Over in Reddit/relationships, a woman posted about how her husband just lost a very good job. He wandered around for a couple of days and didn’t tell her. Then on the third day, he broke down and cried in front of her, completely losing it. Apparently she let him cry on her shoulder. She posted that she felt utter disgust and contempt for him seeing him cry like that. She made the post saying, “Why do I feel this way?” (once again, women have no idea why they do things) and, “Is it ok for me to feel this way?” The commenters, mostly other women, piled on her, saying, “You’re in this for the long haul,” or “This is your marriage – you took a vow,” or “This is the time when he needs you most and you are not there.”
The thread got cross-posted to Redpill and the guys had a field day with it. The profoundly depressing truth was, “Never cry in front of your girlfriend or wife or in front of any woman for that matter.” They also said that men are allowed to cry only a few times – when a loved one dies, when your dog dies and when your wife has a baby. And that’s it.
However, the Redpillers had nothing against men crying in principle. They said if you need to cry, go find some of your male friends that it’s ok to cry in front of and cry in front of them over some drinks. Another man said that when it all gets to be too much, he rents a soundproof room across town. He goes there and drinks, yells, screams, laughs, shouts, cries, you name it. He gets it all out of his system and goes back to society feeling better. The Redpillers were all supportive of this.
A few of the men said, “You know what? This sucks. We should be able to feel and cry more.” The response was, “Well maybe so, but this is the world women have set up for us, so you have to deal it.”
Another pointed that women are always saying that men need to cry more. This is a classic case of women being self-contradictory. I had a girlfriend once who said, “You’re not much of a man,” and then later she jumped all over me because I said I never cried. As you can see, she is totally contradicting herself, but she can’t see it. Women do this all the time.
Some averred that there may be some women who really do want their men to cry more often, but they said it’s almost impossible to tell if your woman is one of them.
I also have some personal experiences in this area.
Last year a woman I know well told me, “Men should cry more! Men don’t cry enough!” Then she told me how her husband of many decades had cried once (over a death).
I happened to know this fellow and I assure you that he cried more than once because I was good friends with one of his sons. He wasn’t a crybaby at all, but he did break down sometimes, often due to family crises such as wild fights and wars with his kids (his relationships with his sons were full of heavy duty conflict). Sometimes he would start crying, his voice would start breaking, and then he would catch himself.
I pointed out to this woman how I knew for a fact that her husband had cried more than once because I knew her sons. She then became quite insistent that he had only cried once in decades of marriage, and worse, she seemed quite proud of the fact that he had only cried once. See the contradiction here? This woman just completely contradicted herself.
Here is the contradiction:
- Idealized view of men “Men need to cry more! They don’t cry enough!”
- Real view of men “My husband only cried once in decades of marriage!” in prideful tone.
Let’s make this easier. Look at the contradiction below:
“Men need to cry more! They don’t cry enough!”
versus
“I am so proud of my husband because he is so manly that he only cried once in decades of marriage!”
That doesn’t make any sort of sense. What does she really believe about men crying? Who knows? How the Hell can you tell? Maybe she’s ok with it, maybe she’s not. Now her son told her husband had cried and started to cry in front her on multiple occasions and she was fine with it, but if we didn’t know that we would have to go by her personal statements which make no sense at all.
In the thread, two men told about how they broke down and cried in front of their women. One lost it in front of his wife; the other in front of his girlfriend. In both cases, the women never treated the man the same ever again, and the women left both men soon afterwards.
It is starting to look like:
Cry in front of your wife or girlfriend -> Your marriage or relationship is over.
Two other men said that they had cried in front of female friends once, and those female friends never treated them the same again.
Other Redpillers averred that when women say, “Men need to cry more! Men don’t cry enough!” that’s actually a shit test, the “worst shit test of them all,” as they put it. In other words, on some level (that most women are probably not even aware of) when women say that, it is nothing but a shit test to weed out the Alphas from the Betas. In other words, if you agree with her, “Yes! Men should cry more! I cry a lot myself!” the woman might sympathize deeply with you (notice the contradiction), but she also learns that you are a Beta, and she tosses you on the reject pile! And if you answer, “Hell no! I never cry! Men don’t cry!” she might get angry at you (notice the contradiction), but you also passed at least one of her “Alpha shit tests.”
Feel free to comment on men crying, women’s opinion of it or anything along those lines.
