I walked in the door of the Christian Death show at the Anticlub in 1985, and within three full minutes, I had a 20 year old hottie around my arm, her hand on my ass.
I went over to the bar and next thing I knew there was this hottie leaning right in my ear, way too close,
“Buy me a drink.”
Guys, that’s a come-on. Anytime a woman leans into you very hard and whispers right into your ear breathily while getting way too close for a whisper, it’s a hard come-on. It means she’s horny. Period. Also, “Buy me a drink” means she really likes you. It also means she’s horny. Real horny.
I buy her a drink and then I just reach around put my arm around her and look over at her and smile. She puts her hand on my ass. Whenever a woman puts her hand on your ass like that, she absolutely wants to fuck. That’s what that means: “I want to fuck.”
I didn’t say a word and neither did she. In a lot of these situations, the less you say, the better. Many times it’s better to say nothing at all. Just let your actions pass for words. Words are only going to screw things up in cases like this.
I forget what happens. We leave the club and we are driving around Hollywood “to get some booze.” Or at least that’s the fake excuse. I reach over to the passenger seat and put my hand under her dress. No questions asked, no words said. I just fucking did it.
No panties. She smiles:
“I never wear panties.”
She’s wet. She smiles again:
“My pussy’s always wet.”
It must be awful fun to be a young woman!
We end up in Hollywood (the club is in East Hollywood), buy a couple of cans of beer for no reason, and next thing I know, we are in an empty lot. I’m taking a piss and she’s watching with a smile on her face. Women are nuts. They love to watch men piss for some insane reason. We are walking back. She’s giggling:
She says it in a weird, teasing, insinuating way, with her voice going too high and too low, sort of undulating and my name being stretched way out. Every time a female has said my name like this, it’s always meant she’s horny and wants to fuck.
It’s hard to describe it, but she’s saying it like you are funny in some way, except she’s not laughing at you. It’s also a childlike tease. I would have to do a vocal to describe it. But if a female ever says your name like that, she wants to fuck.
We are back in the club. On our way in, a guy pushes his eyes wide open and opens the door for us. He’s looking at me wide-eyed like, “I can’t believe you got this hot chick” or “Total respect, I’m in awe of you for getting this hot chick.” As he opens the door he asks, “Who says the age of chivalry is dead?” I laugh. It’s a good line, and I use it on women to this day, except lately most are too dumb to get the joke and give me a baffled look.
Somehow she ditches me. Not sure why, but I was in bad shape mentally back then. Maybe that was it.
The show’s over. We are outside. I am trying to give her a ride home. She’s trying to weasel out of the dick like they always do. She’s going home with her friends. She’s insistent. I look at her and give her a huge, assholey, arrogant million dollar smile. I point at her and laugh in her face:
“Nope. You’re going home with me.”
She takes to the challenge. She likes this “funny asshole” behavior.
“Oh I am, am I?”
Big smile, as wide as the Hollywood street.
“You sure are, dammit.”
She’s laughing like this is a challenge or a joke. Really it’s both at the same time.
“Ok let’s arm wrestle and see who wins. If I win, I go home with my friends. If you win, I go home with you.”
Our elbows on are in the trunk of the car next to mine. We arm-wrestle. Of course I totally destroy her. She smiles and sighs but somehow seems happy with the result.
Women have only asked me to arm-wrestle them a few times. Every time I totally destroyed them. I think they know you will destroy them, and they actually want to be destroyed. They sigh when you win but then they smile a smile of resignation and peace. Each time, it absolutely meant she wanted to fuck right then or later that night. If she asks you to arm-wrestle, she’s horny and she wants to fuck. Right. Now.
We are in the car, speeding down the freeway. Without a word, she attacks me and almost literally rips my pants off like an animal. I’m hard right away. She starts sucking my cock. She gives excellent head. In a minute, I get off. I am 25, remember.
Speeding 55 mph down the 5 Freeway at 3 AM, I ejaculate. As I am trying to control the wheel and not crash, I look over to the right at the lit-up skyscrapers of downtown LA, and I think:
“Jesus Christ, my life is insane.”