OCD and Homicidal Thoughts

Homicidal thoughts or harming thoughts are quite common in a type of OCD called “Harm OCD.” It can get pretty bad. As a counselor and a sufferer, I have dealt with many people who had this particular type of OCD. In fact, they come to me all the time! I typically do some sort of differential diagnosis with them to make sure it’s OCD and not something more serious.
Below are some cases of obvious OCD or OCD-like thinking:

1. OK so one day me and my sister were just talking and all of a sudden I get this weird urge to choke her. I would never do that to her. I can’t even kill a bug and I’m not bi polar. This has happened again recently with my other sister, the thought just randomly occurs. If it helps I have been diagnosed with panic disorder. Please don’t be mean and say I’m a psychopath or I’m crazy. I need to know if any one else has experienced this to. Please help!
2. I do too sometimes. Sometimes while I’m driving I feel the urge to swerve into traffic. Sometimes for no reason I get the urge to choke my dog or hit her to death. (Of course I’d never do it.) It feels like you have no control over yourself. It feels like your actually about to do it but you don’t.
3. Believe it or not I’ve been through the exact same thing I had violent and sexual urges that I couldn’t control but I never hurt anyone I just always felt like I would, some specific urges I had were to drown my sister in the pool , every time I was someplace high up I would have a strong urge to jump off. I had these urges from age 10-15 and I was scared to be around people but I found out it is OCD look up OCD violent urges online.
I finally talked to somebody about it and said I was worried I would hurt somebody and they said the reason the urges don’t make me a violent dangerous person is because I’m worried about it were somebody dangerous would either not care or enjoy it.
4. i think everyone thinks these thoughts, not because you want to do them, but because your brain can think it. Its just putting yourself into a scenario, kinda like a daydream. Ive thought that way…”what if i just punched her…what if i slipped and fell and hit my head….what if i swerve into traffic??” tons of things will cross your brain…you’re human and its curiosity. I think you’re just fine. Unless you start getting the urge to actually follow through with it, or attempt it. Don’t sweat it.
5. Guys… I have that too. Sometimes ill sit and watch tv and suddenly ill have a random thought of killing my mom or hurting my dogs. Anyone in my house hold. I’m completely fine when these thoughts occur. I’m not mad, nor upset. And my family never did anything wrong to make me think such things…I would NEVER hurt anyone…
And it scared me. Sometimes i avoid certain objects i could hurt people with and i stopped watching my favorite crime shows. It all freaks me out now.. Ive asked a friend, and he has it too but not as extreme. More of a “what if” thing. He says im fine and he thinks everyone has these thoughts at one point.

Some of these folks may not even have OCD, but at any rate, all of these thoughts have an OCD-ish feel to them. It’s quite common for non-OCD’ers to get thoughts like this once in a while.
This case is more difficult:

Hello. This isn’t very easy for me to let go into the world, but I would like people’s opinions. I am on the other end of a 1.5 year bout with OCD and being terrified that I am going to indulge in homicide. Things are much better now, but yesterday at work, I got all my issues worked up in my head and at one point I genuinely wanted to indulge in homicide. I actually wanted to do it.
During that I had slight panic attacks running and of course it worries me that the curiosity of doing such an act is attractive. Now, I have read many posts here on how to self help your OCD, but this is the first time I have ever been genuinely attracted to the horrible thing I’ve been afraid of for such a long time, and that’s the difference between being afraid of intrusive thoughts and being attracted to them. Is that normal psychology for an OCD sufferer, do you think my thoughts got twisted in knots and then I deceived myself into thinking I wanted to do it, or do you think I should seek some help?

The thread goes on and on, and some folks are are telling him to go to the ER and check himself in. The guy who posted this is worried that he felt like he really wanted to do it. However, many of the OCD’ers I have dealt with have told me that they feel like they want to act on these thoughts. In every case, they were given a diagnosis of OCD by multiple clinicians. The thing is that OCD itself can make you feel like you want to do these things. It can also make you feel like you might or would enjoy them. All of this causes more panic, anxiety and attempts at thought suppression.
So if someone comes to me with classic Harm OCD stuff and then tells me that they feel like they want to act on these thoughts, I am not particularly worried. It’s probably more the OCD convincing you that you want to act on the thoughts or that you might enjoy them more than anything else.
This case is much more disturbing.

Hello, My name is Ryan. I’m 17 years old. I’m posting this here today because for quite some time i have been obsessed with murder, blood, torture, and rape. When I see someone walking down the road, my mind unconsciously comes up with random ways of torture I could try on them, I’ve been doing this since I was around 15, but now something’s changed – I feel its getting harder and harder to control, I’ve had to start journaling and drawing what I would like to do to my victims.
I feel I could take countless human lives and not stress about it. Will someone please tell me what’s wrong with the way I think? My parents told me its a stage, but I know it’s more. Just someone please try to give me insight on why this is happening.

I am honestly not sure what is going on with this guy, but one thing it is not is OCD. No way does a Harm OCD’er journal and draw pictures about torture, rape and murder. Forget that. The OCD’er would be terrified of having the thoughts in the first place, would not enjoy them at all, and would most likely viciously fight them from the first time they showed up until they went away, if they ever did.
The OCD’er doesn’t want those thoughts or feelings in his head for even one second. He would never just indulge in them for pleasure or write journals and draw pictures that delight in murder, torture and rape.
Truth is most Harm OCD’ers are so scared of their thoughts, etc. that they start avoiding all situations that might set them off, including any TV shows, movies or writing that has to do with murder, rape, torture, etc. If they watch or read something along those lines, they will feel serious anxiety and nearly have a panic attack.
In the thread, a few of them ask him questions to see if this is OCD. He says he enjoys the thoughts and feelings very much. That doesn’t sound like OCD one bit. However, he does say that he tries to resist them at times, but he can’t. Now that is very odd. But there may be occasional resistance with non-OCD stuff.
The fact that he feels like he could kill countless people without a single worry in the world is also disturbing. No way would an OCD’er feel that way.
It is interesting that a number of other commenters said that they had similar thoughts and feelings, especially when they were teenagers, and at some point, they just went away. That is very hopeful. I had assumed that once you get to the point where you are fantasizing about rape, murder and torture all the time, even to the point of doodling and journaling about your fantasies, you are pretty much gone. But apparently this is not so, and people can easily move out of this kind of thinking. That is a very good thing indeed.
The following are some cases of homicidal thinking in schizophrenia:

