Pedophilia Versus POCD Redux

Anonymous wrote:

I’ve had pure O my whole life. As a child it was both religion and contamination related. As I got older it turned into health and contamination related. (I became an atheist and stopped caring about intrusive anti-religious thoughts.)
But here’s where it gets a little tricky. When I was 10 years old and just discovering my sexuality, I noticed that I especially had a fondness for girls who were 5-7 years old. I knew this was much different than others my age, and felt quite guilty about it. I was also attracted to 10 year olds, however.
As I got older, every time I saw a cute little girl, I would avert my eyes and repeat to myself in my mind “I’m not a pedophile, I’m NOT a pedophile.” It felt very much like the intrusive thoughts from my OCD and happened constantly. This continued until around 16 years old.
At this point, I became interested in anime and the primary school aged characters in these shows. I talked to others who were interested in animated little girl characters also. At this point, I was still having intrusive thoughts, but being interested in the fictional characters didn’t bother me at all.
And then, in the same places where I was discussing these fictional characters, people would also often post pictures of elementary school girl models and actresses. I began masturbating to these photographs, but every time I would feel immensely guilty and hate myself for it.
Awhile later, I met a 6 year old girl. She began visiting us often. I just fell in love. In no other time in my life had I felt this way before. She was a joy to be around and extremely beautiful. We became very close, and I cared for her more than anything. After meeting her, all intrusive thoughts stopped and I accepted my attraction as normal for me.
I’m now in the my early 20s, and have very little interest in women. The pedophilic intrusive thoughts are no longer there, only the ones based on health worries and contamination remain.
I do have sexual thoughts about young girls, but I see them as normal for me now. Although when I see a cute girl that I’m interested in, it’s closer to crushing than lust. “Oh wow, she’s so beautiful.” The girls that I tend to like are between the ages of 5 and 11. They are just so cute.
Now, based on this information, do you think I have a pedophilic orientation? Or do you think it’s possible that I had POCD and just gave up fighting it?
A few things to consider: I would never touch a girl, I know it’s wrong.
It also has nothing to do with being dominant. I actually find the idea of dominating a young girl extremely disgusting.
It also is not only physical, I am extremely attracted to the personalities of very young girls, and just hanging out and playing games with them have been the best experiences I’ve ever had in my life.

This is a fascinating post. It shows that someone can have both OCD and pedophilia, so the notion that OCD’ers are too good or too moral to develop pedophilia is not correct.
Pedophilia in my opinion is simply a sexual orientation like homosexuality, bisexuality or heterosexuality. It can’t be much changed like any of those. There are countless gay and bisexual OCD’ers. I know because I have talked to many of them. Surely there must be some OCD’ers with a pedophilic orientation.
It’s probably better for a pedophile to have OCD than to not have it. The OCD pedophile will be a lot less likely to act on his urges due to his extreme morality, guilt and conscientiousness. The OCD will act as an inhibitor towards acting on the pedophilia.
I am absolutely certain that he has pedophilia. There’s no way that he could possibly have POCD and just gave up fighting it. Though it shows that there are some similarities between POCD and true pedophilia, and this shows how differential dx is so difficult with these cases.
I am actually sorry to hear that he has no attraction to adult females, but perhaps this is his normal orientation. I wish he had an adult attraction so he could live and love happily and legally in our society. As is, his sex life may well be barren or solitary and his love life may be thwarted.
However, many pedophiles are absolutely happy with their orientation and love being this way. He seems like he is too. I am very glad to see that he is happy with his orientation and his sexual and love desires. I love to see people who are happy. I agree that him that he should not act on this orientation as it’s illegal.
If he ever wants to have a real sex life with a female or really fall legally in love with a female, he will need to expand his love map to include adults, though most pedophiles have no interest in doing this. In fact, many to most pedophiles say that even if there was a cure for pedophilia, they would not take the cure.
I also love females of all ages. I love females period. Little girls are wonderful in a special way as a special kind of female, though I see them as seeds of women rather than fully formed entities and I see women as the fully town product rather than girls that moved on.
But there’s a girl inside every woman, and a budding woman inside every girl. If you love females, you learn to love the sprouted seed of girl in the woman and the sprouting woman in the girl. In a way, they are one and the same – females at different stages.
I actually like teenage girls a lot more than little girls. Little girls seem ridiculous to me, and there’s little sexual attraction there. I had a world full of good and great times with teenage girls, often sexual, when I was young, and I think about those wonderful days all the time. When I see teenage girls, I reminisce. About the teenage girls that I knew and loved, who will live forever in my heart.
Though when I do meet a teenage girl nowadays, they seem silly to me, and I can’t see getting involved with them. I would not do it even if it was legal. But the teenage girl is definitely a special type of female – not a girl and not a woman. Not better than a woman or a girl but only different.
I probably like adult females 18+ best of all, since they are legal. I like teenage girls who are fully developed, around age 16-17 because to me that’s just a woman. But their immaturity is a massive turnoff. Even young women of college age often turn me off now because they seem to immature and silly.
A fully formed and mature woman is not only maximally attractive to me (all females age 16+ are maximally attractive to me) but her mind is also fully matured, and that is a massive turn-on to me as I get older. Sex and love is more than just a hot body you know. And the fully formed and fully matured woman has a joyous wonder and glory about her that is equal to if not superior to that the teenage girl and the girl. All the female maturational types are wonderful in their own special ways.

