Social Skills and How to Approach Women, Even Attractive to Beautiful Women

I ought to do some pieces on this since I know some guys who have a terrible time talking to women of any type, much less attractive ones. I also know some other guys who confess to me that they are social retards.

I’m not the greatest social actor of them all either, but I am an avid student of the subject, lifelong. I figure with each new day, I am going to learn some new things about social skills, because after all, it’s a lifelong learning experience.

The first thing that I would say is to not ask women for advice about this stuff, because most of them are seriously full of shit. They will just say retarded things like, “Don’t worry about it,” “You think about it too much,” “Just act like yourself,” “It doesn’t matter,” or other unhelpful crap. A lot of women act like there are no such thing as social rules and will tell you you are analyzing things too much.

Another bad place to ask for advice about this stuff is from other other guys. Most guys will tell you there’s nothing to it and that they are awesome social actors. They will tell you to quit worrying about it, and just go for it. I consider that bad advice.

My philosophy is that no one ever got in trouble for something that they didn’t say.

The guys who are derided as creeps, weirdos, dangerous, freaks, social retards, losers, etc. are hardly the guys who are sitting back consciously thinking of all social situations and trying to figure out exactly how to act and what to say in each situation. If someone doing that gets accused of being a weirdo, I think it’s ridiculous.

Dangerous guys are dangerous. I don’t know much about them since I’m not one, but I assume they are either sociopaths or social idiots.

Sociopaths don’t very much give a flying fuck what you think about anything they do. They hardly care how they come across.

The problem with social idiots is not excessive analysis. It’s that they leap into situations when they should not and say the wrong things. They’re out of control and clueless.

When I’m out in public places with strangers or even folks that I know somewhat well as casual acquaintances, I am looking around the room all time, checking everyone out and trying to read them. I’m also thinking about my own stuff, but at the same time, I am trying to figure out where everyone else is at.

This is what I am trying to figure out about most of the people in the vicinity: Is this person approachable to me?

People either are or are not approachable.

The people who don’t seem approachable, just don’t deal with them. Write them off. Don’t talk to them unless you have to. Don’t even look at them that much. But you can check back periodically to see if they are still unapproachable. It works like this: “Last time I checked on you, you were unapproachable. So what’s up now? Are you still unapproachable? Yes or no?”

Chances are most of the folks in the room, the strangers, are not that approachable. That’s OK. It’s not the end of the world. If there’s even one person in the room who is going to talk to you and be halfway friendly, it’s a great experience being in that place! Forget the 30 who don’t want to talk. Focus on those who do.

Another thing you can do is look around, observe people, and try to figure out what’s going on with them. I try to figure out race, ethnicity, age, income status, upwardly or downwardly mobile, education level, type of social network they are involved in, married or not married, boyfriend or no boyfriend, kids or no kids. All sorts of stuff.

There are other things you want to try to figure out. Personality style. Nice person or jerk. Social status – alpha, beta, omega. Wimpiness, machoness, dominance or submissiveness levels. Mood: happy, sad, angry, hopeless, defeated? Self-esteem levels: high, low, average. You can also check out who people are with and try to put together a story about that.

Act like you are writing a biography about the people in the room and try to put together as much of a little life story about them in your mind as possible. In this way, you will start to understand them, and it will be easier to talk to them.

For instance, the other day I was in back of three Hispanic women in line. One was with a girl, obviously a young daughter. None had rings. Another was outside with a young daughter. I watched and smiled but didn’t say anything. Why should I? What the Hell are you supposed to say to a woman, probably married, out with the girls, and with a young daughter? Nowadays they are hardly approachable with all the Pedo Hysteria.

I was watching them all the time, but I didn’t get any approachable vibes. One woman had a twisted bra strap on her back. I thought about mentioning it, but decided against it. If she gave off approachable vibes, I might have mentioned the bra strap. But such a comment can often be misconstrued from a stranger as sexual.

I look around to see if women are married or not. If she has that big fat wedding ring on their left finger, why talk to her? What the Hell for? She’s married, has a husband who might be really mean, and why should she talk to you anyway? Married women deserve extra distance, but sometimes you can talk to them if they give off approachable vibes. The main thing is to avoid sexual talk. For Chrissake, she’s married! Leave her alone.

