I’m President of the United States!

I was president of the US last night for a short time. It was pretty fun, except sometimes I showed up to meetings wearing only pajamas. They told me that pajamas were not acceptable for meetings with my Cabinet and I was surprised for some reason.

Other times I dressed well, but they told me it still wasn’t good enough. I told them I didn’t have enough money for good clothes, and they were sympathetic. They said to wait for my first check – it was $14,000/month. That pretty much covers rent in New York City nowadays, so I figured it would be enough.

I met some former presidents too. I tried to shake George Bush’s hand, but he almost refused to shake it because I wasn’t dressed properly. Later I had a long talk with him, and afterwards he said I was all right.

You know what, Lindsay? You’re all right.

Exact words.

He later met with reporters and told them that he had spoken with Lindsay, and he thought Lindsay was all right. The public was relieved for some reason. I guess they were worried about me.

There was a bit of a problem being president because I changed into my pajamas and watched porn every night at 9 PM sharp. I got caught a few times. They told me that my job lasted past 9 PM, but I didn’t believe them and kept changing to pj’s and watching porn anyway. A man’s got to have a life, you know!

I was some sort of a substitute president for the real president. I was sort of this undercover or hidden president for some unknown reason. I had heard that the press was researching my name to figure out if Robert Lindsay was even my name. I wasn’t too worried for some reason.

All in all, it was an interesting dream! This was pretty cool! Never been president in my dreams before. Maybe my unconscious self-esteem is going up. Usually most people hate me in my dreams, and they hate me a lot worse than they do in real life. Apparently I have some deep fear that most people really hate me deep down inside even though they don’t show it.

Because after all, that is what your dreams are about – your deepest fears. That’s also why they are fucked up a lot of the time and about unsolved or unsolvable problems.

In dreams, your brain is trying to solve your problems. Most of them have no solution of course because as humans we are pretty much fucked in a lot of ways. Face it, man, we’re doomed. Pour yourself another drink and try to forget about it. Your subconscious recognizes this but doesn’t like it because it’s idiotically utopian like a woman, hence all the dreams with unsolvable problems.

Coming next: I Fucked Four Different Women Last Night! Not a dream or anything like that. /s

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