I ought to do some pieces on this since I know some guys who have a terrible time talking to women of any type, much less attractive ones. I also know some other guys who confess to me that they are social retards.
I’m not the greatest social actor of them all either, but I am an avid student of the subject, lifelong. I figure with each new day, I am going to learn some new things about social skills, because after all, it’s a lifelong learning experience.
The first thing that I would say is to not ask women for advice about this stuff, because most of them are seriously full of shit. They will just say retarded things like, “Don’t worry about it,” “You think about it too much,” “Just act like yourself,” “It doesn’t matter,” or other unhelpful crap. A lot of women act like there are no such thing as social rules and will tell you you are analyzing things too much.
Another bad place to ask for advice about this stuff is from other other guys. Most guys will tell you there’s nothing to it and that they are awesome social actors. They will tell you to quit worrying about it, and just go for it. I consider that bad advice.
My philosophy is that no one ever got in trouble for something that they didn’t say.
The guys who are derided as creeps, weirdos, dangerous, freaks, social retards, losers, etc. are hardly the guys who are sitting back consciously thinking of all social situations and trying to figure out exactly how to act and what to say in each situation. If someone doing that gets accused of being a weirdo, I think it’s ridiculous.
Dangerous guys are dangerous. I don’t know much about them since I’m not one, but I assume they are either sociopaths or social idiots.
Sociopaths don’t very much give a flying fuck what you think about anything they do. They hardly care how they come across.
The problem with social idiots is not excessive analysis. It’s that they leap into situations when they should not and say the wrong things. They’re out of control and clueless.
When I’m out in public places with strangers or even folks that I know somewhat well as casual acquaintances, I am looking around the room all time, checking everyone out and trying to read them. I’m also thinking about my own stuff, but at the same time, I am trying to figure out where everyone else is at.
This is what I am trying to figure out about most of the people in the vicinity: Is this person approachable to me?
People either are or are not approachable.
The people who don’t seem approachable, just don’t deal with them. Write them off. Don’t talk to them unless you have to. Don’t even look at them that much. But you can check back periodically to see if they are still unapproachable. It works like this: “Last time I checked on you, you were unapproachable. So what’s up now? Are you still unapproachable? Yes or no?”
Chances are most of the folks in the room, the strangers, are not that approachable. That’s OK. It’s not the end of the world. If there’s even one person in the room who is going to talk to you and be halfway friendly, it’s a great experience being in that place! Forget the 30 who don’t want to talk. Focus on those who do.
Another thing you can do is look around, observe people, and try to figure out what’s going on with them. I try to figure out race, ethnicity, age, income status, upwardly or downwardly mobile, education level, type of social network they are involved in, married or not married, boyfriend or no boyfriend, kids or no kids. All sorts of stuff.
There are other things you want to try to figure out. Personality style. Nice person or jerk. Social status – alpha, beta, omega. Wimpiness, machoness, dominance or submissiveness levels. Mood: happy, sad, angry, hopeless, defeated? Self-esteem levels: high, low, average. You can also check out who people are with and try to put together a story about that.
Act like you are writing a biography about the people in the room and try to put together as much of a little life story about them in your mind as possible. In this way, you will start to understand them, and it will be easier to talk to them.
For instance, the other day I was in back of three Hispanic women in line. One was with a girl, obviously a young daughter. None had rings. Another was outside with a young daughter. I watched and smiled but didn’t say anything. Why should I? What the Hell are you supposed to say to a woman, probably married, out with the girls, and with a young daughter? Nowadays they are hardly approachable with all the Pedo Hysteria.
I was watching them all the time, but I didn’t get any approachable vibes. One woman had a twisted bra strap on her back. I thought about mentioning it, but decided against it. If she gave off approachable vibes, I might have mentioned the bra strap. But such a comment can often be misconstrued from a stranger as sexual.
I look around to see if women are married or not. If she has that big fat wedding ring on their left finger, why talk to her? What the Hell for? She’s married, has a husband who might be really mean, and why should she talk to you anyway? Married women deserve extra distance, but sometimes you can talk to them if they give off approachable vibes. The main thing is to avoid sexual talk. For Chrissake, she’s married! Leave her alone.
