About Narcissistic Abuse

The previous post is a fascinating story of commenter Shi’s experiences with the former commenter Trash. Trash was one of the most hated commenters who has ever appeared on this site. He hogged the comments section and wrote very lengthy comments every single day. This is actually sort of abusive as I have to go through all the comments every day and if you are flooding my comments section with novellas, I have to go through all of that, and I hardly have time for anything else. I guess I could ignore the comments, but I just don’t do that.

It took me a while to figure Trash out as at first, he was very charming and disarming, very likeable. Funny, intelligent, the whole nine yards. But after a while you somehow get a feeling that there is something terribly, terribly wrong with him.

Once again you can’t quite put a finger on it, but there is something about him that just makes the hairs on the back of your neck stand out. Your body is telling you, “This guy is off in a very bad way. I don’t know what’s wrong with him, but you need to stay away.”

It took me quite some time to figure out that he was a terrible case of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. A very, very bad case, and probably untreatable at that. But he had a way of getting under your skin. It was almost like he wore a mask like psychopaths do. The “mask of sanity.” After I figured it out, it hit me like a ton of bricks and everything came flooding in. I figured out his pathology and I even started figuring out the story behind his vulnerable narcissism. See that name “Trash.” That’s him at his ultimate core, but he can’t say that. It just comes out in these weird unconscious ways. Obviously, though he had done well in life, he hadn’t done quite well enough. He had left Michigan at 18 or 19 and he had nothing but disdain for people who stayed in the US and never left when young like he did. See what he did? Only his experience is the valuable one. Everyone who did the opposite of him is a loser and failure. The problem is that even though Trash spent most of his life overseas, I got the feeling that he still felt like a failure. He had been screenwriter on a movie or two. He had owned a bar in the Philippines. Now he was in China running a Chinese restaurant with his wife. He went into great detail about his sexual experiences, but as Alpha noted once, he never once talked about the experiences from the woman’s end? Did she enjoy it? Did she get off? Did he even get her off? It’s was all about him and his dick. Those women may as well have been greased holes in walls and that was probably all they were to him. I kind of got the impression that he tended to destroy all of his female relationships and male friendships, though he never went into much detail about this. He reluctantly admitted that in middle age, he was getting fat around the belly and was no longer the male beauty king of his youth.

Bottom line is Trash had to prove to himself that he did the right thing by leaving the US and going to live his life in Asia. But he suspected that he had made a huge mistake. So he had to put down everyone who stayed in the US as “losers” because he was afraid that they had made the right decision, not him, and their decision was the opposite of his. He had this sneaky feeling that if he stayed in the US, he would have been better off. Obviously he was dead jealous of almost anyone who had anything at all because they threatened to show him up and make him look bad. Very status conscious guy. He had to prove to himself that leaving the US at 18 and spending his life in Asia was a successful way to live your life. Hell, everyone should do it. Everyone who didn’t do it was a loser and a failure! His life had been a smashing success! Except on one level, he felt that it had actually been a total failure. He probably falls into the covert narcissist category even though he was quite extroverted. Trash was the ultimate misunderstood genius, ripped off and shunned by a world of idiots who never took notice of his brilliance. “The misunderstood genius who fails in life because he’s unrecognized” is the classic covert narcissist narrative. In order to convince himself that his life had not been a complete failure, he had to go on the Net every day and blast out what a smashing success his life had been in order to prove that he had actually made the right decision. But it didn’t work very well. He’d get up in the morning the next day and still have the nagging sense of failure. Then he would go online again all day in an effort to reclaim his self-worth. He goes to bed satisfied. But it’s like a drug and it doesn’t last. He’s insecure. So he has to keep doing it over and over.

Trash was also incredibly selfish as Shi notes. We went to a pay model for a while, and everyone had to cough up $10. A lot of people, including Shi (who perhaps may have some self-centered issues himself as I do), threatened to quit over it. Shi had been nickel and diming me for a while, but the effort was nice. Over time, he had surely given over $10. A lot of others just flat out quit. Many others, like Tulio, handed over the 10 bucks but only very reluctantly. A lot of these people have stayed away even thought the pay-to-comment feature has been lifted. They’re welcome back but they took off. Really any regular commenters who were irked at having to fork over 10 bucks when they’d been commenting forever will not be missed. Do they realize how much of my own time I spent dealing with their comments over time? Probably hours. Here in California wages are $14/hour. Looking at it from that point of view, they should have paid me for my time.

