Single, Male and Adult: Should You Live At Home or Move Out?

I don’t think men should live with their parents for a long time after they are considerably into adulthood unless they have an excellent reason for doing so. Not that I think there is anything all that wrong with it, but in our society, you are just going to bring a shitload of abuse down on you if you keep living with your parents too long. It’s wrongly seen as “living with your mother” even if your Dad and siblings live there too!
I lived at home while I got my BA because I didn’t have the money to move out, and I was a fulltime student. I got tons of grief the whole time at university for doing this. I did move out for 9 months or so on a student loan, but the money ran out and I had to move back home.
After I graduated, I kept living at home for another 9 months or so until I moved out again. During this time, I endured a mountain of abuse for living at home at age 23 after I had graduated from college. I did move out for 6 weeks during this time for what was only a short-term deal, but then I moved back. Truth be told, I was saving up money to move out after I graduated!
The overwhelming majority of idiots pouring it on me on this issue had not gone to college. They were working class folks who moved out soon after high school. During this period, I got fired from a job for no apparent reason other than the guy just didn’t like me. One of the stated reasons for firing me was that I was still living at home. He was utterly furious about that.
I got a new job a long ways from home that required me to move. I was very coy about my previous arrangements, but the new boss guessed that I had moved from my parental home to my new apartment at age 24. He was extremely disgusted about that and went on and on about how at age 19, he was living on a fucking houseboat in Amsterdam with a girlfriend. Of course, he hadn’t gone to college.
In the interim, I moved back home a couple of times for post graduate education, once to get a teaching credential and another time to get a Masters Degree. If you are living at home past age 23 for any reason, even a post-grad degree, you are really going to get the heat poured on you.
During those periods when I moved home to get post-grad degrees, I met many women. Quite a few of them were stark raving furious that I was living at home, even for a good reason. I still dated a lot, but it was a difficult situation. American women are simply insane on this question.
Even now, though I live 33 miles away from my Mom, I catch grief about that, always from a woman. Apparently I haven’t moved far enough away! She’s still within driving distance. Horrors! Actually, more than one woman has explicitly told me that I live way too close to my Mom and I need to move farther away from her. The implication is that I’m still a Momma’s boy because she’s an hour away by car.
I see her maybe once or twice a week, and I admit that I take my laundry up there to get it done. So I guess I am still a Momma’s boy at my advanced age then.
I think the American fetish with moving out as soon as you hit 18 and moving the maximum number of 1000 miles away from your family and seeing them as rarely as possible is a bit extreme. It’s a Nordic thing based on radical individualism. Most of the rest of the world is much more family oriented for better or for worse.
Nevertheless, as long as society is this nutty about this stuff, I think it’s better for men to move out if they are single. Ultimately it helps you mature more as an individual, and you have much more of a potential for a sex life living away from home. Sometimes you just have to cave in to society’s demands.

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0 thoughts on “Single, Male and Adult: Should You Live At Home or Move Out?”

  1. Robert
    I see nothing wrong with living with your parents. They are the only ones who love you no matter what man. Who gives a shit as to what the world thinks? Lets face it,the world is full of low IQ bubbleheads who think that somehow, their opinion matters. Fuck that shit. I don’t judge you for that and I am proud of you that you still are close to your mom. Heck, I’ll take care of my parents until their very end and not send them away to some retirement community as is done here. Is broken relations the price to pay for “fitting into society” or whatever? Bullshit. Either way, I’ll probably be in India for good in the next 15 years. Sure India blows but no FUCKING way I’m staying away from them. Cunts be damned.

  2. “Even now, though I live 33 miles away from my Mom, I catch grief about that, always from a woman. Apparently I haven’t moved far enough away! She’s still within driving distance. Horrors! Actually, more than one woman has explicitly told me that I live way too close to my Mom and I need to move farther away from her. The implication is that I’m still a Momma’s boy because she’s an hour away by car.”
    How utterly ridiculous to get grief about that. Most mums and sons live in the same city, here anyway, because most people live in the city or town they grew up in.