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Maybe I don’t understand this whole post because I’m not attracted to alpha males to begin with. If I could surround myself only of sensitive people, I would. It’s not that I like seeing others in distress – in fact, it makes me feel terrible – but I can’t bond with people who are cold and unresponsive. My first and most recent ex-boyfriend had watery eyes when he mentioned how much he cared about me, which intensified my feelings for him. He cried pretty easily and it was his way of showing he trusted me, and I felt so serene around him! To me, the biggest shock about moving to America was how visibly different Americans and Brazilians socialize. It was hard to wrap my head around how disconnected Americans are to expression. I am unable to understand women who would want a partner that acts and talks like a macho robot. Are these women married to themselves instead?
Well there you have it guys. Apparently some women find it perfectly acceptable if you cry!
Could this be mediated by culture? So American women have been taught ‘if a man cries, he isn’t manly’ so they see a man cry and feel he isn’t manly. Its the same in Britain traditionally. But southern Europeans, Latin types, they seem to be more expressive and dramatic generally and perhaps there is more comfort with male shows of emotion. I don’t know; I’m just guessing. She is Brazilian.
There may also be a distinction about the type of crying. If a guy sees something moving on tv and cries, its not so bad. He’s got a heart. If a guy loses his job and cries, it affects his leadership status…you can’t have an alpha male leader who cries when something goes wrong. You need him to man up and fix it, find a way forward. Does the crying show weakness? I’d say in the former case, no; in the latter case, yes. I wouldn’t cry if I lost a job. I wouldn’t want to be that lame. I’ve been through worse in my life than losing a job.
If somebody suffers from depression, that’s different…such a person needs to be able to express his emotions and communicate. That can be a matter of life and death.
Lol.
If you look good and have status and are like them, you can do whatever you want. Sad perhaps but very true.
Focus on yourself and your purpose in life. Stop thinking about women at all. And when that happens you will be knee deep. And if you have bettered yourself, you will respect yourself and realize that you have a lot to offer.
it maybe depends on the reason why a men cries. For example when a man sees a poor disabled child and cries this is probably seen positive.
Nope. She will say so but she will be lying. If you want to turn her on, you should taunt the poor disabled child. I’m not saying that’s the right thing to do- it’s not- but that’s how women’s hindbrains work.
Great chance to agree, start fake wailing, go in for a hug, and touch her butt with perfect plausible deniability. “What? I really needed some comfort just now :-D.”
I don’t see how you can know this and still be for equal rights for women.
Women should not be authority positions because of this… in jobs such as social work, judges, etc..
They use particularist morality and screw unattractive males whenever they have the chance.
I still support women’s equality. Men just have to man up and quit being male feminists and manginas and white knights and siding with the enemy.
This is social fascism. These people may consider themselves subversive but they are apologists for the unthinking tyranny of women. The liberation of men as a class can only take the form of a revolution to abolish the sexual marketplace. We must destroy the world that women have created.
I think that’s sad. A man should be able to cry in front of his wife or girlfriend and get supported. I’ve been with my husband for 5 years (married 6 months) and in that time I’ve probably seen him cry about 10 -15 times. Anywhere from a few tears to straight up sobbing and it hasnt changed the way I feel about him in any negative way. When it happens and it’s more than a few tears, I generally just hold him till it stops, we talk and life continues on. Much like when I cry to him. Why should it be any different. I don’t see him as any less of a man, I still ask him to open stubborn jars and wake him at night if I hear noises and get scared. He is a human and humans cry.
This is great. I am so glad that you are supportive of your husband this way! But not all women are as kind-hearted and open minded as you are.
My husband cries rarely, but I wish he would trust me enough to do it whenever he needed it. When it does happen, I just hold him and sing to him. I like to be needed in this way; to be someone’s source of comfort.
The other day I talked with my girlfriend of 1 year about how our relationship had to be over because I had to move overseas. (Ten days ago, she told me “I can’t stand thinking that you are leaving me in a couple of months” and started crying. But I kept calm and consoled her without shedding a tear.
Let me tell you that after that day when I acted like the overrated “alpha-male” she moved herself miles away from me emotionally). And even though I had prepared our final conversation as a couple in my mind a thousand times, I couldn’t help it but break down in tears when, ten days later, we had that conversation and I realised that the power of destiny is so great there was nothing we could do about it.
And, no matter how bad we both wanted to be together for the remaining three months before I leave, neither of us could do anything. So we were both in tears about this inevitable end.
Some days later I went by her house, we had a talk which was awkward (I tried to kiss her a couple times but she turned away), and then when I lied on the bed without saying a word, she came and crawled inside my arms and started kissing me.
I think it’s obvious that she has a conflict within herself between wanting to be with me and not being able to.
So I think in that case, it is not bad to cry, because it is not you who cries, but it is both you and your girlfriend who cry as a whole.
However, I would also like to hear your opinions as well.