common in days past.
Even if he’s heterosexual, being never-married doesn’t look good.
This is normally the type of man who has never married by late in the game, which boils down even to over 30-35 – in many cases he is so sexually and romantically inept that he literally cannot get a woman.
Other men are married to their jobs, and I suppose this might be ok if you’ve accomplished good things professionally.
Another type would be a hardcore woman-hater or misogynist. I’ve seen some of them unmarried far into middle age. This guy was also a 50 year old virgin, so you can see it tied into the other type too.
Another type might just be so weird or crazy that no woman has ever wanted him.
Perhaps he has a long-term disease or deformity.
Perhaps he’s been poor his whole life and has never made a nickel and hence never attracted a woman.
I remember my aunt dating at age 40 and complaining that single men at that age who were straight, sane, and solvent (her requirements) were quite rare.
Most if not all of these things are huge minuses in the minds of women. If you’re single past 30-35, I don’t know what to say. It depends on how you lived your life. Try out saying different things to different women and see how they react. You are under no obligation to tell the truth about your prior love life. You’re free to make up any lies you want about your romantic past. The problem is that if you come off as one of the low value men above, bragging about your romantic success will seem absurd and ridiculous.
There is one type of unmarried man who gets a pass. Perhaps you have one or more long-term relationships with a woman. Maybe even the fewer the better. Maybe you have a kid or two with one or more of these long-term partners. To women, these guys just seem like “divorced men with exes and kids who simply never bothered to tie the knot.” A lot of women might want to snap them up as “husband material.”
Of course the other type of long-term bachelor who gets a mostly but not always complete pass is the Player or Womanizer. The problem with lying about this is if you don’t have the looks or game to back it up and make it seem credible, everyone will see through it.
It’s a cliche that men lie about their love lives and all claim to be players even when they are not. It’s also always said that if you really have a high lay count, you don’t need to brag about so you must be lying.
But the thing is I’ve never met a man who pretended to be more of a player than he was or pretended to be one when he wasn’t. I’ve also never known a guy to lie about his lay count. In fact, lay counts are not much discussed among men due to the potential to make most men feel insecure if one guy has a higher count than the other.
The only men I’ve ever met who even told me their lay counts all had had sex with over 100 women and girls.
You can talk about such things if you are a lucky enough fellow, but you should use the “humble brag.” There is an Internet lie that humble bragging is horrible, but I’ve been doing it my whole life and it usually goes over quite well.
If you have nice accomplishments, simply recite them with a shrug of your shoulders that says they are not important to you. And discuss them in the same tone you would use to say, “I drank a glass of water.” The effect is that your accomplishments will come off as no more important than downing a glass of water.
You can also look at the ground or duck your head shyly and lower your voice. You can even act like you are embarrassed or even humiliated to admit such a thing. This has the effect of making your achievement seem like a failure! People, especially other men, react very well if you discuss achievements of all kinds this way, including date counts and lay counts. You come off the exact opposite of a braggart, very humble and modest. People like a successful but modest man because they are rather rare. They have the best of two opposite qualities!
Anyway, with new women, I generally tell them my date count (with the proviso that dating a woman is not necessarily the same as fucking her) in a humble or embarrassed or ashamed way. Then I say, “Well I never married, so I had a lot of time to build up a high count.” I also say, “I’ve had many long-term relationships over the years, so I lived like a married man much of the time.” Or, “I dated a lot of women. I just never married any of them is all.” All said with an embarrassed shrug of the shoulders in a quiet or even ashamed voice. It works great.
I also say that my Player days were in the past, which is sadly true. I add that now that I am older, I want a long-term relationship and don’t have the energy to run around anymore. That’s not really true because I’m intellectually incapable of monogamy and I will probably always at least leave the door open to infidelity.
I was using the “reformed Player” line from very early in adulthood. “I used to date a lot of women, but it got old and now I just want to be with one woman.”
I say this because in general, women want monogamy. I don’t care what anyone else. People ask my why I don’t identify as Poly, but that’s stupid. I put Poly on my profile on any dating site, and I guarantee no woman is going to talk to me. It’ll scare them all off.
Of course, I’ve been lying my whole life, always telling women that I am reformed and a good boy now and want to settle down with just one woman when all that time, I at least left open the possibility of cheating, which I am notorious for anyway. It’s amazing how easy it is to fool women with this line. I’ve been fooling them for over 40 years, and it still works great. I suppose it depends on your game and approach. It also helps if you have the good looks that make a Player lifestyle seem credible.
7 thoughts on “Game/PUA: The Problem of the Older Never-Married Man”
I’ll be honest. I’m one of those guys.
Hey that’s fine, brother! That’s perfectly ok! There used to be a type called “confirmed bachelor” but unfortunately that became synonymous with “homosexual.”
What is your experience with telling this to women? What sort of story do you give them? Do you tell them the truth about your life or do you make up some story? You don’t have to tell us about your romantic or sexual life, if any, but you may if you wish. What are women’s reaction when you tell them this fact about your life? How do you feel about your situation? Are you happy about it? Was it a choice or was it imposed on you? How do you feel about women? Do you like them, dislike them, or are you indifferent to them? Have they been good to you in life or not so much?
How do you feel about the incel movement? I’m not suggesting you’re a lifelong incel, but men in our boat typically have been through periods, often lengthy ones, of involuntary celibacy.