1. Yes but not intentional homicidal thoughts more like random ones that come in my head like if I see a bus pass by me sometimes I would have thoughts of breaking the windows with a baseball bat and screaming at the passenger or punching someone randomly passing by me but not of anger I barely get angry anymore just random thoughts.
2. Hi, I’m new here to this board. I was just curious if anyone feels these symptoms. I feel this way all the time. Whenever someone looks at me wrong. All I want to do is hurt or kill that person. I was recently hospitalized a couple months ago. I’m always scared to death. All I wanna do is crawl in to a dark room and cry. Sometimes when I’m driving I think what if I just turn the wheel and kill that jogger running.
Seriously I see a pdoc and have seen the same doc since I was a little kid. My pdoc says it’s just delusions. But it’s so real!!! I was diagnosed with paranoid sz. about 3 years ago. Does anyone feel this way? Please anyone I would love to know that I’m not alone here.
3. Hello Weenska, you most certainly are not alone. I get homicidal thoughts too. The scary thing is that they are all about killing children. You see, I work in a children’s’ hospital, and for some reason my mind is set on hurting the patients there. I get so nervous when I have to go clean a room with a patient sleeping in there.
The nurses are outside of the room sitting at the nurse’s station, and I’m alone in the room with the patient. While I’m cleaning I get evil thoughts of how I could swiftly kill the child without anyone seeing. My mind comes up with so many ways on how I could get away with it too. It’s like I’m constantly fantasizing about being a secret, mysterious child killer. Isn’t that awful?
4. I know I’m not a bad person and could never harm anyone. You’re not a bad person either. Why we get these kinds of thoughts flowing through our head is beyond me. I want you to know that whatever filthy person our minds may try and persuade us to be, that its not who we really are. 🙂
5. Princess is right, you’re definitely not alone! I have homicidal thoughts about my hubby. I don’t sleep well at night so a lot of the times I am just sitting in bed watching my hubby sleep. I would think about what it would be like to actually commit a murder. I can picture myself smashing his head in with a baseball bat, or poisoning his food, I even can see my self sneaking up on him and stabbing him in the back.
I’ve told him and at first he thought it was kinda funny, but now I can tell he’s sometimes a little edgy around me. I love him so much and I don’t want to lose him…To me, this is so much more than some kind of delusion. Its like the devil himself is tempting me. I hate feeling so sick and twisted inside. Anywho, yes I can relate. I know I’m not bad, and I will fight these thoughts off as hard as I can for as long as it takes!
6. I’ve always been a real docile person, but when I got sick I had some homicidal thoughts.
7. In 1980, I had a lot of violence in my head and I was afraid for about a week that I would get violent. It scared me and made me feel bad, but I managed to control it.
8. I get these thoughts of hurting people sometimes too. I haven’t acted on them so far.
9. I used to get terrible homicidal thoughts. There were command voices, and there were the videos/images that played in my head about terrible crimes I was committing. I have been hospitalized over 20 times, and many of these were for homicidal ideation. I would be taken to the inpatient unit and put in isolation because I could not control myself.
But after the fact when I would get re-stabilized on meds, my T told me that she did not think I had it in me to hurt another person. I have never hurt another person. I am generally very kind and calm. She wanted me in the hospital because she was afraid I would hurt myself. After I had the homicidal thoughts I would feel SO guilty about having the thoughts that I wanted to kill myself because I was such a “bad” person. But, I am not a bad person. Now I have been stable on Clozaril for 6 years, and I no longer have homicidal thoughts… ever.
10. From my perspective, It might b “normal” 2 have homicidal thoughts about some 1 I don’t like or doesn’t like me. But I have homicidal about the ppl i LUV the most! It’s like the thought pops up in my head then I got a whole bunch of cause n effect scenarios.
It could b like if i c a hammer on the table, I could bash my loved one in the head. Or it could b some insecticide, n I could add a dash of death 2 a meal. I mean yea, I been thru some bad shit, but this is just fucked up! After i realize what I just wuz thinking, then I start feeling all bad, then the potential bad endings, n it bothers me. I mean, I’m ain’t necessarily a bad dude, but damn that shit ain’t cool, feel me?
11. I get homicidal thoughts when I am deeply disturbed. I make up shit in my head on how I could kill someone and get away with it. I have really good self control, and I’m a good person, and it bothers me deeply. Most of my homicidal thoughts are about my brother though because he is clearly the Antichrist. I talked to God when I was actually planning on killing him and he stopped me. He’s a crackhead and pill popper big time and only uses my disabled mother for more crack money.
Luckily he has found a place to live so he doesn’t bang on our doors at 530 or call my phone anymore. He threatens a lot towards our family, but I can do so much more harm than he could. My father passed away in January and he was the only person who could keep him in line. The constant family feuds we’ve been having has at times caused me to the point of pure insanity. I talk about killing him openly with my family and how he just needs to die.
Of course, they’re very freaked out. I’ve always had homicidal thoughts even before schizophrenia. But they have just been getting worse about my brother. I think about killing other people sometimes, but it’s mostly my brother because he’s a piece of shit. This morning he came by again and I couldn’t sleep. I haven’t heard voices in over a week, they come and go, but this morning voices were telling me to murder someone.
12. When I read this post, I immediately remembered my early teen years, when my illness really started getting bad. I had my first hallucinations when I was about 14 or 15, and that’s when I started having thoughts of killing people. At first the thoughts were of killing people at school, like a random school shooting, and then killing myself. Then came the thoughts about killing my family members and then myself. I skipped school all the time because of it. I feel sick just typing this. I want to delete it and pretend it never happened.

This one is deeply disturbing. Some sort of homicidal thinking she had actually led to her trying to kill her brother, probably when she had schizophrenia:

I’ve had thoughts like that before too. I used to go to school with a girl who I thought was perfect. I wanted to kill her because I felt so flawed next to her. The point is, NEVER act on these impulses. Never hurt anyone or you will regret it horribly. I tried to kill my brother once and he avoided me for years (can you blame him?).

As you can see, homicidal thinking is extremely common in schizophrenia. In fact, the vast majority of schizophrenics seem to experience it at some time or other. Some of this stuff looks very OCD-ish to me. Whether it justifies an additional diagnosis of OCD or not, I have no idea. You will notice that in many cases, anti-psychotic medication specifically for schizophrenia made the thoughts go away. This implies that it was not an OCD process driving the thoughts but instead it was a schizophrenic process. If it was an OCD process, the anti-schizophrenic drugs would not have worked.
The question is how does the schizophrenic homicidal thinking above compare to the OCD-type ideation in quality? Honestly, I do not have the faintest idea.
One way it differs is that in schizophrenia it can take the form of command hallucinations ordering the person to commit violent acts. Fortunately, they do not give in to the thoughts most of the time. There is something a bit similar in OCD where the person experiences thoughts inside their head ordering them to carry out various homicidal and violent acts. The difference is that in OCD it will be a thought and in schizophrenia it will be an external voice. And in schizophrenia, there is much more likelihood that the person will act on it. The chance that a person with OCD will act on the thoughts is just about nil.
However, in schizophrenia, this thinking is much more dangerous as it regularly leads to episodes of violence. However, as you can see above, only one of the schizophrenics above ever acted on their homicidal thoughts, so in many cases, they are able to control themselves.
I have never worked with schizophrenics, and I don’t know how to deal with homicidal ideation in schizophrenia. I imagine it is a very tricky area to determine a schizophrenic with this type of thinking is dangerous or not.
People come to me after reading my articles. They are basically self-diagnosing with OCD, or they have already been diagnosed by a clinician. I have found that people are pretty good at self-diagnosis for this condition. They often write me telling me that it is as I could see inside their minds and tell them what was going on in there. All of the people who came to me with homicidal or violent thoughts had OCD so far, so I haven’t had to worry much about differential diagnosis. I did have one client who was truly homicidal, but that person was thinking in a completely different way and it wasn’t OCD driving the homicidal ideation, it was something else altogether. There wasn’t much I could do about that person either.
Unfortunately, I think most of the people who are truly dangerous are simply not going to show up for counseling or therapy. They either like to feel this way or don’t care, and they don’t see any problem with their way of thinking.

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115 thoughts on “OCD and Homicidal Thoughts”

  1. Robert,
    Thank you for this very informative article. I have suffered with OCD for about 6 months. Was hospitalized twice in a month, and was put on Anti-Depressants, Anti-Psychotics, and now OCD medication. I’ve had homicidal thoughts against so many people, I have lost count. I was diagnosed by doctors in August, and didn’t believe them, but now after reading this article with real people’s stories, it all makes sense. Especially the part where you say that if Anti-Psychotics does not work for people with homicidal thoughts, it’s definitely OCD related; and I went through about 4 different ones in the hospital, and they all didn’t work.
    I’m on Anafranil right now, and I’ve been wanting to get rid of the pills for a while, but something tells me I should stay on it for a little longer, to see if it will help with the thoughts. This article has definitely helped me feel less alone with the stories, and your great analysis on the difference between schizophrenics, ocd’ers, and an actual violent person.
    Thanks again, you’ve made my day better.