At my age, it’s quite hard to talk to young women, especially attractive ones. I used to walk up and talk to them all the time though when I was younger. Now they mostly act like they don’t even want me to say hi to them. I guess it’s an age thing. That’s fine, in that case, I won’t even say hi, no problem.

But there’s a problem here. Young women always think I’m trying to fuck them. Hardly. A lot of times I’m just making conversation. Truth is we older guys are pretty harmless to these hot young chicks. They should talk to us more. We’re sort of like their gay friends, but not quite.

Personally, I’m quite unlikely to jump on some young woman no matter how friendly she is. If she’s worried about guys jumping her bones and coming on to her, look to the guys her own age for that. They’re also the violent ones who are likely to rape and kill her too. We older guys are quite non-violent.

Truth is, women don’t make much sense in the best of times. It’s pretty much hit or miss talking to women. If you fuck up, so what! If you’re a chronic fuckup, so what again! If you clam up and quit talking, almost no one is ever going to talk to you. Bottom line is you’ve got to try.

A few weeks ago, I was in an eatery dealing with my food item with some condiments. A really hot young babe came up to me and frankly started invading my space too much. That’s generally a good sign. I made some more room for her and watched her as she added stuff to her item. Then I asked her what she ordered, then what she was putting in it. She was very friendly, and it was a great experience. Talking to a friendly hot chick, even for a few seconds, ought to make any guy’s day!*

One thing I have noticed is that young women are like us older guys. We older guys look at young women, even underage girls, but we figure either we can’t touch or we don’t stand a chance with them.

I have noticed that while most young women act like they don’t care about me, some of them check me out, even obviously, even all the way to staring at me in obviously sexual ways. But then when I try to talk to them, they act like, “I don’t want to talk to you.”

What’s going on here is a young chick in fantasy world. A young woman is checking out a much older guy who she’s not really interested in (due to age probably). But she likes to look at him because he’s sexy. When he comes up to talk to her, she blows him off because she’s really not interested. She wants to look, not touch, or even get to know him.

That’s quite all right. Just make a note of that. Note her as a looker who only wants voyeurism, and move on. Quit pursuing her, and move on to other targets.

Keep track of your dealings with women you see on a regular basis. What happened the last time you talked to this chick? What was it like? Was it good or bad? If it was bad, hold back and watch your guard around her. She’s given you a stop sign, and you need to honor that. But check her out to see if she is going to put up the green light again. If it was good, see if it’s going to be good this time too. She might have been approachable and nice last time, but this time she’s holding up the stop sign. Make a note of it, and don’t bug her.

A conversation with a woman is like a dance. The younger and more beautiful they are, they harder it is to dance with them.

Say something, see how she reacts, look around to see how others react, then listen for her response. You’re constantly adjusting and recalibrating the conversation based on the feedback you are getting from her. She will also be giving off many non-verbal signals and communications, and it helps to read those and react back to them as quickly as possible. It’s not as hard as you think if you’re an intelligent person. If you say something wrong, no problem, just drop it or shift the conversation and try to keep it going.

I don’t believe there are any master social actors, unless you’re a rock star or something. I bet even social actors fuck up all the time. Young women, especially beautiful women, can be real bitches. They have men after them all the time, and you’re a stranger. Why the Hell should she talk to you?

If you’re walking up to young beautiful female strangers and trying to talk to them, expect to get blown off a lot. It’s not a sign you’re loser, it’s only to be expected. When it happens, just think, “OK, fine, fuck you bitch, no problem, I’m moving on and I won’t talk to you again. No hard feelings.”

Don’t get your feelings hurt, and don’t let women inhibit you.

Women were put on this Earth for various purposes. One of those purposes was to constantly try to make men feel guilty about the fact that we want to fuck them. There’s nothing to apologize about. You’re a Sexual Liberationist, a heterosexual, 100% male, 0% female, you like to fuck, and you don’t take shit from no silly woman. Don’t let them make you feel guilty about being a normal human male.

