And of course, demand prison time and civil liability for men who succeed in talking silly or drunk women into bed. I don’t have time to go into it in depth here, feel free to read on at the site, although it’s very long.
Denise Romano is some kind of academic, and a therapist to boot.
Therapists area always trying to get us to act too nice to succeed in American society. I’ve had quite a few therapists openly call me a scumbag. I usually assume that means they are just calling me a man, so it’s a compliment. I openly refuse any and all female therapists anymore and am regularly raked over the coals in their “community” for being sane in this regard.
Therapy is a kick, and it’s really helpful, even for quite sane people. If you can get it for free, go for it, assuming you have problems in living, which all humans do. I’ve had years of it, and I’m about through. I learned all about myself (Cool!) and all about most everyone in my past, especially the assholes (Mega-cool!) and now there’s not a whole lot left to learn. But it was a very neat experience, and I’m much healthier and happier as a result.
No man should ever do therapy with any female therapist. Your therapy probably involves sex, and all female therapists are insane about sex, since they are females, and come from the Female Paradigm.
There’s nothing inherently wrong with radical feminism. It’s the enemy of all men, but so are women in a way, so that’s right in tune with the circle of life.
Radical feminism is simply the logical anarchy and madness that occurs when males of any society lose control of their women. The women go insane and try to institute Female Rule. Radical feminism is what happens when you give women the power to institute Female Rule over society. It sucks for men, and really for most women too, but it’s what most women want deep down inside. Which is why we need to control these biatches!
I repeat that neither Male Rule or Female Rule should be legally coded. The state is a neutral party in the War Between Men and Women. The War is natural and normal; it is remarked upon in all ethnographies of all primitive societies. It exists because males and females want different things in many respects. Each gender has a right to pursue their own interests to the detriment of the other within the framework of law and society.
The state needs to stay out of this mudfest and be as neutral as possible. Like at a party, where the strong guys hold everyone back and say, “Let em fight it out!” hoping the cool guy kicks the despised idiot’s ass.
In a previous post, I remarked that Male Rule at least functions, though it sucks for women. This is because it is concordant with Natural Law. Female Rule doesn’t even work at all. It causes anarchy and confusion, because it violates Nature.
Anyway, this is the natural result of Female Rule. Everywhere on Earth it’s been tried, the same chaos and idiocy resulted. What was the first thing they did when we granted these silly dames suffrage? They banned booze! Probably one of the stupidest things thing country’s ever done, except invading Iraq. Mega-stupid X10.
But everyone on Earth Female Rule is instituted, this is what they do. In Maoist ruled-India, the fool Maoists put women in charge. What happened? Guess. They banned booze, prostitution, gambling and porn. The four things that keep most guys halfway sane and prevent them from shooting up the fuckin post office. Way to go, chicks!
Everywhere you allow Female Rule, this is what they do: ban booze or dope, prostitution, porn and gambling. Females are a bunch of party-poopers, and they need to be kept in line and not allowed too much power or we’re all living grey Puritan lives.
Even worse, they may even ban adultery.
The Shining Path instituted Female Rule in areas of Peru, and in addition to the death penalty for whiffing coke (Please!) they instituted corporal punishment, up to public execution, for men who sampled the greener grass of their female neighbors. This is what these bitches will do if we let them rule us: they’ll execute you for cheating on your wife.
There are also references in the link to some crazy attention whore named Lady Raine. Whatever she is, she represents how far our Western White women have gotten out of line since we let them off the leash. She’s a former stripper who lectures men about morality. As if this whore has a leg to stand on. She’s furious at men, and she’s raising a son all alone, because she prefers it that way.
Anyway, the less said about Lady Cumstain the better, and if she comes here, I will probably have to ban her.
Guys! This is what happens if you let women rule you! The crazy bitches will make seduction illegal! Damn!
Women must be controlled!
87 thoughts on “Lunatic, Psycho Feminists Say Seduction is Rape”
I went to the links and read what these women have to say, and I find it stunning.
They seem truly dismayed that men will say or do just about anything to get women into bed.
Young women should take for granted that men will do all kinds of things to get sex – including rape them, as has been shown! They need to accept reality if they’re going to protect themselves.
I think you’d be well-advised to understand what the definitions of Consent and Lack of Consent are:
And you should also read this:
If you’re going to provide links to what we’ve actually said, you need to provide links to http://www.eqwithdenise.wordpress.com and to Lady Raine’s blog – not to the spearhead, which has repeatedly lied about what we’ve said as have others.
And as for the first commenter here: in case you haven’t noticed, it’s illegal for me to rape or attempt to rape women. If you live in the US, you’ve agreed to abide by that law. If you don’t want to abide by that law, you should leave the country.
And as for this ridiculous post, having sex with a drunk person (male or female) is rape.
You all seem to have been absent on that day in the 7th grade when all of this was explained to everyone else.
All we are doing is reminding you all of the laws that define CONSENT, Sexual Assault and Rape – to which we are all beholden.
These are not “lunatic” or “psycho” ideas; these are laws – by which you are required to abide if you live in the US.
Get over it and start behaving like human beings with some self-respect and control over yourselves.
that should be for “men to rape to rape or attempt to rape women and it’s also illegal for women to rape or attempt to rape men”.
So… I suppose every encounter must start with a breathalizer test now? How much *do* those dolls cost anyway?
“alpha” – you *do* realize rape is illegal, right?
What exactly do you suggest women do to protect themselves from being raped?
Of course I realize rape is illegal. Do you think I’m stupid?
The best thing women can do to protect themselves from being raped? Never, ever take your safety for granted. Never let your guard down with a man you don’t know. Assume that you are in danger of being raped, and act accordingly.
In other words, don’t trust people who haven’t earned your trust. How about that?
If you want to obfuscate and make stupid comments, go ahead.
If you want to have an actual discussion about an actual issue, I encourage you to visit Lady Raine’s blog or my blog (eqwithdenise.wordpress.com)
You DO realize that having sex with a drunk woman has been considered rape for decades, right?
If you don’t believe me, go ask your local Police Chief.
Where have all of you ignorant men been living? How is it that you do not have the most basic knowledge regarding laws concerning consent?
Are you also as astoundingly ignorant as the many men who recently posted on LR’s blog who had no idea that condoms do not protect against the transmission of all STDs and that women are much more easily infected with HIV and other STDs than men are?
Go back to the 7th grade and get the education you need before you even attempt to go near women.
I’m sure you’re correct about the legal issues. But it is interesting what this argument reveals about female psychology. You are basically trying to use existing laws to make sex or even approaching women at all extremely dangerous for men. I think this proves Robert’s point.
“They banned booze, prostitution, gambling and porn. ”
Perhaps because those are the only things in life that are not women, that men love and chase after. In a way, they compete with women for the attention and adoration of men.
No, that’s not what we’re doing.
This is what we’re doing:
1. We’re reacting with shock that so many men are stupid enough to learn Game to try to get over on women rather than go to a therapist to learn how to actually be better men whom women will *want* to be with.
2. We’re educating men on laws about CONSENT, sexual assault and rape, since the very irresponsible PUA industry not only doesn’t do this but also negligently teaches men concepts such as ASD and LMR, which can easily result in sexual assaults happening and in men being charged with sexual assault and/or rape.
3. We’re educating women about what PUA “trainers” teach men so that women can protect themselves from men who actually believe they have a right to have sex with any woman they want to using any means necessary.
THAT is what we’re doing.
This is a huge part of the problem, Denise. You and these other women are reacting with “shock” at the behavior of men.
One thing that you can be sure of is that men (most of them) want to have sex with women. And they do all sorts of things to wear down women’s resistance. They’ve always been this way.
Men have always tried to seduce women. They have, throughout history, tried to force themselves on women sometimes. They have, throughout history, raped women sometimes.
Nothing has changed about male behavior. And yet we have intelligent women saying they are “shocked” at what men do. When are women going to stop being shocked and do whatever they need to do to protect themselves?
Until we get to the rape-free Promised Land, women had better face the reality of male behavior and keep themselves safe.
alpha – and what responsibility do you see men having to prevent the violent crime of rape from happening?
I don’t think men are going to listen to women when it comes to this sort of thing. Men have to know that other men will fuck them up good if they mess with women in this way.
Men have to police other men. That’s how I see it. Maybe you don’t think that’s possible. Maybe it isn’t in all situations. But men have to fear what other men will do to them, not what women will say about them.
So, alpha, more, and robert – let’s review the comments thus far:
Given this: “The best thing women can do to protect themselves from being raped? Never, ever take your safety for granted. Never let your guard down with a man you don’t know. Assume that you are in danger of being raped, and act accordingly.”
and this: “I’m sure you’re correct about the legal issues. But it is interesting what this argument reveals about female psychology. You are basically trying to use existing laws to make sex or even approaching women at all extremely dangerous for men.”
Why don’t you clarify for me what you consider to be “extremely dangerous” for women and what you consider to be “extremely dangerous” for men?