  2. I want to know why when I’m alone I think of homicide I get so much anxiety hoping they go away then I think about death and see myself in prison and get terror and panic because I Dont and won’t act on them I’m fearful thinking one day what if i snap. then I seeyself in a but home I feel I’m crazy or is it just me. I Dont watch scary movies because then when a murder scene comes I see myself doing it and panic in fear I want to live a good normal life I pray on the daily hoping I am normal and not sick nor mental. there are days I feel IMA lose it then I panic more please help me I’m 21 and am suffering bad

  3. Hello sir I am wondering if this is an HOCD. I am 22 years old and I think I feel a symptoms of anxiety and homicidal thougt I never been consult to a doctor before, but do self diagosis. It was started when my ex girlfriend broke up with me and i felt very sad, I always think of her and the memories we’ve shared together everyday and every night. I cried a lot alone every night. Untill One night before to sleep I listen to her favourite music I cried a lot while recalling all the memories we’ve shared together, then after a few minutes I felt my heart beat faster and I was like to panic or explode. I had drunk a water to relieve my feelings then when i got calm, I seen my parents are sleeping then a homicidal thought came up to my mind. After a month I started to feel nervousness and feel like going to burst inside my body. And after another month the homosuicidal thought have came up to my mind for the second time when i seen a knife on the table. Untill now I am worried about the homicidal thought inside my mind that can harm my family. I want to do it but if i am going to supress that thinking I feel like uncontrollable.

    1. Hello Ryan,
      I may not be the one you are wanting to talk to but, I can see you are having issues. Many times issues like this can come after a breakup and as I can see you recently broke up with your girlfriend. First of all listening to her old music, lusting after old memories is not how you get over someone. I can see you are having a hard adjusting to the fact she no longer wants to date you but the way you are handling it is all wrong. You need to take away any old photos, videos, or memories. It doesn’t have to be permanent but just until you feel stable and not feeling homicidal. About the homicidal thing you maybe need to confront a therapist or maybe your family about the issues so you can get help. Its not healthy to keep it all in. I’m assuming you haven’t talked to your parents about thee break up but it is best to confront them about your issues so they can help assist you.
      One last final thing…. You’re probably feeling this way because you don’t have something. It’s causing you a big hole in your heart leaving you empty and broken. We all have this hole but some of us just cover it up better than others do. It can be easy to pretend to live a free and happy life but on the inside you’re breaking inside. There is one solution. Jesus Christ you probably have seen people who believe in Jesus before. Hear me out. Jesus can heal anything from a broken heart to homicidal. You probably feel alone right now. But just pray to Jesus calling him out and asking him for forgiveness and love always remember you get as much of Jesus as you want. I’m praying for you here are a few websites to help you start out and maybe get some more info if you’re wondering.
      Im praying for you…..

      1. hey Ryan hope you get this message you seem like a Godly man. well i must start off by saying i get anxiety a bunch when im sitting down or working the crime movies i used to watch and feel im like the killers in the scenes and i panic i think im a crazy person and panic more i trust in the Lord yet these thoughts make me fearful and scared. i think “what if im a killer” or “what if im a killer and no one knows it” i am so scared to act on these thoughts i have never hit my wife nor been cruel i avoid watching kids because im scared ill snap and kill. i know deep down i wouldnt act on them they say a killer would act on them and feel no fear. i tell everyone what my thoughts i cant keep em in i feel better when i tell people. i dont care if they think im crazy some say “they have them too but they dont let them scare them” i wanna be normal and live my life happy i was once normal then one day walked in a store and felt like i was in a crime movie and someone would kill us all or i thought what if im the killer?” i then gripped my wife and said “im having anxiety here lets go” i tell my wife everything i even tell her i fear if i kill her and she says she knows i would never do it she hugs me at times and they flee when im being hugged. but everyday i stress and fear so much every day is another battle i fight and i think if i die id be in peace.but i get anxiety even thinking that. and i cant breathe and get anxiety and panic attacks. these thoughts hold me back from working and everything. i cant afford a dr. visit i sometimes get urges to call 911 so they can take me away for im crazy. i depend on Christ i dont drink or smoke or do any drugs. i fear so much i need help i cant stop crying i dont know if im schitzo or phycho or if its OCD i avoid guns,scary movies,im 22 and cant stop my mind from thinking. do homicidal thoughts go away. what makes them go away.

  4. Hello~
    I have been dealing with homicidal thoughts for a while (since a child) and, well, I don’t know my reason for this message. Help maybe? But whenever I get upset, quite randomly at time, I wish to grab a knife a cut them up slowly while hearing their anguish screams of pain. It isn’t just when I’m angry, even when I’m bored. I could be sitting next to an acquaintance of mine, due to my lack of friends, and I might just get the urge to choke them. To see the life slowly leave their eyes. I hate violence on those who cannot defend themselves, mostly animals, yet people annoy me. People are just stupid annoying sheep who walk willingly to the chopping block. I do not think myself a genius, or very highly, just smart enough to see everyone else’s stupidity. I have not had any childhood trauma yet in the last two years have had spurts of depression and by, a slim amount, of cutting I have gained an even deeper fascination with blood. I have always been brutal such at laughing at other’s pain, searching up serial killers, and debating the realistic v. fantasy aspects of horror films. I, myself, do not understand the finer points of human interaction and many times striggle with comnecting with others. I do not believe I am a direct threat to the public due to the person I am the closest to, my dad, despises those whom harm others as despicable human being and “freaks”. But I wonder what I would be like without the strong moral integrity of my dad.
    I’m curious to your response on my inner thoughts.
    Tara, age 16
    (Above written without checking over/ editing so for my thought process to be more clearly seen and understood)

  5. I have one single question about the urge – act on thoughts – when somebody has the obsession that he could I don´t know – lick the dogs leg and he will actually do it (I know it is nothing immoral – it´s only somehow weird), what does it mean? The point is, the he did act on his obsessions even it wasn´t something bad. But if he has then the urge to kill the dog, does it mean he will act on the thought, because firstly he has acted on the not so bad thought? I have problem to understand this act on thought – sometimes – but it depends – could something which isn´t so much bad for somebody (like lick the dogs leg)became an obsession? Obsession is filled with fear, no?

  6. suffering from Postpartum harm OCD/anxiety… I gave birth prematurely on Nov, 2013 and the illness 1st attacked me on Jan, 2014, inside the church, as if I heard a voice, telling me to shout out loud… Extreme anxiety just overwhelmed me, so I told my husband that I just want to go home… Days passed a thought of harming my kids just popped in my mind, plus this unexplainable urge, and extreme anxiety overwhelmed me again… I cried for the Lord’s mercy, because I don’t want to do it and I really really DON’T want to do it, but this unexplainable urges just pushing me…
    I always cry to my mom and my husband, why is this happening to me… I love my kids, but why those intrusive thoughts keep haunting my mind…
    I haven’t seen a therapist and haven’t took any meds for OCD, but my dad gave me an anxiolitic med, that just helped me when my anxiety is really up… Thank God, the last time I took that med was last Oct 26…
    I could say that the illness is more manageable now, unlike the 1st attack, but still, I am struggling sometimes, I still struggling with sharp objects, and I don’t want any violent/horror movies, I don’t want bad news…
    When I am in public, intrusive thoughts of shouting is the one I am battling also… I don’t want to do it, but this unexplainable urge really makes me feel that I will do it… So tired of this…

  7. hi, i am 15 and for the last year ive had tons of uncontrollable homicidal thoughts, but recently thry have been too real. i was bullied alot when i was younger and i have made 3 attempts at suicide because of depression and my fear that one day i will kill. i often daydream about somone close to me dying and my reaction and then i kindof hope they die. i also will be perfectly fine and start to think of killing. the most recent one was today abd i was sitting on the couch with my dog (a chiuahua) and started thinking of how easy it would be to strangle, or beat to death or cut her throught while stairing into her eyes and watching the life drain from her and smiling or beating or stabbing my mom to death. sometimes i find myself actually planning on how to kill and hide the ev idence or make it look like an accident. sometimes i like it, but most times i freak out and start to be avffraid because i truely dont want to harm anyone ive been having these thoughts and dreams ev ery day and am terrified that ill do it. after they pass i think of suicide and that if i kill myself itll be better than me killing lots of people. these happen at night usually, but during the day im the most up beat happy person.
    please someone help me i dont know what to do i cant fight it anymore i dont know im afraid every day that ill kill someone and i dont want to. i need help. were can i find the help i need please every day it gets more real. i dont want it to be 100% real im scared please help me

  8. I think this is exactly what I have. I’ll be watching a TV show, say Dexter and will start to feel as though I have an urge to kill, like a voice in my head going oh no you need to kill. I have talked with family and friends about this. We all agree that we think its my anxiety problems messing with me. I love people, the thought of thid terrigies mecause id never want to harm my family but even now I am terrified what these ‘thoughts’ might make me do. I usualy try andplay a game, talk with friends, or watch Guardians of the Galaxy to make it go away. I even avoid watching shows. I have a dexter book I now refuse to read. Does this tssound like HOCD? Please help me out if you can, I want to sleep easy knowing I wont harm my mom or dog or anyone. I am 16btw and these thoughts are fairly recent.

