To Mars! Zambia's Space Program

LOL.

Edward Makuka Nkoloso informed the TIME reporter that his Zambian “astronauts” would beat both the US and the Soviet Union in the space race — by going to the moon, and then to Mars.This was an unusual boast, to say the least. At the time, Zambia’s population numbered 3.6 million, with barely 1500 African-born high school graduates and less than 100 college graduates.

LOL. That’s some great seed stock for a space program.

But he had big dreams, namely, using a catapult-inspired “firing system” to send a 10×6 aluminum and copper rocket holding ten Zambians and a 17-year-old African girl (and her cat) to Mars. He figured he could get them to the moon by 1965. All he needed was $700 million pounds from UNESCO to fund the project.

LOL, good thing the UN didn’t fork it over. “And her cat,” haha.

…he also called for the detention of Russian and American spies trying to steal his “space secrets” — and his cats.

I’m sure that must have been an intensive Great Power spy project, no?

Nkoloso claimed to have studied Mars for some time from telescopes at his “secret headquarters” outside Lusaka, and announced that the planet was populated by primitive natives.

LOL. Hell, who needs Black nationalists and Afrocentrists anyway. Real Africans are pretty damn funny as it is. No parodies needed.

17 thoughts on “To Mars! Zambia's Space Program”

  1. He dudn’t no da blaque histree. Da Gypshunz done went 2 da moon in aynshent tymes. Dey wuz uh galatick rayce whens da whyte mayn wuz in da cabes uv nowthn’ Yurop. Blaque Powah!!!

        1. Wade, u cracka ass muthafucka. Don’tch yo azz kno dat da anyshent olmechs wuz black? Da white debbil be tryin’ to hyde our hisstoree.

        2. Bay Uhreya g-eye dun beez blaque ayn da whyte mayn dun tryked hym in2 callin hymself whyte!!!! Da ebbil doktah yakub dun striked agayn ‘n sheeit!!!!!

    1. @ FPY
      Why thank you!
      Having gone to a middle school in Oakland that was, shall we say, “liberal” with regards to who they accepted, I got introduced to ebonics pretty quickly.

  2. “BAG & Wade, that was the funniest imitation of nigger-talk I’ve ever seen.”
    U gookz dun stoll da aynchent blaque culcha uv chyna. Da noobyan injunears dun bilt da pyramidz and den gon ayn builded the Great Wall of Blaqueness in chyna. Da mahdun chyneez iz da aynseztors uv duh
    barb-aryan mongolz, essept fo’ Jengiz Khan who wuz black (he wuz related to Farrah-KHAN) U yellowz stop stillin’ ow histree or i’s gonna git cho wimminz wit muh dik. MUH DIK MUH DIK MUH DIK yellow crackaz be scurred uv MUH DIK!!!!!

    1. Fo sho, nigga. Da black man be da king of da wurld. Muh dik done make all dem otherr races. U iz inferrior to da black man, cuz we be space men and sheeite.

      1. Ye-ah muh nig. MUH DIK dun mayke dem otha raycez. We dun builded da hole wurld. Now Afrika, da mudderland, will rul da world. Azanian Powah!!!

    1. “Damn, it’s hard to keep talking like this! ”
      Yeah, talking like this continoiusly would knock points off the average white person’s IQ. (About 15 points…)
      “I must admit, Wade does a far better job of it than me!”
      Wuht chu sayin FAG!!! Iz us sayin i’s a niggrow. U joo!!! Uh beez da descended from Thor’s pure aryan sperm muhfugga. U iz uh joo ‘n sheeit!!!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *