My Latest Cholesterol Reading = 156

Well, I must say, it’s never been that low in my life!

At one time it was over 200, and I was put on cholesterol-lowering medication called Zocor. I’ve had a great experience with this drug. My last reading was around 190 or so, but the 156 number just blew me away. I’m not sure what’s going on. I’m cooking for myself all the time, I rarely eat out, don’t eat any fast food, eat little if any junk food or sweets and in general I eat only one meal a day (dinner).

People who know me well keep insisting that I’m going to die since “I don’t eat,” but that’s more observational than factual. Anyway, the thinnest lab rats live the longest and caloric restriction of lab rats doubled life expectancy. Sort of the like the revenge of the Skinny Beach Guy in the Charles Atlas ads (bit of time-worn Americana here for you extra-North Americans).

My caloric intake is somewhere around 1,700 calories a day, or possibly a bit more or less. Consider that your average American consumes an incredible 3,800 calories a day.

I don’t exercize that much, but I rode 35 minutes on my exercize bike last night.

My diet is excellent. I’ve nearly cut out dairy. For my cereal, I use soy milk. I eat lots and lots of fiber, because I have diverticulosis, but fiber may lower cholesterol too. And when I’m doing great, I go on long fasts where I more or less consume nothing but fruit juice, vegetable juice, coffee and wine (the last two being necessary for life). People say I look 5-10 years younger than I am.

I doing all of this mostly for a shitty reason: I’m somewhat narcissistic, and like all narcissists, aging is tough. As the Buddhists say, when you bet on the body, you bet on a losing horse. All of us narcissist types are doubling down on that loser mare. She’s nobody’s pick, and all the tip sheets say avoid, but we keep plunking it all down anyway, results be damned. We know it’s nuts but we can’t help ourselves. In our heart of hearts, we’re all 22 years old for the rest of our lives.

The even more shitty reason I do this is so I can get young chicks! LOL, I know, quit laughing. At my age, with each passing year, the young women look at you less and less. For us narcissists, this is quite a blow, especially those of us who won Player of the Year a few years straight when we were young.

Anyway, narcissistic delusions, to the extent that they foster health, are a good thing. There are people my age who look terrible and are near death. I know people my age who are falling, breaking bones, in wheelchairs or on canes, unable to work or do much of anything. Some are on oxygen tanks. About nine years ago, friends my age started dying. Some were really overweight, most were heavy drinkers or dopers, some were both, and a few lived well and crapped out at the Dice Table of Life.

I’m 52, and 20% of men my age are already impotent (A 50 year old former girlfriend of mine told me it was 100%, but she wasn’t including me). Sure, there’s Viagra, but last I checked it was $10/pill.

With each new year, droop dick disease strikes more and more of my brothers. The best way to keep a stiff upper dick is a good diet, good weight, blood pressure and cholesterol control and even exercise. Overweight, diabetes, hypertension, high cholesterol, inactivity are bad for your arteries, and your dick’s all about the arteries and the blood flow. Traffic jams or roadblocks on Dick Highway turn the essence of all of your manhood – the one root power – into a cartoon dog. Your hard drive fails, and the floppy drive takes over.

If there was ever a reason for guys to take up health in middle age, this is yet. Do it for your dick, guys!

The anti-cholesterol folks point out that 35% of all heart attacks occur in those with cholesterol of 150-199. Sure, but 65% occur in those with cholesterol above 200. You’re a betting man; which horse you want to bet on? An even more fascinating anecdote is here: No one with cholesterol under 150 has ever suffered a fatal heart attack. Assuming it is true, is that not an amazing statistic?

If you get below 140, and Pritikin suggests you actually start regressing the cholesterol in your arteries. Getting down lower than that, things get touchier.

Low cholesterol is associated with violence, depression, and suicide. An elevated death rate was due to the fact that many were getting into fatal fights in bars! Cholesterol coats the arteries, including those of your brain, and so provides an insulation layer. Low insulation in the arterial paths of your brain implies increased mental instability, possibly due to mood swings and depression. Presumably the more insulated passages are more protective of brain chemical stability, but I don’t know how.

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5 thoughts on “My Latest Cholesterol Reading = 156”

  1. My father’s similar; he’ll eat popcorn for a meal. I grapple and go to a regular gym. I consider eating feeding muscles.

    I’m addicted to looking at pretty women. I like to know where pornstars are from, their race, and religion. I’m called honey a lot by older women. Four jailbaits were checking me out the other day. 18-21 year olds like me.

    In downtown Minneapolis, I’ve seen a friendly hot Black chick, which was a nice break from all the Black trash there. Hope she doesn’t get pimped.

    Black bums are interesting to watch. I watched one today in my medium-sized town. He had his arm out like plane wings and was asking for money or cigs. It was funny to see how scared people were of him. Blacks panhandle more aggressively. Like how trannies in Thailand push past the girls. One sad Black clown was asking everyone for 20 bucks outside of a basketball game and said “I know, I’m Black…” if you rejected him. Street Blacks are a slap in the face of proud Blacks and White equalizers.

    1. Blacks are in your face like wild beasts, but Indians (Pakis also seem to be in that sphere) creep up on you like snakes.

      I’m starting to get why they are the “niggers” of the Left. They are your friend one minute and your worst enemy the next. They don’t care about what is right. They care about what they can get away with. They can seem like a model minority, but they will turn on you on a dime. Like less intelligent Jews, nothing is ever their fault. Everyone around them for a long time seems to have a dim view of them. The Black beats his chest at you, the Indian hides in the shadows and strikes you when you least expect it.

  2. Playboy bunnies have commented how skinny Hugh Hefner was. I could see him having similar logic. You remind me of a young Qaddafi (he was handsome).

    He was handsome, wasn’t he?

    I’ve eaten biscuits and gravy before a blood test once. My cholesterol was way high.

    That can really screw it up bad, man.

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