  3. I think our society should invent a new kind of living arrangement for 18-25 year olds. Give them a dorm-type apartment in exchange for community service. The dorm complexes would have numerous education and recreation opportuntiies, so they can embark on a future and at least wouldn’t be on the streets.

  4. I remember my Middle school teacher, teaching our class tell this. [This is true of the Society three decades ago]
    1. One should be born and spend chidhood in Soviet Union[Now Russia]; because they take care of their children well.
    2. One should spend their youth and Early, maybe even middle age in the USA, becoz its fun.
    3. And one should spend their Old age in India, becoz people used to take care of their aged parents.
    This is no longer the truth now.

    1. “And one should spend their Old age in India, becoz people used to take care of their aged parents.”
      Google “vrindavan widows” and “varanasi widows”

  5. I don’t get that psycho bitch that thinks living 30 miles away is too close.
    I believe that if you’re a student, you should go with the most economical option – and that could mean living with your parents. But try to not act like a kid there, do the dishes, do your laundry, and don’t follow their curfew. Make them feel like you are a guest.
    Now, the reason why women find this unattractive has to do with money. Young men are in a tough time now due to the shitty job market and over inflation of college degrees. Women are attracted to ‘self made men’ because they can provide more to her. In addition, if a son is living with Mom, the girlfriend would have to compete with the Mom emotionally for the man.
    Among girls 17-23, when they’re in college, it’s less about independence financially and more about sensual fun. A guy can get away with living with his Mom, and he could get enough women provided he fits into the alpha stereotype. After 23 though, the women shifts from wanting someone ‘cute’ to getting that tall dark and handsome guy that owns a yacht. Enjoy it while you’re young, fellas.

  6. “I don’t think dating classes will really make a difference except for males. Females understand what they want and they desire it on a primal level, they want the masculine guys every time regardless of what they tell you.”
    This is why men who fail to individuate from the parental home and live with their parents after marriage, as is the case in South Asian cultures, are unattractive to women the world over, and including in their countries.
    At a primal level a woman wants to see her man carve his own way in life, not live under the thumb of his parents, allowing them to make all the decisions, up to and including who he should marry and where he should live after marriage.
    This used to be a problem only Desi wives and girlfriends had to deal with but now that Desi men have entered the global dating/mating scene, women all over the world are forced to deal with it and are talking about it all over the internet.
    Good. Maybe it will force change.

    1. “At a primal level a woman wants to see her man carve his own way in life, not live under the thumb of his parents, allowing them to make all the decisions”
      I suppose it proves that the man is strong on his own, independent, someone she can depend upon, and capable of providing for her and the kids. He is a strong, suitable mate.
      Plus he is not a leader if he is following his mum. If there is such as an alpha male, I think the concept should involve social dominance and leadership.

  7. “I don’t think men should live with their parents for a long time after they are considerably into adulthood unless they have an excellent reason for doing so.”
    Totally agree. The only reason would be if he or the family is very poor or if one’s parents are invalid and cannot care for themselves, which is rare.
    If he is having financial difficulty then once he gets on his feet he needs to move out. This goes for both men and women.
    There’s a reason why Americans view adult kids moving back in with their parents because of the recession as a bad sign. Niether the parents or the adult kids prefer this way of life.
    Meanwhile Desis are celebrating it.

    1. Who would want to keep living with their parents? They limit your freedom, get in your business and try to impose rules. They can’t help it 😛 Its their house. After living on your own, with the total freedom to be as much of a fuck up as you want and no parents telling you what not to do, why would you want to move back? Moving out, anyway, is actually an exciting part of growing up.
      But I do believe in looking after your parents when they are old and I dislike a culture that has lonely old people. So maybe they can move in with you then, after you’ve made your own home.

