One young woman (age 28) I knew complained that a young man fed her drinks and then fucked her when she was wasted, during which he choked her, which completely freaked her out. She wanted to file a rape charge against him, but I encouraged her not to because it wasn’t rape. It was just sleazy, rapey, grey rape (rapey but not legally rape).
Here’s another case of grey rape.
A 19 year old girl I dated recently lost her virginity at age 18. She had graduated from high school without even having been kissed. She had her first kiss at age 19.
Her first sex where she lost her PIV virginity was with a 30 year old man. He took her to a hotel but apparently the sex was not consensual. She didn’t tell him that though because she “froze up.” He had sex with her but she was not aroused and hence not wet enough, so she experienced some bleeding, which is typical in these cases.
Apparently if a woman has PIV sex after she is passed out, her unconscious body stops producing the vaginal lubrication it does when she gets wet and horny. So she’s basically getting dry fucked. And when women get dry fucked, they get some minor vaginal bleeding. Actually this is a good way to prove that she may have been passed out when the act occurred.
She was very depressed because according to her, the first time she lost her PIV virginity, she had been raped.
I had her reframe the incident. I said:
Look. You didn’t get raped. What happened was not rape. It didn’t fit the legal definition of the crime of rape. No cop in the world would have even made an arrest in this case because no rape occurred. Instead, you experienced “gray rape,” which is lousy sex with some crappy coercive BS going on on the part of the man, but nevertheless doesn’t fit the legal definition of rape.
Legal Rape (Sex with an Unconscious Woman Passed out from Alcohol)
The same 28 year old woman above lost her PIV virginity at age 19 on New Years Eve at a college party. She got totally wasted and ended up with this guy. They made out and started on some oral sex, and that’s the last thing she remembered before she blacked out and apparently passed out.
The last thing I remembered I was down on my knees sucking his cock.
Next thing she knew she was waking up on a bed with this guy on top of her fucking her. She yelled and told him to get off. This really is rape because honestly it is rape any time you do anything sexual with a passed out woman.
This is how she lost her PIV virginity – getting date raped. Her friends all told her she had gotten raped, but she declined to press charges. Honestly, there is no way that any DA in the US would take a case like this.
Last thing I remember, I was on my knees sucking his cock.
Ok, the whole case is blown right there because was basically right in the midst of a consensual sex act with this man.
She was depressed about this. For the next few months, she was angry “for no reason,” which is another typical reaction after a rape. Obviously she wasn’t really angry for no reason.
What’s Rape? What’s Not Rape? Where Do You Draw the Line?
Rape by force of the threat of force: Basically, for the crime of rape to occur there has to be, as my Mom told me many times.
Force or the threat of force.
As long as you don’t do that, you are home free, she told me. The definition hasn’t expanded too much since then.
Rape because the woman was too intoxicated by alcohol or drugs to consent: Much fuss is made by feminists and other lunatics about the possibility of a rape occurring when a woman is intoxicated on alcohol or drugs. However, in the case of alcohol, she usually has to be so drunk that she is passing in and out of consciousness. If she’s less drunk than that, you’re home free, boyos. Rape of a woman for being high on drugs is almost never prosecuted. Never heard of a case.
Rape by surreptitiously slipping a woman a rape drug without her consent: Of course it’s rape if you slip her a rape drug in her drink.
Rape by sex with an unconscious or passed out woman: As mentioned before, it’s rape if you have sex with her after she’s passed out. If you’re having sex with a woman and she passes out on you, stop whatever sex act you are doing and walk away. No more sex. Leave the room. Go somewhere else. If you keep messing with her after she passes out, it’s absolutely rape.