Don't Mess With Pigs

When I was a teenage dope field and evil suburban drug dealer lurking near playgrounds selling addicting and illegal poison to our nation’s children, one of my drug dealer friends gave me some advice, “Don’t mess with pigs.” All his friends agreed and nodded their heads. “Pigs will kill you!”
Like most things in life, I learned the hard way.
I’ve actually been arrested a few times in my life, but I’ve only spent six hours in jail until I got bailed out. I’ve also been accused of crimes a few times and dealt with hostile asshole cops pulling me over in my vehicle.
As a result of all these wonderful life-enhancing experiences, I now refer to cops as pigs and try to keep a Hoover Dam’s worth of distance between them and me whenever I can.
The first time I beat the charge in court and the second time I pled to the charge and paid a $70 fine and served 1 years pseudo-probation.
The third time was a BS citizen’s arrest resulting from an altercation I got into with a neighbor, who then placed me under citizen’s arrest, tied me to a damn pole at his home and called the cops. I let him place me under citizen’s arrest because he was way bigger than I am and, he was threatening to punch me out unless I let him arrest me. Since I’m a wuss, and I didn’t want to get my ass kicked by this much bigger guy, I let him do it. The cop was disgusted by the whole thing.
It turned out I was innocent of the charge and the cops excuse me pigs knew it, but they sided with the other guy because he was a “local”, and I was a “newcomer from the city.” The DA-scum knew he was wrong but pressed charges anyway, because DA-scum are the lowest form of rotting, stinking garbage on Earth and almost never drop charges for any reason.
This is because to DA-scum, the Law is a Game, like baseball. DA-scum want to bat 1000. That means they need to press charges and win every case that gets dumped on their slime-covered desks. They don’t care if they are right or wrong, or if the arrested are innocent or guilty. All they want is to bat 1000 and never lose a case. A DA-scum is an animal with no morals, like a rattlesnake or a White Shark.
The DA-scum pressed charges, I hired a lawyer for $1,500, and paid a $10 fine at the end for a charge I wasn’t even guilty of. The DA-scum reportedly knew that I was innocent, worse, that the crime that supposedly occurred never even happened, but DA-scum are stubborn pricks and never admit they are wrong.
I’ve also learned from one whole experience with a sentencing judge that in my opinion, judges are judge-scum. Judge-scum are almost all former DA-scum. They have evil beady eyes because they hate 25% of humanity. When you go before them, they fix you with their evil snake-eyes and look at you like you’re devilspawn. They’re basically hanging judges; they think 99% of the people who come before them are guilty, and they are not to be messed with at all. They tend to be best friends with DA-scum.
From all of my lessons with pigs, DA-scum, judge-scum and other law enforcement-scum, I have learned one thing.
Don’t mess with pigs. Better yet, don’t have anything to do with pigs. Are you having dealings with pigs lately? Why? There can’t possibly be a good reason for that. Pigs will lie, cheat, steal, arrest you on made up charges, throw your ass in jail, go to court and gleefully perjure themselves and give testimony that starts out, “Once upon a time…”, kick your ass, torture you, and even kill you.
Don’t deal with ’em. If you’re dealing with pigs, it’s probably because they are hassling you about something. They will pull you over and say your taillight is out and write you a fix-it ticket when there is nothing wrong with your car.
They will pull you over, get in your face, act like total assholes, and try the whole time to try to get you pissed off. Why? Because as soon as you get mad, you’re probably going to start doing stupid stuff, then they will have an excuse to arrest you on some BS charge.
Pigs will always fasten the cuffs way too tight, but you should never complain that they are too tight. As soon as you do that, the pigs automatically tighten them even further. I know a few people who have permanent damage to their wrists from those too-tight cuffs.
Pigs basically want to beat up everyone they arrest. That’s part of the game. If you get arrested, super-wuss out and try to co-operate as much as possible, act like a girl, cry, whimper and revert to little boyhood.
When you’re in jail, a bunch of pigs will raid your cell and one will shout, “Grab my arm!”
Don’t fall for it; it’s a pig trick!!
If you refuse, they will threaten to kick your ass. The others will all scream, “Grab his arm! That’s an order!” If you do it, you just “assaulted an officer”, and now they get to kick your ass. Every time the pigs kick your ass, they will automatically charge you will “Assaulting an Officer.”
If the pigs are beating you up, never fight back. Just puss out, act like a girl, and try to push them away from you. That way you will get the least amount of damage. If you fight back at all, then they will super kick your ass or maybe even kill you. When they super kick your ass, you’re often left with permanent injuries of some sort.
I only got arrested a couple of times, but both times they messed with me.
A pig reached into my car, grabbed me by hair and started slamming my head into the roof of the car for no reason.
In the jail foyer, a pig grabbed me and threw me into the wall of the jail for not answering a question that I never even heard.
A piggie walked past my cell, stopped, and started dancing around like a monkey with his fists out ready to fight. He was trying to make me mad so I would do or say something stupid. As soon as you do that, a bunch of pigs will rush your cell and kick your ass. I looked at him like he was an idiot, and eventually he went away.
Once two detective-pigs hauled me into a room to question me about a crime I never did, a crime that in fact never happened. When I refused to confess to the crime, the two oinkers both leaped across the table and threatened to kick my ass unless I stopped saying I was innocent. I pussed out real quick and started whimpering. Pigs love it when you whimper, and they beat confessions out of people all the time.
Got it? Don’t mess with pigs. When pigs try to provoke you and pick a fight with you, that’s a devious plot. Don’t fall for it! Just wuss out, say “sir” a lot, cooperate, apologize, agree with every dumb thing the pigger says, and try to get away from this wild animal in a uniform.
Best of all, just don’t deal with them at all. Don’t look at them, don’t wave to them, don’t talk to them, nothing. Pigs over there, me over here, and never the twain shall meet.
I’m 51 years old and I’ve been arrested three times. I have two convictions for petty offenses, and there are a total of zero real victims in all these cases. I’ve spent six whole hours in jail and paid $80 in fines.
I’ve been breaking the law most of my adult life.
I figure I’ve done all right.

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4 thoughts on “Don't Mess With Pigs”

  1. Pigs are more significant than the Enlightenment. Bacon is the new I.N.R.I. Eating pork separates us from Jews and Muslims and allies us with the new Chinese global economic superpower. We can waltz into any chop suey joint in the world and order up a plate of Mu Gu Gai Pan with impunity while Shecky and Habib fret endlessly over their ancestral allergy to pork. A twisted loop of bacon worn in the lapel like a breast cancer awareness ribbon lets people know you are anything but another Ponzi scheming or polygamous ingrate out to punch Occidental culture in it’s pork chop eating face.

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