      1. Steve I agree totally. The problem in Desi culture is as I’ve said earlier, desi men like Aakash take pride in “taking care of” their parents when their parents don’t need their care. They are only 40-80 years old, healthy and earning their own money. They don’t need care until they are really old and invalid, at which point BOTH the Desi wife’s and the Desi husbands parents can move in with them, not the other way around, that a Desi woman has to live her entire married life in her in-laws house, her own parents be damned, even in old age.
        I see in the US most Americans do it right. They individuate from their parents upon reaching adulthood and financial independence but when the parents are really old and invalid, they move them in with them, unless they are so far gone that they need constant medical supervision.
        Another thing that Desi men don’t understand is that many retired parents 65 plus DO NOT want to live with their kids. These are their “golden years” where they are free to do with their time whatever they want. They don’t want to live with their adult kids and grandchildren. They prefer to live separate, hang out with other retirees their own age, and visit their kids and grandchildren every now and then.
        I agree with this lifestyle. It is rational, sane and allows for both independence and sufficient inter-dependence if need be.

        1. The speed of your output is phenomenal. I think you wrote that faster than I read it.
          In England, few elderly parents move in with their middle aged kids. They live on their own or go to some kind of care home or supervised accommodation. They may be visited quite often and cared for but they don’t usually move in. I would have thought it was like this in America too, from the tv.
          60’s is quite young, these days.

        2. Yeah I saw that movie, it was boring.
          In US retirees who are relatively healthy prefer to live in retirement communities with people their own age whom they have a lot in common with – card games, bowling, golfing, water aerobics, post-retirement dating/romance etc, rather than cooped up in the homes of their adult kids acting as proxy baby sitters. I don’t blame them.
          The older people here have a life, unlike Desi retirees who have no interests outside bossing their adult kids around.

        3. I never saw them as a place where people prefer to be, but a place were people are consigned when they are no longer fit to live alone. People go there to live out the end of their life because nobody in the family is willing or able to look after them and half of the residents are senile and ill. They would prefer to be with family where they truly belong.
          At least, that’s how the ones in this country seem to me. I’ve been to a few. Maybe the US is doing better.

        4. “I never saw them as a place where people prefer to be, but a place were people are consigned when they are no longer fit to live alone. People go there to live out the end of their life because nobody in the family is willing or able to look after them and half of the residents are senile and ill. They would prefer to be with family where they truly belong.
          At least, that’s how the ones in this country seem to me. I’ve been to a few. Maybe the US is doing better.”
          Maybe you’re thinking of assisted living facilities where people go when they cannot do for themselves and need medical attention. Severe cases of alzheimers go there because they are a danger to themselves and cannot be left alone for a moment. They can get into a car and drive and drive for hours, days or weeks without knowing where they are going. These people need professional supervision of the kind that is not possible in a family of working adults.
          There are communities here that have a graduation, assisted and non-assisted living on the same campus. Non-assisted living is bustles with a lot of activity for the residents, assisted living also but less so, since many of the people living there cannot participate in a lot of things.
          The problem with the desi model is that its also the wife (bahu, daughter in law) who is supposed to stay home all day “caring” for her in-laws, whether they need care or not. She’s also expected to do that even if she works full time outside of the home. Her husband on the otherhand isn’t expected to do shit for her parents, his in laws.
          Its a crappy system.