  9. I have being living with thoughts in my head of killing people in horrible ways you wont exept by using their eyes as stress balls smashing heads in the microwave til they explode wanting to make other eat their own organs. I have being diagnosed with ADD but im afraid its not the only thing thats wrong with me. The cures i have for this problem now is making horror core hip hop planting my dark thoughts in them or smoking weed
    Im 13 this is not a healthy mind
    PS: i never performed these actions but i need help before my lyrics can come true.

  10. This sounds very similar to what I’ve been through/am going through. I have never had homicidal thoughts before now; though I have had random thoughts like ‘what if I were to punch this person while they were talking?’ or ‘if i pushed this person off a cliff, would anyone stop me?’ kind of thing since I was in Middle School. When I was younger I would also have thoughts about choking my cat to death, though I obviously never did it since she’s still alive today. I recently started seeing a Psychologist about this, and he told me that I’ve been suffering through Agoraphobia, Social Anxiety and OCD thoughts and obsessions. He put me on two kinds of medication – one for every day (Sertraline) and one for emergencies encase an anxiety attack occurs regardless of my every day medication. I’ve been on it for about two weeks now, and I’ve had to use the emergency medication twice to knock me out so far.
    Since I started the medication it’s helped me with my regular anxiety, but I started to get homicidal thoughts and my intrusive thoughts have gotten worse. Before the homicidal thoughts, my obsessions involved pedophilia and fear that my cat was going to pass away because she was very sick for a week or two. With pedophilia, I was convinced that I was attracted to children, and that’s why I made the appointment with the psychologist. Now this obsession is not bothering me, though the homicidal thoughts one is. Thoughts like: ‘if i had a gun right now, i could very easily shoot everyone down and nobody could do anything about it’, ‘if i stab my family to death, no one will stop me’, ‘maybe i’d enjoy murdering people’, ‘if the people i kill are dead, life will keep moving’ and ‘is killing people really wrong?’. Prior to these thoughts, I would get them occasionally, but they never really bothered me because they were only passing thoughts that I’d get once in a great while, and I never acted on them. Though now I feel as if I’m going to actually go out and purchase a gun and just start shooting people up. I’ve had the urge to look up symptoms of Sociopath’s and Psychopath’s, because I’ve never felt like I was normal even when I was younger, but I know that if I have any similarities to these kinds of people that I will probably panic more and convince myself further into thinking that I’m the next Sandy Hook murder case.
    I’ve started to avoid watching my favorite shows such as Fullmetal Alchemist, because there is blood and gore in them. I’ve also stopped watching the news, which I liked to watch on the weekends to be informed on things. I have also stopped roleplaying (which was my big stress reliever), because most of my roleplay’s that I have with people consist of dark themes like killing and death. When I was stuck on the idea that I was a pedophile, I avoided watching shows that had children or children voices in them, afraid that I was going to get turned on by something I saw. The pedophile fear still occasionally bothers me, but not as much as it did a few weeks ago before I got on medication. I’ve even started to stay away from my cat, because I think I’m going to loose control and strangle her. I have put my hands around her neck multiple times now to reassure myself that I wouldn’t do it, and I haven’t; but I feel like I’m going to. Like I’m going to just squeeze and suffocate her – it’d be so easy to do. And though that urge is there, after a few moments I pull my hands off of her. I’ve never attempted to choke her, I’ve only gently put my hands around her neck as reassurance. It makes me slightly upset because she trusts me not to do anything to her, and she just sits there and purrs because she thinks I’m petting her or something.
    It’s also bothering me, because my mind is looking back at all the things that could be considered homicidal or violent thoughts for children to have. For instance I remember when I was younger that me and my little Sister used to beat up my other cat occasionally when we had just gotten them (our two cats are Sister’s) because we thought it was funny. I think I remember (this was when I was about 7 or 8) that I eventually told her that we should stop doing it to her because it wasn’t nice; but the fact remains that we still did that to her and we thought it was funny. I haven’t harmed another living being like that since we beat her up years ago; but it still makes me think that maybe all along I’ve been homicidal. I’m a little rough with my pet rabbit, but that’s because I need to be or he’ll hurt himself while I’m working with him for 4-H. I’ve never actually tried to kill him. Even with spiders and wasps; and still hesitant to kill them. And I HATE both of those insects. I tend to run away from them instead of trying to kill them. I even rescued Lady Bugs in elementary school and put them in a pencil box case to protect them because the teachers were instructed to kill them if they had gotten into the building.
    My parents always tell me that I’m a gentle soul, and my Dad tells me that I’m gentle with the car when I’m driving and everything (he taught me how to drive), but I feel like he wouldn’t say I was a gentle soul if he knew the thoughts that I had. I have no problem talking to my parents about what’s bothering me, but I usually don’t go into deep detail. My psychologist says that it’s important for them to know what kinds of thoughts I’m having so that they can help me because I’m only 18 years old, and I still live with them. My parents didn’t seem to be concerned when I told them I was having homicidal thoughts. They just told me to call the doctor if I felt I needed to – but I have an appointment with him at the end of this week, so they feel that I can hang on until then and hopefully he’ll help me. I wanted to stop my medication in fear that it’s going to make me act on these thoughts; but my Mom is making me take it still, just a lower dosage (half a pill instead of a whole one). She told me that I can’t just stop taking it like that if I want to get better.
    When I have these thoughts, I’m not really thinking so much on how I’m going to kill the person; it’s usually just the generic stabbing, shooting and choking scenarios. I don’t see the dead person in my head, I just think of the situation and how others would react. I don’t think of these things on my free will, they just kind of pop up. I don’t fantasize about them either (at least to my knowledge). I seem to be fine one moment, convincing myself that it’s just normal OCD thoughts – but then I start to think about how it’s probably not OCD, and I’m going to be the next murderer that people talk about on TV for the next few months because I shot up an elementary school. It’s scaring me, because the more I have these thoughts, the less that they bother me. I’ve become so obsessed with the issue that I cannot work at school or focus in class. I was even at an anime convention this weekend, and I couldn’t even have fun there because I was too busy about thinking of shooting everyone there.
    I also think that I’m suffering from depression, because I don’t have fun or find enjoyment in playing video games, hanging out with my friends, writing or reading anymore like I used to. I haven’t had motivation to do anything in school since 8th grade (i’m a senior in highschool now), and I’ve recently started to loose my appetite. I have no urge to harm myself, but I don’t have any motivation to live or take care of myself, either. I want to normal and I want to get help, but it’s becoming very difficult to live with myself.
    Here’s to hoping that I can get help on Friday or sooner from the author of this article. Thank you for addressing this issue – it’s more important than people realize.

