These are always fun, sort of chance of a lifetime scores if you can ever pull them off. You don’t even have to have sex with both of them, but there should be some sort of sexual interest or possibility otherwise it’s not much of a date.
I remember once in the mid-80’s, I had what was more or less turning into a date with a fellow teacher at my school. She lived in Hermosa Beach and I went to her place for I have no idea what reason.
We were in the supermarket looking at food to buy for dinner and for some weird reason, she started looking at bananas! I suppose the horniness was already getting started because that had to be a sign. She was going through the bananas and casting some of them aside, saying, “Nah, that one’s too soft, that’s one too soft and wimpish. I want one that is strong, firm, and hard.”
And looking at me while she said it. Well, she was saying that I was a great big puss, but on the other hand, she was also considering having sex with me by even looking at the bananas in the first place. Looking back, this was probably a shit test. It’s important to spot shit tests when they happen and respond to them appropriately. You have to respond different ways according to the test. Sometimes if you get mad, you fail the test. This was probably one of those.
I didn’t fall for it and get mad. I ignored her and refused to rise to the bait, so she dropped it.
We decided not to buy food but to go out for Arabic food with her and this total bitch teacher friend of hers who had come over to the house at some point.
We all three piled into my friend’s van and went to the restaurant. I was making stupid jokes during the whole dinner. I would say, “Can you pass the humus?” instead of, “Can you pass the hummus?” You pronounce the two words quite differently. Humus is dirt. Hummus is an Arabic dip that you put in various things, often felafel burgers.
I was also saying, “Can you please pass me the feel-awful?” instead of, “Can you please pass me the felafel?” Felafel is an substance you use to make veggie burgers out of ground up chickpeas. Feel-awful, of course, does not exist. It’s just a joke on the name of the food.
So basically I was saying the food was crap, and it was making me sick when it wasn’t straight up dirt from the ground. Of course, I didn’t believe it, as the food was great. I was just being silly. I repeated these dumb jokes a few times with an absolutely straight face, and the woman I was with kept laughing and correcting me, “It’s hummus, not humus! Humus is dirt!”
Every time she said it I would act confused and baffled like I didn’t understand what she was talking about. Then I would point my finger in the air, and say, “Ah-hah! Oh, yes! That’s right! It’s hummus, not humus! Thank you for correcting me. I’m sorry! How could I be so stupid!” All with a completely straight face as if I was dead serious.
Then a few minutes later I would ask for humus again with a completely straight face like nothing had happened or I had already forgotten about the previous incident. She would giggle and correct me again, and I would act stunned and apologize for my mistake again as if it were all happening for the first time.
If you’re going to do stupid jokes like this, it’s very important that you do them with a straight face. Also a bit of exaggerated acting helps. Like above where I did the same idiot routine a number of times, each time acting like I was hearing her explanation for the first time, and then making the same dumb apology every time, then of course several minutes later making the same stupid request as if the previous incident never happened.
Obviously this is totally Three Stooges dipshit slapstick type of humor of the lowest quality, but if you are a really get actor, really get into the role, and especially keep a straight face, it can be pretty damn funny.
How to Tell If You’re Making a Woman Horny – She’s Laughing at All Your Stupid Jokes
I’m showing you this incident because I’m pointing out that this woman liked me, and not only that, she was starting to get horny. When a woman starts laughing at every dumb joke you tell, even when you repeat the dumb jokes over and over, bottom line is she wants to fuck. It doesn’t mean she’s going to fuck you, of course.
It just means you’re making her horny. Women get horny all the time all through their lives, and a lot of the time they get horny, they decide not to have sex with the guy. Just because you’re making her horny doesn’t mean she’s going to fuck you! It means she wants to, or her body wants to at least, but her mind may not, and women’s bodies and brains are at war even in the best of times.
No woman who isn’t getting horny, usually to the point of wanting to fuck you, is ever going to act that way towards you. Get them laughing like that, and they are halfway into the bed. It’s up to you to fill out the blanks in the rest of the form.
Then it came time for the bill. They had suggested that we go out to eat earlier, and I just said, “OK, sure!” Problem was I was broke and I knew it at the time. But I really wanted to eat dinner with these chicks, and if I sprang the empty wallet on them, I figured they’d decide not have to dinner with me. What woman wants to eat with a deadbeat loser, right?
I decided I would tell them my money situation if they asked, but if they didn’t ask, no harm done, right? I figured I would just dumbfoundedly spring the empty wallet on them when we were done, act shocked, apologize profusely, and throw up my hands. I wisely shut up and hoped they didn’t ask me about money when we were done. I have no idea why I was broke, as I was making pretty good money at the time.
