Jason Y writes:
Seems like gay guys would go after clean cut sporty types (maybe some with muscles or not). I’ve met at least two sporty homophobes (one tries to deny it). I’m assuming they have this attitude because they are sick of gay guys coming on to them. Anyhow, they are overly paranoid. I mean I could see if they felt uneasy around Elton John, but they seem to be paranoid of a lot of men, some straight.
There is no reason whatsoever to be paranoid around other guys because it is pretty simple to figure out if a man is gay or bi or not. If he doesn’t seem obviously gay, just start spending a little time with him, and his orientation will become completely obvious.
I have never befriended a gay man not knowing he was gay. Any guy you are being friendly with who is gay is probably going to make that very clear to you very fast. Most of the gay men that I got even a little bit close to let me know very quickly that they were gay either by flirting with me, their behavior or by giving off a vibe like they were attracted to me. And you ever do get quite friendly with a gay or bi guy to the point where you are spending a bit of time together, any gay or strongly bi man is going to hit on you right away, often immediately. They aren’t going to hide their orientation, become your best friend and suddenly hit on your a month later.
If you are hanging out with a guy at all and he is not trying anything on you, he is basically or mostly straight, period.
Also there is a way that straight guys relate to other straight guys. I can’t put it into words, but it is like this, “One straight guy to another straight guy” way or relating. It’s a gestalt thing, and I can’t describe it, but I know it when I see it. No gay man is ever going to relate to you in this “one straight guy to another straight guy” way. They just don’t do it.
Your best “straight” friend is not secretly gay. I do not believe that this ever happens.
On the other hand, a very large number of basically straight guys will do it with other guys, especially when they are in their 20’s. I have made friends with some guys, spent a lot of time with them, and then months or years into the relationship, they proposition me one night. I usually act like, “Whoa! I didn’t hear that!” and then continue the relationship. Usually they don’t try it again.
Anyway there is no need to be paranoid about men as it is trivial to figure out if your friend is basically straight just by spending a bit of time with him.
Gay paranoia is asinine and gets in the way of a lot really good friendships between straight guys.