What is a "Flying Toilet?"

It’s that question all of you have been waiting to know the answer to, right? I know I have. Ever since I heard the phrase, “flying toilets”, I was mesmerized. Now I love me a toilet now and then, especially if it’s nice and warm, where I can relax on the throne with my loose shoes (apologies to Arthur Butz). Toilets not only come in handy, they are a downright necessity as long as you are breathing. But “flying toilets” really got me thinking. You mean airplanes? Or is it the flying shit of Mexico Shitty (sic), where so many people shit on the ground that the winds toss the shit up into the air as “shit-air”, sharing the shit-wealth so to speak, so everyone can breathe in that nice tasting air, not only the poor slum denizens, but even the rich who forget to venture outside without a gas mask. Turns out that flying toilets are just plastic bags. You use them and then you toss ’em. Where? Oh, anywhere you like! Just throw it over your shoulder like a sack lunch on a stick. Throw at the neighbor you never liked. Throw it at no one in particular. Throw it at the evil world that forces you to live in Kibera (possibly the most evil slum on Earth – Kibera is literally Hell on Earth). Throw it and curse the Gods! Flying toilets are a menace. If you don’t look both ways before crossing the slum-street, you might just get nailed by one. They pile up on the roofs and attract flies. And when it rains, the flying toilets try to become one with you, even in your very own home. They merge with the former streets and now rivers and kids go for a swim in the Flying Toilet Streams. It’s like something out of William S. Burroughs’ Naked Lunch, except, depressingly, it’s actually real. There are actually some measures being undertaken in Kenya to reduce to prevalence of flying toilets, which is a good sign of some progress. I hate to sound like a racist Afrikaner bastard, but sometimes it seems like these folks were better off in the bush, no?

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