I don’t relate to sexual sadism so much but having an instinct for dominant sexual behaviour feels like an instinct for being a man. I’m not surprised if females have the opposite, complimentary feeling.
It seems like a masculine thing – being dominant – and it comes somewhat naturally.
Except a lot of men are too wimpy to take their natural dominant role.
If you think about the normal PIV sex act that most heterosexual humans do, it is a dominant-submissive thing. We take our erect penises (a scary object capable of causing pain and even damage) and shove them into their wet and waiting vaginas and pound away. Depending on how hard the pounding is, the woman’s vagina can sometimes bleed or she can get a bruised cervix. And ~20% of women experience pain during sex regularly – this condition is called dyspareunia. Some clam up entirely and simply cannot be penetrated. They can’t even use tampons – this is called vaginismus.
So PIV sex is a pretty damned aggressive act. Some feminists like Andrea Dworkin even say it is an act of violence, and I am afraid that she is right. We penetrate (dominance), they lie back and get penetrated (submissive). It’s right there in the act itself.
I have also heard that some gay theorists have hypothesized that receptive anal sex (getting penetrated in the anus by a penis) by gay men in and of itself makes them not only very submissive, feminine, and effeminate but it also makes them kinky and perverted. The more they bottom, the more effeminate and kinky they get. Gay society is divided into tops and bottoms. The tops engage in insertive anal sex (the penetrate the anus with their penis), and they are typically a lot more masculine than the bottoms. Although it is true that a lot of gay men are “versatile” (top and bottom).
The fact the more gay men bottom, the more submissive and effeminate they get suggests that the act of getting penetrated vaginally or anally simply makes a human submissive. Since females get penetrated rather than the other way around, the sex act itself makes them submissive and feminine and this carries over to their behavior outside of bed.
Another way that Sexual Sphere and the Nonsexual Sphere of human life overlap and bleed into each other.