Because what I see is alot of toddler-like shrieking that we want laws that address sexual assault to be understood, abided by, and enforced because rape IS extremely dangerous for women yet YOU see us doing all we can to protect ourselves as somehow being “extremely dangerous” for men.
You DO realize that so far this ridiculous blog post and the comments from men here thus far make it appear that the Y chromosome is a birth defect, right?
You DO realize that you’re essentially telling women that we should expect that men will want to rape us and we should not trust one man AND that you’re also calling us “lunatics” and “psychos” because after you say such things, we WANT to protect ourselves, right?
AND, you further realize that you expect women to just accept the constant danger we’re in from being raped based on Alpha’s comment above (and many other comments on many MRA sites) and yet Mort’s and Robert’s main concerns are that men will no longer be able to run game on women.
Do you see how fucked up that is?
I partially agree with you, and so does Jackson Katz – see http://www.JacksonKatz.com
So, what are YOU doing as a man to prevent and stop rape?
AND, please realize that I and other men and women are very serious about this.
Those men you *should* already fear are the Police, the district attorneys, the plaintiff’s lawyers, the male jurors, and your future fellow prison inmates if you think you can get away with rape.
I ask again, what are YOU doing to prevent rape?
Why don’t you ask yourself why you’re not more like this man:
Why don’t you ask yourself why you’re assuming that Alpha is a man…
Robert, Is that you trolling us? Good one! You had me going there for a while.
LOL! Nope, it’s really her. I told you she’s fuckin nuts man. Read the article. The comments just make my point even further. I don’t know what’s wrong with Denise. Based on her revealed personal history, I think she’s really furious at men.
I don’t agree that having sex with a drunken or drugged woman is rape. No man ever goes down on that anyway.
Try to keep up; nobody is shocked that men want sex.
What is shocking is when adults say things like this, “And they do all sorts of things to wear down women’s resistance”
You DO realize that fits the definition of sexual assault and rape, right?
What is shocking is that there are adults like you who actually do not hold men at all responsible for attempting and committing sexual assault and rape and who fully hold women responsible for being raped.
You *did* miss the 7th grade lecture, didn’t you?
Yeah, I missed it. I must have been absent that day.
Mort – nice to know that rape is all just a big joke to you.
You win the prize today for being the best evidence that the Y chromosome IS a birth defect.
Everything is a big joke to me. It’s an ethnic thing. Look it up. And where are those gay recruiters when you need ’em?
What’s needed is a variation on what some moslem societies practice: single males and females should only meet in the presence of a chaperone, but furthermore conversation should be recorded to provide evidence in case of deceit i.e. rape. FUN IS RAPE!!!
On the other hand, here’s a joke: Woman comes into a bar and orders a dozen vodkas, drinks them and passes out. Darts team comes in ” Who’s she?” ” OK if we fuck it?” So they all take their turn. Later she wakes up and goes home. Next night she comes back to the bar. Barman says ” a dozen vodkas, right?” ” No, I’ve gone right off that. It gives me a sore pussy.”
But seriously: Speaking for myself, I don’t want to game anyone. I also don’t want to have to take my lawyer and a witness on every date. And that’s where this is heading. For example, when is a woman too impaired to make an informed decision? One drink? Three drinks? What if she’s bipolar and in the throes of mania? Am I responsible to know that? And what counts as misrepresentation, and therefore fraud as you would have it? For example, what if I say I want kids at some point, but I really don’t? A black lie to be sure, but should it be actionable?
One may say that this is a slippery slope argument, but given the distinct “gotcha!” mentality displayed here, I think the slope really is very slippery indeed.
Oh dear God. Look, Ms. Romano, I’m a product of the finest rape-prevention-seminars-for-men the University of California system could produce, and I concur (and am familiar with) a great deal of the work of Jackson Katz, Robert Jensen (although I disagree with him that the solution is hetero male sexlessness), and Marcella Chester, and I beg to differ as to your quest to expand the definition of rape-by-fraud ad infinitum. The salient portion of the NY State statute you quoted for Criminal Sexual Assault 3 applies to a strawman of pick-up where “No means Yes”, and a simple survey of what constitutes “unreasonable belief in consent” would do to arm Pick-Up Artists against inadvertent rape.
I actually don’t think sexual assault is very relevant to pick-up, but that’s because I don’t think men are natural rapists, and outliers like Christopher Smeal, James Sears, and (allegedly) Paul Janka are not enough to condemn the whole.
but your idea that “approaching women” might become “extremely dangerous” for men was not a joke, was it?
It was a real concern.
Alpha – even if you were absent that day, there have been public awareness campaigns all over the place addressing issues of consent for decades AND your parents had a responsibility to teach you this AND you should have learned this somehwhere.
Ignorance of the law is not a defense.
I’m still waiting for a response to the question about what you’re doing to prevent rape.
I’m also wondering why the fuck this post uses the words “lunatic” and “psycho” since all we’re doing is educating ignorant men who never learned what consent is?
Personally, I prevent it by not committing it. If I were to see someone committing it, I would do all within my power to stop them. But I refuse to accept your assertion that possessing the “birth defect” of a Y chromosome means that I am a rapist until proven otherwise. Now ask me what I’m doing to prevent the ritual murder of Christian babies for the preparation of Passover matzahs.
I suggest you catch up by reading the dicussion on Lady Raine’s blog and on my blog, where we’ve already addressed questions like this repeatedly and are pretty tired of being asked the same questions over and over again.
I’m also working on a new blog that will address all of these questions in a way that makes it easy to find answers to questions.
However, again, I’m a bit astounded that you don’t know that if there is a doubt that you might be having sex with an impaired woman that you’re supposed to then NOT do it.
Also, that you don’t know that marrying someone under false pretenses can result in fraud charges.
Do you not read the newspaper, own a radio or own a television?
Try using that nifty thing on your computer called a “search engine”.
There is plenty of past legal precedent.
Thanks for answering my question. So basically, no interaction between the sexes anywhere alcohol is served. Stay away from anyone who seems happy or sad, because they might be mentally ill. Same with people who seem neither too happy nor too sad, because they might also be mentally ill. Adding inches to your height on your EHarmony posting is fraud. Thanks for clarifying. Now where are those gay recruiters, dammit?
Try to sharpen your reading comprehension. I didn’t say that the Y chromosome is a birth defect; I said that you had done a good job of providing evidence that it might be one.
I personally don’t believe it is; I think very highly of men and know many wonderful men.
I think so highly of men that I don’t accept this bullshit that they are biologically or “naturally” incapable of making legal, respectful, ethical behavioral choices.
Now that you’ve finally answered the question about how you prevent rape, I’ll take you out of evidence and put Robert Lindsay into it for writing the ridiculous post above.
What exactly is ” the reality of male behavior”? Please elaborate.
And, why don’t you tell us how exactly we’ll get to “the rape-free Promised Land”?
What responsibility exactly do you see men having in preventing rape?
You do realize, don’t you, that your placing all of the responsibility on women and none of it on men for the prevention of rape essentially makes a very good argument for chaperoned, video-recorded dates –
whereas my approach of public education regarding what does and does not constitute sexual assault and rape for both genders – along with a civilized and reasonable expectation that both men and women are capable of choosing to behave ethically, legally, and respectfully does not argue for that, right?
You DO realize that YOU are saying that women should assume all men are rapists and I am saying there is no reason for any man to be a rapist, right?
So, which one of us is the misandrist here?
What’s wrong with chaperoned, video-recorded dates?
Mort, just when I thought we were getting somehwere, you get glib on me ~
Adult, legal, ethical, and resposible interaction between the sexes
People should drink but drunk people should not be sex partners
I don’t have time to waste on glib, Mort.
If you think this is so funny, maybe you should volunteer at your local police precinct and see how people’s lives are devastated by rape.
When does drinking become drunk? Many smaller people–women in particular–could be severely impaired by one drink. Also, I’m still not sure what constitutes fraud in your universe. WRT sex and dating, men lie. Women lie. When does it become fraud? Is saying that I want kids when I’m really not so sure, and marrying the women to whom I said it, marrying under false pretenses? And as for the mental illness question, what if the vivacious woman I met last night turns out to have been bipolar? *Am I expected to know this?*
While we’re at it, can I prosecute my ex-wife for having claimed to be into Fichte and Schopenhauer when she really barely knew who they were?
Actually, I think there should be laws penalizing one’s (usually a guy’s) exploitation of someone else’s impaired state. Like if someone tried to translate LS’s joke into reality, throw the book at ’em. Things like that really happen, and as a society we don’t want them to. The thing is that someone like Denise comes along and uses them as they were never intended to be used, as a weapon in the battle of the sexes and to bludgeon male sexuality and heterosexuality in general. Ultimately I don’t see how this helps anyone.
