“Therapy, American Style,” by Alpha Unit

Did you ever feel really dissatisfied with the way your life was headed? Stressed out? Overwhelmed?

It must have occurred to you to take your clothes off in public. There is something cathartic about undressing before strangers when personal difficulties get out of hand.

Some of you might be familiar with the moth-eaten remnants of the Jim Bakker-Jessica Hahn sex scandal. The sexually misused church secretary, after her sordid encounter with the televangelist was made public, found solace in the embrace of Hugh Hefner, who took care of her, protected her, and initiated her recovery by putting her naked, enhanced goods on display.

Does anybody remember when O. J. Simpson, NFL great, was tried for double murder? One of the jurors could not take the stress of being sequestered and ended up being hospitalized. Not long after, she, too, found solace in the embrace of Hugh Hefner, who gave her the opportunity to kick-start her “acting career” by being naked in public.

Hefner’s largesse extended to Faye Resnick, a friend of the murdered Nicole Brown Simpson. The strain of being associated with the Simpson trial drove her, also, into the loving embrace of Hefner, where getting naked for strangers unleashed her “reawakening.”

Paula Jones, the Arkansas state employee who accused Bill Clinton of sexual harassment, had such a hellacious time after her accusations became enmeshed with the Monica Lewinsky scandal that she salvaged her wrecked personal life by falling into the embrace of Bob Guccione and Penthouse magazine. Getting naked set her life back on course, the way it always does for people.

This process is just as beneficial for guys. Levi Johnston, the babydaddy of Sarah Palin’s daughter Bristol, has reportedly stripped down for the online magazine Playgirl. He’s going through a lot of stress right now, after the bruising Presidential campaign during which he and his family came under all that destabilizing scrutiny.

That Levi is a smart kid. He’s been paying attention. Getting naked is great therapy. And the pay’s pretty good.

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11 thoughts on ““Therapy, American Style,” by Alpha Unit”

  1. “Did you ever feel really dissatisfied with the way your life was headed? Stressed out? Overwhelmed?”

    Yeah, maybe because I can’t get laid (with an 7 or higher unless I paid upfront in cash). Women need to put out more. Women, who are at the peak of their sexual attractiveness somewhere between 15-20, need to put out more. Granted, I can only get laid by girls 16 or older in my state.

    Why should High Hefner get all the girls? All the girls who date him are essentially hookers who would not be with him unless he provided for them.

    1. A lot of guys are in the same position as you are, Shawn. I think it is a lot more of an issue for a young man though. We older guys can ride with it a little easier. This complaint that women need to put out more is a very common one among males. I don’t think they will though, because it’s the nature of the female to sort of withhold the goods to some extent. In my Mom’s generation, they were told to not give it up until you get something in return, like a wedding band.

      The fact that good looking chicks cost money is the whole reason for the prostitution market in the first place.

    2. The Fort Hood shooter is at least the third recent one (Pittsburgh health club and Virginia Tech) who cited lack of female companionship as part of his general life-hating.

      I think our country needs to start taking male loneliness more seriously as an important societal issue.

    3. There is a long line of guys looking for good looking twenty year old twat. It’s deffinitely on my to do list.

      I think that more young guys should try to get into older wemon. Middle age ladies ache for it just the same as the young guys. Seasoned experianced ladies who know that they can no longer get by on looks alone can often overcome there visual disadvantage with there eagerness to please. Just because they are old does not mean that they don’t still think of self, and if they like getting properly treated every now and then they will put every bit of their pride and effort into making you want to come back for more.

      It sucks that rich assholes have such opportunity to pluck societys most succulent morsels, while more deserving guys go with out.

      If I was rich my pecker would change it’s class of company for sure, but I’d still work some older ladies into the rotation because I’m a pig, and I think middle age females are more attuned to taking care of a middle age man.

  2. Legalized prostitution would help solve he problem of male sexual loneliness.

    I agree that nudity done in a safe way is cathartic. Its is also helpful if people learn to love their bodies.

    1. Prostitution would probably help.

      Women who live alone can pay men to do the labor they can’t do themselves, like heavy lifting and plumbing.

      Men who live alone don’t really need a woman to do anything for them, except sex. And that’s the one form of labor that only illegal when it’s paid for.

  3. Great eloquent piece of sarcasm from Alpha. This ubiquitous therapy-speak is the new religion. It at least has the merit of being a lot funnier than the old ones. Recognise the Yin within the Yang, turn defeat into victory, loss into gain. Had your family wiped out by a serial killer? Loss. But now you’re a celebrity and people will be curious to see you get your kit off. Big gain.

    Yes to all the comments, but I’m sure female loneliness is a problem too – and the feminists want women to withdraw support from men. A shakedown is what that is. They’re trying to pimp the whole of womanhood. Same old shit. Meet the new boss same as the old boss. What’s the answer. Fuck the feminists off for a start. If they won’t give us support, why should we protect them from rapists, foreign armies, you name it… Then give ‘good time girls’ their proper appreciation and legal status in society. English language culture has a pretty ambivalent attitude to ‘working girls’ – they’re nearly always portrayed sympathetically in the movies, but treated as pariahs in the press, tv, politics etc. What blatant hypocrisy? What nation could sustain an army without hookers? Ok maybe that would be no bad thing if soldiers refused to sign up – low wages, you might get killed, and no nooky either? Hard choice. But as things stand in our imperfect world, prostitutes provide a useful pressure release and are integral part of our culture. Remove all legal restraints (except for age, coercion etc), remove the stigma from both the girls and their clients, make it safer, cheaper and more available. Ok, that’s not the same as companionship, but it can be some little companionship, but more importantly it would help reduce the pressure that makes companionship difficult. We need to grow up as a society. Other societies often comment on the prudishness of English-speaking culture; though our whole economic structure is based on stimulating unnecessary consumption by manipulating sexual insecurity, our entire political class feel obliged to pretend that they have never had sex except to make babies for Jesus. Weird and past its sell-by date.

  4. “Fuck the feminists off for a start. If they won’t give us support, why should we protect them from rapists, foreign armies, you name it…”

    If there were some Titanic like episode today that required us to line up for life rafts, it’s not going to be wemon and children first anymore. The ungrateful lot of man hating heffers have lobbied long and hard that they be thrown to the drink, and they should get rewarded for their efforts.

    I still think more guys should remember they have eyelids and an imagination for a reason. Just add alcohol and a middle age chick and a good time can be had by all.

  5. I see today that the “Octomom” is the latest media victim to disrobe (partially) for a magazine.

    Some things never change…

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