    1. Hi Lea, I honestly felt like I was reading an autobiography when I came across your post. I have suffered with depression and anxiety since around 12-13 (but was a nervous child too), and am now 20 years old. Last November, I started a new antidepressant (Sertraline) and within a week I was hospitalised because I felt out of control with anxiety. Since that point, I’ve had homicidal thoughts to varying degrees which have caused intense anxiety and made me want to kill myself so I don’t end up taking someone else’s life. It’s been happening so much that it has gotten to a point where the thoughts have caused me less anxiety, which makes me truly believe I’m capable of heinous crimes. Like you, I imagine myself committing a mass murder or something, but the thoughts are never specific. It’s like I have the vague thought in my head, and what people would think of me and my family if I did it, but it really freaks me out as I think that I really will go through with it. I feel thankful I live in a country with strict gun laws that would make it harder for me to do anything, and I picture myself phoning the police or telling someone so they could stop me in time. I should mention, I began a new antidepressant (Venlafaxine) in January and after what felt like an eternity (actually around 3-4 weeks) I felt more stable and the thoughts dissipated. Anyway, under the suggestion of a psychiatrist I began on Mirtazapine and the anxiety, homicidal thoughts and feelings of unreality returned. I’m now back on venlafaxine and am hoping to stabilise soon. I can’t keep living like this, it’s killing me.

  11. im 23 years old.. lately i have been having random homicidal thoughts ive noidea what this means or if i am possibly sick , i could walk by some one some times and think of a good way to kill some one but after trying to shoo the feeling away i feel upset.. im docile almost all the time and i wouldnt harm a fly unless it buzzed next to my ear .. anyway .. let me give you an example of the way that i would feel some times..
    so my brother and i are walking around in a mall and i have one of my favorite pens in my hand, which was one ment for a touch screen i tend to like those kinds of pens , they are highly versitile. any way my brother is droneing on about how the phone isnt for me to mess with its his phone hes only getting it so he can reach me and im staying pretty calm next thing i know i switch to a violent feeling and i saw my self in my head just stabbing my favorite pen into the side of his neck.. once ..

  12. if trying to figure out if this is an ocd thing or not that i have but I’m not sure even after reading the article. dont think its scizophrenia cause i dont have psychosis or hear voices.
    one thing to note is i have a history of abusing ssri and snri antidepressants and other drugs. this had lead to brain damage for me and the violent thoughts got much worse after the abuse. i have mood disorder and general bad feelings too.
    i think very violent homicidal stuff like chopping peoples heads off, cutting genitals off, shooting people, rape and so on. i also think about ways to harm and kill myself. the thoughts just seem to come out of nowhere and its not under my control whether they pop in my head. i get some kind of enjoyment from indulging them. more like relief of anxiety.
    i also have sexual obsessive thoughts, mostly gay sex thoughts, but some straight thrown in to try to “prove to myself I’m not gay.” i consider myself definitely bisexual. this is a little different cause i actually want to engage in these acts, but the frequency and repetiveness of the thoughts is severe.
    thats all i can think of now. email me and ill try to email you to try to give you more information and try to get some help.
    ty robert.

    1. gotta add that i have no history of violence and i have no intention or desire to hurt anybody.
      also I’m 26 and very close to being a virgin if not for one girl. so I’ve had problems getting sex and intimate relationships all my life. i am involuntarily celibate.

  13. Schizophrenics are much more likely to be victims or violence than to be perpetrators of it. This article should’ve made that clear.

  14. I’m 21 and I’ve noticed over most of my life (10-21) I have been provoked many times and I could never bring myself to hurt anyone. once tried to steel myself up and hurt my older sister once, and when ever she would get me really upset I would regret not following through. It doesn’t come to mind as much as it used to, but I still have my older brother to deal with. I’m cautious with the law, which would upset me whenever my brother went against it. even to a point where I would wish death on him. I always thought I restrained myself because I was afraid of going to jail or hell. even when I called my older sister names that I knew would hurt her, I ended up apologizing because somehow I was “hurting myself” along with my sister. my mother said it’s because I have a “big heart”. but I’m not really sure whether it’s the “big heart” or the “fear of judgment”…

  15. Hi, I’m 24 and I’ve been diagnosed with bipolar ,schizoaffective and major depressive. I have these random thoughts of choking my girlfriend and killing her parents and stuff like this. I hate it so much I can’t stand it, it’s like urges and I can’t stop them or get them out. I don’t want to but I’m always scared that I’m just going to do it. What should I do I feel like I’m going to have a nervous breakdown or something?

    1. I have no idea how crazy you are, but I am sure that diagnosis is way more nuts than you. You cannot have:
      Major Depression
      Bipolar Disorder
      Schizoaffective Disorder
      All at once. They tend to cancel each other out.
      Anyway, email me and we can talk about it. It looks like you have OCD too.

  16. Might not be the correct place to ask this, but does this look OCD-ish to you? I’ve always suffered from being a worrier as my Mum puts it. Ive been scared of getting someone pregnant from swimming near them for over 2 years despite knowing chlorine kills semen. I’ve been scared of wetting the bed before that, it’s just who I am.
    But these have never been as scary as this to me. So about late September I started getting issues with my eyes, and this along with a relationship with a girl not working out led to some kind of depression.
    And it was around this time I acquired a curiosity that I may be a psychopath. I like violent video games, the Walking Dead and have a dark sense of humor. This curiosity made me very nervous. I began to look online a lot at of tests and kept checking with friends and relatives to see if I was a psychopath. It was just something I kept looking up. Considering it was 4 months ago, I can’t quite remember the extent of the worries, but it was getting really scary. I asked loads of questions on forums, and it managed to keep me calm whenever I felt I was worrying to much.
    It was about November 10th were I got an intrusive thought/urge of hurting my mother with a knife. I was not angry with my Mum or anything – it was just something that happened. One minute I was cutting up biscuits to take through to my family and the next I was in shock. I managed to serve up the biscuits in the lounge with the knife in an attempt to prove to myself I wouldn’t do such a thing. Is that a thing in OCD, normally people with OCD would be scared of knifes not use one to prove their a psychopath? Anyway I swiftly ran upstairs and felt the most scared I have ever felt ever in tears and upset by the fact I was thinking like this.
    I discovered it may be OCD, and I told my mum all about it; she claimed it was normal. The thought never really occurred much, maybe as I was exposed to knifes and my family when washing up every night after that. However, the fear still remained strong. There was a period of time after that where I was so scared I felt I was in a dream almost detached from reality. The fear changed/adapted, and I began to obsess that I was a school shooter. Thoughts like, “I used to kill ants as a child, so that must mean I’m psycho because psychopaths are cruel to animals when they are young” and “School shooters like video games just like me”.
    I looked at Wiki articles on mental illness associated with the school shooters and took online tests multiple times on separate occasions, and no matter the results, the anxiety would only go for sometime, and soon after, I was yet again convinced I was a homicidal maniac.
    I would make myself be extremely nice to people. I have this thing were I check taps and stuff and do typically OCD actions to make myself feel like I have OCD, reinforcing that I’m OCD and not psycho. One of my most effective ways of getting rid of anxiety was looking at posts like this on my phone to read over when I got scared (I’ve read this loads).
    Recently I have got back in to playing somewhat violent games and TV, but I still get slightly uncomfortable. January was when it got worse. I got convinced I wanted to do it. Similar to the case on the homicide above, I was convinced I wanted to do it. Let me make this clear. I never planned to do a school shooting, and I have never bought a gun.
    I was really scared by that. How do I know that it is OCD and not me actually wanting to do it? I have been depressed recently possibly due to OCD. How do I know that it’s not that and that I’m actually homicidal? My doctor suggested it was anxiety. Any answers will make me happy, so go ahead. Finally thank you for your posts and such – they’re really really helpful.