Robert, the only reason I entertained the possibility that Denise might be a troll is that it took so long for her to get banned. At the back of my mind I still knew people like that existed. But she’s gone and can’t defend herself, so that is all.
Sorry, I was gone all day and when I finally got online, this is what I saw LOL. Anyway, it was fun while it lasted. I gave her a chance, but she blew it right away and I had to ban her.
Hi Mort. I don’t agree that screwing a drunken chick is illegal.
However, in LS’ example, the chick is passed out! Forget it. You cannot screw a passed out chick. A female friend of mine, 21 yrs old, was basically raped by a guy at a New Years Party this past year. She passed out and when she came to he was on top of her fucking her. She pushed him off. She had not been aroused and she was dry when he was fucking her, because she was passed out. So so was sore and bleeding a bit the next day.
That’s rape! Fuck that. Further, afterwards he had some post-rape type symptoms as Denise has listed below.
However, assuming she is not passed out, you can have sex with any alcohol intoxicated woman. I have done so countless times and hopefully I will do it some more. Hell I love to get intoxicated myself. Also I think you can have sex with women who are on drugs. Such as coke, speed, acid, hallucinogens, pot, etc. Any drug she’s on, you can have sex with her. But if she’s seriously out of it, maybe you better not.
I’ve never in my entire life heard of a guy getting convicted of rape for having sex with a drunk or drugged woman. I’ve never even heard of a guy getting arrested for this. Does it ever happen?
If it wasn’t for alcohol, many people would never meet at all.
Maybe this will help you all out:
Only Men Can Prevent Rape — By Not Raping Women
A lot has been said about how to prevent rape. Women should learn self-defense. Women should lock themselves in their houses after dark. Women shouldn’t have long hair and women shouldn’t wear short skirts. Women shouldn’t leave drinks unattended. Hell, women shouldn’t dare to get drunk at all. Instead of that bullshit, how about:
If a woman is drunk, don’t rape her.
If a woman is walking alone at night, don’t rape her.
If a woman is drugged and unconscious, don’t rape her.
If a woman is wearing a short skirt, don’t rape her.
If a woman is jogging in a park at 5 am, don’t rape her.
If a woman looks like your ex-girlfriend you’re still hung up on, don’t rape her.
If a woman is asleep in her bed, don’t rape her.
If a woman is asleep in your bed, don’t rape her.
If a woman is doing her laundry, don’t rape her.
If a woman is in a coma, don’t rape her.
If a woman changes her mind in the middle of or about a particular activity, don’t rape her.
If a woman has repeatedly refused a certain activity, don’t rape her.
If a woman is not yet a woman, but a child, don’t rape her.
If your girlfriend or wife is not in the mood, don’t rape her.
If your step-daughter is watching TV, don’t rape her.
If you break into a house and find a woman there, don’t rape her.
If your friend thinks it’s okay to rape someone, tell him it’s not, and that he’s not your friend.
If your “friend” tells you he raped someone, report him to the police.
If your frat-brother or another guy at the party tells you there’s an unconscious woman upstairs and it’s your turn, don’t rape her, call the police and tell the guy he’s a rapist.
Tell your sons, god-sons, nephews, grandsons, sons of friends it’s not okay to rape someone.
Don’t tell your women friends how to be safe and avoid rape.
Don’t imply that she could have avoided it if she’d only done/not done x.
Don’t imply that it’s in any way her fault.
Don’t let silence imply agreement when someone tells you he “got some” with the drunk girl.
Don’t perpetuate a culture that tells you that you have no control over or responsibility for your actions. You can, too, help yourself.
“we’re all living grey Puritan lives.”
Actually, it is the exact opposite I think.
Men have ALWAYS had to keep women in line more than women keeping men in line — many throughout have described females as a ‘Dionysian’ force: wild, unpredictable, non-logical, given over to whims and gross emotionality and so forth…as many modern ‘womyn’ demonstrate, it’s all party all the time, sloppy drunkenness, financial and social irresponsibility, sexual promiscuity, horrible living habits, laziness, etc.
This is why many cultures and nations of all races and creeds have been so strict on women – because they were a ‘Dionysian’ force that must be carefully controlled by male ‘Apollonians.’ Strict Muslims especially understand this, among other groups.
Modern men must again grow an Apollonian pair and bring wild modern womyn back in to line – men gotta put their fist down so to speak.
Men are going to have a hell of a fight on their hands trying to get women back into line.
If there are any men out there who have their own women in line, would you tell us how you do it?
“If there are any men out there who have their own women in line, would you tell us how you do it?”
Show her who the boss is via your actions, words, and attitude – don’t put up with any of her shit, though the feminine moodiness must be dealt with at times due to natural strong hormonal fluctuations.
If she is misbehaving, put her back in line – if she keeps misbehaving, punish her. Many women are very childlike, really – many are also like dumb puppies who must be scolded when they mess up, they must be trained.
Females need DISCIPLINE.
Another way to put it is…WOMEN ARE PRIMITIVES WHO MUST BE CIVILIZED.
“WOMEN ARE PRIMITIVES WHO MUST BE CIVILIZED.”
Nietzsche: “You are going to women? Do not forget the whip!”
Yes. Show her who the boss is. Although, what women consider being “the boss” might differ slightly from what a lot of men consider being the boss.
And yet you still actually believe and state that women “forgot to fuck you”.
You still have an attitude of entitlement to sex with women whether they want that with you or not.
It doesn’t seem that you learned much in those trainings.
Do you believe women have a right to refuse sex with any man at any time or not?
What exactly is your problem with us educating women about how Game uses deceptive methods, educating men on what constitutes sexual assault, and demanding that men stop using deceptive, manipulative, dishonest, and coercive methods in order to have sex with women?
Are those the ONLY ways for you and so many other men to get laid?
I’m beginning to think they are since there has been so much shrieking from so many men.
You should all learn how to actually become attractive to women instead of having to trick them into bed with you.
I have a new blog post that I hope will address all of these issues once and for all.
Robert Lindsay, YOU WIN the prize for contributing to evidence that the Y chromosome is a birth defect.
You don’t believe sex with a drunk or drugged woman is rape?
Read the law, you cretin – (this is from the US DOJ):
Definition of Rape
1. Assault – The use of unlawful force or violence either as an overt act with the intent of inflicting bodily harm; or as an unlawful demonstration of violence, either by an intentional or by a culpably negligent act or omission, which creates in the mind of another a reasonable apprehension of receiving immediate bodily harm.
a. Sexual Assault – See “Indecent Assault.” For the purposes of this instruction, the term sexual assault will be used generically to include all of the terms listed in  through  below and applies to adult victims and perpetrators.
 Assault with Intent to Commit Rape – In assault with intent to commit rape, the accused must have intended to complete the offense of rape and to overcome any resistance by force.
 Assault with Intent to Commit Sodomy – An assault against a human being committed with the specific intent of completing the offense of sodomy.
 Indecent Assault – An assault with the intent to gratify the lust or sexual desires of the accused.
 Rape – An act of penile-vaginal intercourse by force and without consent. Penetration, however slight, is sufficient to complete the offense.
2. Intercourse – Physical sexual contact between individuals that involves the genitalia of at least one person.
3. Sodomy – An act whereby one person takes into his/her mouth or anus the sexual organ of another person (of the same or opposite sex) or of an animal; places his/her sexual organ in the mouth or anus of another person or of an animal; places his/her sexual organ in any opening of the body other than the sexual parts of another person; or has penile-vaginal intercourse with an animal. Penetration, however slight, is sufficient to complete the offense. From OPNAVINST 1752.1A, UCMJ Definition
Clinically, rape is regarded as an act which involves sexual activity in that genital contact is involved. However, rape is much more than just the sex act because it is also committed in order to fulfill nonsexual needs related to power, anger, and aggression. Rape involves hostility (anger) and control (power) more than passion. (3) Anger and a desire to dominate and control the victim are the primary motivations of the rapist. These factors are consistent with the victim’s experience of sexual violence. The victim feels violated. (4)
Concerning Rape (5)
Rape is one of the most frequently committed violent crimes and its incidence is steadily increasing. Hand-in-hand with the rising incidence of sexual assault is the rising fear among women of such victimization. A study of perceptions of violent crime among residents of Seattle, Washington, reported that all women fear rape, especially those under 35. They report that rape is a more terrifying possibility to them than any other crime including murder, assault, and robbery.
Such fear is not necessarily misplaced. It is believed that perhaps twice as many criminal sexual assaults occur as are officially reported. Also official tallies do not reflect the number of deaths as a result of rape; these deaths are reported as murders. Every single minute in America, there are 1.3 forcible rapes of adult women; 78 women are forcibly raped each hour. Every day in America, 1,871 women are forcibly raped, equating to 56,916 forcible rapes every month. Every year in our country, 683,000 American women are forcibly raped. (See statistical page no. 16)
(1) Some specialists prefer the exclusively use of the term “sexual assault.” However, most victim advocates prefer stronger terms (e.g. “rape” for sexual assault and “murder” for homicide to tell it like it is).