Well, it came time for the bill, and the two women got their wallets out and started throwing in bills. They looked at me. I got my wallet out with exaggerated swaggering confidence like it was full of money, and I was going to pay for everyone. Then I opened it and acted shocked, stunned, and embarrassed that there was no money in it. I apologized profusely but I was chuckling a bit as I was doing so. I acted like this was all a hilarious joke.
I said, “Look! I have no money! I’m broke!” The woman I was with asked, “Well, did you know you were broke when we decided to go out to eat?” I said of course I did.
She asked, “Well, why didn’t you tell us?”
I said, “Number one, you never asked me if I had money to go out to eat, and number two, I wanted to eat dinner because I was hungry, and if I told you I was broke, you wouldn’t let me eat with you. So the only smart thing to do was keep quiet.”
That was a completely assholey, dickwad thing to say, but after I said it, I laughed in this subdued, chuckling way. I kept chuckling like that the whole time this scene was going on.
I was sitting there with my empty wallet open laughing right in both of these women’s faces and telling them I didn’t have any money, and they would have to pay my way. I kept shrugging my shoulders with this “innocent little boy who dindu nuffin” look on my face.
When I said, “You never asked me,” I would chuckle right in their faces like an asshole. After a bit the woman I was with started giggling and she couldn’t stop. I was being an asshole, but I was being a funny, arrogant asshole and not being aggressive, and women often like dicks like that. I don’t know how well being an asshole works, but being a funny asshole often works wonders especially if you are not angry or aggressive.
It also seems to work to laugh right in women’s face, once again, not in an angry or aggressive way, more in a dismissive sense, like, “You just a stupid woman. What do you women know anyway. We men laugh right in your faces, you know that? You’ll come to your senses soon enough.” That’s sexist thinking and I don’t necessarily believe it, but women often respond to a certain type of male sexism by getting horny, believe it or not.
When I laugh in their faces, they are often shocked and almost lurch backwards. Then they get this defiant angry look on their faces like you challenged them to a fight. Then for some reason, the expression changes and they seem to like it. This devious little smile comes over her face, and she starts laughing too in this very quiet way.
If you are laughing in her face, you are displaying abundance mentality. Most men are pathetic pussy beggars. They’re pathetic, and women think they are just that. By doing this, you are the opposite of a pussy beggar. You are laughing her face, basically laughing and saying you don’t care if she sleeps with you or not. Women are often shocked by this mentality because they are so used to pussy beggars and pussywhipped guys who never fight back because they don’t want to cut off the pussy supply.
I’ve had women look at me with wonder as if they were thinking, “Jesus Christ, this guy doesn’t even care if I fuck him or not. He’s laughing right in my face like an asshole, and if I walk out of here right now, he will just say bye and laugh at me some more. That’s amazing.”
A lot of times they seemed to be thinking, “Oh man, you are such an arrogant asshole! I should slap your face!” But then they seemed to think a bit and it’s as if they were saying, “But you know what? I like that.”
Anyway, my teacher friend couldn’t contain her laughter at me for being such an arrogant asshole as to stick them with the bill and then laugh right in their faces and pretty much ask them, “What are you going to do about it?” She was a bit mad at first in a somewhat disgusted and annoyed way, but the more I laughed and clowned it up, the more she started chuckling like she liked this display of humorous assholery.
What I did was completely audacious and most men would be nice guys and honestly say they didn’t have any money before you went out to eat or else act pathetic when they saw that they had no money in their wallets.
I was being an asshole, but I was being a funny asshole. After all, face it. What I did to those poor women was pretty damn funny, right?
Her friend was some fat bitch teacher, single, probably hadn’t been laid since the last Ice Age. Seemed like a feminist or even a lesbian. My friend told me that her friend really, really hated men and giggled when she said this. I laughed at her friend when the teacher told me that like it was a hilarious joke and commented about what a stupid idiot her manhating bitch friend was. See? I didn’t get mad when told she was a manhating bitch. I just laughed at her and acted like she was an idiot for hating us men.
When she learned I had no money, her bitch friend was totally outraged at my assholery, as it seemed to confirm to her that we men are a bunch of bastards and assholes after all. She sat there stone-faced the whole time, sputtering. “We’re going to make you wash the dishes in this restaurant to pay it off!” Every time I looked at her stone face, I started laughing a little bit.