Trash went on and on about how rich he was or how he had been rich several times and then lost it all only to gain it all back again. His stories never made much sense. But now he owned a Chinese restaurant and maybe still the Filipino bar and he lived in dirt cheap China with a second income. You telling me that Chinese restaurant brings in such little money that this guy couldn’t fork over 10 bucks. And that with him going on and on about being fabulously rich. He had one excuse after another after another. I didn’t think too much of prodigious commenters who high incomes who wouldn’t fork over 10 bucks, and he was about the worst case.

If you remember Trash, you can see what a bad case of NPD looks like. You can see why it is considered a serious mental disorder. You can see that they are clearly not right in the head. And you can also see how mean, vicious, aggressive, and abusive they can be. In fact this is a core feature of the disorder, and I’d wager that nice narcissists don’t even exist. They sort of can’t exist.

I won’t go on here about narcissistic abuse, but there are articles all over the Net and videos all over Youtube on this topic, as it’s an extremely popular topic. There are many forums out there for victims of narcissistic abuse where they go to commiserate, counsel and support each other, learn about the disorder and themselves, and attempt to heal from the damage.

I’d say that Shi might want to stop by one of those forums and share his story with the others if he so wished.

So here you have it. A classic case of narcissistic abuse!

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6 thoughts on “About Narcissistic Abuse”

  1. That’s him at his ultimate core, but he can’t say that. It just comes out in these weird unconscious ways. Obviously, though he had done well in life, he hadn’t done quite well enough. He had left Michigan at 18 or 19, and he had nothing but disdain for people who stayed in the US and never left when young like he did.

    See what he did? Only his experience is the valuable one. Everyone who did the opposite of him is a loser and failure. The problem is that even though Trash spent most of his life overseas, I got the feeling that he still felt like a failure.

    Yes that was pretty much him. I also think he has a White colonialist mindset somewhat like Rudyard Kipling.

    Trash had the unwavering gall to teach me about India and Indian culture, about how we live and what our thoughts and dreams are supposed to be like. He was a know-it-all who knew everything about everyone. Even I felt he was charming at first, but he was solely focused on undermining all my core values. I always felt like shit after a long spell of constant online abuse.

    The main reason he was beating up on me was because he wanted me to fail at life which has indeed happened. But I am stronger than all this. He didn’t like that I felt happy about my own life. What an evil bastard! He doesn’t like other people who are happy about their own life decisions. That’s a high level of self-centeredness.

    I’d say that Shi might want to stop by one of those forums and share his story with the others if he so wished.

    I did this for the very first time. I had bottled these thoughts all these years. These were holding me back – my bad memories with Trash are a psychological block that prevent me from realizing my true potential in life. But once you confront your worst fears and express those feelings, you feel like a changed man. And I am definitely feeling better.

    We went to a pay model for a while, and everyone had to cough up.

    You mean a lot to me. And my next donation will come up soon by July. Not because I have to but because I really want to always stand by you.

    Live long and prosper.

    1. Hey thank you so much! That really feels nice.

      He had left Michigan at 18 or 19, and he had nothing but disdain for people who stayed in the US and never left when young like he did.

      See what he did? Only his experience is the valuable one. Everyone who did the opposite of him is a loser and failure. The problem is that even though Trash spent most of his life overseas, I got the feeling that he still felt like a failure.

      Look what he’s doing. This just occurred to me. He’s projecting, dammit. He feels like a failure deep down inside even though he fights it off and builds his ego up every day to try to overcome this feeling. And it works, for a while. But then it wears off, like the very next day probably.

      So he has to keep going back and doing it again and again. Or perhaps he always needs to ward off this feeling of failure. This works for a while, but then it stops working. What he’s doing isn’t working!

      He’s trying to stop feeling like a failure, but it only gives a brief high like a drug, then there’s a crash.

      Part of Trash’s failure is leaving the US at 19 and living his life overseas. He really feels like they are the winners and he is the loser! But he can’t admit this. And this eats away at him.

      So he turns it around. Instead of him being the failure for leaving and living abroad, all those people who never left and stayed in the US are the failures! Not him! He’s projecting away the guilt and shame over his failure by turning it upside down and putting on these people who he feels did better than he did and made the right decision instead of the wrong one.

      1. This just occurred to me. He’s projecting, dammit. He feels like a failure deep down inside even though he fights it off and builds his ego up every day to try to overcome this feeling.

        Correct. As per my last post, I have turned into a mini-version of Trash himself. But there are a few differences. I do not hate other people for being successful and having their own dreams.

        https://beyondhighbrow.com/2022/06/30/a-case-of-narcissistic-abuse/comment-page-1/#comment-286739

        I am only being my toxic Trash-self at the workplace (as you know I work for freelance companies) but pretty much anywhere else to get my way.

