Dialogue with an “Antiracist” Black
– Those crackers are harassing you? I’m sorry. I’m keeping out of this crap. I ain’t joining that mob.
– But wait, hold on. It’s not ok just to not harm us Blacks. Silence is violence! You’re a fencesitter. Fencesitters are all on the other side. You have to pick sides. Us or them and if you ain’t risking your ass with us, you’re obviously an enemy spy!
– Whoa! I better tone down my queasiness around you Blacks. I’m hurting your feelings. How would I like it? But I get no credit. I wipe my mind free of preconceptions, and meet Blacks with an open heart.
– Gong! Not good enough.
– You forgot to attack your microaggressions!
– WTH? I don’t even know what they are!
– I don’t have time to educate you. My job is to chide you like a mother to a five your old. Next time I see your White ass, you better have bug sprayed all these microaggressive midges that hover around you!
– Ok, ok. I got out a magnifying glass, and saw a bunch of racist gnats hanging around me and using me as a base to attack local Blacks. I got out the Raid can and Shoah’d them all. To the flying specks, I’m Richard Speck! Ha ha!
– Hi, my Black friends. Think you can relax now? You can talk to me without batting away swarms of no see ums! Can we be friends now?
– Nope! Sure your wiped your mind slate clean and consciously, you’re MLK in White skin. But that’s an illusion! Underneath all your brand new antiracist makeup, you’re still a Klansman!
– Whoa. How is that?
– Well, you’re a Klansman, but you can’t see that fact.
– Eek! What gives?
– Your night-riderness is lurking inside of you, but you can’t see even see it! It’s in your damned unconscious. And that only comes out at night, and you’re not conscious enough to deal with it.
– I guess I’m screwed to be permanently racist, huh, Trayvon?
– Oh no! Have no fear. We can provide a purgative for your evil racistness.
– Cool. How?
– Just give me $thousands$ of $dollars$ and attend my stupid seminar for six months where we will attack your unconscious racistness by telling you you’re fucked, and it’s never going away!
– Dude! Sounds like a con job. No way, man.
– You have to do it. Everybody at work has to do it. You want me to can your White ass? Submit, White man! Supplicate yourself at my Black feet. Kiss them, I said!