In honor of Micheal Jackson’s tragic passing, I am making a post full of very rude and offensive Micheal Jackson jokes. Enjoy. Why can’t Michael Jackson play chess? Because he doesn’t know if he is black or white. Michael Jackson’s last request before his death was for his body to be melted down and made into plastic bags so he will still be a hazard to children. Apparently Michael Jackson died of food poisoning; they found ten year old nuts in his mouth. Ebay just had its first million dollar bid – Gary Glitter has put in a bid for Michael Jackson’s computer & address book. I just heard that a private autopsy showed Michael Jackson died from food poisoning. Apparently he had an 8 year weiner earlier in the day. When Farrah died they dimmed the lights on Broadway. When Michael Jackson died they dimmed the lights at “Toys R Us”. Give Michael Jackson a break, we all feel the need to dangle our children over a balcony every now and then…don’t we? Did you hear the thunder after Michael Jackson died? That was Elvis Presley kicking his ass for marrying Elvis’ daughter! You can criticize Micheal Jackson for a lot of things, but he always made sure his chauffeur drove slowly past schools. McDonald’s has put out a new burger in Jacko’s honor it features 50 year old meat between 4 year old buns its called the McJackson. Jackson Five tickets are on sale, 20 Attention. Reports of Michael Jackson having a heart attack are false. He was found in the children’s ward having a stroke. Michael Jackson. Neverland ranch $20,000,000. Personal doctor $2000 a day. Studio recordings $50,000. Sleeping in bed with little boys (priceless). Elton John will be singing, “Don’t let your son go down on me” at Michael Jackson’s funeral. Jackson’s body to be on public view starting Friday. Priority is being given to victims so they can sit on his lap one last time. Michael Jackson knocks on the door to heaven. God comes to the door and says, “You’re bad, beat it!” Whats the sad part about Michael Jackson’s death? We lost the biggest joke of the last fifteen years. Farrah dies and goes to Heaven. She meets God at the pearly gates and God says, “Farrah, you have been a gracious person in your lifetime. I will allow you passage into Heaven and will also grant you one wish.” Farrah replies, “Thank you, Lord. I can only wish that all of the children in the world will be safe forever.” God answers, “It shall be done.” 2 hours later, Michael Jackson dies. When Michael Jackson died he wanted his ashes spread is a kid’s sand box so the children could still play with him. The Jockey Club ordered that all jockeys wear a black arm band, at next Saturday’s race meetings out of respect for the death of Michael Jackson. This is because he has ridden the most 3 year olds in the business. Apparently, Michael Jackson suffered a heart attack after discovering that Boyz II Men was a pop group and not a delivery service. What time is it at Michael Jackson’s house when the little hand meet the big hand? Bed time. Q.How do you know Michael Jackson is really dead? A.Your 12 year old comes into your room at night and tells you he has been touched by an angel. In honor of Michael Jackson, JC Penny is having a sale. Kids pants half off! Shame Michael Jackson died. He was only 2 molestations away from becoming the Pope. The good news is that Michael Jackson is dead the bad news is that he will take more than 50 years to biodegrade. Michael Jackson woke up in hospital and said to the doctor “Am I in heaven?”. The doctor said, “No, I’m just wheeling you through the children’s ward!” Michael Jackson dead? Poor guy hasn’t been that stiff since Macaulay Culkin came to the Neverland Ranch. What was Michael Jackson’s last hit? The floor! This is a true story! The paramedics said Michael Jackson’s last words were, “Can you take me to Children’s Hospital?” Did you hear Michael Jackson’s upcoming dates were canceled? Henry (age 9) and Paul (age 7). Q: Why does Michael Jackson like twenty eight year olds? A: Because there are twenty of them. Whats the difference between Jacko and Gary Glitter? Nothing. I hear the Jackson 4 are auditioning. So the paramedics arrived at Michael Jackson’s house and they asked what was wrong. Michael said, “Just beat it”. The paramedics thought he was referring to his penis, so they did! Little did they know Michael was referring to his heart! Tragically, he died soon after. McDonald’s just released the new “McJackson” Commemorative Happy Meal. Several children have already choked on the plastic toy. Micheal Jackson was teaching his son to jack off. His son says, “Wow! This is really fun, dad!” Micheal Jackson says, “Yeah, and when you’re 13, you can even use your own cock!” Michael Jackson finally got an arrest he couldn’t buy his way out of, a cardiac arrest! how many Michael Jacksons does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, he only screws in little kids! Over his lifetime Michael Jackson visited many countries and touched many people; it’s just a shame that 80 Whats black and white and dead all over? Michael Jackson. President Obama has just ordered all little boys to fly their pants at half-mast in honor of . Michael Jackson had just a few weeks back checked himself into the Betty Ford clinic. He was trying to kick a 7 year old habit. What is the difference between Ed McMahon and Michael Jackson? Ed made a living shouting “Heeeere’s Johnny!”, while Michael was shouting “Where’s Johnny?” *NEWSFLASH FROM HEAVEN* Casper the Friendly Ghost has been molested! They don’t know what to do with Micheal Jackson’s body – cremate him, bury him or recycle him. Q: What is the difference between a farewell concert and a 12 yr old boy? A: Michael Jackson never managed to pull off a farewell concert. The Newspaper Headlines should have read “Wacko Jacko Dead From Heart Attacko.” Whats the one downside to Jacksons