Long Term Serious Mental Illness Seems to Freeze Personal Development at Whatever Age the Illness Hit

Polar Bear: I work a humble job myself and my father was a postal worker. I’m no genius, it’s an attribute but possibly also a double edge sword. I grew up with a genius next door neighbor and met a few others along the way.

They’re odd ducks for sure. The outsider thing rings especially true. I don’t see many with families. I was the king of the neighborhood in a sense, and my genius neighbor struggled at many things in life.

I’m not sure if you want to be a genius, speaking from the point of view of one. Four of the five geniuses in my family never made much money at all in life.

Two are on disability due to long term (35-40 years) mental illness (mood disorders – bipolar disorder). They both got ill early in life, one at 17 and the other at 19, and I hate to say it, but they never really grew up enough as they should have. I think that when these illnesses hit very early in life and they never go away, it seems like personal development ends up arrested at whenever the illness struck.

In some ways, it’s like at least one of them is stuck at 17. This person in their 50’s (mostly mania) is a permanent teenager. They moved back home at age 39 and lived there until age 55. They just got out of jail and at one time, they were homeless for a few months. They have a modest criminal record (~10 arrests?) for mostly minor stuff, usually during an episode.

During a  manic episode this person will lose everything they have. If they have a car, they will lose the car. If they have an apartment, they will lose the apartment. If they have a job, they will lose the job and not be able to get another one that lasts more than a few days.

They burn through whatever money they have and pawn their valuable possessions. When it ends, their life is in wreckage. They’ve lost just about everything they had.

They never admitted they were ill so they always denied being ill or having an episode and just blamed other people for everything. In the last year, they have started to admit they are ill, but they won’t admit it to me and I can’t bring it up because they will get angry. They’re on meds for the first time but the meds don’t completely control the illness.

The other one is also in their 50’s (mostly depression) and has been quite immature most of their life. They have been hospitalized several times and they seem to like being in the hospital. They have been on meds for 35 years and got bad side effects, including diabetes and weight gain, from the meds, neither of which went away.

Every time they had a crisis, they would collapse and fall apart and call my Mom screaming to come deal with it because they can’t cope with any crisis on their own. I’m not sure if they can cope with crises now.

You still have to watch every single thing you say to them because they have a list of subjects that will make them blow up and throw a mini shitfit 300,000 lines long.

I have to think about everything I say to them to make sure I don’t mention any of the banned subjects. With some banned subjects, you can’t even say the word. For instance, rape and child molestation cannot be mentioned at all, ever, for any reason. They are always shutting down conversations because half the stuff in the world upsets them and makes them throw a mini shitfit.

They spend a very good part of their time at my Mom’s house nowadays although they have their own apartment. They’re both females so it’s no big deal. My Mom is going to move soon, and they will go live with my Mom. They have been on their own since age 35 though, I will give them that. They do like to be on their own.

None of the people mentioned her read this site since I moved, so I’m not so worried about talking about them here. No one who reads this will ever figure out who they really are, their real names, where they live, anything at all about them. Even people who know me won’t be able to connect me to them.

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7 thoughts on “Long Term Serious Mental Illness Seems to Freeze Personal Development at Whatever Age the Illness Hit”

  1. That guy I told you that got busted for CP in another state was like that. He’s just a very childish person with no ability to save for the future or money sense. Well, actually he’s very intelligent but not in money, yet money is how people can function in life. Of course, he’s also way too naive about people – hence how he was busted.

    Basically, he was just an adult-child kind of like that Dudley Moore Arthur character, but unlike him, he wasn’t a billionaire lol.

    Well, he got an inheritance from his dead dad once, but like someone in my family and another friend, he threw it all away on dumb stuff. He didn’t invest it, so later he had nothing to show for it.

    1. Yeah. Some people never really grow up. I think one of the main tasks of an adult is to grow up as much as possible.

      I admit that I have had some issues in that area, but I hate myself for that and I keep trying to overcome these feelings.

      1. The family could be playing a role – as they aren’t forcing these people out. But then again, the adult-children will just end up homeless or something.

        1. One family member hated living at home. They were dying to get out.

          The other was out from age 24 to 29 and at home from 29 to 55. And they recently got pretty much thrown out on their ass, unfortunately. They got thrown out of my Mom’s house and went straight to jail. After that, they were not allowed to come back to my Mom’s house, so they were flat ass homeless. They can’t come live with Mom again even if they want to, if you know what I mean.

          To tell the truth, they’re homeless right now, on probation and in some rehab program, and they stay at my place half the day just to have a place to stay. They stay at the homeless mission at night.

          This family member is a pain in the ass though, and I periodically have to threaten to throw them out. You see, they don’t think I will throw them out, so they think they can act as bad as they won’t with no consequences. This was the same mindset they had at my Mom’s house.

          This person doesn’t believe in this idea that you need to suck up to people who have power over you because they can retaliate against you in a bad way.

          They’re passive aggressive and nothing they do is wrong. They never apologize for anything. They’re always late when there’s no need to be – passive aggression.

          They think everything is unfair and some unjust plot against poor little them. They’re innocent and everything bad that happens is everyone else’s fault. This person has gone through their whole lives blaming other people for everything.

          They treat others like they are stupid, including me. And if you call them on any of their bullshit, they throw temper tantrums to punish you for yelling at them or pointing out their flaws. They punish you so you won’t criticize them again.

          This person criticizes everyone all the time, including me, but no one can say one word about them ever because they are perfect. They basically have a sense of entitlement IMHO.

          To me, all of this behavior just sounds like an ordinary asshole teenage boy, a punk kid. I mean it’s normal for a teenager to be a fucktard like this, but you’re supposed to grow up. You’re not supposed to act like a damned teenager your whole life.

          The family could be playing a role – as they aren’t forcing these people out. But then again, the adult-children will just end up homeless or something.

          To tell the truth, the two times this family member was forced out, they simply become totally homeless both times. So I’m not sure that is a solution.

          1. I’m getting heat for this also. I want to move out but my mom has no one to watch her, and she won’t get help. Anyway, my sister (not in the middle class, – who suffered from massive drug addiction) also got heat for this when she was alive. You know, we are always called thieves and crap from middle class relatives.

            Anyway, I’ve put some of my mom’s bills on my bank account to lessen criticism. However, the main goal is to move out.

            Yeah, I’ve put on the “punk kid” act – but, seriously, the middle class relatives are yelling at certain people in my family with these stupid insults and sissification, and it’s making them “way more the bad guy” then who they’re criticizing.

            Anyway, they don’t understand the concept of “barter work” and assume whatever certain people have done to not be worth the money paid out. But… nothing is ever worth the money paid out. That’s the catch.

          2. You don’t really live at home, do you? Don’t you have a separate dwelling you live in extremely close by? As I recall, you are not in your parents house per se. I thought you were in some apartment thing next door.

          3. Fuck em. A lot of older adult children move back in to take care of aging parents. Don’t worry about it. How are you acting like a punk kid? I don’t get it. Fuck these critical relatives.

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