(2) A member of The Chaplain’s Advisory Committee has advised that the Navy Sexual Assault Victim Intervention (SAVI) program manual could be very helpful in providing military specific information on this subject.
(3) Groth, Nicholas, and Birnbaum, Jean, Men Who Rape, New York: Plenam Press, 1979: 2.
(4) Fortune, Marie, Sexual Violence: The Unmentionable Sin, New York: Pilgrim Press, 1983: 7-8.
(5) National Victim Resource Center, Sexual Assault: An Overview, Rockville, Maryland: U.S. Department of Justice, 1987.
Despite the prevalence of sexual assault in the United States, a number of misconceptions surround this crime and its victims. Some of the most common myths include:
1. Rape is a crime of passion.
The notion that the rapist is controlled by overwhelming lust is far removed from the reality. Psychologists have found that the motivation behind sexual assault is most often the need to dominate and control, rather than the inability to control sexual urges. Rape is primarily an act of power and aggression, with the sexual aspects taking secondary role.
2. Women who are careful don’t get raped.
Rapes occur in a variety of places and situations during any hour of the day or night. According to the Bureau of Justice Statistics, 35 percent of all rapes occur in or near a victim’s home, and there are incidences of rape in offices, schools, and other work locations. While there are certain preventative measures women can take, even the most cautious women are not perfectly safe.
3. Rape is impossible if the woman really resists.
Most victims resist sexual assault in some way, but the rapist usually has the advantage of surprise and strength. Physical force is used in 85 percent of all reported rapes, and 25 percent of victims are threatened or attacked with a dangerous weapon.
In addition to the sexual attack, more than half who are physically assaulted, receive some injury. Such injury was more likely if the victim resisted.
4. Women secretly want to be raped.
There is a difference between romantic fantasy and brutal, violent reality. There also is a difference between the fundamental right of choice in one’s fantasy and the loss of control as a victim of sexual assault.
5. The rapist is usually a stranger.
Expert opinions vary. According to the Bureau of Justice Statistics (BJS), a woman is twice as likely to be attacked by a stranger than by someone she knows. However, sexual assault by an acquaintance “date rape” is a serious and largely unreported occurrence. In a survey sponsored by the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), 6,159 college students at 32 schools nationwide were interviewed and reported that 84 percent of the victims of completed rapes knew the offender, most often (66 percent) as a date. Of these victims, 95 percent did not report the crime to the police. Similarly, the incidence of marital rape, as a form of domestic violence, goes largely unreported.
6. Women invite rape by dressing or acting seductively.
There is little correlation between physical attractiveness and the likelihood of becoming a victim. To believe that a woman “deserves” to be raped is to say that a wealthy-looking man “deserves” to be robbed.
7. If rape is imminent, the woman should relax and enjoy it.
This may be a fatal belief, according to interviews with murderers who sexually molested their victims. These offenders report that the victim’s compliance or non-forceful resistance were not deterrents to the murder, with survivors being those who forcefully resisted. Even in sexual assaults without homicidal intent, it is unreasonable to expect a woman to enjoy involuntary participation in a violent, terrifying crime.
8. Women “cry rape.”
The reality is that sexual assault is perhaps one of the most under reported crimes in relation to its actual incidence. BJS found that only about half of the victims of rape or attempted rape surveyed between 1973 and 1982 reported the crime to the police. Various other surveys also found that a vast number of sexual assaults go unreported, with even higher percentages of victims not reporting. In general, victims of “classic” rape, i.e., violent attack by a stranger, are more likely to report the crime than women raped by men they know, at home or in social settings. Thus, the notion that “a woman scorned” will hurl false rape accusations, considering the tendency of victims not to report out of shame or despair, is unlikely to be true.
Impact of Rape
The consequences of sexual assault for victims and their families and friends are profound. While any form of victimization is stressful, rape takes a particularly devastating toll on the self image, sense of independence, and overall emotional well-being of its victims long after any physical injuries have healed.
The Rape Trauma Syndrome describes the emotional, psychological, and social impact of sexual assault:
In the period immediately following a sexual assault, victims may respond by expressing fear, anger, and outrage or by adopting a controlled style of response, exhibiting little visible reaction. Despite outward appearances, this latter coping style does not reflect the victim’s inner turmoil in the wake of the assault.
During the first few days and weeks after a sexual assault, the victim may also experience acute physical symptoms. These include soreness, especially in the stomach, throat, arms and legs. Muscle tension often results in disturbances in sleep patterns, including problems getting to sleep, crying out at night, and mumbling during sleep. Generally victims feel distressed, irritable and jumpy. Loss of appetite is also common.
Initially, victims experience a sense of disorganization in which their lifestyles are disrupted by the rape crisis. Emotionally, fear dominates, but shame, humiliation, degradation, guilt, anger, self-blame and revenge are common. Given the intensity of these feelings, victims may be susceptible to mood swings.
Long-term emotional symptoms, ranging from mild to severe and beginning anywhere from a few days to a few weeks after the rape, involve reorganization of the life shattered by the assault. One of the primary characteristics of this stage is difficulty in returning to daily schedule of activities. Victims often express and may act upon a strong desire to change jobs/schools.
General sleeplessness may continue, marked by dreams and nightmares. Fears and phobias may develop. Sexual concerns are widespread; it may be some time before victims resume their normal sexual patterns.
Those close to the victim have been found to experience similar reactions. In the immediate aftermath of a rape, the woman’s parents/spouse may exhibit physical and emotional symptoms just as she does. Crying, headaches, loss of sleep, and fear of violence are common, as are feelings of revenge and guilt. In the long term, the victim’s personal relationships are altered and may be shattered, as her significant others cope with their feelings toward the crime and the victim. Her family and friends may become over-protective or patronizing; other changes in usual inter-actions may occur. Personal or intimate relationships existing before the assault may be destroyed if partners fail to recognize the victim’s emotional and psychological needs. Thus, the woman may not be the only victim of a sexual assault; this crime may deeply affect those around her.
Stages of Adjustment
Each person going through a crisis of any kind progresses through stages of emotional adjustment. A victim may spend a great deal of time in one stage and only touch lightly on another, or may pass through a number of the stages over and over again, each time experiencing them with a different intensity. Furthermore, anyone close to the victim may experience these stages as well.
SHOCK “I’m numb.”
Offering information to the victim during this stage is not helpful, as she will most likely remember very little, if anything, about what occurs during this time.
DENIAL “This can’t have happened.”
Not yet able to face the severity of the crisis, the victim spends time during this stage gathering strength. The period of denial serves as a cushion for the more difficult stages of adjustment which follow.
ANGER “What did I do? Why me?”
Much of the anger may be a result of the victim’s feeling of loss of strength and loss of control over her own life. The anger may be directed toward the rapist, a doctor, the police, or anyone else, including herself.
BARGAINING “Let’s go on as if it didn’t happen.”
The victim sets up a bargain: She will not talk about the rape in exchange for not having to continue to experience the pain. In so doing, she continues to deny the emotional impact the rape has had upon her life.
DEPRESSION “I feel so dirty — so worthless.”
If the victim is warned of this stage ahead of time, she may not be so thrown by it. She may experience drastic changes in sleeping or eating habits, the indulging in compulsive rituals, or generalizing fears completely taking over her life. Professional counseling may be advisable. Though a painful time for her, this stage shows she has begun to face the reality of the rape. As she allows the negative emotions to surface, she should be reminded that these feelings are normal and will not last forever.
ACCEPTANCE “Life can go on.”
When enough of the anger and depression is released, the victim enters the stage of
acceptance. She may still spend time thinking and talking about the rape, but she under-stands and is in control of her own emotions and can now accept what has happened to her.
ASSIMILATION “It’s part of my life.”
By the time the victim reaches this stage, she has realized her own self-worth and strength. She no longer needs to spend time dealing with the rape, as the total rape experience now meshes with other experiences in her life. (1)
(1) Roberts, Deborah, Adapted from Raped, Zondervan Publishing House, 1981: 157-159.
While there are no guaranteed steps that women can take to prevent rape, there are several things they can do to possibly avoid an assault.
Good Prevention Counsel
Remember that the perpetrator needs the opportunity.
Normal crime prevention safety tips — locking doors and windows, checking the back of your car before entering — should be habits, no matter how ‘safe’ the area or circumstance.
Follow your instincts.
Take immediate action if a stranger is acting suspiciously or if a dating situation is getting out of control. Don’t let concerns about being thought foolish prevent you from asking for help — security/personnel and police would rather answer a “false alarm” or escort you to your car than see you as a rape or murder victim.
Avoid dangerous situations.
The stranger outside your door with a compelling story can wait there while you make that “urgent” phone call for him. If circumstances require that you be out alone, especially at night, avoid dark or secluded areas and let others know where you are.
Don’t appear vulnerable.