Death? There is no place for Casper to hide now. I just bought a new car stereo. When you shout out “Soul”, it plays soul music. When you shout out “Rock”, it plays rock music. Some kids ran in front of my car, and I shouted “Fucking kids!”, and it played Michael Jackson. What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and Casper the friendly ghost? One is white and scares children, the other one is a ghost. How did Michael Jackson pick his nose? From a catalog. Michael Jackson’s girlfriend is said to be devastated. First her parents leave her in Portugal and now this. What would you call Michael Jackson if he had molested 20 or 30 more young boys? Monsignor. Q. What is black and has 8 legs? A. The Jackson 4. How could they tell Michael Jackson was dead? They waved a cub scout under his nose and couldn’t revive him. At the autopsy they found children’s underwear strapped to Michael Jackson’s upper arm. According to his doctors it is just a patch, he’s been trying to quit. Don’t worry, Michael Jackson will be back! His plastic surgeon has enough parts left over to make another one. Michael Jackson’s official autopsy determined that he didn’t die from a heart attack, he choked on a small bone. 1. What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett? 3 hours. An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scottish man walk into a bar. The English man turns to the Scot and says, “Do you think the person reading this will really think this jokes not going to be about Michael Jackson?” The unemployment rate just jumped. Amber Alert felt it was safe to lay off half its operators after Micheal Jackson was pronounced dead. They have to wait to have his funeral cause you can’t bury that much plastic in one spot with out qualifying as a land fill. 50,000 Catholic priests are now happy; they no longer have to share the altar boys with Micheal Jackson. What is the difference between the measles vaccine and Michael Jackson’s penis? One gets injected in little kids and makes them cry, and the other is a vaccine. Two years after Michael Jackson’s death, a mysterious autobiography about the star will be released entitled, “If I Beat It”. Did Michael Jackson ever pay child support for his kids? Or is he just a dead beat it dad? Police wanted to talk with the doctor at Michael Jackson’s bedside but by the time the Police showed up, the doctor’s mother had come to pick him up and take him home. Q: What did a woman say to Michael Jackson at the beach? A: Could you move please? You’re in my son! Welcome to Neverland Ranch. You must be at least 4’11 to ride Michael. sources close to the family say Michael Jackson died with his pants around his ankles watching Sesame Street. Well it’s not all bad news; Gary Glitter said he’ll look after the kids. everyone is really upset that Michael Jackson died but the good news is that they found Madeline McCann in his closet. At least Michael Jackson didn’t die alone; paramedics found him sharing a sack of nuts with an 8 year old. The FBI raided the never Neverland Ranch last night they discovered Class A drugs in one room, Class B drugs in another room and the 3rd grade class in the last room. What’s 50 + 8 + 5? Micheal Jackson’s perfect threesome. Like Michael Jackson always said, “Live fast, die young, leave a vaguely Vietnamese looking woman’s corpse.” There are unconfirmed reports of people hearing Thriller playing backwards from the morgue – Apparently he’s de-composing. Michael Jackson died? Oh suuure. Rich white lady dies of a heart attack and the media is all over it. What if this was a black man? RIP Micheal Jackson, you touched so many (allegedly). Michael Jackson was going to donate his body parts to science, but the owners called and wanted them back. When Micheal Jackson was being taken out of his mansion, camera men caught a couple of children sitting on ice blocks. I guess Micheal Jackson likes to have a couple of cold ones at the end of the day. Michael Jackson was flying back to Neverland with a group of Asian boys in a small jet when the pilot put the plane on autopilot and called Michael aside; “Pssst. We’re going down! We’ve got to jump and there are only 2 parachutes.” he feverishly whispered. “But what about the children?” Michael whimpered. “FUCK the children.” hissed the terrified pilot. “Is there time?” Michael pondered. *Knock knock* Who’s there? Little Boy Blue. Little Boy Blue who? Michael Jackson! So it turns out that Michael Jackson was actually in a hospital donating blood when he had his heart attack. It turns out that he got a little too excited when he heard the nurse say, “Ok, you’re just going to feel a little prick”. Just before he died Michael Jackson was trying to quit the Cub Scouts. He was down to one pack a day. Michael Jackson had so much plastic surgery they decided to recycle him. Now, when you check out at the grocery store they ask, “Paper or predator?” Q: What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag? A: One is white, made out of plastic, and dangerous for kids to play with and the other you carry your groceries in. Latest song by Micheal Jackson (based on Bad): Because I’m dead, I’m dead-come on (dead dead-really, really dead) You know I’m dead, I’m dead-you know it (dead dead-really, really dead) You know I’m dead, I’m dead-come on, you know (dead dead-really, really dead) And the whole world has to answer right now Just to tell you once again, Who’s dead … Q. What’s the difference between Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson? A. One had a disease that attacks the anus, the other was a Charlie’s Angel. A number of the jokes are racist and in poor taste and I won’t print them. This one was racist, but it’s still funny: How did Micheal Jackson die? His heart found out it was Black, so it quit working.
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