My Life as an Evil Young Boy

My brothers and friends and I were all wicked little shits as young boys.

We stole things.

We tortured and killed bugs and fish, and it was all a big blast.

We even had industrial mass murder facilities to kill the pillbugs because they ate our strawberries.

We poured salt on snails because they were pests.

We had “gladiator” fights or “bullfights” with these caterpillars called wollybears. There’s nothing wrong with these caterpillars. We simply killed them for sheer kicks.

We would clear out a circle on the dirt and that would be the arena. We would  put the caterpillar in the arena. Then we got these huge nails and threw them at the caterpillar. Every time we did it we shouted “Picadors!” or “Picadores!” (I love these hilarious names boys come up with for their evil games.) If you watch bullfights those are the guys on horses who ride up to the bull and stab it with spears to make it easier for the bullfighter.

We used to go fishing for smelts at this place called “The Smelt Place.” Original name, huh? It was in an estuary called the Bolsa Chica. There were fish called smelts there (Pacific smelts) and we could not catch enough of these damned things. We mostly just released them. We would catch up to 100 of them in a day.

Finally we got mad at the fish for, frankly, being such morons as to let us catch 100 of their kind every day without every figuring out that the Velveeta was nothing but a scam with a hook in it. We lost respect for them. I also think we got bored of catching them all the time.

So we started this game called “Acapulco Cliff Divers” (I love these hilarious names boys make up for their wicked games) where we would catch a smelt and then cast it over onto the rocks. The fish would land on the rocks, injuring it. Then we would reel the poor fish in over the damned rocks, which of course hurt them even more. They’d be dead after a couple of casts. I’m not sure how many days we did that, but it was not a lot.

One boy, TM, who had a diabolical laugh, tied a live smelt to a rope to the back of his back and then took off on his bike via the drainage ditch we used to access the place. The fish was dead shortly after. I remember he was laughing like a maniac the whole time he did this. We all thought that was pretty damn funny – tying a live fish to a rope and dragging it to its death! Ha ha! Good times!

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4 thoughts on “My Life as an Evil Young Boy”

  1. We tortured and killed bugs and fish, and it was all a big blast.

    We even had industrial mass murder facilities to kill the pillbugs because they ate our strawberries.

    We poured salt on snails because they were pests.

    We had “gladiator” fights or “bullfights” with these caterpillars called wollybears. There’s nothing wrong with these caterpillars. We simply killed them for sheer kicks.

    Same here. But, I don’t ever recall hurting a kitten or pup. Even as a toddler, I always loved cats and dogs. What is it really about them that children love so much? Maybe that they’re mammals?

    I think the children who abuse cats and dogs are violent psychopaths in the making. I’d have never ever imagined hurting these creatures.

    Snails, ants and bugs? I say holocaust them.

    I stopped killing caterpillars after I learned at school that they turn into butterflies.

    I used to be scared of cockroaches as a kid especially the ones with wings that fly. I still hate them.

      1. If you grow tomatoes you will really come to hate those damned tomato worms (caterpillars). Plus they are extremely hard to see since they are camouflaged so well. I actually love to kill those damned things. I hate them so much! They are huge and have horns and have suction cups on their legs to cling to the tomato vine.

        And if you grow cabbage, you will really start to hate those damned cabbage worms (caterpillars). The butterflies are white. There seems to be almost no way to keep them off your cabbage. They’re also very hard to find if they are on your cabbage plant.

        Never did kill the butterflies though. That seems wrong.

        Caterpillars are cool creatures, used to catch them, and I think they‘d piss on me.

        LOL they do piss on you. They also shit on you. Nice defenses those fuckers have. A lot of animals will piss and shit on you if you pick them up.

        1. If you grow tomatoes …
          And if you grow cabbage.

          I didn’t know you were into organic farming.

          My dad’s the same. He’s crazy about growing stuff in the backyard. Green chilies, tomatoes, radish, peas, shallots anything. All the veggies you need to thrive well after a nuclear holocaust.

          I did not inherit this trait from him as I don’t like to get my hands dirty. But, it’s the most amazing hobby to have.

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