*I’m really leery about talking about personal experiences on here because I’m afraid locals may read this site and get pissed.

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37 thoughts on “Social Skills and How to Approach Women, Even Attractive to Beautiful Women”

  1. Why can’t women try to approach us instead of the other way around? It’s pathetic that men have to do all the work here. Christ, women are just fuck objects, there not some goddamned deities. I’d love for women to make the first move instead of men
    scurrying around like a bunch of rodents trying to get the attention of a paranoid, unapproachable bitch. I blame modern feminism for this crap.
    Read Henry Makow’s website, you’ll see what I mean.

    1. Women do approach, but only if a guy is at the top of the ladder. Do you think Ashton Kutcher or Lenny Kravitz ever have to approach women to meet one?

      1. That’s exactly right. I went bar hopping once with an Abercrombie model. He was probably 6’4″ and he had some Scandinavian name like Sven. Girls would just walk up to him everywhere we went. I’m not ugly and girls approach me sometimes(less often since my hair started to go) but the kind of attention paid to this guy was on a whole different level.

        1. Well, to clarify it’s not like they really approach me. More like actively make themselves available. The regular kind of flirting, I guess.

          This guy had very attractive women just walking up to him and starting conversations.

        2. When you see a guy that’s very good looking + has a lot of game, he’ll be a non-stop fucking machine. A guy with average looks + game might still do okay or even well but has to work for it. A guy without looks and socially shy/awkward is in the worse position possible. He will get almost zero play. And if he’s under 5’8″ he’s really screwed.

          Here is another aspect too, women judge men as generally uglier than men judge women. Put simply, men are much more generous in judging the looks of women than men. So even if you think you are an average looking guy, you’d probably be considered ugly to most women. Ok Cupid did a fascinating blog on the subject:
          http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2009/11/17/your-looks-and-online-dating/

        3. So keep in mind, much of the reason why women don’t approach men is that they just don’t think very many of us men are attractive in the first place! As you saw with your Abercrombie friend, women definitely will approach and overtly flirt, but only if you cross their threshold of attractiveness, which few men do.

    2. Anon, I can relate to you. I don’t know if you have social anxiety, but I do. I’ve made great progress in overcoming it, but I still can’t seem to capitalize on all those girls that show interest me.

  2. I’m not in the dating pool, but… attractive women are used to guys making fools of themselves over them and bending over backwards. If you are polite and helpful but distant, like they don’t mean that much to you, it makes them insecure. They will try to connect with you, and it is not unlikely that they will flirt with you. If this makes your day, it’s a win. If you want more, it may put you into a position to get it, although I can’t say for sure.

    1. Yeah, that’s good. It works great. Women don’t mind guys falling all over themselves for women, but I am convinced that they are secretly contemptuous of them. There is something special, something magical, about a man who is so fucking confident that he can talk to the most beautiful woman on Earth like she is doing *him* a favor by talking to *him*.

      After all, does she realize who she is talking to? She’s talking to the Greatest Stud on Earth, the guy who needs no woman at all. He can take a beautiful woman or leave her. That’s how confident he is.

      Wow! That’s really intriguing to a lot of hot chicks.

      That puppy dog shit gets old and I am convinced that it breeds contempt in women. It emboldens them to think that they can say whatever the fuck they want to to you, including gratuitous and unfair insults, and you won’t do a thing to fight back. After all, you are a pussy whipped wimp who will do anything for pussy, right?

      Have you noticed that women go for brutes who act like they don’t give a fuck whether they get laid or not. Brutes who often abuse them verbally or physically? That’s attractive because this guy is *not* pussy-whipped. He can call a woman every name in the book and not even care. Most guys won’t do that because they are afraid of jeopardizing the pussy supply or potential pussy supply.

  3. Robert One woman had a twisted bra strap on her back. I thought about mentioning it, but decided against it

    *chic noir smacks robert’s hand and giggles*
    You better not. How was she to fix that. You would’ve embarrassed her. Or…

    But such a comment can often be misconstrued from a stranger as sexual.
    *shakes head in agreement*

  4. I have noticed that while most young women act like they don’t care about me, some of them check me out, even quite obviously, even staring at me in obviously sexual ways. But then when I try to talk to them, they act like, “I don’t want to talk to you.”