Walk assertively and purposefully, staying in well-lit areas when out alone at night. Restrictive clothing and high-heeled shoes may be fashionable, but are useless if the need to run or fight arises.
Know your abilities.
Some women in our society have been raised to be passive and submissive (Note 1: Clergy whose theological position, rightly or wrongly, places emphasis here, should be advised). Learned helplessness can facilitate sexual assault. General fitness and self-defense courses are useful for developing personal strengths and decreasing the likelihood of becoming a victim. (Note 2: Self-defense training may be difficult for some clergy to recommend, in view of their emphasis upon faith in God. This is a practical theological issue that each must resolve.)
Keep control of the situation.
Try to distract the attacker while planning an escape. Don’t rely on talk alone; most rapists are not going to pay attention to their victims’ pleas.
Screaming, knocking over trash cans, sounding your car horn or making any other noise may bring help.
Remember that only the rapist, and not you, is responsible for the attack.
Even in a social situation, your personal integrity is more important than a date’s “ego.”
Communities can also take rape prevention measures. Many communities and college campuses have organized against rape. Public awareness and education programs, “escort” services to accompany women out alone at night, self-defense classes, and a heightened awareness of the problem all contribute to prevention sexual assault.
Sexual Assault and the Law
Rape prosecutions are generally made under State law, except for the comparatively fewer instances of sexual assault occurring in areas under Federal control, such as military installations and some Indian reservations. There have been major changes in the law regarding sexual assault in the past two decades, owing to an increased awareness of the problem and to increased consciousness that the law has not always served the victim. Between 1975 and 1980 almost every state in the United States
enacted some form of rape reform legislation, and changes continue to be made. Rape reform legislation generally seeks to facilitate prosecution and assure justice for the victim. Such reforms include:
Rape shield laws.
These laws restrict admission into evidence information concerning the victim’s past sexual relations. Most states require a hearing and judicial determination of relevance before evidence of the victim’s past sexual conduct can be heard by a jury.
Prior to reform, many states had borrowed the British common law definition of rape as the ‘carnal knowledge of a female, not his wife, forcibly and against her will.” Under this definition, prosecutions hinged on questions of consent and resistance that made convictions difficult and trials an ordeal for the victim. Reform removed the resistance requirement, deleting legal provisions that forced victims to prove they resisted sexual attacks to the utmost of their ability. The consent standard was also changed and rape was equated to other crimes in this regard.
Redefinition of rape.
Gender-neutral terms in new definitions redefined rape to enable prosecutions against both men and women for a wide range of behavior, including sexual assault with an object and homosexual assault. These changes created new crimes, termed “sexual assault,” “criminal sexual conduct,” or “sexual battery,” permitting prosecution of any sexual assault, not only those involving forced heterosexual intercourse.
Changes in penalty structure.
Reform introduced stair casing, or the gradation of sex offenses to prevent defendants from pleading guilty to reduced charges such as assault and battery, which give no clue to the crime’s sexual nature. Rather than one charge of rape, legislatures have developed a variety of degrees for sex offenses, depending upon the circumstances of the crime and the defendant’s culpability. These reforms also include sentencing laws, with some mandatory sentences or changes in modality such as sentences to treatment.
Not all reforms listed above have been adopted in every state. The statutes also vary in wording and operation. However, in assessing the impact of these reforms, one attorney noted that the number of reported rapes has approximately doubled since 1970 and tripled since 1960.
Factors Having a Negative Impact on Rape Victims
When Preparing for Court
What is presented below is in part a summary of parts of Chapter 5, “Getting the Case to Trial,” from The Victim of Rape: Institutional Reactions, by Holstrom and Burgess. It is based on a study of rape victims’ interactions with medical, law enforcement, and criminal justice system personnel and procedures. The book would be invaluable to anyone within one of those institutional settings who works with rape victims.
The rape victim who presses her case in court often has a difficult and discouraging job to do. There is attrition at each stage. Only a small percentage of cases ever gets scheduled in court. It is the unusual victim who remains enthusiastic to press charges through this whole time. The process of getting a rape case to trial acts as a way of “cooling out” the victim, that is, it dilutes her will for justice by making its pursuit more stressful than she can endure. This is changing, but in many places is still a major problem.
I. Cross Pressures on the Victim:
A. Pressure to Drop Charges
From assailant, his friends, defense counsel, or her own support network
“Mysterious happenings,” such as unexplained or obscene telephone calls
Threats, sympathy appeals, and even bribes may be used by the assailant or his friends
B. Pressure to Go Through with Court
From police or prosecutor
May contain threats (“If you don’t come to court, I may have to arrest you”) which may be stated “humorously”
Appeals to victim’s sympathies (“You can’t back out on me now”)
Appeals to victim’s sense of civic duty (“You need to help us get this guy off the streets so he won’t rape someone else”)
A. Psychic Energy Consumed
Wearing Victim Down. Rape victims find the long court process, and especially the many delays, wearisome and discouraging. They get emotionally prepared for court — “psyched up” — and then experience a letdown if the case is continued. The court process seems to last forever. Victims may feel worn down to the point where they no longer care what happens.
B. Monetary and Time Costs to Family and Friends
Court delays increase the financial and time losses for relatives and friends who accompany the victim to court. Each delay means more lost work or school time, lost pay, interrupted day, or expenses (baby-sitter, lunch, transportation).
C. Monetary and Time Costs to Victim
The cost of missing work or school is compounded by some victims’ desire to keep other people from knowing what has happened. Thus they are faced with the additional problem of getting time off without revealing the reason for the absence.
The degradational costs of delay are not mentioned so explicitly by victims. Nevertheless, a sense of loss to the self does come through when one reads between the lines. It seems to come through most in comments having to do with the conditions of waiting. Victims may talk about sitting unnoticed (“We went to court and waited ’till 2 p.m. No one said anything to us.”) They may talk about waiting in the courthouse corridor (“It was just awful standing out in the hall that day.”), or about a wait that occurs during the appointment with the D.A., who may interrupt the interview for other business that takes priority.
A. Questions and Style — The manner and style adopted when interviewing a rape victim has a strong impact on how helpful her answers are and how she is affected emotionally by the experience. Questions asked in a supportive way without implying judgements about her actions or behavior are most effective. An effort should be made to put the victim at ease. Abruptness should be avoided.
B. Advice and Explanations — Rape victims by and large are unfamiliar with workings of the court. Most have not been to court before, and they do not know what to expect or what is expected of them. Adequate time (as determined by the victim) spent on advice and explanations will make the victim feel less threatened and vulnerable and enable her to be a more effective witness.
C. Pressure on the Victim and Victim Requests — Prosecutors occasionally put victims under considerable pressure, either to strengthen their story or to reduce the charges to a lesser offense. Such pressure may lead the victim to believe that her personal tragedy is being manipulated by the system and the true reality of what happened to her is not being taken seriously. A more effective way for the prosecutor (or support person) to deal with these or other problematic situations is to inform the victim fully and in a supportive manner of what the problems and options are and empower/encourage the victim to make the decision. Many rape victims experience a loss of control in their legal case as an extension of the rape itself, in which loss of control over their lives is a paramount issue. Providing victims full participation in the preparation of their cases is not only good therapy for them, but encourages the kind of cooperation needed for thorough planning and strong presentation. Empowerment is key.
D. The D.A.’s Role — from Interrogator to Counsel * — The data in this study suggest that there is a psychological payoff to victims when D.A.’s conceive of their role as legal counselors rather than as moral arbiters or interrogators. Five issues which victims say are of concern to them are: (1) indications of suspicion about their truthfulness, (2) judgmental commands, (3) explanations and advice, (4) privacy, and (5) general “style.” Sensitivity to these issues by the D.A. is likely to encourage the rape victim to be more willing to go through the court process.
* This advice is given to District Attorneys. Clergy will profit from it, however, as they serve in support roles.
Why Nice Men Force Sex on Their Friends (1)
The typical image of a rapist is a crazed maniac who jumps out of the bushes, brandishes a knife or gun and forces a woman to have sex with him. Images like this are strong and lasting but they mask the essential fact that most rapes are committed by acquaintances and lovers. The false image lives on because few rapes by acquaintances are reported: in fact those involved often do not recognize that a rape has occurred.
The legal definition of rape is a victim having sexual intercourse against her will and without her consent. (2) Sexual assault is defined as a sexual encounter other than intercourse (such as oral and anal sex) against the victim’s will and without his or her consent. In many states only a woman can be legally raped by a man, but the FBI estimates that 10 percent of all sexual assault victims are men. The victim does not have to be threatened with a dangerous weapon or be injured for an incident to be considered rape. Coercion or threat of force of violence are sufficient. (3)
How can “nice” men with “good intentions” coerce someone to have sex? It is because men and women in the process of becoming social beings learn communication patterns that make acquaintance rape likely.
