“Female Logic,” by Alpha Unit

In case you wondering, this is satire. It’s Alpha trying to get into the head of the modern militant woman. She doesn’t feel this way herself.

Hi, guys. This is Modern Militant Woman.

Listen – there’s something you’ve got to stop doing. You’ve got to stop talking about how illogical I am all the time. Men have been saying this about women forever. And you guys love to entertain yourselves with little nasty comments about how “female logic is an oxymoron” and how men have to “abandon all logic” to talk to me.

For your information, I am every bit as logical as you are. It’s just that there are certain realizations that create a slight cognitive dissonance in me, and I’m still working that out. But Modern Militant Woman doesn’t back down. If I did, the Bad Old Days would come rushing back upon us, because you guys would just go back to your old woman-oppressing ways if someone didn’t make sure you treated me as an equal.

One of the things you’re gonna have to do to keep us equal is make sure I can go everywhere you can go and do everything you can do, pretty much. Look, I know guys take risks out in the world all the time, day and night, and have to go it alone in all kinds of situations where they have to be able to hold their own with other guys. Well, I want to be able to do all those things, too, if I ever feel like it. Except, I don’t really care for the “risk” part. Because that just wouldn’t be fair, since I’m a woman.

I can’t really hold my own with one of you guys; haven’t you heard about the significant physical differences between the sexes? They’re genetic, so it’s not my fault. So if you ever see me out there acting free and equal, and getting into some of those risky situations, just cut me some slack, okay? It’s not right to take advantage of people who are weaker than you are.

I mean, doesn’t that make perfect sense? The strong have an obligation to look out for the weak. And I’m the weak.

Hey, I’m not stupid. I know I’m the weak. After all this time, some things are still the same. I’m still in this female body that’s just no match for yours, if things ever got down to it. So it makes perfect sense for me to constantly keep you on the defensive. And that’s what I do.

You see, I have to protect myself every way that I can. And if keeping you on the defensive works to my advantage, I’m going for it. After all, a woman’s gotta do what a woman’s gotta do. You know. To stay safe.

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7 thoughts on ““Female Logic,” by Alpha Unit”

  1. Poland is always invading Germany in your mind eh? Any action of “pre-emptive” war is forever justified. Well, it’s how militants have ever justified themselves. Hope you like the world where this doctrine is accepted as the right thing to do.

    The strong protecting the weak. Truth in this, but for the strong to be compelled to, by their own strength, place the weak in a position where they are stronger than the strong is contrary to all reason and justice. If equality and mutual win cannot be had (which we should strive for) then we should accept that the strong are the strong and the weak are the weak and render to the strong the fruits of strength. To do so is is justice, not to create some perverted world in which strength becomes weakness and weakness becomes strength and the strong exploit themselves and act against the interest of their own selves to make this so.

    Another example: Lord Acton’s logic that “It is bad to be oppressed by a minority, but it is worse to be oppressed by a majority. For there is a reserve of latent power in the masses which, if it is called into play, the minority can seldom resist. But from the absolute will of an entire people there is no appeal, no redemption, no refuge but treason.” This is the logic presented by modern day Leftist Minoritarianism (and Rightist Minoritarianism, when it emerges). This would have us err on the side of giving minorities more power than the majority, in order to achieve a reduction of harm, if there was any doubt about achieving equality – but this is incorrect. Forcing the majority to exploit themselves against their collective interest in the service of a minority without such strength is contrary to justice – which states that we never try to exploit people to act against their own interests. And it violates the principle of reciprocality. The fact that more harm would result to weak minorities from powerful majorities than vice versa is secondary to the matter of justice. To ask people who it is natural to have strength to give up that strength and willingly oppress themselves, place themeslves in a second class position, is worse than to ask people who are naturally oppressed to accept that.

    1. Modern Militant Woman would never listen to such reason as this.

      I, Alpha Unit, can totally appreciate the principle of reciprocity. But Modern Militant Woman has no use for it, apparently.

  2. Beginning when I was in high school, I bought into the whole Modern Militant Woman way of thinking myself, and it lasted for a number of years.

    But once I got out into what people call the “real world” it didn’t fit anymore. I had to shed it if I was going to stay sane.

  3. Modern Militant Woman is a master of manipulation. In the supposed War Between the Sexes, psychological warfare has proven to be very effective for the so-called “weaker” side.

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