    This is sometimes true.

    or maybe you mistook her staring for wanting you. Sometimes women just stare at people. With our gender, looking at each other for extended periods of time doesn’t mean much. I read that with men it means you want to kill or screw the person you’re staring at.

    Robert When he comes up to talk to her, she blows him off because she’s really not interested. She wants to look, not touch, or even get to know him.

    100% true
    Darn son, you surprise me with your insight. No other PUA who I’ve read, has expressed this.
    It doesn’t matter the age thought. Women do this to young guys too.

    Robert Women were put on this Earth for various purposes. One of those purposes was to constantly try to make men feel guilty about the fact that we want to fuck them

    Yea, it makes us uncomfortable. A decent looking woman on any given day has many men who are bigger and much much stronger giving her the eye.

    Some men will look at you in a way that you feel that he may follow you home to rape you.Can you imagine who emotionally exhausting that is over time.

  5. rules for men on women:

    1. have confidence
    2. don’t be the weird creepy guy.
    3. take care with your looks. Life is easier for men who look like epoxy. for those who don’t, groom yourself and take care of your body.

    1. Hey Chic Noir, just out of curiosity, do women like men with facial hair?

      I’ve gone with both the beard and goatee look. While I might look more handsome without facial hair, I’ll also feel very boyish without it.

      What to do?

        1. So I guess I should very precisely shave just so I have the 5 0’clock shadow look?

          That’s a lot of shaving and maintaining. But if it’s worth it, then I’ll do it.

      1. some women do. It depends on the woman. I like goatees but not beards.

        Body hair goes in and out of fashion.
        My aunt was telling me how women use to fawn over Tom Sellecks chest hair. Most young women today won’t find that amount of body hair attractive.

        I’ve also noticed that few current romance novels have heros on the cover with chest hair. I’ve seen and read 60- 80’s romance novels where the writer mentions the hero’ s “manly” chest hair.

  6. tulio Put simply, men are much more generous in judging the looks of women than men. So even if you think you are an average looking guy, you’d probably be considered ugly to most women.

    cosign

    I’ve noticed this on the PUA blogs. Male commenters would say some guy was nice looking or give him a number like 7 or 8 but when I looked at him, I was thinking 3-4.

    Not trying to be cruel but as women should know how men see them. men should also know how women view men.

    1. It’s weird, why do you think that is?

      I also have a theory too that women tend to under-rate a man’s looks when he is anonymous to her. If you just show a woman a picture from the neck up of a guy that men would consider “average”, most women will probably think he’s unattractive. However, many women I think could find that same guy attractive if they attached a likable personality to him and took him out of the abstract. I’ve seen girls date a guy that is definitely not attractive, but she think he is because he’s confident, charming, has game, makes a good living, etc. I think women’s perceptions of a man’s attractiveness is malleable.

      On the flip side, men I think are more rigid. We are generous in how we evaluate an attractive woman, but once we make our mind up about how attractive she is, it is difficult to change. We don’t think a woman is any more pretty because she’s funny or confident. Though there are some times where a women I didn’t think was cute at first started to look cuter as I began looking at her features more and more and how she carries herself, then I said, “whoa, this girl is cute, how did I not notice that at first??”

      1. tulio It’s weird, why do you think that is?

        because large groups of both sexes have trouble figuring out what the opposite sex finds attractive. Men think most women find very masculine faces attractive but I would wager that most women find men who have pretty boy faces and calvin klein model bodies more attractive.

        men like Russel Wong, Reggie Bush, Paul Walker will appeal to a large number of women(esp teenage girls) because of the their handsome but not to masculine faces and good not overly muscular physiques.

        tulioHowever, many women I think could find that same guy attractive if they attached a likable personality to him and took him out of the abstract.

        I believe this is true. Sometimes we will meet someone who on first glance isnt’ so nice looking but after being around them, he/she will become better looking if they have a nice personality.

        tulio I think women’s perceptions of a man’s attractiveness is malleable.

        I can agree with this to a degree and I’ve seen the same thing work on men (but not as often with men). People are attracted to friendly confident people who are also good looking.