In our culture, men are taught to view women as either virtuous or sexually loose, which contributes to uncertainty about female desires. Men are taught to not take women seriously, that women do not really mean what they say. Young women are taught that males know more about sex than females, so the female should comply with the male’s demand. Both males and females feel certain behavior allows a man to force sex, such as the woman “leading the man on.”
These uncertainties are often based on the reluctance of women and men to express their feelings. Many times in verbal communication if something is clearly wrong with a woman (she is crying or slamming doors) and she is asked what is wrong, she may say “nothing” rather than express her true feelings. Men display this same type of behavior, expressing anger or frustration by punching walls or speaking through clenched teeth, but still saying nothing is wrong. The message is that in a situation where verbal and nonverbal messages are inconsistent, the verbal message is not accurate.
In sexual situations the verbal and nonverbal messages are frequently inconsistent. This inconsistency was often established when a boy was told by his mother, his teacher (usually female) or another woman in a position of authority to do something. If he didn’t the consequences would be severe. If the deadline was then extended or the consequence was not severe, he learned that those women did not mean what they said.
Some men do not believe a woman’s verbal messages in sexual encounters either. In fact, a man may actually feel he is doing a woman a favor by pushing her sexually: if she says no to a sexual overture, she may really want to say yes but is afraid she will be viewed as loose. He thinks she says no because she is worried about her reputation, not because she really does not want to have sex with him. So if he pushes her even if she is saying no, they will both ultimately get what they want: she will get sex without tarnishing her reputation, and he will be satisfied. In this type of interaction the male feels that he is acting as he should and would probably be surprised to find that some women really mean it when they say no.
Women and men also believe that men should know more about sex. If he tells her that “everyone else is having sex”, and that “something is wrong with people who don’t” she may be willing to have sex with him even though it is not what she wants to do.
There is also tremendous peer pressure for the male to have sex on a date. Even if he does not want to initiate sex, a man may feel he has to or his date will think he is gay. He is encouraged by other young men to “score” sexually to be considered manly. The woman, even if she does not want sex, may think that the man finds her unattractive if he does not initiate sex. These pressures are responsible for people having sex when neither want it.
It is difficult to reject group standards if one believes that the only way to be a valuable person is to be associated with others who are valuable. A young woman who has low self-esteem may date the captain of the football team in order to raise her value. If the male in this situation uses coercion by telling her he will not continue going out with her unless she has sex with him, she may comply to maintain her status as his girlfriend. “br1”>
When forced sex becomes “acceptable”
Some men feel that a particular female behavior permits a man to force a woman to have sex. Charlene L. Mulenhard of Texas A&M University and Richard McFall of Indiana University reported the results of a study in which 106 college students were asked to respond anonymously about acceptable behavior in dating situations.
The subjects were given descriptions of three types of dates that varied in respect to who initiated the date, where the couple went, and who paid. They were then asked if there were any circumstances in which forced sex was justified. Men rated intercourse against the woman’s wishes as significantly more justifiable when the woman initiated the date, when the man paid and when the couple went to the man’s apartment. (4)
UCLA researchers posed similar questions to teens. A high percentage of the male teens felt that forced sex was acceptable if the woman said yes and then changed her mind (54%), if he spent a lot of money on her (39%), if she “led him on” (54%), and if he is so turned on that he thinks he can’t stop (36%). (5)
Patterns in acquaintance rape
Groth and Birnbaum reported a three-stage pattern in rapists’ behavior concerning acquaintance rapes. First a rapist will invade a woman’s personal space (for instance, by putting his hand on a woman’s knee in a public place). This is common in fraternity parties and in bars when the music is so loud the couple must be close to hear each other. (6)
If the woman does not object, the rapist proceeds to the second stage in which he will desensitize her to the intrusion by escalating the behavior (moving his hands to her buttocks, for example). It is unlikely that she will tell him that she is uncomfortable with his “roaming hands” but she may feel uneasy as a result of this behavior and suggest going someplace less crowded. She does not want her friends to see how forward he is being, and she does not want to stay close to him. He may misinterpret her suggestion as her way to be alone with him. The third stage is when they are in an isolated place and the rapist attacks.
This is a general pattern in acquaintance rape, and though all victims and rapists are different, alcohol and drugs are often involved in incidents of acquaintance rape. In a study or rape in Canada, alcohol was used by half of all offenders and by one third of the victims (British Columbia Rape Prevention Project 1980). This is important for young adults since peer group expectations usually include consumption of alcohol at social events. (7)
Solution to the problem
There are many things men can do to view forced sex for what it is and to begin to try to stop it on a personal or societal level. First they must understand that forced or coercive sex is rape even if the partner is a friend or lover. It is never acceptable to force yourself on a woman even if you think she’s been teasing and leading you on or you have heard that women say no but mean yes. It is not “manly” to use force to get your way.
Women should be aware that their assertive actions may be interpreted by men as justification for rape. This does not mean that women should avoid using assertive behavior with men, but that they be aware of how assertiveness may be interpreted by men.
Since socialization is responsible for many sex attitudes, both men and women must be willing to explore importance of traditional socialization on their behavior. College men, for example, are exerting peer pressure to condemn, rather than condone the notion of women as conquest. Adult females who influence male children must be clear about messages, truthful about feelings and consistent in disciplining. Failure to do so may lead to young men not taking women’s verbal messages seriously.
Once these men become adults themselves they have the potential to influence the socialization of children. They can teach children about the importance of communicating their feelings clearly and consistently.
(1) Parrot, Andrea, “Human Ecology Forum,” College of Human Ecology.
(2) Burkhard, B. “Acquaintance Rape Statistics and Prevention,” A paper presented at the Acquaintance Rape and Rape Prevention on Campus Conference in Louisville, Kentucky.
(3) FBI. Uniform Crime Reports, Washington, D.C.: U.S. Government Printing Office: 1982.
(4) Mulenhard, C.L. and R.M. McFall. “Dating Initiation From a Woman’s Per-spective,” Behavior Therapy: 1981: 12.
(5) Giarrusso, R., Johnson, P., Goodchilds, J., and Zellman, G. “Adolescent Cues and Signals: Sex and Sexual Assault,” a paper presented to a symposium of the Western Psychological Association Meeting. San Diego, CA: 1979.
(6) Groth, A.N. Men Who Rape: The Psychology of the Offender. New York: 1979.
(7) British Columbia Rape Prevention Project “Rape Prevention Resource Manual,” based on a study of rape in Canada and Vancouver, MTI Teleprograms: 1980.
Marital Rape: The Misunderstood Crime
This form of rape that is still not receiving sufficient attention of professionals (clergy included), law enforcement, the courts or, often, even the victim herself. In a May, 1984, address, David Finkelhor, Ph.D., Associate Director of Family Violence Research Program, University of New Hampshire, and one of the nation’s leading authorities on sexual abuse, made the following statements.
“The depth of popular ignorance about the problem of marital rape runs deep… People are apt to think of marital rape, if they think of anything at all, as a bedroom squabble over whether to have sex tonight… But marital rape does have brutality and terror and violence and humiliation to rival the most graphic stranger rape.”
It is vitally important that clergy, who are often involved in marriage counseling, be aware of this damaging form of sexual assault. All the dynamics of rape outlined in this section also apply to marital rape, which is forced, non-mutual sex having the elements of power, anger, and aggression outlined on p.150. A text on this subject, Rape in Marriage, by Diana E. Russell, is listed in the bibliography at the end of this section. I Corinthians 7:4&5, which emphasizes mutuality in the sexual activity of married couples, can be helpful to Christian clergy in dealing with this subject scripturally.
Positive Clergy and Congregational Response
Clergy and religious counselors can readily see, from the information in this section, how important it is understand the trauma of the victim of rape. Probably the most damaging pastoral response to a victim of rape is that of judgmentalism or of questioning as to what she did to invite the act. A sexual component, or whether or not the violation occurs within a relationship (casual or long term) does not minimize the act. It is assaultive and criminal. The victim of rape desperately needs compassionate, non-judgmental understanding and assistance.
Since the common misperception continues to exist, it is well to repeat that rape is not primarily a sexual crime. It is violent assault with a sexual weapon. The primary issues are power and anger, not sex. The resource section of the manual lists many good publications explaining this.
However, since rape involves a sexual act, and sexual conduct is a moral issue for the church, there can be a tendency on the part of clergy and congregations to see rape only in sexual terms. Nothing can be more damaging to the victim of rape.
Historically, the religious community has dealt with sexual morality around such issues as seductiveness, provocativeness, promiscuity, and even proper dress to avoid such conduct. Consequently, if rape is seen to be primarily sexual, there is a strong temptation to put some blame on the victim for inciting the perpetrator.
In the crime of rape, the victim rather than the violent assaultive perpetrator, is more likely to be given a share of blame than in any other crime. Clergy and congregations should definitely reject such a response.