      1. Hi Mr Lindsay thank you very much for you typical case if harm ocd page I found it very useful to read.
        However at the moment I’m in a bit of trouble. I’ll explain bellow it’s hard to explain but it would be great to have your opinion.
        In the half term before spring break I had a thought that I should apologize to the boy I had had horrible thoughts about. The violent fantasy one. I apologised about what I had done to him in real life and I felt great like my ocd had gone. I thought it was a compulsion. But it had gone for 3 days. I told my mum who claims I’m over thinking. Which I agree with you see I don’t think my ocd is real. When it went I found I needed to do my compulsions because otherwise it meant I wasn’t ocd. So I almost tried to force it back on myself and it did comeback. The fear still ruins my day. But this thing I’m suffering from is making me doubt myself. On multiple occasions very often I get convinced I want to do it, like it’s on a script and I can’t stop it. I used to fear and feel anxious when this occurred but now I’m unsure. Like today I had a thought that I wanted to rape and kill a class mate. It wast intrusive but I felt it was appealing to me which is quite concerning. I don’t even know if I’m concerned. Maybe I want to feel this way? Like I enjoy imaging punching people and the idea of fighting people excites me is that mean I’m a homicidal person. Also before my ocd onset I had some mild thoughts of suicide. I know 3/4 of ocd sufferers feel depressed but yesterday I got convinced I wanted to do it and a mixture of that and stress made me start thinking about suicide. I don’t feel depressed all day every day and I like to think I wouldn’t do it. But isn’t that an indication that I’m dangerous!?
        As for my compulsions these days I’ve started to think they are fake. Like I do them to make me feel like I have ocd. Like I have some like reassurance but most of my others go along the lines of do it or your not ocd and also don’t mind making your family ill. I also have cracked hands which enhances this. I managed to get rid of my avoidence of video games but I do avoid new things. Like anything. Because by interacting with it I have one less thing to live for.
        I know sometimes ocders think they want to do it but I seriously can’t tell. Like when I’m unsure I say tap your left foot if you want to kill your right if you dont. I always say right but now I feel like a liar. And if I think hard enough I start to think I want to do these things.
        However about 2 weeks ago I got a thought there was a baby in my room and if I didn’t look I was a baby killer. I would check for 2 hours despite knowing it was irrational. And I stopped recently. And didn’t check last night. It wasn’t to hard maybe because I did it in stages. Same with plugs if you font check you don’t mind your family dieing. Also both make me feel ocd.
        So anyway I don’t know if I want to do these things I’m a little depressed?
        Ps I have to say what’s on my hands to prove I don’t hate anyone. By being disrespectful. This one makes me feel ocd aswell. I feel like a murderer if I don’t also not ocd. So anyway I have Mr muscle cleaner on my phone screen. Cracked hands. Hand cream on my hands. Germs from garden on hands. All sorts from phone screen. Sorry if you get poisened. Not intentional.
        Finally my email doesn’t work at the moment.

    1. School shooters being blamed on movies&videogames is an age-old copout by people who hate movies&videogames. How many people watch the movies, play the games–and DON’T try to make it real?
      There’s something ELSE that makes people go violent. Hatred of Christians like in Oregon, or steeping in decades of “We’re Oppressed” bullshit, or a counselor saying “Just Deal With It” (The 4 most dangerous words in the English language, in that order, if you think about it!)
      Now that we’ve covered what ISN’T the cause, I’m afraid I have to defer to Robert of what IS.
      Have you had some recent added stressor in your life that you don’t feel you’re in control? Lost girlfriend, like you mentioned, or lost job or something that was taken from you unfairly, arbitrarily, and you felt out of control?

    2. Look on the bright side: You error-trap yourself. You have the self-control/impulse-control to NOT indulge these whims!
      Remember the three thugs that went to the other side of town and killed an Australian baseball-player just because they were “bored”?
      That is the result of NOT telling yourself/your impulses “NO!”

        1. Yes, stress brings out not only OCD, but a truly NASTY skin rash that puzzled my doctor–and the dermatologist he sent me to–for weeks!
          I have OCD myself, and my brain is wired differently. I think in scenarios. You might even say I plan too far ahead.
          I think that’s all your brain is doing, “What if I did this?”
          Something like the cartoon of Dragon’s Lair, if you’re old enough to remember that, or if not, just think of it as looking ahead in chess. It’s not so much you WANT to do that, it’s your brain is saying “What IF I did this?”

  17. OCD & Homicidal Thoughts.. people With This Pattern Will be Fine They Know How To Image Violance Without Actually Acting Out. in other Words Yes They May Have a Twisted Mind However Like Myself I Can Imagn Murderious Behaviour But its all just a simple way For That person to Clear There mind To feel at ease.. Meanwhile NOT acting out On This Imagnary Images or Murderious Behaviour Yes They Will Not Seek Help. Cause They Know if they do try To Tell Someone How They Think… To Another Person May Find This Really Fucked up. ILL Minded Obscene & Never Seen a Smooth Criminal AAF.

  18. Hi Mr Lindsay I am having trouble identifying intrusive thoughts and would be grateful for any thoughts. If not just know I am extremely grateful for all your ocd posts.
    This is part of a post I put on Reddit a couple days ago.
    I’ve been terrified of being a killer. Last night it was very painful and I began to think I was and that I wanted to be a killer this has happened before about once a month. I was feeling depressed. I woke up this morning had a shower then got this mental image of me stabbing my family. I have no reason to stab my mum but I guess it could have been some kind of suicide thing. I was a bit confused and it made me uncomfortable. I went done stairs and got this feeling of repressing an urge to stab my mum. I love her and I even hugged her to prove to myself I do. Because of the depression I was unsure if it was homicidal thoughts. I felt like I was repressing an urge to do it and that I wanted to do it. This feeling left when she went out side and I could relax. Was that an intrusive thought? Like I felt like I kind of wanted to do it. I’ve had some suicidal feelings. Mainly because of the anxiety and thinking i have nothing to look forward to. I know I do. The depression was intense last night and I’m starting to think maybe it was a real homicidal urge. I don’t know why I’d stab my mum but maybe it was soemkimd of self destructive fantasy. I dont if I somehow want to do something like that. I’d hope I dont.
    This morning today I got another thought. Last night I was worrying about the whole stabbing my m thing and I kept resisting looking online because it would just get worse I wasn’t too sure. So I woke up still with this urge to look online. Took a shower. Got ready for college. I got this thought about what the thought meant. I am bothered by this fear of being a school shooter. I would never do it and I pray often stating that but it becomes hard to believe. When I look online I feel so free of the panic for a little while. So I went down stairs I wanted today to be a good day talk with my friends and get ready for my mocks. But I got this random homicidal feeling like really scary but I felt as if I was going to do it and wanted to. It was of getting a knife from the kitchen. Wth. It was nasty. But maybe I didn’t feel anxiety because I thought it was an intrusive thought. I thought I should look online to be safe. I swore at the thought told it to rot in he’ll but maybe I was lieing. I feel depressed so I’m confused. I’m not angry but I do feel like I’m in a dream. Sometimes when I worry alot I get convinced I may want to do it but idk. In the same way I say I don’t want to kill myself but I have depression. Is it some kind of lie. I’ve had some thoughts idk. Maybe I’m depressed because of the thoughts and also because it convinces me I have nothing to look forward to.
    Like earlier I had one of “there’s a knife on the table what’s stopping me from doing something” and I felt like I was resisting an urge. Maybe it was some kind of murder suicide thing. I never used to have it it has started recently.
    Thanks for reading. Eliza

  19. I feel so much better reading about this. I suffer of harm ocd. It’s been hard trying to find the right treatment. It breaks my heart everytime I have a though of hurting a love one, or anyone. I tried to avoid knives and cooking for awhile. As I was cooking I had thoughts of slicing my boy friends throat open. I kept making dinner and I was terrified. This happened a number of times. I felt shamed, embarrassed, I couldn’t look him at the eye, I felt like a murderer. He would hug me while I was cutting the vegtables and I’ll push him away from me, I felt like he wasn’t safe around me. And I love him very much and it breaks my heart having such horrible thoughts.
    I feel a little peace knowing that there are others experiencing what I do and I’m not alone on this.