You are free to answer any question you like, brother in arms!
Here’s the thing, after just too much crap, I’ve given up on dating. While I am sociable (I was just chatting with a female neighbor today), I have no interest in the nonsense anymore.
That’s why the movement that resonated with me the most was MGTOW. After listening to these men tell their stories, I found that they raised a few points that I related to.
Were any of the women I dated over the years worth any of the effort I put into courting them? Are women offering anything that is worth any of the effort they want me to put into dating them? I need support and companionship, not nagging and shit tests with an (un)healthy dose of flaky behavior.
It also helped that health problems caused my libido to become a lot lower. Note: because I get asked this: it works, but I have very little interest in using it. Once that happened, I was able to look more objectively at the women I was dealing with and what else they were offering. I should also mention that a lot of ideas were put in my head that detrimentally affected my enjoyment of sex.
“I should also mention that a lot of ideas were put in my head that detrimentally affected my enjoyment of sex.”
What do you mean?
There’s a few things I’ll need to tell you in order to answer your question.
I’m going to be blunt here: I’m a dork/geek. I like cartoons, comic books, toys, etc. Of course, my mother and sister hated this and told me all the time, “How I would forget about that stuff once I had sex?” They hyped it so much that nothing would match up to the expectations they set. When I finally punched my v-card, I was kind of like “That’s it?”
Looking back, I honestly wish I had never met the girl who punched my v-card. It’s funny.
I had seen her around campus and thought she was really hot but figured that she was out of my league and never approached her. Thing is that she wound up being my algebra tutor. It turned out that we had a million things in common (this was in 1994 to give you a time frame. She was a huge Sci-fi geek herself, especially about Star Trek: TNG) and would talk for hours. She was my first.
Thing is that for the longest time, I wanted a girlfriend. I thought after that we must be boyfriend and girlfriend, but that wasn’t the case. She broke up with me after about a month and wound up back with her abusive ex. Her response was “But I love him.” I told her how much I missed her, and she told me, “You’ll get over it.” So she basically taught me that sex doesn’t really mean anything, killing any emotional connection I had to the act.
Now here’s the biggest thing: I could never really relax and enjoy myself during sex. I figured that I’d be nervous the first few times, but if anything, I started becoming more and more anxious. I figured it must have been performance anxiety (I want the girl to enjoy herself too).
Here’s the thing, most of the women I’ve met (including the one I mentioned before) are very self-conscious of certain aspects of their own bodies. It wasn’t until later that I was talking to a female friend-of-a-friend. Something about her must have put me at ease, and I opened up to her. After hearing about all the stuff that I experienced, She said. “It seems to me that these women put it in your mind that it’s gross.” I think she hit the nail on the head there.
Nice comments. I found that after I was 40, I relaxed a whole lot more during sex.
Basically, I just quit caring. And I started having sex with middle aged women, and they had all stopped caring too. In middle age, no one gives a fuck anymore about sex, and most people have gotten over their hangups and quit worrying.
Can’t get it up? No problem, we’ll do something else. Want to jack your dick for a while? Cool, maybe let me help? Want to walk around naked in each other and not even give a shit? Cool, let’s do it, maybe we can stay that way all day. Sex goes so much better when you quit worrying too.
Performance anxiety is bad. It can cause temporary impotence. It’s happened with me for sure. Thing is you worry you might not get it up, guess what happens? You might not get it up!
Trick is is to quit caring and just say, “Hey, if I can’t get it up, it’s fine. I don’t give a damn about getting it up anymore!” Guess what happens? You get it up most every time!
Sometimes it might take a while. If you don’t have a hard-on, don’t worry about it and just focus on the woman. Do something to her. Trust me, if you focus on pleasing her, you will definitely get it up after a while, even if it takes 30-45 minutes. It’s amazing how taking your focus off something makes it work so much better and focusing on something makes you screw up.
All men are impotent once in a while, and the more sex you have with the more women, the more likely it is to occur because each new woman is a brand new scenario and you tend to relax more with a woman you are used to. So the biggest womanizers are likely to experience more psychological impotence that your average married man.
But never discuss psychological impotence with a woman! They don’t understand it and the idea that a man would ever be impotent for non-physical reasons drives them up the wall. They’re completely bonkers out of their minds insane on this subject! They don’t get it!
Thing is if women had dicks, they’d be impotent a lot, as your dick is sensitive and any negative emotion can make your dick wilt. And women experience negative emotions all the time. Really the best way to be a sexual athlete is to turn into a robot, but then you will turn people off by acting like Mr. Spock.
I’m thinking it’s rational to never settle with a Westernized White woman. It’s far more logical to settle with an East Asian high elf or an Indian dark elf. It’s even more rational to marry Mammy’s Black volcanic mountain of an ass.
Today’s White women are meant to be enjoyed like tapas. When men are sprung they see women through rose-colored glasses. Many White women even have a natural rosy tint. Giving your heart and soul to one of these sexy succubi is sheer insanity. It’s like we are drawn to the red hourglass figure like male widow spiders before they are cannibalized. The perfect White snow elf is mostly just a cloudy dream of the past. They only look the part these days.
The mellow yellow elf lovingly slathers generously buttered and warm homemade lembas bread with Aunt Jemima’s pure maple syrup. White Heaven itself has been buttered yellow or marinated in maple.