At my age, it’s quite hard to talk to young women, especially attractive ones. I used to walk up and talk to them all the time though when I was younger. Now they mostly act like they don’t even want me to say hi to them. I guess it’s an age thing. That’s fine, in that case, I won’t even say hi, no problem.
But there’s a problem here. Young women always think I’m trying to fuck them. Hardly. A lot of times I’m just making conversation. Truth is we older guys are pretty harmless to these hot young chicks. They should talk to us more. We’re sort of like their gay friends, but not quite.
Personally, I’m quite unlikely to jump on some young woman no matter how friendly she is. If she’s worried about guys jumping her bones and coming on to her, look to the guys her own age for that. They’re also the violent ones who are likely to rape and kill her too. We older guys are quite non-violent.
Truth is, women don’t make much sense in the best of times. It’s pretty much hit or miss talking to women. If you fuck up, so what! If you’re a chronic fuckup, so what again! If you clam up and quit talking, almost no one is ever going to talk to you. Bottom line is you’ve got to try.
A few weeks ago, I was in an eatery dealing with my food item with some condiments. A really hot young babe came up to me and frankly started invading my space too much. That’s generally a good sign. I made some more room for her and watched her as she added stuff to her item. Then I asked her what she ordered, then what she was putting in it. She was very friendly, and it was a great experience. Talking to a friendly hot chick, even for a few seconds, ought to make any guy’s day!*
One thing I have noticed is that young women are like us older guys. We older guys look at young women, even underage girls, but we figure either we can’t touch or we don’t stand a chance with them.
I have noticed that while most young women act like they don’t care about me, some of them check me out, even obviously, even all the way to staring at me in obviously sexual ways. But then when I try to talk to them, they act like, “I don’t want to talk to you.”
What’s going on here is a young chick in fantasy world. A young woman is checking out a much older guy who she’s not really interested in (due to age probably). But she likes to look at him because he’s sexy. When he comes up to talk to her, she blows him off because she’s really not interested. She wants to look, not touch, or even get to know him.
That’s quite all right. Just make a note of that. Note her as a looker who only wants voyeurism, and move on. Quit pursuing her, and move on to other targets.
Keep track of your dealings with women you see on a regular basis. What happened the last time you talked to this chick? What was it like? Was it good or bad? If it was bad, hold back and watch your guard around her. She’s given you a stop sign, and you need to honor that. But check her out to see if she is going to put up the green light again. If it was good, see if it’s going to be good this time too. She might have been approachable and nice last time, but this time she’s holding up the stop sign. Make a note of it, and don’t bug her.
A conversation with a woman is like a dance. The younger and more beautiful they are, they harder it is to dance with them.
Say something, see how she reacts, look around to see how others react, then listen for her response. You’re constantly adjusting and recalibrating the conversation based on the feedback you are getting from her. She will also be giving off many non-verbal signals and communications, and it helps to read those and react back to them as quickly as possible. It’s not as hard as you think if you’re an intelligent person. If you say something wrong, no problem, just drop it or shift the conversation and try to keep it going.
I don’t believe there are any master social actors, unless you’re a rock star or something. I bet even social actors fuck up all the time. Young women, especially beautiful women, can be real bitches. They have men after them all the time, and you’re a stranger. Why the Hell should she talk to you?
If you’re walking up to young beautiful female strangers and trying to talk to them, expect to get blown off a lot. It’s not a sign you’re loser, it’s only to be expected. When it happens, just think, “OK, fine, fuck you bitch, no problem, I’m moving on and I won’t talk to you again. No hard feelings.”
Don’t get your feelings hurt, and don’t let women inhibit you.
Women were put on this Earth for various purposes. One of those purposes was to constantly try to make men feel guilty about the fact that we want to fuck them. There’s nothing to apologize about. You’re a Sexual Liberationist, a heterosexual, 100% male, 0% female, you like to fuck, and you don’t take shit from no silly woman. Don’t let them make you feel guilty about being a normal human male.
*I’m really leery about talking about personal experiences on here because I’m afraid locals may read this site and get pissed.