The Quotidian Nature of Sadism and Masochism

Jason Y writes:

I think many people get off on sadism. I do. I was in a holding cell for a few days (because of a DUI) and got off on being controlled, and yelled at. I also enjoy watching sadistic porn. I might bitch about my experiences in South Korea, but a dark side of me liked it, and I also enjoy my sadistic philosophy professor.

In other words, it looks like Jason has a bit of a masochist in him. This sort of thing is very common among men, even among high-ranking men such as highly paid corporate executives.
Also a lot of men who get off on being dominant and call themselves “Doms,” though not seriously into the S/M scene, apparently are capable of being “switches.” That is, though they like being dominant most of the time, they can also switch over and enjoy being masochistic.
I knew a fellow who was not an S/M type but nevertheless saw himself as a dominant fellow. He told me that he sometimes liked his wife to take this totally dominant role and play Dominatrix with him sometimes. He had all sorts of sex with all sorts of people, and he was into the group sex scene too. He was mostly heterosexual in a 90-10, 80-20 sort of way, but he also had a small bisexual side. He was always telling me how good-looking I was in this really horny voice, and it used to rather annoy and discomfort me. He lived pretty far away, so I didn’t see much of him, plus I am not sure if I am into that group stuff. It seems weird. Not that I never tried it.
I am the opposite of Jason. I can be pretty damn dominant, especially in bed. I often need to control myself and I generally warn female sex partners to tell me if I am getting out of hand or doing anything that is upsetting them along these lines.
For instance, I will grab a chick and spank her naked ass. Then spank her again harder. Then I look up and ask, “Is that ok?”
My female partners have to agree to any sex acts I want to do. I clear everything with them first, and if they don’t want to do something, I just quit bugging them about it.
A lot of women really get off on being dominated in bed. A lot.
A lot of them like pain too. I have a lot of women tell me that they like emotional pain in sex. Physical pain, not so much, but some of of them are into that too. The female is basically a masochist sexually I am afraid. Freud actually made a comment along these lines.
I am also afraid that men are not only naturally dominant but also naturally somewhat sadistic in bed if not otherwise. Male sexual sadism of one variety or another is as common as grains of sand on a beach. Also many men are emotionally sadistic outside of bed in relationships with women. This is where the “abusive man” thing comes in. I have heard women tell me about a lot of these guys, and a lot of them just sound like sadists.
Females can be sadistic too I am afraid, usually just emotionally. Of all the human beings I have known for a long time (even women in their 60’s), I do not think I have met one who did not display some emotional sadism. At least a little bit of sadism seems to be a natural tendency for all humans, I am afraid.
I have had females tell me that they like to deliberately start fights with their men (a sadistic act) in order to “test” the man also to get him all riled up so they can have a fight. When the fight is over, they would have really hot, wild sex.
A friend once told me that he slapped his girlfriend in the face, and she immediately get really horny, got down on her knees and performed oral sex on him right there on the spot.
Of course the real hardcore S/M and B/D scenes, despite their popularity, seem to be pretty extreme, and most folks would think that that goes too far. But outside of truly kinky end of the spectrum, this stuff is as common as so common it is virtually normal.
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8 thoughts on “The Quotidian Nature of Sadism and Masochism”

  1. I don’t relate to sexual sadism so much but having an instinct for dominant sexual behaviour feels like an instinct for being a man. I’m not surprised if females have the opposite, complimentary feeling.

  2. I think men can switch aggressiveness on and off, but all men want to dominate sometimes. Imagine there was a fantasy world where they could, for instance, force a woman to walk around naked with them in public (and boss them around in other things). All straight men would go there. It wouldn’t have to be cruel, only a place where non-violent sexual favors are demanded.

    1. A LOT of porn operates on these fantasies. There is a lot of creative porn set up around the idea of alternate realities or future worlds where the men rule like this LOL.

        1. Never seen that one, but there was one about a planet of all women who used to import men and use them as sex slaves and for breeding purposes. The guys went right along LOL.

  3. Some men like being dominated, because life is based on domination, even if your a male. However, that doesn’t mean, as I said above, that men never want to dominate
    Put it this way, if you were in jail or at some harsh workplace and you were into being dominated, then it would be much easier to live. Of course, you might hate your situation, but you can handle it better than others. Anyhow, everywhere that Iv’e seen, including school, is a place where your being given orders and humiliated.

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