  8. Aakash, “I’ll take care of my parents until the very end”
    The problem with this very desi male mentality is that it includes the very long period of life when you’re parents do not need to be “taken care of”. Unless your parents are completely poverty stricken or physically invalid, they do not need to be “taken care of”.
    Adult Desi men play the “taking care of my aging parents” card when their parents are healthy, working adults between the ages of 40 and 80, when they do not need you.
    What’s up with that?
    And what about if your wife feels the same way about HER parents and doesn’t want to move out of their home but have you move into their’s, like you and Desi culture expect of her?
    Whenever a Desi girlfriend or wife suggests living separate from the Desi man’s parents she is labled a “radical feminist” and “destroyer of Indian family values” and this too when the Desi parents are healthy, have their own money and only between the ages of 40-75, the prime of life when they should be doing stuff other than trying to control their grown sons and their wives.
    WTF? This is bullshit.
    Bobby, the way you write is hilariously hyperbolic.
    “Even now, though I live 33 miles away from my Mom, I catch grief about that, always from a woman. Apparently I haven’t moved far enough away! She’s still within driving distance. Horrors!”
    LOL. Desis totally get why young adults wish to move out of their parents homes and live so close by. They figure, if you are going to live so close by, why not just live with your parents? Obviously independence, individualism and making your own decisions are not Desi values.
    “I admit that I take my laundry up there to get it done.”
    Why do you do that?
    “I think the American fetish with moving out as soon as you hit 18 and moving the maximum number of 1000 miles away from your family and seeing them as rarely as possible is a bit extreme.”
    That is extreme but I’ve never met anyone who says you must move out on your 18th b-day and move far away. Usually there’s a gradual, healthy transition, and for many they move away to college.
    ” It’s a Nordic thing based on radical individualism.”
    Is it? Did traditional Nordic people do that?
    “Most of the rest of the world is much more family oriented for better or for worse.”
    In South Asia the “family oriented” is for worse. Its way too extreme and suffocating.
    “I think it’s better for men to move out if they are single. Ultimately it helps you mature more as an individual, and you have much more of a potential for a sex life living away from home.”
    Agree, agree, agree! And the above points are impossible for most Desi men to understand, though we Desi women get it.

    1. “Desis totally get why young adults wish to move out of their parents homes and live so close by.”
      Should read “Desis totally DON’T get……”

    2. Yes My dad is 61, mom is 57 and I’ll take care of them after 15 years or so (or whenever they can’t do it themselves). If I marry and my wife wants to do the same, obviously I’ll let her do it. Whats the fucking matter with you? You repetitive, slimy, filthy, bacteria infested bitch? How the fuck you get all the time to flood this blog with crap water? I am amazed as to how much shit comes out of your ass. Does it ever stop? I can smell it here. Call the fucking EPA.
      Also my parents are in India. I ain’t going back soon. Yes, I will take care of them if needed and be proud about it. You on the other hand will choke on a pig’s penis and die soon. I at least hope that you do. You are worthless.

      1. Calm down there big guy, I think she is just trying to chip away some of your problems with your hundred zillion year old civilization, one chip at a time. Give it a rest and move on forward, it’s just another case of a girl that’s been tugged away on the roadside, except there is no sidewalk, pot holes and cow feces/urine.

      2. @ Xera
        Speaking of a girl that’s been tugged away on the roadside, could you, as an Egyptian, explain why are your compatriots so obsessed with slicing a woman’s clitoris (FGM)?
         
        I find it an ethically and morally abominable practice, one that violates a woman’s right to her genital integrity but I’d like to hear it from the horse’s mouth, so to speak.

  9. Bhabi
    May I ask you a question? What Indian languages do you speak? As the other commenters here know, I speak/read/write Hindi and Urdu with a working knowledge of Gujarati (I am a Bohra after all). I had asked you this question several months ago when you were using the moniker Asian Philosopher, but you dodged the question then.

  10. Most Americans never leave the city or town they are born in for more that two years through the entire course of their life.
    That is insane to me. At 18, I hitchhiked to the nearest recruiting station and join the navy. I did four years on a carrier. Got to see a bunch of Europe and the Middle East. After that, I hopped a merchant ship back over there for two years, bumming around and hitting as many countries as I could at my leisure.
    Got back and went to college for engineering. I had to live with my folks at 26 for a month while waiting for school to start. That was pure hell and while I love my folks, I will never spend the night in the same building as them ever again.
    I got my engineering degree and I am waiting for paperwork clearance to start a job in Singapore. I’ve never been there and it should be a new and interesting gig for the next two years. After that? I am considering South America.
    I’ll never understand how people go through life without leaving their comfort zone or trying new things. And I agree with the ex-girlfriend. You need to cut the cord dude.

  11. Mr. Lindsay?
    You’re nothing but an EMO-EML: Entitlement Minded Loser.
    You didn’t work your way through college so you never developed your mental muscle….but I certainly bet the Farm-House that you partied every weekend & bedded a HOT of Women losers like yourself without any discipline or self-respect.
    But you’re what Corporations are now headed by: Elitist EMO-EML’s.
    PHOOEY on your Hooey, Bitch.

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