I have a friend who has Social Phobia. He’s had it his whole life, and it’s so bad that he is actually on disability for it. It’s gotten better lately. He also has OCD, and I think he has other anxiety stuff going on. Bottom line, he has some issues dealing with chicks. He’s also young, horny as Hell, and trying to get laid without tremendous success like a lot of guys nowadays.
He asked me recently for a couple of ideas about meeting women.
1. “What about going into a bar, acting like you’re better than the place, and ordering a beer, but acting a little aloof? This is what Tom Leykis says to do.”
2. “What about getting some chick I know to be near me in a pubic place, like a bar, then she goes over and starts talking to some other chicks, and I ask her beforehand to say stuff about me like, “Look at that hot guy? Isn’t he cute?”
1. I don’t think that this is going to work. It sounds too much like Asshole Game to me. Of course I have done this, many times, but I learned from experience. You have to be friendly. People don’t really like those who act like they are better than everyone else.
Here is the mindset, and yeah I often do walk around like this. “I am King of the Fuckin’ World, man!” That’s the Confidence Mindset.
I got this mindset from many years of success with women, often with hot chicks. I’ve literally dated scores of hot chicks of all ages over a lifetime. I suspect the success was necessary for the development of the mindset. Even though I have OCD, I am still able to go into this mindset because I lived it for many years. I just go back into my old self, plug into it, and there I am.
It may be difficult to create this mindset out of whole cloth. I’m not sure if you can fake it and get that mindset without all those great successes that created it for me. Maybe you can, I don’t know.
Thing is, when you get into that mindset, there is a tendency to look down on all the normal guys who are just regular dudes walking about. There’s a tendency to think a lot of them are nerds, geeks, dorks, etc. You look at guys who are fat, old, ugly, awkward, whatever, and you look down on them a bit. It’s a side-effect of the confidence thing, and it goes with it.
Well, then I try to get outside of that. I look at some regular guy and try to get under him. I tell myself bullshit like, “This guy is way better than me. I’m nothing, I’m a loser.” I also try to find good things about the guy and focus on that. “Oh wow man, this guy is so cool. What a winner! I like this dude!”
Stuff like that. It waters down the Confidence thing (which is really kind of a strutting, swaggering bastard thing) nicely, but there’s no side effects, because I really don’t believe it.
It’s really necessary to deal with other guys on as much of a one to one level as you can.
When you walk into a bar like you are better than the place, you are insulting everyone. All the guys there, maybe even the chicks there, the owner. It’s a form of Asshole Game. Does it work? I have no idea, but I would avoid it. If I did that, I think most people in the bar would think I’m an asshole and not want to deal with me.
Best way to walk into a bar is like, “Wow! What a cool place! I am right at home!” With me, it’s like, “I’m King of the World, and this is just the place for Him!” You compliment the bar, the guys in it, the chicks there, the owner, everyone. You want to get along with people, not alienate them.
I do this even in bars that I actually think are lame or sleazy. There’s a Hispanic bar I go to sometimes. It’s basically a dive, and it’s full of illegal aliens speaking Spanish. On weekends, there are strippers who barely have a thing on. There are also plenty of gangbanger looking types, Hispanic and Black. Wild fights break out from time to time. The place is a bit dangerous. You might as well be in fuckin’ Tijuana.
Anyway, I go in there like this is the best bar in the world! I just adopt the persona of the guys in there. I turn into a Mexican in Mexico myself. I even speak Spanish! I’m actually this Noam Chomsky academic type, but I go into full macho working class hardass in that place. I go into gangbanger mode if there are bangers around. Heck, I even have a big N on my sneakers. For Norteno! Yep, I live in a Norteno hood, and my homies are Northerners.
I also try to go into the macho thing so I don’t get my ass kicked. For some reason unknown to me, it’s common for people to think I’m gay or bi. I’m not, but it can be an issue. So in that dive, I really get out of that and into macho Mexican hardass as much as possible. You do this by putting a mindset into your mind and watching your body language. I don’t want to get my ass kicked by a bunch of Mexicans for “being a fag.” No thanks.
I was doing that in that bar a while back and the bartender Hispanic chick (35 years old) started talking to me in front of everyone. She was getting people to sign some petition about “immigrants” to the federal government. Probably telling to leave illegals alone. She said, in front of everyone, really loud so everyone could hear, “I want you to come over to my house and sign the petition!” Then she made this little flourish with her body.
I looked at her like, “OK, you just asked me to come over. That’s sort of boring. I mean, chicks I barely know invite me over all the time. So you’re the new one. OK, yawn.”
So I asked her if she wanted to give me her address or her #. She gave me her #. The other guys at the bar were like, “Fuck, that chick just basically told that guy to come over to her house!” I acted like getting the number was the easiest thing on Earth, like I get dozens of chicks’ phone numbers every day. What’s one more? Big deal. I’ll see if can work her in!
The other Mexicans crowded around me and stayed with me for a couple hours, even buying me drinks. I got to know them. I didn’t act like I was better than them for getting the #. That won’t go over.
Don’t act like you are better than the joint. Maybe it works, I dunno. But I would not do it.
2. Get some chick to say good stuff about you. Well, that’s interesting, but I would not do it. It’s so obviously deceitful, and plus to me it implies I am totally lame and need to resort to this outrageously dishonest thing to get chicks. Maybe it’s true, maybe I do need to sink that low, I have no idea. But I won’t do it. After all, I’m King of the World! King of the World doesn’t do sleazy shit like that! Why should he? I mean, chicks are maybe already saying that about me anyway, right?
Does it work? No idea. Maybe it does. It almost strikes as Asshole Game, it’s so dishonest. Me? I would be afraid of backfire. I would be afraid that the woman I put up to it would turn on me and tell the other chicks that I had put her up to that. This might humiliate me and make me a laughing stock. The idea behind #2 is that if one chick likes you, the others all think you’re interesting too. Well of course.
For instance, I do start talking to hot strangers. Or I start conversations with hot chicks at the cash register. I have noticed that when I do this and it goes over halfway decently, most of the other women in the vicinity start looking at me. “He’s talking to that hottie! Look at him! Does she know him? He’s got some balls!” I haven’t the faintest idea what they are thinking, but it may be along those lines.
Women like guys who other chicks like. If no chicks like you, then other new ones will like you either. It takes women to get women. Etc.