  20. Dear Mr Lindsay,
    I’ve read your article and also the comments. Please what’s your email address?
    Thank you.

  21. I’ve been dealing with intrusive thoughts and it’s been the worst. It started one day on my way home from Quebec with my grandparents and I just had a thought of hurting my grandmother, I just shook it off and watched a funny show. I’ve always been someone who wants to help others and hates even arguing with people so when these thoughts continued I just felt horrible. I’d pray, I’d cry, I’d do anything. I still have them and haven’t been medicated yet since I haven’t been in to see my therapist yet. I’m always scared I’ll become my thoughts, I had a mental breakdown yesterday because I felt nobody could understand me. I’m scared to write these urges down because I’m scared it’ll push me to do it. I hear harm ocd causes you to hurt what you love most, for me it’s my family and now my morals and myself are being destroyed. I always try to think of the outcome of the scenario and sleep it off. I’m worried to even go to my friends party in case I’m agitated or something. I don’t know what to do

  22. I want to kill someone. I’m 14 years old and I love the thought of hurting someone, sometimes I picture myself stabbing someone to death while walking down the street. I laugh at stuff that I shouldn’t laugh at. I laugh at the thought of death. I don’t want help I love the thought of going into an asylum. It’s NOT a stage. I want to kill someone.

  23. Hi Robert, I have been experiencing this type of OCD for about 8 years now on and off and it is terribly distressing. I can relate to the article where it says sometimes I even feel as though I may enjoy the action and it is terrifying. I get myself so worked up. Do you have any idea why this may be? Do you have an email, I would just like to talk to someone who has similar experience and more knowledge about this.

      1. Hi Robert,
        I emailed you about two weeks ago but I haven’t heard back from you. Just wondering if I can reach you on here.

  24. I’m not so sure whether I am having a Post partum depression or OCD but I am thinking of suicidal ideas and doing bad things to my 1 month son but I hope God won’t allow any bad things to happen I just need to find ways to avoid this episode.

  25. Hello, I know you’ve got many comments and e-mails from teenagers like me. There’s not much difference in my case.
    But less than a week ago, my friend was about to tell the others about what I talked to her a day before…which is actually something embarrassing. I accidentally choked her. When I realized what I’d done, I released her. But I don’t felt any guilt. Instead, I felt kind of relieved and pleased, and it made my urge to torture increase. Now that I thought about it, actually it wasn’t an accident because I was completely conscious, and I did it of my own free will. I’m 16. Just like most people here, I don’t want to make people around me suffer.
    Sorry for my English, not my native language.

  26. Ok harm OCD? O how in the hell on gods green planet do I fix this best that has plagued my brain, I am so tired of living like this…. it started when I was 6 months pregnant with my 5 baby… please freaking help me.

  27. I’m a 22 year old woman i have been battling with wanting to kill/harm everyone since the age of 9. When this does happen I go into a rage and I can feel myself, and see my self actually killing/harming them, I can feel the anger while this is happening, I can see their pained faces. Sometimes I can catch myself thinking this way and stop, other times I cannot.
    There has been incidents where I have acted out on these thoughts.
    When I was 9, I remember getting furious with my parents because they were showing my little sister more attention because she was sick, I got mad and pictured myself stabbing her and I felt myself doing this and it felt good, so I grabbed a pencil and stabbed her in the back with it, after I did it I cried and ran away not because I knew I was in trouble because I scared myself.
    I fight so hard not to take these thoughts and turn them into actions, it takes every ounce of my being not to do this, I’m so scared that one day I will actually fully act out on this.

  28. I only wish to share an awakening I’ve, i am experiencing. These are only my personal experiences. Im not here to compare sorrow or displace the deep heart connection i have with y’all Having aquired a book recently my thought process, untiring intuition, my person, all had been turned upside down and. …
    My whole life i was convinced my mind was trying to kill me (itself),
    I believe the more we dig into our “selves” the more that is revealed to us,
    Im a survivor, iknow the deathly howls of flashbacks and blistering smells of blades that tear thru my world and infest it with fear, delusions, and distorted self imagry…..i wish not to express more here because i feel my blood pressure getting up. Please PLEASE UNDERSTAND
    ALL OF YOU JUST BREATHE THAT THOUGHT THAT INFESTED YOU’RE MIND Just now, JUST TTHEN, BEFORE YOUR BREATH- that thought train of incessant chatter, the one i SCREAM at to shut up sometimes [THAT’S NOT ME! ] It Is not you!
    Amany adoring Reading to myself from a life enlightened coach dear to my heart i want to share with you;
    The Untethered Soul
    Michael A. Singer
    I have saved my life living WITH my developmental qualities that are unique to me #no one else
    Jessi Pollard

  29. I don’t think this would count as homicidal thoughts, but I often think what a better world it would be (for me, at least) if all cats and dogs disappeared.

  30. I’m 20 and I’ve been feeling the urge since I was 13. I even dream of homicide but I’m happy to see I’m not the only person

  31. My thoughts always occur when something sets me off and I’ve gone after people before. I purposefully start things with people hoping for a reaction so i can do something. I believe that it will make me feel better but I’m scared that if I actually get a hold of someone when I’m like that i will kill them. I chased a trucker down one time and was trying to rip open his cab. It terrified me with how quickly i got angry and what i might have done if I could have gotten his door open.

    1. I once asked my white landlady/reformed crack whore what happened to her in jail to scare her straight.
      “I ate black pussy until I puked”
      That was on a work farm for minor offenses.
      Manslaughter or murder beef like you described?
      Prepare to suck black penises my friend.

  32. You’ll be around a great many blacks if that happens.
    10, 20, 30 years for manslaughter in a prison that is 70% black. Bad on the street? Most likely you will have to suck the penises of blacks until you vomit in the joint.
    I was locked up for a single night in a Detroit drunk tank and I will tell you that I would not want a manslaughter beef in the U.S.
    This more than anything else is why so many white men behave.

    1. or you can join the Aryan brotherhood and watch each other’s back and any fucking black or mexican that tries to fuck with you, you gank or shank his ass with an ice pick or whatever home-made weapons they use nowadays in prison.
      In prison, white men REALLY have to stick together and form a community. And as the outside world becomes more and more violent due to rising immigration population levels, you can expect to see normal white people starting to group together more and more, until one day we declare independence and form our own white only ethnic state and kick out all blacks and mexicans. They hate us white people anyway, right? Why should they want to live with us? Oh that’s right, they are parasites on us. They cannot live without us. I say CAST OFF YOUR PARASITES, WHITE MAN!

  33. Hi. Not sure if people are still reading this but i am a housewife diagnosed with bipolar disorder type 2, borderline personality disorder and ocd-like tendencies. I started having homicidal thoughts two years ago about my special needs son who is six. I am also an alcoholic and was drinking at the time. Now i am sober, but i recently quit smoking and am having those bad thoughts again. I am medicated. Can anyone relate?

  34. When I was young I put a pillow on my small brothers face and squeezed it, i was curious about death, then I grew older I got a kitten and used to choke it and throw it around but on the bed and fantasize I was throwing it on the floor, I loved it though, adored it even, now my sister got a baby, she’s 2 years, one time I was putting her to sleep and she couldn’t stop crying, I put my hand on her nose and mouth and watched her struggle to breathe then I released her, kissed her and told her I love her, which I do, tonight I’ve done the same thing, almost took it too far, saw her kicking and stuff that when I suddenly realized what I was doing and stopped and fetched her water since she was breathing heavily, is there something wrong with me? Am I a danger? Please someone help me out!

      1. Goddamit I am feeling like mowing down some SJWs right now with a machine gun. Maybe I need therapy too.

  35. After years of suffering from this I began to noticed that if you were to attempt any of these intrusive thoughts you’ll stop yourself from actually doing whatever it is that your thinking about doing, and you already know you won’t do it so it’s not that you’ll do it but more of an obsession towards the fear of acting out impulses, because you acknowledge the fact that is wrong, note this most people that really do bad things just do without this fear which gets me to think that these intrusive thoughts are more of a “reminder” to you that you simply won’t do it, the best way to help these thoughts is to think about things in your life that would make you feel more appreciative in having.

