…we either have male dominance and violence, or gentle female dominance.
First of all, you’re going to have male violence (and female violence too for that matter) in either one. Actually the men might be more violent if they were being dominated by women because being dominated by women is one thing that pisses real men off more than anything else.
First of all, female dominance of men will never be gentle. Women are never gentle with the men that they dominate, in relationships or otherwise. It just doesn’t work that way. I think it is not possible for a woman to dominate a man in a gentle way. Women will always be cruel, vicious, and even evil with the men they are dominating.
On the other hand, I think we men can dominate women in a civilized manner. First of all, we men evolved to be dominant, to dominate women and children, and to fight for dominance with other men. The fact that dominance was bred right into us means that we can choose to implement our inborn trait either nicely or cruelly. It is certainly possible for men to dominate women in a non-harmful way. I’ve done it in most of my relationships.
Sadly, one gender has to dominate the other. The reality for most men is that most women expect the man to dominate. Women come into the relationship specifically expecting to be dominated by the man. Now, in their minds this is not a bad thing, as they like being submissive, and their view of male dominance often does not involve harm.
Men realize that if we don’t dominate our woman, she is going to take those pants right off of us and dominate you! It’s like someone has to dominate – it’s either him or her, take your pick.
I used to believe that full equality between the sexes was possible, but after 45 years of experience with women, I no longer believe this. Complete equality between men and women is simply not possible – it’s folly, a fool’s errand, an unwinnable war.
Gay male relationships are full of dominance and submission, tops and bottoms, bears and twinks, in full imitation of heterosexuality.
Lesbians like to think they are beyond this, but how many times you have seen a lesbian couple where one was butch (the man) and the other was more femme (obviously the woman)? So they’re imitating heterosexuality too. And you can’t tell me there’s no dominance-submission stuff going on in that butch-femme relationship either.
From the lesbians I read on the web, I have learned that there is quite a bit of dom-sub type sex going on with them as a matter of course, especially with the young ones, 18-30. I hate BD/SM but I know a lot about it. The number of female subs who have dom “mistresses” is very high, and the setup is about the same as with male dom-female sub relationships.
If you look at mammals, it is quite typical for male mammals to not only be much more aggressive but also to keep harems, fight over females, etc. And in mammalian sex the male often acts quite dominant, and the female acts…you guessed it – submissive.
I am reading a book about grizzly bears, and the author witnesses a rare mating. Yes, the male bear is acting very aggressive and dominant, and believe it or not, the female grizzly bear of all things is acting…yep – submissive!
Ape sex is often about rape. In chimps and baboons, a male will literally terrorize a female ape for some time, chasing her, hitting her, scaring the living crap out of her. He acts extremely mean towards her. And guess which male she picks to mate with come mating time? Yep, the rapey, female-beating, stalking, creepy, abusive male ape, the same one who terrorized her her before.
I think the best we could hope for would be one sex dominating the other, but in the mildest and kindest way possible that does the least harm to the more submissive partner. And we should hope for submissive partners who don’t like to be hurt or abused.