First, it is important for the victim to receive law enforcement, medical and legal assistance. When possible refer to a rape crisis center. They will have specially trained counselors. Many rape victims are reluctant to report the crime or encourage prosecution because of that edge of blame, spoken or unspoken, that seems to be always present; as well as because of the humiliation of such an intimate personal violation. Clergy should remember that the successful prosecuting of a rape case could protect other innocent women. It may be very difficult for a rape victim to deal with the criminal justice process. The victim should receive strong support through the court hearings.
Exhibiting non-judgmental compassion and understanding, clergy and congregations can stand by the victim at every step from the medical examination through the prosecution. The violation of the person who has been raped results in some of the most acute trauma experienced from any violent crime. Because this crime violates the body, not only externally, but internally in the most intimate manner, triggering acute emotions, the victim of rape may often be out of control. To understand, and be quietly present, giving reassurance that the crime was not her fault is very helpful.
The victim’s family will also need a great deal of emotional support during the aftermath of the crime. Since the victim may now present a totally different personality, and shy away from even her husband’s most gentle and loving approaches, a good deal of counseling and understanding during this time is necessary. Clergy should be aware that there are therapists who specialize in rape issues, and that rape crisis centers are an invaluable aid. Congregational support groups can also be very helpful.
Since the business of faith communities is to deal with right and wrong, the strong temptation to judge is always present. But the business of the people of God is also to love, care for, support and comfort those who have been hurt. In the case of rape to indulge in the former is to preclude the latter.
Note: Adults who were molested as children are in need of specialized care. Self-help groups under the direction of knowledgeable therapists are particularly helpful. A good resource, in addition to those on the following pages, is Parents United, International, P.O. Box 952, San Jose, California 95108-0952, (408) 280-5505.
WHERE TO TURN
National Center on Women and Family Law
799 Broadway, Room 402
New York, New York 10003 (212) 674-8200
National Coalition Against Sexual Assault
912 N. Second Street
Harrisburg, PA 17102-8119 (717) 232-7460
Center for the Prevention of Sexual and
936 N. 34th Street, Suite 200
Seattle, Washington 98103 (206) 634-1903
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
P.O. Box 18749
Denver, Colorado 80218-0749 (303) 839-1852
National Organization for Victim Assistance
1757 Park Road N.W.
Washington, DC 20010 (202) 232-6682
National Victim Center (703) 276-2880
2111 Wilson Boulevard, Suite 300 1(800) FYI-CALL
Arlington, Virginia 22201 Fax (703) 276-2889
National Victims Resource Center
P.O. Box 6000
Rockville, Maryland 20850 1(800) 627-6872
Office for Victims of Crime
U.S. Department of Justice
633 Indiana Avenue, N.W.
Washington, DC 20531 (202) 307-5983
The Spiritual Dimension in Victim Services
P.O. Box 6736 (303) 333-8810
Denver, Colorado 80206-0736 Fax (303) 333-8805
FOR LOCAL RESOURCES clergy may contact the above mentioned organizations, the rape crisis and assistance centers, the sexual assault treatment programs of their community, or the victim and witness assistance coordinator of their district or state’s attorney’s office.
Rape/Sexual Assault Publications
NOTE 1: This list contains only a very few of the vast number of publications on the subject of rape. The inclusion of these publications in this manual does not imply endorsement by The Spiritual Dimension in Victim Services or the U.S. Department of Justice, Office for Victims of Crime. They have, however, been read and recommended by qualified professionals in the field.
NOTE 2: The bibliography in this manual under “Family Violence/Children” contains publications dealing with child sexual assault. The following deal primarily, though not entirely, with rape of adult women.
Brownmiller, Susan, Against Our Will, New York: Simon & Schuster, 1975.
McEvoy, Alan and Jeff Brookings, If She Is Raped: A Book for Husbands, Fathers and Male Friends, Holmes Beach, Florida: Learning Publications, 1984.
McEvoy, Alan and Jeff Brookings, If You Are Raped: What Every Woman Needs to Know, Holmes Beach, Florida: Learning Publications, 1985.
Walters, Candice, Invisible Wounds, Portland, Oregon: Multnomah Press, 1988.
Fortune, Marie M., Is Nothing Sacred? — When Sex Pervades the Pastoral Relationship, San Francisco, California: Harper & Row, 1989.
Adams, Caren, Jennifer Fay, and Jan Loreen-Martin, No Is Not Enough, San Luis Obispo, California: Impact Publishers, 1984.
Braswell, Linda, Quest for Respect, Ventura, California, Pathfinder Publishing, 1991.
Schwendinger, Julie R. And Herman, Rape and Inequality, Beverly Hills, California: Sage Publications, 1983.
Rape and Sexual Assault: A Research Handbook, New York: Garland Publishing, 1985.
Russell, Diana E., Rape in Marriage, New York: MacMillan Publishing Co., 1982.
Foley, Theresa and Marilyn Davies, Rape: Nursing Care of Victims, St. Louis: C.V. Mosby Co., 1983.
Estrich, Susan Real Rape, Cambridge, Massachusetts: Harvard University Press, 1987.
Ledray, Linda E., Recovering from Rape, New York: Henry Holt & Co., 1986.
Fortune, Marie, Sexual Violence, The Unmentionable Sin, New York: Pilgrim Press, 1983.
Surviving Sexual Assault, Los Angeles Commission on Assaults Against Women, 1985.
Taking Action, What To Do If You Are Raped, Santa Monica: Santa Monica Hospital, 1982.
McCahill, Thomas and Linda C. Meyer, The Aftermath of Rape, Lexington, Maryland: Lexington Books, 1979.
This document was last updated on March 19, 2007
Robert Lindsay, YOU WIN the prize for contributing to evidence that the Y chromosome is a birth defect.
You don’t believe sex with a drunk or drugged woman is rape?
Read the law, you cretin – (this is from the US DOJ):
Hey Denise, you need to listen up, bitch.
You need to read the comments rules, little lady, before you make any more comments. In short, you don’t get to insult me or Alpha (Alpha is female) on the blog. We are the authors of the blog. There’s some other stuff on there, and I suggest you read through it. If you keep on insulting us, I’m going to ban your pretty White ass, honey.
Now calm down or take off.
Ah robert lindsay, cretin of the day.
I love men – who are not like you and your little toddler friends here.
I love men like these:
and many others.
You need to visit your local police precinct and tell them your little theory about how sex with drunk or drugged women is not rape.
Let us know how that works out.
You’re still in the 6th grade, right? Is that your excuse for your ignorance? Haven’t gotten “the talk” yet?
Keep in mind, ignorance is not a defense under the law.
You’re insulting me, ma’am. Violation of comments rules at the top of the page. Please read before commenting any further or you’re looking forward to a ban.
You referred to me as a lunatic and a psycho and you’re telling me I can’t insult you?
Dammit Denise! You’re a smart women. You have a Master’s Degree and you can’t figure out how to read my comments rules? They’re at the top of the page, kiddo. Click Comments Policy.
Yeah, Alpha and I (and Alpha is a woman, not a man!) get to insult you (or anyone and everyone) but you can’t insult us back.
I insulted you in the post, yeah, so what. But I probably won’t insult you back in the comments section, well, not too much. I might call you crazy, but that’s not an insult, that’s simply observational. Most commenters don’t get insulted on here because they act nice. We have Nazis, White nationalists, Afrocentrists, all sorts of crazy people on here. As long as they act nice they get to spout away.
So, yeah, I get to insult you but you can’t insult me back. Sucks huh? That’s life in Manworld babe. Suck it up.
And calling you a cretin and a toddler was also observational.
You apparently missed the lessons on grammar and spelling as well as the lessons on CONSENT and sexual assault.
That does it woman, you’re banned.
Now you can join the scores of ex-girlfriends in Bob’s Banworld.
Have fun at the coffee klatches and don’t forget to be catty and diss me, ladies.
Wow! After reading Denise’s “Rape Rules”, I never want to have sex…ever again…not even w/myself! (Hey, if I’m drunk when I…uh…uh…oh never mind…) Does the “D” in Denise stand for “Dick Dropper”? If “drunk”humans can’t have sex, well, a lot of us (male & female) wouldn’t be here and would rarely or never get laid…
To say that sex isn’t dangerous for males, also…what are you ON???? Yikes!
Only males can prevent rape- AGREED! I have never raped anyone- same w/99% of the male population- we’re innocent- we don’t approve of rape in the slightest…Most males have had “morning after regrets”, “buyers remorse & a hangover”…THAT’S NOT RAPE!
As far as “drunk” definition goes…if someone appears so out of it that she cannot really be consenting consciously to sex…then, any wise male should back off and let her pass out or go home, etc. Sex w/passed out (asleep) people is not OK (unless it’s your wife LOL…kidding!)
And Alpha Unit- You’re so cool!You’re female? Amazing! Need your phone number and/or naughty pics! (joking…maybe). He he.
O my goodness, how did Denise Romano and Wendy Schwartz, aka ‘Lady’ Raine, happen to find this blog???