        I have this constant feeling that I have been cheated of my rightful legacy in life by other people. So now it’s PAYBACK time. But I am not toxic to any of my friends and family from the past who I hold dear – you being one of them.

        But Trash has messed with me deeply enough so that there are shades of his toxic personality in me. As Polar Bear just noted, I was sounding just like Trash when I mocked the Polish people for eating with their hands.

        More on this later.

        1. I have this constant feeling that I have been cheated of my rightful legacy in life by other people. So now it’s PAYBACK time.

          I hate to say it but that’s not healthy. That’s the template of the covert narcissist like Trash – “I am an unrecognized genius, dammit!” I suppose I also feel this way deep down inside, but my failures were my own damned fault. True, there were disorders that got in the way, but I was unable to overcome although I tried my hardest for years. I’ve pushed this feeling away though to where I am comfortable being a “permanent bad boy”, “beautiful mess”, and “beautiful failure”, “beautiful loser”, and “born to lose.” Ever seen those guys with tattoos like “Born to Lose?” Like that.

          A lot of artist types, especially rock n rollers, cultivate that vibe, which is a variation of Bad Boy Game.

          Although I’m officially retired, I’m also not really healthy enough to work and haven’t been for 25 years. So that’s not really my fault either. But there’s a part of me that has just dropped out. It’s not like I’m lazy and want to mooch off others. I don’t like people like that. But I’ve given up. I figure anywhere I go to work in the future, they’re just going to fire me no matter how hard I try to keep that from happening.

          On the surface I say I don’t care, and I just make what do with my life and be happy for what I’ve got. This is how I feel most of the time. The “cheated genius” feeling is pretty much suppressed or better yet repressed.

          This site is very satisfying to me, and some of my commenters even said that I am living a successful life just running this site and writing like I do. Perhaps so. I also founded a new political movement. And I do private counseling with 4,000-5,000 hours under my belt by now. I have people coming from all over the world to do counseling with me. I am a published author (books), and I write for peer reviewed academic journals. I’ve been on radio multiple times and had several offers to be on TV. I’m slightly Web-famous.

          The only thing I don’t have is money!

          I’m warning you though: “Unrecognized genius cheated unfairly by life” is not a good narrative for your life. That’s the narrative of guys like Trash. I don’t know what to tell you except maybe try to get a new narrative. On the other hand, this is a young man narrative. But you are almost 40. Most men “settle in” after 40. If you’re still angry after 40, something’s wrong.

  2. Remember how frequently Trash would use the word “prole” to describe the working class people he despised? I never paid much heed to that before. But this is what the word means:

    https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=prole

    1. As in other definitions, used to describe a person deemed of a lower, more worthless social rank. Created by George Orwell in his book “Nineteen Eighty-Four”, to describe the lower insignificant classes of the fantastical British state.

    2. From “proletarian” meaning wage-earner or worker. The shortened version being a derogatory term used by the middle and upper classes to deride the working class majority.

    Isn’t “prole” a textbook violation of your blog’s commenting policy? And he kept at this thing for years. This guy abused you a thousand times on your own blog, basically calling you a worthless working class person. You failed to warn him in time.

    And he didn’t use that word “prole” in a jocular sense. It was a frequent putdown used to shut his opponents.

    As you just said: “Trash is a very status conscious guy.” Now we have a clear understanding of what he really thinks of everyone else.

    Well, as they say, it’s all water under the bridge.

    1. Isn’t “prole” a textbook violation of your blog’s commenting policy?

      Thanks, I never thought about that. I knew he was always putting down proles like he was above them.

      Isn’t “prole” a textbook violation of your blog’s commenting policy? And he kept at this thing for years. This guy abused you a thousand times on your own blog, basically calling you a worthless working class person.

      Maybe he did abuse me on here. Maybe I just never noticed it. I thought he was trying to keep me out of it. But maybe not. When he left, he called me a “Jew-hater.” I don’t think I’m a real antisemite. Well, maybe a watercooler antisemite, but everyone’s like that. That’s just the normal reaction to Jews in a Gentile society. Sort of like someone saying, “That shitty little country” at a fancy cocktail party. That’s another more upper class version.

      I don’t like hardcore obsessive and conspiratorial antisemites though. Among other things, it’s a false narrative. Guess what? Jews are not behind every problem on Earth! Shocking, isn’t it? Sure there are some issues with this ethnic group, but the only people who think they run the world are Jews themselves and antisemites. In a way they deserve each other. The rest of us know better.

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