In case you wondering, this is satire. It’s Alpha trying to get into the head of the modern militant woman. She doesn’t feel this way herself. Hi, guys. This is Modern Militant Woman. Listen – there’s something you’ve got to stop doing. You’ve got to stop talking about how illogical I am all the time. Men have been saying this about women forever. And you guys love to entertain yourselves with little nasty comments about how “female logic is an oxymoron” and how men have to “abandon all logic” to talk to me. For your information, I am every bit as logical as you are. It’s just that there are certain realizations that create a slight cognitive dissonance in me, and I’m still working that out. But Modern Militant Woman doesn’t back down. If I did, the Bad Old Days would come rushing back upon us, because you guys would just go back to your old woman-oppressing ways if someone didn’t make sure you treated me as an equal. One of the things you’re gonna have to do to keep us equal is make sure I can go everywhere you can go and do everything you can do, pretty much. Look, I know guys take risks out in the world all the time, day and night, and have to go it alone in all kinds of situations where they have to be able to hold their own with other guys. Well, I want to be able to do all those things, too, if I ever feel like it. Except, I don’t really care for the “risk” part. Because that just wouldn’t be fair, since I’m a woman. I can’t really hold my own with one of you guys; haven’t you heard about the significant physical differences between the sexes? They’re genetic, so it’s not my fault. So if you ever see me out there acting free and equal, and getting into some of those risky situations, just cut me some slack, okay? It’s not right to take advantage of people who are weaker than you are. I mean, doesn’t that make perfect sense? The strong have an obligation to look out for the weak. And I’m the weak. Hey, I’m not stupid. I know I’m the weak. After all this time, some things are still the same. I’m still in this female body that’s just no match for yours, if things ever got down to it. So it makes perfect sense for me to constantly keep you on the defensive. And that’s what I do. You see, I have to protect myself every way that I can. And if keeping you on the defensive works to my advantage, I’m going for it. After all, a woman’s gotta do what a woman’s gotta do. You know. To stay safe.
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