Link here, and see responses. I have written about this before. This guy is now convinced that he has OCD, specifically Harm OCD. I know Harm OCD very well as I have spoken with and worked with scores of people who have it. There is no way on Earth that this guy has Harm O. Forget it. Not possible. Harm O doesn’t work like this.
As far as what is wrong with him, I have no idea. Not all unwanted thoughts, feelings and urges are obsessions. Some might be more classified as “addictions.” We may be looking at more of an addiction here. I am also thinking, if he really doesn’t want to feel this way, why doesn’t he just knock it off? You don’t want to think about killing people? Great. Just stop doing it. It’s not that hard. That won’t work for an obsession due to the nature of obsessions, but it should work just fine for a non-obsession.
I’m a relatively normal, happy guy. I have an almost irresistible urge to kill people. What’s wrong with me?
READ FIRST/UPDATE AT THE BOTTOM: I guess I should clarify that I am definitely NOT going to kill anyone. I only want to. I know the difference between wanting something and having to have something, and have never once in my entire life actually tried to hurt anyone. The furthest my desires have ever gone is thinking about how I would go about doing it. I have never owned a weapon or thought about obtaining one outside of knowing that I would have to in my little day-dreams.
I am a normal guy in my early 20s. I work full time, I have lots of friends, people generally like me when they meet me, and I work very successfully in a people-oriented business. I care deeply about my friends and family, and I stand up for people I don’t know when I feel they’re being taken advantage of. I am of above-average intelligence, and I’ve been told by more than one person that I’m their favorite smart person because I never make anyone feel like I think I’m better than them.
I’m happy with the person I am, and I’m confident in the decisions I make on a daily basis. I don’t have any money problems that can’t be solved by budgeting for a week or two, and generally always have the time and means to pursue the things I want.
I am moderately successful with women; I’m no Casanova, but in general if I make an attempt to woo someone, they are wooed. I have recently been getting serious with a girl I’m really into. She’s smart and funny and full of life, if not a little talkative sometimes, which I find endearing.
My ambition in life is to be happy without damaging the happiness of those around me. I get along great with animals and would never intentionally hurt or kill one, and hearing stories/seeing pictures of people who torture or even just mistreat animals bother me. Something as simple as a neighbor leaving their pet out in bad weather can ruin my morning.
I don’t think I’m a psychopath or even a sociopath. I’m no more selfish than the average person, as far as I know. When I hurt people’s feelings I do everything I can to make up for it if I feel I was in the wrong, which is relatively often.
I also really, REALLY want to plan and execute a murder. Or several. Usually the first solution that pops into my head when someone is in the way of my happiness is to murder them. I’ve gone as far as learning someone’s schedule and patterns and planned a fairly thorough method of killing them and disposing of their body without getting caught. Most of the people I contemplate killing are not people that are close to me, though I do occasionally get intrusive thoughts about taking the life of friends or co-workers I genuinely get along with.
I don’t think I’ll ever go through with it, but if I did I would probably choke my victim to death with a thin, strong rope or wire of some kind. Guns don’t appeal to me and knives are messy.
The main thing stopping me from going through with it isn’t a fear of getting caught or the belief that killing is morally wrong (which I do believe, but I’m not so hypocritical that I’m going to pretend I don’t betray my morals every now and then), but a fear of what it would mean about me as a person. I don’t want to hurt anyone, I just feel like I need to sometimes.
Is there something wrong with me or are these just normal invasive thoughts? I feel like I should talk to someone but as far as I know I have my desires under control.
UPDATE: Thanks for all the feedback guys. I’m getting an equal mix of Dexter quotes, troll accusations, and suggestions to see a therapist. Rathosaur’s post here made me realize I have probably have a pretty serious form of OCD that I’ve just been managing internally for a while. I plan on talking to a therapist as soon as I find out what kind of mental coverage my insurance has. I don’t feel like I’m a dangerous person, but I also don’t like having thoughts that bother me in my own head. I really, truly appreciate the input of those who have offered help.
One thing that jumps out loud and clear in this post is the narcissism of this fellow. It is also disturbing that the only thing preventing him from acting on these fantasies – and that is what these are – fantasies – is what people will think of him if and when he gets caught. People will hate him so much that his self-esteem won’t be able to handle it. What stops him from killing is how it would affect him, not the people he kills, his victims. That is rather disturbing right there.
Posters post about how this guy is a sociopath or a psychopath, but I am not getting that. A sociopath could care less what anyone thinks of him. If he likes the idea of killing but does not do it (very common in sociopaths as many fantasize about homicide but few carry it out) it will be for reasons other than his own self-image and what others think of him, since by definition, the psychopath cares nothing about his self-image or what others think of him.
If the psychopath is not carrying out these acts, it may be because he doesn’t want to go to prison. Many psychopaths have very active antisocial fantasy lives, but they don’t engage in a whole lot of illegal activity because they don’t want to go to jail or prison. So they become “legal criminals” instead.
Here is what a poster posted about this fellow in saying he was a psychopath. Notice all checks by the narcissism stuff but almost no checks by the parasitic lifestyle stuff.
Factor 1: Personality “Aggressive narcissism”
**Glibness/superficial charm** [if he woos her, she’s usually wooed]
**Grandiose sense of self-worth** [he’s everyone’s favorite smart person]
**Cunning/manipulative** [if he woos, she’s usually wooed; everyone likes him]
**Lack of remorse or guilt** [see immediately below]
Shallow affect (genuine emotion is short-lived and egocentric)
**Callousness; lack of empathy** [isn’t worried about hurting his would-be victims, but is concerned about *his* self-image if he kills]
Failure to accept responsibility for own actions
Factor 2: Case history “Socially deviant lifestyle”.
**Need for stimulation/proneness to boredom** [fantasizing about murder]
**Poor behavioral control** [stalking people]
Lack of realistic long-term goals
Early behavior problems
Revocation of conditional release
A Harm OCD’er would never, ever, ever plot of plan to kill anyone. They would never learn anyone’s schedule in order to fantasize a plot to murder them. It doesn’t work that way!