A commenter discusses the Chinese attitude of “don’t lose face.” This is an excellent philosophy.
Their motto is to try not to “lose face” and/or make other “lose face”.
This is actually my motto in dealing with other humans.
Some humans I just don’t respect very much for whatever reason.
But if forced to deal with them, I try to get down to their level and deal with them one and one. I even say stupid shit to myself like, “I’m so inferior. This person is so much better than me. I’m nothing, I’m a jerk, I’m a loser, I’m an idiot.” It sounds terrible, but I don’t really believe it, so it’s not harmful at all. But it goes over very well for some reason. When I walk around, I often act like the cock of the walk. But on one to one, I have to get down off my high horse, otherwise it just doesn’t work.
I would recommend this therapy to anyone struggling with narcissism. Problem is that deeply narcissistic individuals never think that they have a problem. I’ve never met a hardcore arrogant narcissist yet who tried to modify his behavior, tune down his assholery, and just be nice. Hardcore narcissists don’t get it. Like all personality disordered folks, they are clueless dolts.
I had a therapist once back in the 80’s. Real cool guy. He also had an ego, and you have to admire that. He was uninsultable. You could not insult him or put him down in any way. He was just too strong for that. He knew I had ego issues too, and he kind of liked that about me, since we were similar in that way. He told me once how he adjusted his behavior in dealing with folks he had to deal with. Some place he went to, he had to get past a receptionist. He told me that he didn’t like her. Why not? She smoked, and he hated smokers.
“So you get outside that (dislike/hatred)?” I asked.
“More than that!” He said. “I get underneath that!” He actually humbled himself to her all-superior greatness, if only just to get past the Receptionist Blockade.
All through the therapy (4 years) he kept telling me, “You need to learn to be an actor!” In other words, it doesn’t matter what you really think or feel, just make a good show of things.
I kind of got it, but I’m still not that good at it.
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It’s human nature to want to win every argument and to look like the smart guy. The really smart person picks his spots. It’s difficult to truly stop caring what other people think about you. Sometimes to get what you want you have to let them think you’re a fucking idiot. That takes humility, something narcissists don’t have.