Who's Afraid of Virginia Bitch?

The phone rang. It was nighttime, close to midnite. I leaned over and picked it up. It was Sexmaniacman again. He was on a rant, stoned and drinking wine, on his fourth glass. I let him go on. A minute in, I started laughing and didn’t stop until he finished and hung up. Here is what he said:
BITCH! It’s their word, Bob, their word. Just like the Blacks and their n-word, excuse me, their nigger word. They can say it til their tonsils come out, but we whisper it less audibly than a dog whistle and the whole house falls down.
Women just freak out when they hear that word, don’t they? How dare a man utter the b-word, the n-word for women. The audacity. He stole our favorite word from us. Death penalty!
Normal, nice women are not afraid of that word.
I was talking to this 50 year old lady the other day, not bad looking, few extra pounds.
I said, “Wow, you’re not a bitch. How come? That’s amazing.” I said it like I just found a gold nugget worth $10,000.
She beamed and lit up the whole room. “I know, Sexcat, I know..” She was purring.
“I’m not a bitch; I’m nice. I’m good looking. Young guys check me out all the time and I love it! I make special trips out shopping just to let the young guys check me out, Sexbro.”
She was moving back and forth like a human ocean wave.
“I get a rush that lasts the whole day when those young studs check me out, Sexboy.”
Now she was sad. Her lips down down and stared into her wine glass.
“I’m not a bitch, I’m smart! I have a good job, I’m pretty hot for 50! So why am I alone?”
“Do you want these hot young studs?”, I just had to ask.
“Oh no”, she said. She was swaying now. “I want a man my age.” She looked like she was drunk, but she wasn’t, she was just rocking on the floor. “I want you, Sexman. I want you, baby.”
Whew! I’m mopping my brow, Bob! The room’s getting hot just thinking about that. You know the rest, haha!
I know this young woman, Asian chick, 30 years old, hot little spinner.
I told her a while back, “You know something, you’re not a bitch.”
She said, “Yes, I am, Sexguy.”
I asked, “You are?”
She said, “Yep. I’m a horny bitch, Sexdude!”
Atta girl! You know the rest!
This is another one of the lies women tell to us. We men are banned from using that word! Despite the fact that the world is full of bitches, sadly enough, and all women act this way from time to time!
Bitchiness is as normal as sunshine and the moon, Bob, what’s the big deal, man? Bitchiness is like the weather, the rain and the sun, the clouds and the wind. It’s part of the rhythm of life, man. Man up and deal with it! If you don’t like bitchiness, move to a monastery.
Tragically, some women are just bitchy all the time, and that’s who the word was made for.
Every time we men use that evil word, we’re referring to all women! What a joke. No we aren’t.
I mean, sure, some guys refer to all women or women in general as bitches, but that’s ugly and another matter all together. That’s nasty and misogynous to the extreme. I would never do this, Bob. C’mon man, how could I? I love women! Hell! I’m Sexman, the Sexmaniacman. I don’t hate women; I’m a woman addict.
Bob, listen:
Can we guys say, “Wow, my girlfriend was really being a bitch last night!”? No! If we say that, we are secretly referring to all women, and probably plotting to murder them too.
Can we say, “Wow, I hate that woman, she is such an fucking bitch.” There are women like that, you know. Too many, as a matter of fact. No! We can’t say that, and if we do, we are Ted Bundy’s evil twin.
It’s their word. They own it. We can’t have it.
Ridiculous. You know what, Bob? You know who uses that word more than anybody else. Women! They use it about other women. They always calling each bitches. Even women my age*. I know, I hang around women a lot. I’m a ladies’ man, right? I ain’t no man’s man. All my friends are women!
And I hear them talking, Bob, you listening? They’re always calling other women bitches. And my friend just told me that young women use that word even more than the ones my age. It’s part of their daily vocabulary. Who do they call bitches? Their own female sisters, that’s who.
No fair. They get to use the word and we don’t. They say it and it’s meaningless; we say and we are evil sexist misogynous dogs who are secretly referring to all women, and plotting to rape and murder all of them, too, for good measure.
Here’s how it is, Bob. Listen to me, man! I am Sexman, my words are golden!
Feminism teaches women to be a bunch of bitches, and then creates a fantasyland where that reality somehow does not even exist (although it does), then pours scorn, hatred, abuse and contempt on any man (But not any woman!) who dares to point out the obvious.
Man power! I am a masculinist!
*Sexmaniacman, although apparently a permanent adolescent, is chronologically 45 years old. He likes women of all ages and all races, though he confesses that he never tried an Aborigine chick. He keeps bugging me to find him one. I’m at a loss.

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