To get mad would have been a bad idea. After she said that, I laughed right at her and almost fell out of my chair laughing. See? I didn’t act scared when she bitched me out. I just laughed right in her face like she was a harmless, pathetic, and stupid woman, which frankly she was.
Somehow we were in my friend’s van, the three of us. My friend kept saying over and over, “Let’s rent a porn movie!” She was giggling the whole time while she was repeating this. Her friend for some reason was not against this. Of course, I was fine with it.
I was thinking, “Damn, I’m going to get laid tonight!” We went to a video store and I pick out Behind the Green Door Part 3, a really gonzo and dirty movie for that time. I told her I had seen it, and it was great. She acted intrigued that I had seen the movie enough to give a review of it. There were a couple of middle aged Black women looking at porno movies too, and also I recommended it to them. They acted very interested and thanked me very much, probably because I had two chicks with me once.
Any time you have two women with you at once and things are going smoothly, everyone quickly gets real quiet and respectful. The other men give you these looks like, “How the Hell do you do it, anyway?”
Sometimes they quietly try to take you down a peg in a subdued voice. Don’t fall for it. It’s a sort of male shit test. Just act like you didn’t hear him.
When you have the two women with you, don’t act like a showoff or an idiot. Don’t call attention to yourself, ridicule the other men, or act like you are better than they are and they are stupid inferiors. Instead, simply ignore all the other men with the attitude of, “Competition? What competition? I don’t see any competition, do you?” Act nice and friendly. You would be surprised how many men will approach you to talk when you have two women with you.
Another thing to do is to act like this thing, having two women with you, is completely normal, on the level of breathing, walking on the sidewalk, or drinking a glass of water. Act like this is something you do so often that you don’t even think about it anymore. The other men won’t seem to be threatened. If you see any men who look at you in a friendly way, give them a conspiratorial smile and a wink, but don’t act superior. Act like he’s in with the plan somehow.
Any other women around will become extremely interested in the stud who has two chicks with him, so even when you have the two women with you, other women will be staring at you the whole time.
More than you would think walk right up to you with the two women and start talking to all three of you, often flirting right in the faces of the other women. Women are competitive and they love to fight with other women over men. They also love to steal other women’s men. Women are man-stealers! I assume there is some cavewoman reason why they are like this, but I don’t know what it is.
We rented the movie, got back to the house, settled in on the couches, and put it in the VCR. My friend was giggling like a schoolgirl in this silly, mischievous, playful way the whole time we were doing this. I had no idea why this bitch friend was going along with this plan to watch a porn movie with her friend and a man.
I was wondering what this night was going to be like. I was thinking maybe something might happen sexually with me and my friend, and like a moron, I started worrying that maybe I wouldn’t be able to get it up (Dumb, huh?)
Any time a woman says, “Hey, let’s watch a porn movie,” I guarantee she wants to fuck. Period. Now she’s not just horny but she actually wants to fuck. You can still blow it of course. You can always blow it at any time in seduction if you are stupid enough, but the deeper the seduction goes and the hornier she gets, the harder it is to screw up, and she will start forgiving or looking the other way at any of your errors.
Why do they do this? Because…guess what? Women like to fuck too! A lot of them really, really like to fuck, almost as much as we do, and many women have sex drives that are so high that you would be shocked. And once they start getting pretty horny, a sense of urgency develops about them where they resolve they are going to have sex one way or another, come Hell or high water.
They will even get mad and impatient if you go too slow or start delaying, which I’ve been doing my whole life. There have been a number of times when women asked, “Are you going to kiss me or what? or “Come on, let’s go!” or “God-damn it. Are you going to fuck me or what?”
Back to the scene in the living room. I was wondering what’s going to happen with the manhating bitch friend. Was she going to get in on the sexual behavior somehow, assuming there was any?
I was thinking somehow I had to try that, that if the teacher and I started getting hot and horny with each other, I was going to look over at the shocked friend and make fun of her for missing out on all the fun and sitting over there all by her lonesome, laugh in her face until she either got mad, in which case I would leave her alone more, or joined us, which could get real weird but also real interesting.
I thought it might be fun to drag this manhating bitch into a threeway with another woman! How the Hell would she act? Was she a dyke? Was my friend bi?
Anyway, the video didn’t work for some reason. The night was over, and I was going home. I went to the door and my friend was still giggling away at the whole absurd evening, and her friend was glaring at me with pure hatred. There wasn’t any sex at all, but it wasn’t a sterile date with no sexual vibes – rather the opposite – It was a lot of fun anyway and way better than sitting at home.