      2. Here is what’s strange. The people who showed that women like facial stubble on guys say that the stubble strikes the right balance between looking baby-faced and looking too masculine.

        Other people feel that women actually like pretty-faced men.

        What do you make of that?

        1. strange. The people who showed that women like facial stubble on guys say that the stubble strikes the right balance between looking baby-faced and looking too masculine
          then they must be talking about me who have baby faces. A man with a face like ray lewis or Jason Gambini don’t need facial stubble because they are already very masculine looking.

          Other people feel that women actually like pretty-faced men.

          What do you make of that?

          I belive the two types of faces bring out different reactions in women. Some women look at masculine looking men as lust objects but nothing more. Some women are afraid of very masculine looking men because they look they’re prone to violence.

          Handsome baby faced men hit you both ways because they make you bond to them romantically and how a woman bonds to a child*.

          *thats quoted from another commenter who I believe is right.

        2. I used to be a very handsome babyfaced or pretty boy type as a young man. People were always telling me how handsome I was, and I had offers for modeling and did some interviews for the movies in Hollywood. I may put up some pics for you. It was raining women on me like monsoons back in those days, so, yeah, women like pretty boys. But they kept asking me if I was bi. LOL!

          I always thought that women worry that really handsome pretty boy guys are gay or bi. Lot of guys think that too. People are very worried about a very handsome man. There’s a big worry that he’s a bit homosexual or worse. I don’t really understand that, but a lot of very good-looking guys are gay or bi. Especially a lot of pretty boy handsome guys. I don’t know why that is really. I wish I knew.

          Plus I was always kind of androgynous in a way. Not faggy, but…it’s like I was part woman and part man. But that woman part of me seemed to make it so I could get along with women really really well. But sometimes in sex women would tell me they felt like they were doing it with another chick!

          As I got older, looks got more and more useless, as it all turned into money. Now I’m old and probably ugly but oh well.

          When you bet on the body, you bet on a losing horse.

        3. I belive the two types of faces bring out different reactions in women. Some women look at masculine looking men as lust objects but nothing more. Some women are afraid of very masculine looking men because they look they’re prone to violence.

          Handsome baby faced men hit you both ways because they make you bond to them romantically and how a woman bonds to a child*.

          Yeah, that’s why I think the stubble look is the perfect in between if you’re looking to swing a wide net and appeal to the greatest number of women. Sure some will not like it, but I don’t think most women will be turned off either. A guy who is boyish looking(as I’ve been told I am) might benefit from stubble, or in my case a very low-trimmed, manicured beard as it brings a bit of maturity to my face.

          When I say stubble of course, I’m not talking about the look of some guy who’s been camping for a week, but more that Euro soccer player look:

          http://i.cdn.turner.com/sivault/multimedia/photo_gallery/0901/pop.culture.hot.list.0129/images/david-beckham.jpg

        4. When I go visit my Mom and I’m unshaved, she gets pissed and is not happy until I shave.

          But when I got out in public unshaved, even for a few days, no one really seems to mind all that much. I often go out with a day stubble or so.

  7. tulio On the flip side, men I think are more rigid

    I think men are prone to the herd when evaluting a woman’s attractiveness. Some men will rate rather average looking women who happen to be famous or well known much higher than they really are. I’ve heard/read where men have given Rihanna and Giselle a much higher rating than most women would.

    I think Rihanna is pretty but certainly not beautiful. Rihanna’s protege Tierra Merrie is far better looking as is Beyonce.

    Oh another thing, sometimes women will rate women who are well spoken or classy, like Jackie O etc.. much higher than what they really are because we like other things about them.

    Looks are very important to women too but a bad personality can turn a person into a beast.

  8. I always thought that women worry that really handsome pretty boy guys are gay or bi.

    Yea, I noticed some women doing that too but generally they aren’t the very best looking of women or they are insure. In other words, they don’t believe they can hold onto a hot guy. Or they don’t like that hot guys gets a lot of attention when they are out and about.

    People are very worried about a very handsome man.
    Yea because he has the easy access of a very good-looking woman & the freedom that comes with being male.

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