I think that young boys are very, very bad human beings. I have no idea if young girls are wicked too, but boys are definitely almost pure evil.
I think what we have in a young boy is pure undiluted male essence without any civilizing features. We men are basically born killers, and we love to fight. We probably love to rape too, I have no idea. The natural male in his primitive environment is probably close to a psychopath.
So this is what you see in a young boy – the pure diabolical and wicked nature of an uncivilized male in its pure essence. And when you think of it, the civilizing process whereby a boy is turned into a man is in part accomplished by adults, mostly adult men, stopping and hindering boys in their uncivilized wicked behavior and telling them that this behavior is not appropriate for a grown man in society.
Teenage boys are still pretty awful, and I was basically a juvenile delinquent. But they are quite a bit calmed down from the almost pure evil of young boys. And teenage boys are always being disciplined too to curb their ugly antisocial behaviors.
By the time a boy is 18, he is pretty close to being a man and a lot of the pure evil has been conditioned right out of him. But I believe it is still there. I feel like I still have that evil side of a man deep inside of me, and I really doubt if I am unique. Sure, it’s locked away in a maximum security prison deep down inside of me, hopefully never to see the light of day, but I know it’s in there because I can feel it.
It’s been there my whole life. That part of me, and the bad side of men period, is, let’s face it, pretty bad. I felt homicidal for much of my young adulthood. Homicidal against my enemies, not against humans in general. I’ve had homicidal fantasies off and on for much of my adult life, though I don’t much like to feel that way anymore.
Of course I’ve never acted on these thoughts except one time when I tried to kill a man. But understand that he and his friends were trying to kill me, ok? Kill or be killed.
I think a lot of men probably go their whole lives thinking seriously antisocial thoughts at least from time and time without ever acting on them. This is why I don’t particularly care if someone tells me they have homicidal fantasies or even thoughts about killing people. Because to me that’s more or less normal, certainly for a man. I want to know about the quality of those thoughts. Is he thinking about acting on them? Does he want to act on them? Etc.
There is a difference between thoughts and behavior which is lost on all moralfags, which includes almost all Americans. Yes, almost all Americans are severe moralfags. Americans engage in magical thinking. We think that thoughts and behavior are the same thing, and that’s magical thinking straight up. This is why Americans believe in the insanity of thought crimes.
I’ve been remarkably nonviolent in my life. If a guy like me can go his whole life thinking thoughts like this, imagine what more violent men think like. And even then in the vast majority of cases, they never act on their thoughts.
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As a little boy, I was surely a piece of shit. I got into fights, was extremely selfish and had no concept of sharing. My parents had to reinforce the idea of sharing for me.
But I think I was always kind-hearted with a twist. If someone had earned my trust and love, they’d get all my attention. If I did not like someone (child or adult), I would torment that person till they made themselves scarce.
Even as a 4 or 5 year old, I used to hit almost everyone within my arm’s radius and was placed in the category of violent kids at nursery school. Surprisingly most of my anger was directed at other boys. I rarely if ever hit any girls. I always found them a calming force. But, I used to hate 97% of the boys. LOL.
I did not learn any actual empathy (except if it was for me) till age 10 or 12 I think. My first best male friend, we used to wrestle and fight. We were similar pieces of shit, the evil ones in the classroom.
Even when we became best friends, I had this violent streak and used to punch him for no reason.
LOL that’s funny as Hell, man.
What is funnier is that I never really talked about these memories in years with anyone, not even the women I slept with.
I think I should work with children in some capacity maybe as a PE instructor or something. I like the raw energy and wild animal like enthusiasm of children.
Too bad you can’t cane children these days. As a kid, I often received my fair share of corporal punishments. During kindergarten, I urinated in the school’s water supply. That was sheer evil at a young age.
I learned the spelling and meaning of the word “criminal” by age five or six because that’s how the teachers would describe me.
Oh yes, now I remember. They made me write “I am a criminal” hundred times in a notebook and show it to my parents.
In second grade, along with an accomplice, I played a practical joke on another kid. We created a Coke concoction using chalk dust, sand, and a few other nasty things. Luckily we were caught and exposed before we could make him drink that thing.
Also, in second grade, during a schoolbus journey, I slid my hands through a girl’s skirt. It was an innocent gesture – I was a prepubescent boy. I think it happened because she was making fun of me, and I was a bit annoyed. My hands just went to grab her by the pussy. That was probably the first pussy I had grabbed in my life. I did not really know why anyone got offended but I was punished for that thing at school.
Of course, my parents had to be summoned to school again. My late mother just could not explain this thing to me at that age: “Dear, you’re not supposed to touch girls private parts. Don’t ever do it again.”
Damn I’m loving this trip down memory lane. Let me know if it bores you, I’ll cut it out.