Can you expand on your comment on filial piety? Most Asian (Indian and Chinese) people that I’ve known all had this type of utmost respect for their parents, which is admirable I guess, but can be extremely destructive when the kid steps out into the real world compared to kids in the West. Asians are seen as more submissive and are often used in the workplace because they don’t have the ‘balls’ or backbone to stand up to their superiors or promote ideas outside the status quo.
Robert, if you have any opinions or older posts of the effect of filial piety and its effects on children, please let me know because I’m curious. For most Westerners, that breaking out phase from their parents in their teen years was very important to their independence and personal happiness.
Well it has long been a tradition for teenagers to rebel. The Romans wrote about it. The teenage boy often needs to rebel against his father. He differentiates himself from his father and thereby individuates himself. It is a nearly necessary process, but it is often painful for both parties. The boy is quite mean to his father and argues with him a lot. This is painful for the father. Also the father is often very cruel and mean to the teenage boy, and many boys never forget that.
In addition, the boy’s rebellion is often senseless and even the father who tries best to get along with his teenage son finds his son fighting perversely against him for seemingly no reason. So this is a painful and rather stupid phase for the son because he is fighting his best friend in life and he often severs the most important male role model he will ever know. While this father-son warfare is going on, the mother often sides with the son and accuses the father of being mean and cruel to the son. I remember my father always accusing me of hiding behind my mother’s skirt during our regular fights.
In the old days, a man rebelled against his father around late teens or so, and they often came to blows, as in there was a fistfight of some sort. I had a few punch-outs with my Dad and there were physical altercations between him and my other siblings too.
In the old days, after this crucial fistfight, they young man would storm off to make his way in the world on his own and leave the family home to become a real man once and for all. He would go out into the world and typically sooner or later, he would find himself a woman, settle down to marry her and raise his own family, becoming a father himself. So he then turns into the man he punched out at age 18. Now that the son has his own family and is a father and husband himself, the son often came back to the family home, introduced them to his family, and he and the father made amends and often become good friends again.
I know grown men hate their fathers to this very day. When we were growing up, it was said that if you hated your father, you would turn gay because hating your Dad turned you into a queer. This was psychoanalytic bullshit. The truth is that surveys show that 37% of all males hate or dislike their fathers. Obviously the vast majority of them are heterosexual.
It is not that hating your father makes you gay. While growing up, the pre-homosexual boy acts feminine to effeminate and rejects masculinity, boyhood and manhood. His father tends to value masculinity and wants to raise a masculine son in his own image. His queery son is very disturbing and upsetting to the father, maybe makes him question his own masculinity and certainly makes him think he failed as a father (My son is a fag!) The father is often very cruel to the son and accuses of him of being a sissy, a pussy, a girl, etc. This is why pre-gay and gay sons fight with their fathers and have horrible relationships with them. So the homosexual scenario causes the father hatred and not the other way around.
The worst that can happen to you if you hate your Dad is you might turn into a criminal. Absent or lousy fathers sometimes create criminal sons. We see this when single Moms tend to raise criminal sons because there is no father in the house. If you go to a prison, every guy in there has “Mom” tattooed in his arm. If you say any crap about his Mom, most of them will shank you in a Manhattan minute. You never criticize a biker/redneck/tough guy/jailbird’s Mom. Actually you are not supposed to even put down his family period or he might hit you.
But people who go into prisons say that although most of the men in there love Mom, nearly all of them hate their fathers, and many say they want to kill their Dads. When these hardass guys get out of prison, often the first place they go back to is back to Mom’s place. This is because a Mom will tolerate a lot more from a son than a father will.
A father will often renounce all contact with a criminal son and just write him out of his life as a failure. But to the mother, he is still “my boy.” Even serial killers sometimes have loyal mothers who stand by them to the end. This is because the relationship between a mother and a son is a very tight one, and a son often has to be pretty evil for his own Mom to hate him. If a grown man is hated by his own Mom, he is often a pretty bad fellow.
Daughters also have an intense relationship with their fathers. An absent or hostile father, while creating a criminal son, may create a daughter who is a “whore” or a “slut.” The boys turn into criminals and the girls turn into whores. It is quite common for a girl/woman with no father to become quite promiscuous with all that that entails. It appears she is trying to “screw her way to Daddy,” or “screw her way to the father’s love that she never obtained.
It is not good for a girl to hate her father, just as it is bad for a son to hate his mother. Sons who hate their mothers often, but not always have problems with women when they grow up. After all, a man’s first and most important relationship is with his mother. Try as he might, he will still tend to see his mother in every woman he meets, including his wives and girlfriends. If he hates his Mom, he might hate them too. Serial killers who kill women often hate their mothers, and in some cases, they even killed their mothers. You hate your mother, you hate women.
By the same token, a woman who hates her father may tend to have problems with men in her life. If she hates her father, she hates men. She may also identify with a brutal father. If the father beat the mother, the girl grows up identifying with the wife-beating Dad. She will seek out brutal men who will beat her, and she will unconsciously desire to get beaten up just like her Mom was because she thinks she deserves it.
Many adult women hate their mothers just as many adult men hate their fathers. As father hatred is relatively normal and harmless for a man, many women who hate their mothers are often quite healthy psychologically. Often during the teen years, while the son is fighting with the father, the daughter is fighting like crazy with the mother. This may be because the daughter is trying to individuate herself from the mother.
The hatred for the same sex parent causes extreme individuation and this person often resolves to be as independent and adult as possible, which is a good thing in the West.
During the teen years, the girl’s budding sexuality becomes an issue. The father feels it is his duty to police the daughter’s sexuality and in a sense guard her virginity or chastity from other roving and competing males. The mother is often sympathetic to the girl’s blossoming womanhood, and if the girl starts having sex, the mother is very understanding and provides her with contraceptives such a birth control pills. The mother understands. After all, she was a horny as Hell teenage girl once herself.