Madame Romano is the ‘cut-n-paste’ queen- of other people’s work. If you didn’t ban her Robert, she would have spammed your blog with marathon-like comments (like the one just following) on a virtual 24/7 basis.
I kid you not – just check out ‘The Spearhead’ (before she got banned from there) or ‘Lady’ Vaine’s blog – they are online virtually round-the-clock.
Since late December, when she went on her crusade against blogger ‘Roissy in DC’ (trying to have him arrested for ‘hate speech’ cause she claims he ‘advocates rape’), she has been banned from approximately 4 sites – mostly for insinuating that nearly all men are ‘potential rapists’.
She also likens ‘PUA’s (Pick-Up Artists) – or any man that learns or employs “Game” on a woman – to KKK’rs and Gangbangers as well – saying they should, I kid you not, be put in prison as ‘Hate Criminals’.
Prole, oh fuck these silly twats dude.
Bros before hos!
“Bros before hos!”
Bros before hos anyday, Robert!
“Bros before hos!”
Are all of you young women out there making a note of this?
How is it any different from or less moral than the Thelma and Louise thing? Or the all-female conspiracies which dominate middle management at most workplaces?
What is the Thelma and Louise thing?
The context here is rape, which is the subject at hand, I believe.
Bros before hos is just a crude way of saying male solidarity in the War Between the Sexes. That’s all it means. In the War Between the Sexes, I expect females to show solidarity to the women too.
I don’t respect race traitors too much, and I’m not sure if gender traitors are all that much better. What’s with all these guys who always side with the women against us guys anyway? Have you ever noticed how wimpy so many of them are? Screw these guys, man. They’re practically traitors.
I don’t mean “bros before hos” when it comes to *real* rape. Hell no! If any guy commits real rape, Hell, he deserves to go down, and I have no sympathy for him whatsoever. A young woman I know was recently date raped on New Years Eve. It was not a good experience for her and she seemed to be screwed up psychologically for months afterwards. They guy screwed her when she was passed out drunk. That’s practically necrophilia! I’ve got no sympathy for idiots like that.
A former gf was raped. She was in the Caribbean, on some islands at night, a young woman on vacation. I forget the details, but she got stuck out on some island at night. She needed to get back to her party, but she was with some Black guy.
He somehow prevented her from leaving (he was her only way off the island) unless she had sex with him. She had sex with him to get off the island and back to her party. I have no sympathy for fucking tools like that. Screw him. He’s a rapist, period.
Also a woman I know well was a victim of child rape. She was walking with her friend in a wild area when a creep with a knife molested her and her friend. She was like 9 years old. If I ever catch that mf, I’ll kill him with my bare hands.
That’s what pisses me off about this Denise Romano bitch. She acts like us guys are somehow guilty or negligent in cases like the one above, the rape of two 9 year old girls and the date rapes of my two friends . WTH Denise? Like I’m responsible for these assholes? Hell, I’ll kill at least the molester with my bare hands, I swear to God.
How dare this Denise bitch try to tie me, my commenters and every male on Earth in with sickos like that. Screw this bitch. She pisses me off.
Thanks, Robert. I’ve heard that expression “Bros before hos” forever, and I always assumed it means exactly what you say – male solidarity – even it it is kinda crude!
What I want girls to understand is the full extent of it, that it is carried over to the issue of rape as well, especially gang rape.
…What’s with all these guys who always side with the women against us guys anyway? Have you ever noticed how wimpy so many of them are? Screw these guys, man. They’re practically traitors.
These ‘guys’ are what is known as White-Knighting manginas, men who will supplicate to anything they think women either want or wish to here, plain and simple.
You know, they think agreeing with feminist fairy tales is akin to ‘rescuing’ a ‘damsel in distress’.
Of course what they are really ogling for is sex and, more poignently approval from a woman — hence this is why they are constantly disrespected from so many women.
Women also like to encourage this behavior since it is sort of a ‘sh-t test’ — i.e. – the men who fall for it and agree with it are likely to be unassertive and passive, and who don’t put to much of a value on themselves, causing the woman to devalue them as well.
So yet, another ‘screening mechanism’ to keep away the non-affluent, and especially moreso, the non-Alphas.
What will they come up with next, Robert??
anything they think women either want or wish to here
That sould properly read: ‘anything they think women either want or wish to hear
Listen up Lady Cumstain, I mean Lady Raine, you’re violating the Comments Rules. You want to go back and read the rules and try to comment again, you ditzy bitch?
Oh no, she left a comment on here as well?? 🙁
Yep, Lady Cumstain shot a nice big abusive comment load on my site, but I had to delete it because I didn’t want my fellow commenters getting their shoes stuck in it.
Oh dear Robert, you work so fast!
Well, she has definately ‘met her match’ with you, my friend!
I checked out her site one in a while during the Roissy bruhaha, and I swear, I couldn’t stay on it for longer than 5-10 minutes, since it was that toxic.
This woman I think suffers from a most severe case of OCD, combined with Histrionic Personality Disorder — and clinical Narcissism, to boot.
It is as if she lives on the computer — frankly, I wonder if she even takes a bathroom break?!?
Oh, you saved your site a ‘world of problems’.
Yeah, I never understook, it’s like Lady Raine has a love/hate relationship with Roissy. If she thinks he’s such a loser and what not, why does she spend so much time dedicated to trying to bring him down? It’s like a sick obsession. I think she just needs some dick.
You want to go back and read the rules and try to comment again, you ditzy bitch?
Using the Neg approach? PS, if I send you a photo of myself in a speedo on a beach surrounded by women 15 to 20 years my junior is that in violation of the comment policy..? Or just in poor taste? Actually I don’t want to see myself in a speedo.
Her comment got deleted, Milton. You didn’t read what she said about me. Not too friendly!
I’m not trying to pick her up, I’m just slamming her.
No, you can send any photo you want. You never violate the comments policy and as a result, I’m always nice to you. You’re sort of a contrarian, but I don’t really care about that stuff.
hahahahhaaha, I love the way Denice keeps capitalizing random words like “and YOU and YOU”
every middle aged woman does this. Even sarah palin.
Shes probably eating some chocolate right now, to cheer her up.
All right Lady Cumstain. That does it. You’re gone. This isn’t an adult book store and we can’t have you shooting your comment loads all over the threads.
Have a nice life sweetheart. Muah!
Told you Robert, she let’s go of nothing.
What a vile hypocrite to be (repeatedly) making pornographic comments and acting like a skank, and then have the f-cking nerve to tell men how they should be treating women… from a stripper — no less!?!
Funny that she says she has this ‘wonderful job’ that ‘pays so well’, yet is up in the middle of the night leaving crazed screeds online — and has a son to take care of as well.
Better watch out, or Raine may have to supplement her income flippin’ burgers or doin’ the overnight shift at the 7-11. (Oh wait, then how could she then be living her online fantasy life? – LOL)
What patriarchal garbage. Instead of your competitive, hierarchical society, we can have one founded on the principles of liberty and equality. Humans constructed current oppressions; they don’t flow inevitably from nature.
And humans are part of… What? Could it be…. um….. Nature? Or were we dropped here by ancient astronauts within the past 10,000 years or so?
Yeah, I never understook, it’s like Lady Raine has a love/hate relationship with Roissy. If she thinks he’s such a loser and what not, why does she spend so much time dedicated to trying to bring him down? It’s like a sick obsession. I think she just needs some dick.
Huh? You mean the whole 10 minutes it took me in November to copy and paste his personal email from the email that Miss X sent me?
Yeah, totally worth that big chunk of my time. He’s old and aged out of being taken seriously, anyhow so honestly you give me too much credit for “taking anyone out”. I simply posted his info and he took himself out.
(And yeah we all know how women in their 20’s have a really hard time getting “some dick”, right? Lol get serious….dick is a dime a dozen.)
Robert, I recently attended a workshop on marital rape and feeling absolutely terrible. I interacted with victims, usually young women who were repeatedly raped by their husbands without concern for their genital health and overall well-being. In places like India, almost 50% of men consider it their right to rape their wives and use them as an outlet for their sadistic, lustful desires. Burn marks, cigarette smoke marks, profuse bleeding in and around the vaginal and anal areas and a heightened sense of trauma is the lot of these women. Most of them bear this treatment silently with no legal recourse. If they go to a police station to lodge a complaint, they’re simply told to “adjust” with their rapist husbands and forget about it. The government of India simply refuses to make marital rape a crime fearing social disorder and anarchy, although there is a lot of pressure from human rights groups. Section 375 of the Indian Penal Code (IPC) considers the forced sex in marriages as a crime only when the wife is below 15.
Developed countries like the US, UK and Australia had criminalized marital rape right in the 1970s or something. Even Thailand and Turkey, an Islamic nation, have criminalized marital rape.
But two-thirds of the world still allows inconsiderate husbands to rape their wives including China, India, South Asian nations, several places in Africa and Middle-East.