"To All the Pretty Young Things," by Alpha Unit

Latest by Alpha Unit. When I first read the title, of course I had to think of David Bowie’s song , right? If you’ve never heard it before, check it out. It’s from Hunky Dory, one of his greatest albums, but it’s not very well known. Early Bowie is like early Elton John. Great but little known. Rick Wakeman (later of  the band Yes) is on piano, and the rest of the lineup is the same as the Spiders From Mars. It’s now widely regarded as one of the best rock albums ever made, but at the time, hardly anyone was listening to it, and it was extremely underground, druggy, counterculture music. Bowie was also widely despised by many young rock fans. The previous album, The Man Who Sold the World, was even more underground, druggy, counterculture and hated. My father is one of my heroes. He is the standard by which I measure a lot of men, especially young black men. I am always saying, “If my father could succeed against the odds dealt him, then what’s their excuse?” My father was a true Alpha Male in my eyes: disciplined, hard-working, dependable. I get my stubborn streak, along with my eyes and a certain way that I smile, directly from him. I am very happy that the first man in my life was someone I respect enormously. Now, was my father a saint? I can see my mother getting a laugh out of that. Of course he wasn’t. Even the canonized weren’t actually saints. All of the people we have great admiration and respect for have character flaws, weaknesses, shortcomings. But the good they’ve done is undeniable. I am a great admirer of men. I like them, in general, and when I was younger, I used to envy their greater exercise of freedom in the world. There is plenty about them that young girls don’t know yet. Especially about their lust. Male lust is the most abundant thing on earth. So it really isn’t very valuable, in a sense. It has great value to pornographers and brothel operators, for sure. But the fact that it is directed at you doesn’t make you special. Young girls don’t know this. They don’t know, many of them, that males will screw just about anything. Many others have pointed this out and explained it better than I can. But males have been known to have sex with women both young and old. They have sex with children, sometimes even babies. They have sex with other men, sometimes, even if they are not normally inclined to. They have been known to have sex with animals. They’ve been known to have sex with inanimate objects–including corpses. Girls, have you ever heard of something called “sloppy seconds?” Some of you have, even though at your age I hadn’t yet. Well, you see, males will actually line up to take turns having sex with one female. You can imagine how that gets after a while. Ewwwww. For most of you, things like this aren’t even on the radar screen, and rightfully so, I suppose. You just want to have fun, like Cyndi Lauper said. (Ask your mom who Cyndi Lauper is.) And carnal pleasures can be so exquisite. Well, you’ll learn one day that what’s really impressive about guys isn’t what’s in their pants. That there are things they can deliver besides a good time. You might even find that now, while you’re so nubile and hot, that you can offer yourself up to one like a platter of goodies, and he’ll actually turn you down! Those are the really smart ones, especially if they are quite a bit older than you are. Those are the ones who are going to look really good years and years from now.

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11 thoughts on “"To All the Pretty Young Things," by Alpha Unit”

  1. You liked early David Bowie; you admired your father for being just about the opposite of David Bowie ( I suppose Bowie IS a very discipled Alpha in drag, mind you – hey that’s cool); some (most?) guys will fuck anything; some will turn down even a foxy bitch in heat, and they’re the ones that will have lasting appeal – MESSAGE? Get yourself an alpha gay man who knows how to do his own makeup?

    1. How bout you, LS? What do you think of early Bowie, especially Man Who Sold the World and Hunky Dory era?
      You like it?
      I remember in 1975 I was working as a janitor at a school. Nothing but White heads (dopers, longhairs, hippies) there at the time. No White guy need apply for any such job ever in America anymore – they are all taken by Mesoamerican illegal aliens.
      A guy told me he knew a chick who was a groupie who was backstage with Bowie. Bowie was there with some guy groupie. I’m not really sure what was going on, if it was actual sex or what, but she said that Bowie was more into the guy than he was into her.
      Bowie has lately abandoned bisexuality in favor of pure heterosexuality. He says he was always more attracted to women anyway. Funny guy.

    2. Of course, all the stuff about David Bowie is not actually a part of my piece. So I’m not sure about alpha gay males who do their own makeup….

  2. Yes, Hunky Dory is my favourite Bowie album – he lost me after the Young Americans/Station to Station period. I can remember a few singles since then like Scary Monsters/Supercreeps (which I heard recently and only now noticed how good it is) but no album I’ve tried (including the much-praised Low) since then has anything that makes me go back for more. From ‘Man Who Sold the World’ to Diamond Dogs, his glitter phase with the Spiders from Mars with Mick Ronson on guitar was his best period. I’ve got a great dvd of a Spiders from Mars concert, but to be honest I wince to look at Bowie – it’s not that he looks gay, or pretentious (he does), it’s that he really just looks ridiculous in drag because his legs are so skinny. I’m not sure Bowie ever WAS gay. I thing someone would have told stories by now if he’d ever ‘ really DONE it’, so I suspect it was all just an affectation. Who knows? Please tell.

  3. Hunky Dory is obviously the second best album. Anyone above 30 who thinks it’s the best probably has immaturity problems. For the Bowie cognoscenti, Low will always be the best album.

  4. ALPHA UNIT ” ” Of course, all the stuff about David Bowie is not actually a part of my piece.”
    SORRY. I forgot Robert does his intros in italics. Your piece makes more sense now, but Robert’s intro doesn’t.

  5. Nathan – by the way, you appear to be a very mature cognoscentus, if you don’t mind me saying so.

  6. “They don’t know, many of them, that males will screw just about anything. Many others have pointed this out and explained it better than I can. But males have been known to have sex with women both young and old. They have sex with children, sometimes even babies.”
    If I thought all men were as you described, I don’t think I would like them.
    What percentage of men would line up to have sex with a woman? Is it a majority? I hope not. None have sex with elderly people and babies, I don’t know what weirdos you’ve known.

    1. Well, thank goodness I don’t think all men are as I described. If they were, I wouldn’t like them, either.
      But I do like them. That must mean I know they’re not all as I described.
      The indiscriminate nature of male lust, however, is just as I described.

  7. We listened to Hunky Dory at school, but didn’t really understand that it is a gay album. And contrary to what someone writes above, there are plenty of stories from men who had sex with Bowie, it definitely was not just an affectation.

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