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7 thoughts on “Pedophilia Versus POCD Redux”

  1. Get married for keeps; raise a family with a trustworthy wife, according
    to God’s instruction in a Holy Bible. Be firmly loyal to her, and joy the
    blessings of REAL FAMILY LIFE, with little, growing children., we cam watch mature to become joyful, mature CHAMPIONS!
    That is the reason a man and woman, not a man & man OR a woman &
    woman, eventually become intense failures.
    “IT ISN’T NICE TO FOOL MOTHER NATURE!”
    (A single old batchelor’s advice).
    Joe Spenner

  2. I have been in love with this girl for 7 years. In that time I was in a 5 year relationship with another girl and was engaged to be married. I thought about this other girl almost all the time, so much so that it eventually broke apart my relationship. The hardest part for me is that we are best friends, and it’s either the best thing, or the the worst thing that she moved in with me. I know that she cares for me a lot…like a brother. That’s like saying “ew your disgusting. i will never sleep with you.” I am not unattractive however, and girls constantly like me. They do nothing for me. I only want her, and of course I can’t have her. I thought maybe If she lived with me i’d find something I didn’t like about her, that irritated me, and I would lose feelings. Like a complete moron I am, I made these feelings stronger. I wasn’t getting the signals!! She comes back from across the country after 3 years and specifically wants to move in with me. ME! I was in a dream land. All our friends call us married. We argue about insignificant things. We sleep in separated beds. We even shared a bachelor suite at one time. We have everything in common. I’m always happy when she’s around. I make her laugh. I know I am valuable to her..but how much, I do not know. Perhaps If I become more authoritative, and put myself in a position of power(that’s not simply jealously killing every man she hooks up with) I will work on being happy, I’t’s hard when one of your friends sleeps with the woman you love in your own bed, and makes out with your other friend in front of you, or in your car while you’re there to. Maybe I’m invisible. Perhaps she does it to see what I will do.

  3. Lindsay,
    I am also a repressed pedophile; never have I been able to feel the slightest inkling of attraction for a mature woman except by imagining her as a little girl, or fantasizing about the cut little girl we could possibly have as a daughter…
    I’ve had girlfriends but never felt aroused during sex except when intensely fantasying about little girls. Whenever I have a wet dream, it invariably involves preteen girls (between the age of 2 and 10).
    The only thing that helps somewhat is smoking a lot of pot and simply avoiding the mere sight of little girls. But whenever I walk through a supermarket or public transport I invariably find myself having culpable desires, which it takes a lot of anxiety/suicidal thoughts to repress.
    I feel drawn to using more potent/illegal drugs (opiates, cocaine) in order to numb my restless mind. Perhaps hard-drugs should be available on prescription for people suffering from pedophilia. What’s worse, a drug addict or a pedophile?
    Though I’d love to have a daughter, I know that it would be criminal insanity to even think about it. I hate pedosexual criminals, but deep down I feel that if I just had a slightly lower IQ/impulsivity, I’d probably be in prison at this point.

  4. Hi Robert,
    Interesting post. It would be interesting to know if the individuals who believed they are genuinely attracted to young girls have also been diagnosed with a pervasive developmental disorder of some sort (e.g. autism spectrum disorder). It could be a form of delayed emotional maturity or some type of counterfeit deviancy rather than a genuine desire… On the face of it, it may appear to be pedophilia, but dig a little deeper and there may be some maladaptive coping strategy at play. I’m not saying this is the case here, but I suspect it could be for quite a lot of people out there. Throw sexual obsessions (common in both OCD and ASD) and emotional immaturity /social awkwardness (common in ASD) together and you may have the perfect storm.
    I’m certainly no professional, but from what I can tell, the diagnostic manuals are too rigid in their definitions. Even DSM 5 doesn’t seem to consider concepts like counterfeit deviance, let alone the range of causative factors behind these behaviours. Instead it relies on labelling the symptoms as the primary disorder. Psychiatry seems to want to rigidly box/label people in to neat little categories (probably just for medico-legal reasons), but human behaviour is too complex with so many grey areas.
    Cheers.

    1. Pedophilia has nothing to do with counterfeit deviancy or emotional immaturity or anything like that. Nor are pedophiles any more autistic or socially awkward than anyone else. Pedophilia is a sexual orientation with an onset at a very young age, no later than 13 or at the most 14 and often before.

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