If people are giving you stone faces and one word or one sentence answers, bottom line is they don’t like you. I’ve almost never had anyone who started out cold like that start liking me after a while. Almost always people start out hating you and they just keep hating you forever. I’m not sure why this except that first impressions are very important.
I’ve tried everything with haters. I’ve been nice to them, kissed their asses, never fought back against them, always smiled, thanked them – it was all completely worthless. You are just going to have to realize that a certain number of people are just always going to hate you.
A lot of it is probably just discrimination. Now that I am an older man, women in general and young women in particular are quite shitty to me. They’re almost all somewhat cold. It was the opposite when I was younger. Only difference now is age. I act exactly the same and in fact, my Game is better than ever. Lot of good it does me at age 62 though.
So they are just prejudiced against me because of my age. Apparently most women and especially young women really hate men my age.
Problem is if you tell people about people who seem like they hate you or don’t like you, everyone will just say that they’re fine but you are doing or saying things that are making them hate you. I wondered for a long time why people do that. I now think it is just another defense. When you tell someone that someone or people hate you, that’s a scary thought. Most people like to walk around the world with this stupid attitude of, “I like everyone and everyone likes me!” Well, I’ve got news for you. It’s not true.
There are always assholes who don’t like you, and it’s almost always totally fruitless to try to figure out why. I have gone round and round about this my whole life trying to figure out why some hater acts that way, but I’ve almost never been able to figure it out. You can try to put together clues, but haters usually don’t give you clues about why they hate you. So it’s probably pointless to wonder why because you’ll never find out anyway.
If you confront them about it, they will always deny that they are angry or that they hate you and make up some dumb excuse instead. Then they will always say you are paranoid or hypersensitive.
So don’t go around asking haters why they hate you. Maybe you can ask someone else who also knows them, but that might not work either. I did that once and mutual friend said that the guy who I thought hated me, my boss, actually liked me! “He likes you because he thinks you’re a punk, a punker, a punk rocker,” he said.
I’m probably the most inoffensive person on Earth. It’s a mystery why anyone would hate me, but a lot of people sure do. I find this as baffling as I ever have.
On the other hand, I get along fairly well with men of all sorts of ages these days. This is a good clue that there’s probably nothing wrong with me. Men are treating me well, but women are treating me like crap. First of all, do I have any issues with women. Believe it or not, I don’t. When I interact with women, I am usually very friendly with them because, well, I like women. I love women. The sexual attraction or fondness takes over and everything else goes by the wayside.
You hear me talking shit about women on here sometimes like any real man does, but I never think things like that when I’m dealing with real life women. Walking around with an obviously misogynistic attitude just doesn’t work. I went through a phase like that decades ago and all I got were women fighting back against me all day. One scratched up my briefcase! Another put a piece of chalk in my coffee cup!
So there’s nothing wrong with my attitude towards women. I treat them just like I treat men. But the women are being hostile while the men are being friendly. That means there’s something wrong with the women, probably the prejudice I discussed above. Because if there was a global problem with my behavior, the men wouldn’t be nice to me either.
If you are getting bad vibes from people, the first thing to do is look around and try to analyze it. First of all, you need to look at yourself with the clear light of reason. Lying to yourself does no good here. Was there a time recently when you acted just like you are now but a lot of people liked you? Do you act any different now? There’s probably nothing wrong with you.
Do a lot of people still like you and act friendly and it’s just some who are shits? There’s probably nothing wrong with you there either because if there’s something badly wrong with you, just about nobody’s going to be nice. That’s how you can tell that the problem is you.
You have to analyze all of this stuff and you have to be objective.
Bottom line is if you are seriously screwing up in life (in my case, 35-40 yearss ago, basically an anxiety breakdown with a full-blown anxiety disorder that lasted years), people are going to let you know. In fact they will let you know exactly how you are screwing up.
If you’re too sad, they’ll let you know. If you’re too mad, they’ll let you know. If you’re too nervous, they will definitely let you know.
Not only that but you will keep hearing the same message over and over, albeit in different ways. If your problem is sadness, you will keep hearing people commenting on your obvious depression in various ways. If your problem is anxiety, you will keep hearing people remarking about nervousness. Often when people make these remarks, they are very oblique about it, so you have to have good social skills to pick up on it.
Often they won’t comment on you specifically. They will talk in a roundabout way, maybe about someone else, but they will be looking at you the whole time they are saying it. You’re supposed to figure out if they are really talking about you and pretending to talk about this other person. And no, it’s not paranoid to do this because people definitely comment on others to their face in this oblique, hard to figure out way.
I remember one time I was in a park 35 years ago talking to a group of people, and one guy kept talking about “someone else.”
Yeah, he’s really fried, he’s really weird, he’s really nervous, he’s really crazy.
I was in pretty bad shape then, albeit only with an anxiety disorder, but when anxiety disorders get bad, people can appear very strange or maybe even appear psychotic, often with odd looks in their eyes like stares, blank stares, thousand-yard stares, etc. So I’m afraid he was definitely talking about me, though it’s painful to admit it and remember it.
Another time when I was breaking up with a girlfriend, she kept bringing up this “Vietnam veteran” she knew. She claimed he hated everyone and everything in the whole world. She was absolutely mystified at how he could be so full of hate and she kept saying,
Well, it’s just a waste of a life, that’s all I think. You’re wasting your life being like that.
Apparently she was saying this is how I felt, and she was also saying that it was a waste of a perfectly good life for me to be this way. It didn’t feel like that at the time, but maybe I did, who knows?
I could go on and on like this forever with all sorts of quite painful examples.
Bottom line is sometimes they are talking about you, either behind your back or otherwise. Sometimes they don’t like you. And on some rare occasions, they may even be out to get you. All these things really happen, and you’re not paranoid if you recognize that. You’re only paranoid if you are imagining things. The trick is figuring out if these fears are really happening, in which case you aren’t nuts but merely observant, or if they’re not, in which case, yeah, you’re being paranoid. Teasing out whether fears are based in reality or paranoid imagination is not such an easy thing to do!