  36. Hi, my name is Iesha and I am dealing with the same thing. I have thoughts of hurting children and doing inappropriate things to them and yes I said it and I hate so much. I know that I would never do it but it’s when they get close to me that I have those urges to do so. I hate that I have these thoughts because I am a very loving and kind person and if I were to act on them I would probably take my own life because I would feel so guilty. It’s ruining my life and I can’t stop them and I’ve talked to therapist about having them and they think that I might be Bipolar. I don’t know but is there anyone out there who’s had similar thoughts because I feel so alone and ashamed. PLEASE HELP! I really want to have a normal and healthy life, I don’t want to continue with these thoughts anymore because this is ruining me and because of this, I can’t be around children. I try to avoid them. Please don’t tell me I’m a bad person or that I should go to jail because I’m not a bad person. I’ve always loved kids and inspire them. The reason why I’m putting this out there is because I need help. Please be nice to me and don’t be hateful to me, I just need help and desperate for it.

    1. First of all, I am an expert on OCD. It does not sound to me like you are Bipolar and at any rate, your harm obsessions would not be related to that in any case. I can diagnose and treat OCD much better than most clinicians, and I charge much less.
      Of course you’re not a bad person. If I was going to react to you in any way, I might laugh at you because the idea of you being evil is so ridiculous. I’m not hateful to any OCD’ers. I have worked 4-5,000 hours with them in the recent past and I am never mean to any of them, I assure you that.
      Please email me and I will see what I can do for you.

  37. Hello, I came across this article because I’m researching about my own intrusive violent thoughts. The thing is that I don’t know if I have Harm OCD because I don’t actually despise all of those thoughts.
    See, I have those thoughts about my parents and shit people in general, people responsible for the bullshit that’s going on in my country (Venezuela)… people that I resent a lot. I despise them if they’re about animals or other people; but there are people in which I would really enjoy to act upon. And those urges are getting stronger and coming to me more often. I’ve wanted to just engage in a fistfight for months now, and I haven’t been able to.
    It has also been impossible for me to afford a gym in my country’s current situation, for years now; so I don’t have anywhere to practice martial arts or anything like that.
    I was thinking that it might be a Harm OCD complimented with a logical justification for the impulses… but I don’t know.

    1. I also forgot to mention that there’s no way that I can afford to go to a psychologist/psychiatrist; so, that’s why I’m attempting to make a mildly accurate self diagnose.

  38. So I was diagnosed w depression and anxiety and lately I was at my friends house and I got a thought about stabbing her to death and I freaked out and cried,I didn’t but I’m guilty to look st her now.im scared I’m gonna freak out and do it but I know I’m not.i overthink things and I’ll plan it out how I’ll hurt people that I love like stabbing or beating them to death. I feel crazy and I’m going to the doctors soon,but I love my best friend and when I get a thought about killing her or commuting a homicide I honestly want to kill myself,and I just wanted to say for example my thought will be like, I’ll stab her to death or go over to her house and kill her, or just kill her and I don’t understand it,and the thoughts are so brutal and horrific somebody please help me I’m only 13 and I’m scared I want to kill my best friend😭

  39. Hey I’m a 13 year old female (if that helps). who probably has some severe anger issues… whenever I get angry I can’t control it. Once it got so bad that I nearly stabbed a some guy in his heart in my class during a cooking lesson with a long knife….since then whenever I’ve got angry or had a fight I get determined to severely hurt them… My mom drives me crazy and every time I feel like picking up a butchers knife in our kitchen and stab her in the throat…my fists begin to tingle and I vein to twitch .. I simply don’t know what to do … I nearly hate everyone and I hate school and all these teachers… I have no motivation whatsoever and I’m planning on dropping out … I also experience major mania episodes and depressive episodes … this has been going on for 2 or some years … please tell me what’s wrong with me….💔

  40. I am a 16 year old transgender male. I have been recently diagnosed with high functioning autism and my pyschologist has also been mentioning I have symptoms of depression and PTSD. For about 6 months I have been experiencing homicidal thoughts and recently have had extremely strong urges to choke, stab or murder people in a variety of ways. My lack of empathy and sympathy due to my autism does not help this at all it seems, I would not care about their family’s reaction or their screams or the pain. I could cover the floor of a house in vodka and set it alight and hearing tge peoples screams would intriuge me. I get no sexual pleasure out of giving pain at all. The urges get stronger if someone has annoyed me in some way but usually it’s for no reason at all and it’s starting to get more and more difficult to control and I don’t know what to do before I kill someone. I can’t tell my mother because she wouldn’t believe me and I’m reluctant to tell my pyschologist about it as she seems to blame every problem I bring up (hallucinations, lack of motovation) on my autism or it “just being a part of my personality” I need help.

  41. I used to have these thoughts around my younger brother. Sometimes I would think about killing him and that I would cut his body parts, wrap each in plastic bags, and throw in the yard dustbin and no one will know once the scavengers come to collect it. The impulse of killing him came so high one day that I attempted to suffocate him with a quilt, he was struggling underneath me and crying out, but I felt nothing. He was maybe 5 years old at that time. Then after a while I released him, and he gasped for air (which I am still thankful for), but I actually felt good.
    I don’t know why? Was it the control and power to take someone’s life? I felt alive. But afterwards I thought of consequences. I love him. Sometimes I can’t even think of harming him. And sometimes these thoughts come up. I also feel the urge to do dangerous things like jumping of the balcony, not with the intention of dying but for the thrill.

      1. ROBERT
        The people that seek your trained help as a psychologist reflect how crazy some people are who are walking around on the street.

  42. Hi, I’ve found this website very interesting and helpful and I’ve found myself caught up in the predicament myself. It all started when I was ten and I have tried to act upon that impulse. I even brought a knife to school to slit someone’s throat just for the sheer fun of it. I’ve had a history of committing crimes before, a couple of examples are shoplifting and animal abuse (I’ve killed several cats and stolen multiple expensive items without feeling any guilt). I honestly feel like I shouldn’t really care if I acted upon my impulses, since I’ve never really felt any guilt before. Should I be incredibly concerned about this?

  43. Hi Robert,
    My partner is having dark thoughts that make him uneasy. He cant confide in a therapist because he thinks they are too dark. He has thoughts of killing people and killing himself, although he knows he would feel terrible and wouldn’t do it and he is ashamed of the thoughts but he cant get them out of his mind. He has also had hallucinations for a few years along with severe depression.
    Would love to get your thoughts on this as I want to be able to help and know more.

  44. I really think I have this HARM OCD I’ve had visions of hurting or killing people for about a decade now and it affects my jobs n relationships. My biggest fear is ever hurting someone I absolutely hate these thoughts and there ruining my life. I convince myself that I’ve done these thoughts and it takes my weeks to get over them and they happen everyday.

  45. Hello,
    I am a mother of two boys, my oldest is 6, and the younger one is 3 months old. Schizophrenia and mental disorders also run strong in my family. We just moved to a new house and this new house has a big back porch balcony. We have two rocking chairs on it to enjoy the mountain view together and rock the baby. Lately I have been having thoughts and urges when I hold him in the rocking chair of throwing him off the balcony or throwing him at the trees. Or if my husband is walking around with him on the balcony I feel like something randomly bad will happen to where our baby will just go flying off the balcony. When these thoughts happen I make my husband hold him so the thoughts don’t get worse. My breathing pattern changes and I have to hold my face or touch my hair to help me calm down from having such terrible thoughts. My husband does not know that is why I ask him to hold our baby. I am affraid to tell him or anybody. Also, when I am in the bath with him and eashing his hair I have imagined myself holding him under. I’ll break down and cry or hold him because I do not want this to happen. I am ag the point where I will not take a bath with him alone without my husband here or even go on the back porch without him. I am too scared to say something to a therapist because I feel like they would take my baby away. I can’t tell my husband or anyone because they will think I am a psychotic killer of some sort. I feel trapped. Can somebody help me anonymously? Please.

  46. If you read the Bible, it says exactly what’s going on, you guys might want to look into it. The thoughts being pushed into your mind are not yours, they are coming from the spiritual realm. They are demonic.

  47. I might have harm OCD. Whe I’m talking to someone, everyone and then, I get scared that I might actually punch them in the face.

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